The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[verga]

@Smokin Joe

Absolutely. We had a pair of Chesapeake Bay Retrievers when I was a kid,and tried to breed the female with males other than her mate,and she would flat out fight any male dog that tried to get close to her when she was in heat that wasn't her normal mate. Only time in my or her life I ever knew of her to be aggressive with any living creature.

And,of course,we had to take her mate away before we could even put the strange male in the dog pen with her,or it would have gotten truly ugly. He was one of the biggest and strongest Chesapeake Retrievers I have ever seen,as well as being independent minded.  If you took him hunting and shot twice without giving him a duck to retrieve,he would jump in the water,swim to shore,and walk home. I used to warn people about this that wanted to borrow him for duck hunting,and none of them believed me until it happened to them. No amount of calling could get him to come back,but I suspect offering him your lunch might have done the trick.

My Father and his cousins owned a raccoon hound that if the animal didn't come out of the tree you better go up and get it, or he would not hunt with you the rest of the day.

[sneakypete]

My Father and his cousins owned a raccoon hound that if the animal didn't come out of the tree you better go up and get it, or he would not hunt with you the rest of the day.

@verga

It's good to see that someone has standards,be it man or beast.

[berdie]

I've been wondering what happened to Florida Man.  Sounds like he is....indisposed...right now.

[Cyber Liberty]

I've been wondering what happened to Florida Man.  Sounds like he is....indisposed...right now.

He's not In Season right now.  Give it a few months..lol!

[berdie]

He's not In Season right now.  Give it a few months..lol!

*chuckle*

[mountaineer]

Florida Man Smashes 20 Cars, Says 'I Did It Because Donald Trump Owes Me One Trillion Dollars'
By Scott McDonald
On 9/10/19 at 8:24 PM EDT

A homeless man in Florida went on a car vandalism spree Monday, smashing at least 20 vehicles before getting tired and falling asleep on a nearby bench. When questioned by authorities, he said it happened because President Donald Trump "owes me one trillion dollars."

The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office in a press release identified the man as 30-year-old Justin James Wilson, and said he damaged at least 20 cars or more that were parked at the Holiday Inn Resort on Okaloosa Island.

The sheriff's office stated Wilson faces 14 counts of felony criminal mischief and six counts of misdemeanor criminal mischief for an estimated $30,000 in damages to at least 20 cars.

When deputies located Wilson nearby, he confessed to the officers and said, "Take me to jail. I did it because Donald Trump owes me one trillion dollars and these vehicles belong to the mafia."  ... More at Newsweek

[roamer_1]

I've been wondering what happened to Florida Man.  Sounds like he is....indisposed...right now.

He got pinched for parole violations and sent back to NYC...

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man throws raw burger meat on car, Victim's vehicle not damaged
A homeless Florida man threw raw hamburger meat on the hood of another man's car for an unknown reason, according to the Cocoa Police Department.

The victim was able to hose off the meat from his car. It did not cause any damage.

Less than two hours later, a witness saw Lytle walking into a nearby wooded area. Police said they found him asleep in a treeline.

https://www.clickorlando.com/strange-florida/florida-man-throws-raw-burger-meat-on-victims-car-police-say

[jmyrlefuller]

I've been wondering what happened to Florida Man.  Sounds like he is....indisposed...right now.

It's been quiet on the Florida Man front. I've been perusing the wires, but I think Dorian scared him off... or at least drowned out the news coverage.

[sneakypete]

It's been quiet on the Florida Man front. I've been perusing the wires, but I think Dorian scared him off... or at least drowned out the news coverage.

@jmyrlefuller

Not a chance! If there is one thing Florida Man has proven,it is that he is fearless.

Probably still drunk and passed out somewhere.

[corbe]

Florida couple had sex in the back of a police car after DUI arrest, cops say

By C. Isaiah Smalls II
 
September 16, 2019 03:39 PM, Updated 7 hours ago

ï‚™ 
ï‚š 
 
 Megan Mondanaro (left) and Aaron Thomas (right) Nassau County Sheriff's Office
 
There is a time and place for everything. And, more often then not, that place is rarely in the back of a police car.

