The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[mountaineer]

Palm City man accused of enticing alligator to bite him, pouring beer in its mouth
Sara Marino, Treasure Coast Newspapers Published 3:33 p.m. ET Oct. 7, 2019 | Updated 10:49 a.m. ET Oct. 8, 2019

PALM CITY— A Hobe Sound man is accused of enticing an alligator to bite his arm and pouring beer into the reptile's mouth after his friend caught the animal.

Timothy Kepke, 27, of the 6200 block of Southeast Croton Place in Hobe Sound and Noah Osborne, 22, of the 3000 block of South Kanner Highway in Stuart were both arrested Oct. 3 on one felony charge each of unlawfully taking an alligator.

In August, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission got a complaint about Kepke holding an alligator and enticing the reptile to bite his right forearm and then pouring beer in the animal's mouth, according to a FWC report.  ... More at News-Press


Osborne, left; Kepke, right

[Smokin Joe]

The way to a woman's heart ...More

Second rib down, next to the sternum....

[goatprairie]

Second rib down, next to the sternum....

I guess flowers and a box of chocolates just won't do anymore. Or maybe I'm just not aware of the Florida Man dating techniques.

[Smokin Joe]

I guess flowers and a box of chocolates just won't do anymore. Or maybe I'm just not aware of the Florida Man dating techniques.

Well, that's the quickest way to her heart, using the tools he had at hand. (I was being sarcastic, if reasonably anatomically accurate). Likely flowers and chocolates would have worked better for both him and her.

[sneakypete]

I guess flowers and a box of chocolates just won't do anymore. Or maybe I'm just not aware of the Florida Man dating techniques.

@goatprairie

I'm guessing meth and maddog would be more appropriate.

[Smokin Joe]

@goatprairie

I'm guessing meth and maddog would be more appropriate.

Well, when you consider likelyhood of success in one date....

...but'cha might catch something if ya aren't wearing a raincoat.

[sneakypete]

Well, when you consider likelyhood of success in one date....

...but'cha might catch something if ya aren't wearing a raincoat.

@Smokin Joe

I think VD must be afraid of a lot of those people,or there wouldn't be so many of them.

[Smokin Joe]

@Smokin Joe

I think VD must be afraid of a lot of those people,or there wouldn't be so many of them.

Can't see the chancres for the other sores...Maybe Meth kills spirochetes?

[jmyrlefuller]

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better...stronger...faster."

Florida Man 2.0
Inside the ‘genius tendencies’ of Jacksonville Jaguars QB Gardner Minshew

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/27801045/florida-man-20-genius-tendencies-jacksonville-jaguars-qb-gardner-minshew

[jmyrlefuller]

(rm dupe)

[mountaineer]

Florida man pours beer into alligator’s mouth, encourages it to bite him

Yep, posted that one last night, along with the ever popular mugshots. 

[jmyrlefuller]

Yep, posted that one last night, along with the ever popular mugshots. 

Duplicate removed in due course.

[mountaineer]

How does that "thought" enter one's head, that is, to pour beer down a gator's throat? I could live 25 years in Florida and never consider that an option.

[jmyrlefuller]

How does that "thought" enter one's head, that is, to pour beer down a gator's throat? I could live 25 years in Florida and never consider that an option.

I suspect it involves pouring beer down one's own throat first.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man, wearing camouflage headrest and women's clothes, forces woman to watch porn


Christopher Strickland, 36, entered the woman’s home on June 2 while she home alone with her infant.

Deputies said Strickland entered her bedroom wearing women’s clothing, including a red and pink bra, and a camouflage vehicle headrest on his head. Strickland crawled on top of the woman and put a knife to her throat, the warrant says.

Strickland then dragged her into the home’s living room and forced her to watch pornography on his phone while he masturbated, according to deputies. The woman told deputies Strickland had left his clothes on her bedroom floor and attempted to put on her baby’s clothes.

https://www.wkrg.com/news/ecso-pensacola-burglar-wearing-camouflage-headrest-womens-clothes-forces-woman-to-watch-porn/

[goatprairie]

Florida man, wearing camouflage headrest and women's clothes, forces woman to watch porn


Christopher Strickland, 36, entered the woman’s home on June 2 while she home alone with her infant.

