The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man bites dog. A police dog. Yes, meth was involved. And of course he was naked.

Last Friday in High Springs, Florida, police were called to a residence, where they found Donald Watts high on methamphetamine and rolling around in the mud in a ditch. He was also completely naked and making bird noises.

When Watts spotted the cops, he punched one of them and failed to be deterred by stun guns. Accompanied by a K-9 officer named Casper, police found Watts in some woods nearby. He proceeded to get down on all fours and mimic the police dog, which he bit in the ear.

https://921ctq.iheart.com/featured/maverick-mornings/content/2020-01-03-naked-florida-man-arrested-for-biting-police-dog-in-ear-while-high-on-meth/?ICID=ref_fark

[sneakypete]

Florida man bites dog. A police dog. Yes, meth was involved. And of course he was naked.

Last Friday in High Springs, Florida, police were called to a residence, where they found Donald Watts high on methamphetamine and rolling around in the mud in a ditch. He was also completely naked and making bird noises.

When Watts spotted the cops, he punched one of them and failed to be deterred by stun guns. Accompanied by a K-9 officer named Casper, police found Watts in some woods nearby. He proceeded to get down on all fours and mimic the police dog, which he bit in the ear.

https://921ctq.iheart.com/featured/maverick-mornings/content/2020-01-03-naked-florida-man-arrested-for-biting-police-dog-in-ear-while-high-on-meth/?ICID=ref_fark

@jmyrlefuller

Well,it IS "HIGH SPRINGS,Florida. Seems like a man could go out and cut loose a little on a Friday night in a place like that without people siccing the cops on him,doesn't it?

BTW,what kind of rookie cop is it that doesn't know a stun gun just gets a meth head sexually excited? It's the equivalent of the guy in Indy saying "Gentlemen,start your engines!"

[Cyber Liberty]

BTW,what kind of rookie cop is it that doesn't know a stun gun just gets a meth head sexually excited? It's the equivalent of the guy in Indy saying "Gentlemen,start your engines!"

@sneakypete

He sure as shit knows now.  Won't make that mistake again.

[mountaineer]

Girl Power, baby! Florida woman comes through again!

Florida woman busted for dumping feces on landlord, attempting cover-up
By Yaron Steinbuch
January 7, 2020

She was full of crap.

A Florida woman accused of flinging a bucket of human feces in her landlord’s face claimed she meant to throw a bucket of water but got the two containers mixed up, according to the Miami Herald.

Volusia County sheriff’s deputies responded Saturday to a trailer in Osteen, where they found Joanne Mercader, 59, with caked poop on her face and another woman dripping in human waste, the newspaper reported. ...

Full story

[bigheadfred]

Sounds like they were both sh**faced.

[Wingnut]

Grabbed the wrong chamber pot. 

[catfish1957]

Reminds me when Roy from King Pin had to work off his rent.  These ladies have to be related.

[goatprairie]

Girl Power, baby! Florida woman comes through again!Full story

I ask you, who doesn't confuse a bucket of human waste with a bucket of water? I always have  a  bucket of each within handy reach for certain circumstances. Like for the last investment agent who keeps knocking on our door. 

[mountaineer]

Florida man wakes up to burglar sucking on his toes
By Natalie Musumeci
January 8, 2020

A snoozing Florida man received a very rude awakening on Christmas Eve — from a creepy burglar sucking on his toes.

The startled Bradenton resident then asked the sicko what he was doing, to which the stranger replied that he “was there to suck toes,” the Bradenton Herald reported, citing an incident report by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say a fight then erupted and the suspected tried to grab the man’s genitals – and even threatened that he had a gun. ... Rest of story

[sneakypete]

Florida man wakes up to burglar sucking on his toes
By Natalie Musumeci
January 8, 2020

A snoozing Florida man received a very rude awakening on Christmas Eve — from a creepy burglar sucking on his toes.

The startled Bradenton resident then asked the sicko what he was doing, to which the stranger replied that he “was there to suck toes,” the Bradenton Herald reported, citing an incident report by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say a fight then erupted and the suspected tried to grab the man’s genitals – and even threatened that he had a gun. ... Rest of story

@mountaineer  Ya think?

[verga]

@mountaineer  Ya think?

Has anyone heard from Dick Morris recently.

[mountaineer]

Don't be surprised if Joe Biden moves from hair sniffing to toe sucking. It's a slippery slope.

[240B]

[roamer_1]

@240B

EXCALIGATOR

 
 

[berdie]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

[240B]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

Yes sir. I have run with guys in Florida, Texas, Louisiana, etc. If any one of them saw this in a lake or pond, it would be hold my beer shirt off first, jump in the pond and chase that sucker down. It would be an automatic response to seeing this. They would simply not be able to stop themselves. It's a reflex with those guys...

[catfish1957]

That is the funniest thing I have seen in awhile.  Good find. 

[bigheadfred]

@240B

I can't stop laughing.   

[sneakypete]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

@berdie

I sense a "Hold mah beer!" contest developing even as I type this.

[Smokin Joe]

@berdie

I sense a "Hold mah beer!" contest developing even as I type this.

If it doesn't end up on pay per view, or at least Youtube, someone is missing a fine opportunity....

[sneakypete]

If it doesn't end up on pay per view, or at least Youtube, someone is missing a fine opportunity....

@Smokin Joe

No kidding! I have zero interest in sports,and even I would watch it. It would have drama,humor,and competition on display,all at the same time. Something for everybody. Even the PETA people would love it because they could cheer for the gator.

[240B]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

[catfish1957]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

If you believe the Alligator Hunting reality shows, that is about the correct spot to kill an alligator.  Of course the professionals use a gun.  I am guessing illegal hunting, a rank amateur who opted on this animal without a gun, or mass quantities of alcohol were involved. 

In any case, if the perp were to come forward, I am guessing he'd get a visit from this local FL Game Warden.

[mountaineer]

It was bound to happen. 

Florida man charged with threatening to kill Trump to avenge Soleimani
By Fox News
January 10, 2020 | 12:36am

A Florida security guard is accused of threatening to kill President Trump in retaliation for a U.S. airstrike that killed Iran’s top military general last Friday.

Chauncy Lump, 26, from the Fort Lauderdale area, faces federal charges of threatening to kill the president and remained jailed Thursday with bond set at $100,000, according to court documents filed Wednesday by the Secret Service.

Agent Lucas White wrote that shortly after Trump announced last week that a U.S. airstrike had killed Qassem Soleimani in Iraq in retaliation for plotting numerous terrorist attacks, Lump, under the name “BlackMan vs. America,” began live streaming a seven-minute video on Facebook.

During that video, agents say Lump made several threats against the president – who was staying at his Mar-a-Lago club, less than an hour away – while periodically displaying a loaded AK-47 semi-automatic rifle. ...  Full story

Chauncy

[roamer_1]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

@240B
They call him Amos Moses... 


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