A Florida couple face a list of charges after a deputy said they had sex in the back of his patrol car.

The Nassau County deputy originally arrested 31-year-old Aaron Thomas and 35-year-old Megan Mondanaro on DUI charges. And then things got a little frisky in the back seat.

According to an arrest report, a deputy observed the couple riding bikes with no lights in the middle of South Fletcher Avenue. After they narrowly escaped being hit by a car, the deputy pulled them over. He noted that the couple smelled from alcohol and had bloodshot eyes.

Eventually, the deputy placed the couple in the backseat of his patrol car. That’s when the couple started going at it.

Read more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article235144277.html#storylink=cpy

[Cyber Liberty]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!  Happened to her face?

[240B]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!  Happened to her face?

Crack cocaine. Very common to have sores on the face.
Crack and Meth make the user think there are 'bugs' under their skin.
They scratch their skin off trying to get to them.

[sneakypete]

Crack cocaine. Very common to have sores on the face.
Crack and Meth make the user think there are 'bugs' under their skin.
They scratch their skin off trying to get to them.

@240B

Thanks,I didn't know that. Had seen it before and had no idea what caused it.

[Cyber Liberty]

@240B

Thanks,I didn't know that. Had seen it before and had no idea what caused it.

I usually associate that condition with Meth heads, but it could be crack, too.

[240B]

@240B

Thanks,I didn't know that. Had seen it before and had no idea what caused it.

@sneakypete
The sores are all over their body. The face is just what you see first.
Saw a homeless guy on Meth, or Crack, or Bug Spray, Bath Salts,
or who knows what in the world. Late teens, early twenties?
He had just crawled out of his homeless camp in the woods.
Covered with sores from head to toe, along with bed bugs and fleas. Incoherent.
He sat on the bench chewing sores on his arm, exactly like a dog would do.
He had morphed from human into some kind of animal.
Didn't want food, because he couldn't eat.
His whole life was entirely about his next fix. That was his whole world.
Yes he was dangerous. Like a feral dog.

[240B]

[goatprairie]

Interestingly enough, earlier this year some guy was shot dead by security forces after breaking into the Area 51 facility and confronting the security forces with some metallic object in his hand. 

[Smokin Joe]

Interestingly enough, earlier this year some guy was shot dead by security forces after breaking into the Area 51 facility and confronting the security forces with some metallic object in his hand. 

It is my understanding that the security folks there have about as much of a sense of humor as the teams guarding missile silos in this neck of the woods. None. Locked and loaded. Some things you just don't mess with. 

[verga]

It is my understanding that the security folks there have about as much of a sense of humor as the teams guarding missile silos in this neck of the woods. None. Locked and loaded. Some things you just don't mess with. 

Same thing with crossing the flight lines without the proper badge on military bases. When I lived up north there was a Air Force officer that committed suicide that way.

[Smokin Joe]

Same thing with crossing the flight lines without the proper badge on military bases. When I lived up north there was a Air Force officer that committed suicide that way.

Pity..What a waste. But the guys who have to take the shot have a job to do, even though it sucks some days.

[corbe]

Ballsy: FL woman bites camel’s testicles to escape being crushed

September 23, 2019 | Victor Rantala


Screen capture … Caspar the camel … Credit: The Advocate

 File this in stories beyond the weird: A woman in Louisiana clenched her teeth in determination last week when she found herself being crushed by a 600-pound camel.

What did she do? She bit the animal’s testicles to free herself, of course.

On Thursday a Florida woman at the Tiger Truck Stop in Gross Tete, Louisiana, followed her deaf dog into a petting zoo enclosure that contained a camel named Caspar. The woman and her husband spooked Caspar before the camel pinned the woman against a wall and sat on her.

“She said, ‘I bit his balls to get him off of me, I bit his testicles to get him off of me,’” Iberville Parish Deputy Louis Hamilton Jr. told The Advocate.

The woman was taken to a hospital and her condition is unknown.

<..snip..>

https://www.bizpacreview.com/2019/09/23/ballsy-fl-woman-bites-camels-testicles-to-escape-being-crushed-828821

[Cyber Liberty]

I wonder how much Listerine it took to get the taste of Achmed out of her mouth?