Deputies said Strickland entered her bedroom wearing women’s clothing, including a red and pink bra, and a camouflage vehicle headrest on his head. Strickland crawled on top of the woman and put a knife to her throat, the warrant says.

Strickland then dragged her into the home’s living room and forced her to watch pornography on his phone while he masturbated, according to deputies. The woman told deputies Strickland had left his clothes on her bedroom floor and attempted to put on her baby’s clothes.

https://www.wkrg.com/news/ecso-pensacola-burglar-wearing-camouflage-headrest-womens-clothes-forces-woman-to-watch-porn/

Okay, holding a machete to a woman's throat, wearing women's clothes while masturbating on top of a woman with a knife to her throat are now acceptable dating techniques for Florida Man?
What's next.....bringing your pet gator to the date and forcing the woman to stick her head down the gator's mouth?
Florida Man sure has some weird courting methods.

[mountaineer]

and attempted to put on her baby’s clothes.

[sneakypete]

Florida man, wearing camouflage headrest and women's clothes, forces woman to watch porn


Christopher Strickland, 36, entered the woman’s home on June 2 while she home alone with her infant.

Deputies said Strickland entered her bedroom wearing women’s clothing, including a red and pink bra, and a camouflage vehicle headrest on his head.

@jmyrlefuller

Dood bees stylish!

Strickland then dragged her into the home’s living room and forced her to watch pornography on his phone while he masturbated, according to deputies. The woman told deputies Strickland had left his clothes on her bedroom floor and attempted to put on her baby’s clothes.

Who says it's hard to find affordable entertainment? This guy even makes house calls and puts on a FREE show!

[sneakypete]

Okay, holding a machete to a woman's throat, wearing women's clothes while masturbating on top of a woman with a knife to her throat are now acceptable dating techniques for Florida Man?
 

@goatprairie

What do you mean by "now"?

[InHeavenThereIsNoBeer]

Okay, holding a machete to a woman's throat, wearing women's clothes while masturbating on top of a woman with a knife to her throat are now acceptable dating techniques for Florida Man?
What's next.....bringing your pet gator to the date and forcing the woman to stick her head down the gator's mouth?
Florida Man sure has some weird courting methods.

No, gators are strictly third date only.

[xyno]

It ain't Florida Man but it is next of kin:

Arkansas woman claims brother fed her 'meth sandwich'
By Nicole Darrah | Fox News

Two Arkansas siblings were arrested on drug charges during the weekend after the sister claimed her brother fed her a "meth sandwich."

Elizabeth Catlett, 29, was pulled over on Sunday in Hot Springs, a city roughly 55 miles southwest of Little Rock, for driving without her headlights on. Her brother, 33-year-old Don Furr, was a passenger in the vehicle.




https://www.foxnews.com/us/arkansas-woman-brother-arrested-meth-sandwich?fbclid=IwAR0bncHmdyYnQVjx4pxd4iHxKCg-_hoTi6ptAoPb-80AANB8IdeEkBi5w1c

[Cyber Liberty]

It ain't Florida Man but it is next of kin:

Arkansas woman claims brother fed her 'meth sandwich'
By Nicole Darrah | Fox News

Two Arkansas siblings were arrested on drug charges during the weekend after the sister claimed her brother fed her a "meth sandwich."

Elizabeth Catlett, 29, was pulled over on Sunday in Hot Springs, a city roughly 55 miles southwest of Little Rock, for driving without her headlights on. Her brother, 33-year-old Don Furr, was a passenger in the vehicle.




https://www.foxnews.com/us/arkansas-woman-brother-arrested-meth-sandwich?fbclid=IwAR0bncHmdyYnQVjx4pxd4iHxKCg-_hoTi6ptAoPb-80AANB8IdeEkBi5w1c

OK, this is AR so I have to ask:  Which one is the brother?

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man has eaten almost nothing but mac and cheese for 17 years

(F)or 20-year-old Austin Davis, nine times out of 10 he goes to his “ride or die” brand of original Velveeta Shells and Cheese.

For nearly 17 years, Davis, a resident of Keystone Heights near Gainesville, has eaten nothing but macaroni and cheese. “I don’t want to say I’m addicted to mac and cheese, because it sounds so weird,” he said. “But my body won’t let me eat anything else. I didn’t choose to be like this.”

https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida/2019/10/16/florida-man-has-eaten-almost-nothing-but-mac-and-cheese-for-17-years/

[sneakypete]

Florida man has eaten almost nothing but mac and cheese for 17 years

(F)or 20-year-old Austin Davis, nine times out of 10 he goes to his “ride or die” brand of original Velveeta Shells and Cheese.

For nearly 17 years, Davis, a resident of Keystone Heights near Gainesville, has eaten nothing but macaroni and cheese. “I don’t want to say I’m addicted to mac and cheese, because it sounds so weird,” he said. “But my body won’t let me eat anything else. I didn’t choose to be like this.”

https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida/2019/10/16/florida-man-has-eaten-almost-nothing-but-mac-and-cheese-for-17-years/

@jmyrlefuller

A "Florida Man Story" I can identify with. I not only can't eat seafood,but feel like vomiting if I smell it cooking. This has been true all my life,and is really weird when you consider I grew up in a family of commercial fishermen,and worked as a commercial fisherman or on a shrimp boat for several years.

[berdie]

@jmyrlefuller

A "Florida Man Story" I can identify with. I not only can't eat seafood,but feel like vomiting if I smell it cooking. This has been true all my life,and is really weird when you consider I grew up in a family of commercial fishermen,and worked as a commercial fisherman or on a shrimp boat for several years.

I don't think that's weird at all @sneakypete  given your life experience.

[mountaineer]

Naked Florida Man Uses Hammer and Forklift to Damage Warehouse Before Taking a Shower
By Jason Murdock On 10/17/19 at 11:32 AM EDT

A Florida man has pleaded not guilty after being accused of causing more than $1,000 worth of damage at two Cape Coral plumbing businesses, police say.

Joseph Michael Bieniek, 24, was detained by deputies from the Lee County Sheriff's Office last Saturday after being found inside a premises without any clothing and still holding a hammer he allegedly used to smash up windows and doors, the Fort Myers News-Press reported.  ...

The surveillance video shows the man being led out of the business in cuffs, while wearing a blue United Plumbing shirt. "I swear to God I was in the bathroom taking a ****," he can be heard saying, before telling deputies that he worked there. WBBH reported Bieniek initially refused to put down his hammer, which forced police to use a K-9 unit to subdue him.  ...

Full story at Newsweek

[sneakypete]

Full story at Newsweek

Newsweek is not giving Florida Man reports?

Oh,how the mighty has fallen!

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida woman forces husband to sign divorce papers at gunpoint

45-year-old Pensacola resident Millanie Sherbrook was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without the intent to kill(...) Sherbrook and her husband were arguing about divorce when he refused to sign the papers, saying he would rather handle the matter in court. Deputies say that’s when Sherbrook grabbed a Smith and Wesson .38-caliber handgun, pointed it at her husband and told him to sign the divorce papers.

The man gave into Sherbrook’s demands and signed the divorce papers, but according to WKRG, Sherbrook continued to follow the man with the gun.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/florida/os-ne-florida-woman-forces-husband-to-sign-divorce-papers-at-gunpoint-20191017-fq6bo5q7mrc67eaesfovapk3jm-story.html

[Cyber Liberty]

Error 404 (Not Found)!!1

[sneakypete]

Florida woman forces husband to sign divorce papers at gunpoint

45-year-old Pensacola resident Millanie Sherbrook was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without the intent to kill(...) Sherbrook and her husband were arguing about divorce when he refused to sign the papers, saying he would rather handle the matter in court. Deputies say that’s when Sherbrook grabbed a Smith and Wesson .38-caliber handgun, pointed it at her husband and told him to sign the divorce papers.