[sneakypete]

“The woman’s husband had been throwing treats to their dog under Caspar the camel’s fence Thursday evening before the dog went inside, the Iberville Parish Sheriff’s Office said Sunday,” reported The Advocate. “After the dog began interacting with the camel, the couple crawled in to get it, officials said.

Not just Florida Man,but Florida Couple. Twice as much dumbass in one packaged unit.

[sneakypete]

I wonder how much Listerine it took to get the taste of Achmed out of her mouth?

@Cyber Liberty

She's from Florida,so she has probably tasted worse.

[Sighlass]

I couldn't find the topic "Florida Man" for some reason... Maybe a mod will move this there... but it is funny.

Florida Man Dressed as Fred Flintstone Gets Pulled over for Speeding.

https://altdriver.com/news/florida-fred-flintstone-speeding/?utm_source=facebook

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida teen attacks elderly relatives over tomatoes after grandma claims she ate 'more than her fair share'
A homey scene turned bizarrely violent in Florida when a young woman got into a fight with her elderly family members at the dinner table over the number of tomatoes she could eat. While the disagreement started with a fight over the food, it ended with the girl allegedly attempting to stab her grandfather.

Katie Jade Gates, 19, has been charged with two felonies over the Sept. 12 incident, Fox 51 reported. She’s been accused of aggravated assault and aggravated battery on a victim over the age of 65.

https://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/teen-attacks-elderly-relatives-tomatoes

[mountaineer]

Good to see "floridamanism" is not limited by sex.

...  The young woman then allegedly chased her grandfather out of the house while brandishing a knife and threatened to stab him in the face. Gates allegedly made stabbing and poking motions with the knife at her grandfather....

I'm struck by her cheery mug shot, though.

[Cyber Liberty]

And it's not even Thanksgiving!

[sneakypete]

Good to see "floridamanism" is not limited by sex.I'm struck by her cheery mug shot, though.

@mountaineer

Me,too.Maybe she is happy because her "meth face" cleared up so she could take a good photo?

 Now,consider this,chances are several unsuspecting men will end up marrying her. What could possibly go wrong there?

If you believe in prayer,pray for them.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested, caught on video using samurai sword to fight over wheelbarrow
A Florida man was arrested Monday in a months-old attack during which he allegedly using a samurai sword to threaten and assault a jogger as they fought over a wheelbarrow the victim said he found in a pile of trash.

Curtis Miller, 54, was taken into custody on attempted murder charges stemming from an altercation on July 15, according to online records from the Broward County Sheriff's Office.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-samurai-sword-wheelbarrow

[sneakypete]

Florida man arrested, caught on video using samurai sword to fight over wheelbarrow
A Florida man was arrested Monday in a months-old attack during which he allegedly using a samurai sword to threaten and assault a jogger as they fought over a wheelbarrow the victim said he found in a pile of trash.

Curtis Miller, 54, was taken into custody on attempted murder charges stemming from an altercation on July 15, according to online records from the Broward County Sheriff's Office.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-samurai-sword-wheelbarrow

@jmyrlefuller

"Hmm,lemme see,here. Ah got me wunna dem Sammie rye sords,an now Ah needs me a wheelbarro ta take home thu stuff ah chop up........,HAY,LEGGO MY DAM WHEELBARRO! Ah saw hit furst!"

[240B]

[goatprairie]

When is The Florida Man tv reality series coming out?

[berdie]

 

[Sanguine]

Just for the record, fake story and photo of unrelated drug offender.

[240B]

Just for the record, fake story and photo of unrelated drug offender.

Still worth the laugh! That's some funny stuff.

[mountaineer]

Published 3 days ago
Florida man's murder plot against wife backfires after he's left paralyzed
By Louis Casiano | Fox News

A Virginia judge on Wednesday denied bond to a Florida man whose alleged plot to murder his wife went awry earlier this month when he was shot and paralyzed.

Henry Frank Herbig, 65, appeared in court via video conference from his jail hospital bed. He is charged with aggravated malicious wounding and breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony.

Prosecutors said Herbig, 65, broke into the Virginia Beach home of his estranged wife on Sept. 8 and assaulted her and her daughter with a wrench, WGNT-TV in Norfolk reported.