The man gave into Sherbrook’s demands and signed the divorce papers, but according to WKRG, Sherbrook continued to follow the man with the gun.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/florida/os-ne-florida-woman-forces-husband-to-sign-divorce-papers-at-gunpoint-20191017-fq6bo5q7mrc67eaesfovapk3jm-story.html

@jmyrlefuller

I will admit to not being the most clever man any of you have ever met when it comes to dealing with wimmins,but even *I* know that when they start pointing guns at you it is a good idea to sign the damn divorce papers.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested for DUI on a segway
Deputies say around 4:34 p.m., 48-year-old Andy Sigears was spotted by a lieutenant as he was driving a segway eastbound on Dunson Road, which is also where a Polk County Sheriff’s Office substation is located.

The lieutenant who saw Sigears said he was in the middle of the westbound lanes, unsteady and swerving while impeding traffic. Several cars were seen going around Sigears by going into the opposite lane of traffic.

https://www.wfla.com/news/polk-county/man-arrested-for-dui-on-segway-in-polk-county/

[sneakypete]

Had to look it up to see what a Segway is.

We country people are a simple people,and weuns just doan no bout all that fancy stuff.

[jmyrlefuller]

Had to look it up to see what a Segway is.

We country people are a simple people,and weuns just doan no bout all that fancy stuff.

Truth be told, I'm surprised they still exist.

[Cyber Liberty]

Truth be told, I'm surprised they still exist.

Police Departments all around the country have a heavy investment in keeping these car-priced gizmos going.

[Smokin Joe]

Police Departments all around the country have a heavy investment in keeping these car-priced gizmos going.

Not here. They don't come in 4WD...

[Cyber Liberty]

Not here. They don't come in 4WD...

I should clarify:  "Urban" Police....

A Segway would be a total joke in the sticks. 

[Smokin Joe]

I should clarify:  "Urban" Police....

A Segway would be a total joke in the sticks. 

Oh, we have our isolated islands of urbanity, but I just can't see one busting snowdrifts...

[roamer_1]

I should clarify:  "Urban" Police....

A Segway would be a total joke in the sticks. 

CORRECTION: It IS a total joke in the sticks... Like them glorified golf carts y'all call smart cars...
We point and laugh.

[mountaineer]

Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf' at Target
By Jeff Tavss - Executive Producer
Posted: 2:54 PM, October 23, 2019
Updated: 3:43 PM, October 23, 2019

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested Tuesday after being caught having sex with a stuffed animal inside Target.

Witnesses told police they saw Cody Meader, 20, take a large Olaf from "Frozen" off the store shelves at a St. Petersburg location and begin to "dry hump" the toy.   ...


Full story

[sneakypete]

Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf' at Target
By Jeff Tavss - Executive Producer
Posted: 2:54 PM, October 23, 2019
Updated: 3:43 PM, October 23, 2019

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested Tuesday after being caught having sex with a stuffed animal inside Target.

Witnesses told police they saw Cody Meader, 20, take a large Olaf from "Frozen" off the store shelves at a St. Petersburg location and begin to "dry hump" the toy.   ...


Full story

@mountaineer

UPDATE! He is now claiming it wasn't his fault,and Elvis is to blame because "Are You Lonesome Tonight" was playing on the store speakers,and having to answer "yes" was more than he could deal with.

Not really. It's a joke,son,a joke! What is sad is that the world is so weird now you have to point out that something that absurd is an actual joke,and not a funny true event..

[Smokin Joe]

CORRECTION: It IS a total joke in the sticks... Like them glorified golf carts y'all call smart cars...
We point and laugh.

Oh, I dunno, a Smart car with a sunroof would make an interesting planter...