He was shot in the spine by his stepdaughter during the attack and left paralyzed. Authorities determined she acted in self-defense and did not press charges.  ...  Rest of story at FOX News

That's a shame

[sneakypete]

@240B

Ok,I have heard of strange "hobbies",but I'm guessing that one won't be topped anytime soon.

[sneakypete]

Just for the record, fake story and photo of unrelated drug offender.

@Sanguine

Thank you. I was actually a little bit shocked by that one,and I don't shock easily.

[Sanguine]

@Sanguine

Thank you. I was actually a little bit shocked by that one,and I don't shock easily.

Looking out for you,  Pete.

[mountaineer]

Startled Florida man fatally shoots son-in-law during birthday surprise
By Tamar Lapin
October 3, 2019

A Florida man was so startled when his son-in-law jumped out from behind some bushes for a birthday surprise that he shot and killed him, authorities said Thursday.

Richard Dennis, 61, won’t be charged in the accidental shooting of his daughter’s husband, Christopher Bergan, Santa Rosa Sheriff Bob Johnson told reporters at a news conference.

Bergan, 37, had flown in from Norway on Tuesday for the surprise and at around 11:30 p.m. knocked on the back door of his father-in-law’s Gulf Breeze home, then hid behind bushes.  ...

Earlier that evening, Dennis had gotten into an argument with another relative because that person had come by the home and loudly banged on the front door.

When he heard the loud raps again an hour later, Dennis believed it was that same relative and opened the door while armed. ...

Full story

[Sanguine]

Startled Florida man fatally shoots son-in-law during birthday surprise
By Tamar Lapin
October 3, 2019 Full story

That's so sad!

[Smokin Joe]

One of the basic rules: Always make sure of your target, and what is behind it.

[GtHawk]

One of the basic rules: Always make sure of your target, and what is behind it.

Unless you're Joe 'shotgun' Biden

[mountaineer]

Florida woman strikes again, a triumph for equality, the sisterhood and all that.

Florida woman arrested after parents find 24 pipe bombs in her bedroom
By John Bowden - 10/04/19 12:34 PM EDT

A Florida woman was arrested Friday after her parents called the police following their discovery of two dozen pipe bombs in her bedroom.

Local news affiliate Fox 13 reported that Michelle Louise Kolts, 27, of Wimauma, Fla., was arrested after police discovered a weapons cache in her room alongside materials and literature about domestic terrorism and mass shootings.

Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister said at a press conference that Kolts had the supplies necessary to kill thousands of Americans. Other weapons seized alongside the pipe bombs included knives, nunchucks and a number of pellet guns. ...

More

Still living with the parents at age 27.

Another account at the Tampa Bay Times says:

"What is even more frightening is that is that each pipe bomb contained nails, metallic pellets or a combination of both and would have taken less than 60 seconds per device to add the powder and fuse material she already possesses to detonate each bomb," Chronister said.

What, me worry?

[Axeslinger]

That’s a 27 year old woman?!?

[xyno]

That’s a 27 year old woman?!?

I wouldn't be "I'm-gonna-build-a-crap-load-of-pipe-bombs" frustrated but I'd be frustrated too.  Yikes.

[Smokin Joe]

Florida woman strikes again, a triumph for equality, the sisterhood and all that.More

Still living with the parents at age 27.

Another account at the Tampa Bay Times says:
What, me worry?

Gee, mom, they're maracas....

[mountaineer]

The way to a woman's heart ...

Florida man arrested after pulling machete on woman who refused to date him: Records
Posted: 5:43 PM, Oct 05, 2019
Updated: 10:13 AM, Oct 06, 2019
By: WFTS Digital Staff

CLEARWATER, Fla. — A man in Clearwater is facing aggravated assault charges after he pulled a machete on a woman who refused to date him, according to arrest records.

Clearwater Police arrested Leonard Thomas, 55, just before 7 p.m. on Friday night. Police say Thomas and the victim were arguing when he became angry because she wouldn't date him. Thomas pulled the machete from a sheath on his belt and raised it toward the victim and said "I'll cut you up," according to police.   ...

More