[Smokin Joe]

@mountaineer

UPDATE! He is now claiming it wasn't his fault,and Elvis is to blame because "Are You Lonesome Tonight" was playing on the store speakers,and having to answer "yes" was more than he could deal with.

Not really. It's a joke,son,a joke! What is sad is that the world is so weird now you have to point out that something that absurd is an actual joke,and not a funny true event..

Not that it matters, because half the country lost anything resembling a sense of humor about the time Political Correctness became a thing.

[roamer_1]

Oh, I dunno, a Smart car with a sunroof would make an interesting planter...

I actually have a friend who is mounting a smart car body to a Willy's jeep frame... Axle-over spring lift, double frame lift, and 15x37 Swampers. Should be a hoot.
I told him he should mount the cutting deck off his Toro on it.

[roamer_1]

[Sighlass]

Overnight, a woman was lit on fire at Taco Bell, a church burned and car fires were reported. Here's what we know.

https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/2019/10/24/tallahassee-taco-bell-fire-church-cars-what-we-know-mia-williams-suspect-victim/4082794002/

________________________

Nutshell... homeless black transsexual gets mad at Taco Bell employee for having him kicked out from being rude to customers so he comes back and throws gas on her (sets her afire). The making a run for it on a bicycle he sets everything he can on fire (including a black church and several cars) and finally when cornered he jumps on police car evades several attempts to taze him and finally after fighting gets arrested.  At one point even the fire dept truck was following him around town.

[240B]

Overnight, a woman was lit on fire at Taco Bell, a church burned and car fires were reported. Here's what we know.

https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/2019/10/24/tallahassee-taco-bell-fire-church-cars-what-we-know-mia-williams-suspect-victim/4082794002/

________________________

Nutshell... homeless black transsexual gets mad at Taco Bell employee for having him kicked out from being rude to customers so he comes back and throws gas on her (sets her afire). The making a run for it on a bicycle he sets everything he can on fire (including a black church and several cars) and finally when cornered he jumps on police car evades several attempts to taze him and finally after fighting gets arrested.  At one point even the fire dept truck was following him around town.

Woman sets person on fire in Taco Bell, may have gone on arson spree. Church, cars set ablaze
https://amp.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article236647643.html

[Gefn]

Oh dear ....
I just woke up, read this with my morning coffee and laughed. Hot coffee came out of my nose. Painful!

@roamer_1

[roamer_1]

Oh dear ....
I just woke up, read this with my morning coffee and laughed. Hot coffee came out of my nose. Painful!

@roamer_1

@Gefn

Happy to be of service!! 
Sorry to be such a pain in the... nose 
 

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man who identifies as a woman goes on arson spree involving a Taco Bell
A Tallahassee woman may have gone on an arson spree Wednesday and Thursday, starting at a Taco Bell where a woman was set on fire, cops say.

On Wednesday, Mia Williams, a 32-year-old who was born male but identifies as female, walked into a Taco Bell, doused a woman with gasoline and then set her on fire, Tallahassee police said.

Williams ran away and the victim was taken to a hospital by helicopter with serious injuries. As of Friday, the victim was still being treated, police said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article236647643.html#storylink=cpy

(take a look at the mugshot. some "woman.")

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida man who identifies as a woman goes on arson spree involving a Taco Bell
A Tallahassee woman may have gone on an arson spree Wednesday and Thursday, starting at a Taco Bell where a woman was set on fire, cops say.

On Wednesday, Mia Williams, a 32-year-old who was born male but identifies as female, walked into a Taco Bell, doused a woman with gasoline and then set her on fire, Tallahassee police said.

Williams ran away and the victim was taken to a hospital by helicopter with serious injuries. As of Friday, the victim was still being treated, police said.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article236647643.html#storylink=cpy

(take a look at the mugshot. some "woman.")

FTA:

Williams was charged with premeditated homicide, resisting an officer with violence and aggravated assault on an officer.

The victim he set fire to is dead?