The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man bites dog. A police dog. Yes, meth was involved. And of course he was naked.

Last Friday in High Springs, Florida, police were called to a residence, where they found Donald Watts high on methamphetamine and rolling around in the mud in a ditch. He was also completely naked and making bird noises.

When Watts spotted the cops, he punched one of them and failed to be deterred by stun guns. Accompanied by a K-9 officer named Casper, police found Watts in some woods nearby. He proceeded to get down on all fours and mimic the police dog, which he bit in the ear.

https://921ctq.iheart.com/featured/maverick-mornings/content/2020-01-03-naked-florida-man-arrested-for-biting-police-dog-in-ear-while-high-on-meth/?ICID=ref_fark

[sneakypete]

Florida man bites dog. A police dog. Yes, meth was involved. And of course he was naked.

Last Friday in High Springs, Florida, police were called to a residence, where they found Donald Watts high on methamphetamine and rolling around in the mud in a ditch. He was also completely naked and making bird noises.

When Watts spotted the cops, he punched one of them and failed to be deterred by stun guns. Accompanied by a K-9 officer named Casper, police found Watts in some woods nearby. He proceeded to get down on all fours and mimic the police dog, which he bit in the ear.

https://921ctq.iheart.com/featured/maverick-mornings/content/2020-01-03-naked-florida-man-arrested-for-biting-police-dog-in-ear-while-high-on-meth/?ICID=ref_fark

@jmyrlefuller

Well,it IS "HIGH SPRINGS,Florida. Seems like a man could go out and cut loose a little on a Friday night in a place like that without people siccing the cops on him,doesn't it?

BTW,what kind of rookie cop is it that doesn't know a stun gun just gets a meth head sexually excited? It's the equivalent of the guy in Indy saying "Gentlemen,start your engines!"

[Cyber Liberty]

BTW,what kind of rookie cop is it that doesn't know a stun gun just gets a meth head sexually excited? It's the equivalent of the guy in Indy saying "Gentlemen,start your engines!"

@sneakypete

He sure as shit knows now.  Won't make that mistake again.

[mountaineer]

Girl Power, baby! Florida woman comes through again!

Florida woman busted for dumping feces on landlord, attempting cover-up
By Yaron Steinbuch
January 7, 2020

She was full of crap.

A Florida woman accused of flinging a bucket of human feces in her landlord’s face claimed she meant to throw a bucket of water but got the two containers mixed up, according to the Miami Herald.

Volusia County sheriff’s deputies responded Saturday to a trailer in Osteen, where they found Joanne Mercader, 59, with caked poop on her face and another woman dripping in human waste, the newspaper reported. ...

Full story

[bigheadfred]

Sounds like they were both sh**faced.

[Wingnut]

Grabbed the wrong chamber pot. 

[catfish1957]

Reminds me when Roy from King Pin had to work off his rent.  These ladies have to be related.

[goatprairie]

Girl Power, baby! Florida woman comes through again!Full story

I ask you, who doesn't confuse a bucket of human waste with a bucket of water? I always have  a  bucket of each within handy reach for certain circumstances. Like for the last investment agent who keeps knocking on our door. 

[mountaineer]

Florida man wakes up to burglar sucking on his toes
By Natalie Musumeci
January 8, 2020

A snoozing Florida man received a very rude awakening on Christmas Eve — from a creepy burglar sucking on his toes.

The startled Bradenton resident then asked the sicko what he was doing, to which the stranger replied that he “was there to suck toes,” the Bradenton Herald reported, citing an incident report by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say a fight then erupted and the suspected tried to grab the man’s genitals – and even threatened that he had a gun. ... Rest of story

[sneakypete]

Florida man wakes up to burglar sucking on his toes
By Natalie Musumeci
January 8, 2020

A snoozing Florida man received a very rude awakening on Christmas Eve — from a creepy burglar sucking on his toes.

The startled Bradenton resident then asked the sicko what he was doing, to which the stranger replied that he “was there to suck toes,” the Bradenton Herald reported, citing an incident report by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Police say a fight then erupted and the suspected tried to grab the man’s genitals – and even threatened that he had a gun. ... Rest of story

@mountaineer  Ya think?

[verga]

@mountaineer  Ya think?

Has anyone heard from Dick Morris recently.

[mountaineer]

Don't be surprised if Joe Biden moves from hair sniffing to toe sucking. It's a slippery slope.

[240B]

[roamer_1]

@240B

EXCALIGATOR

 
 

[berdie]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

[240B]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

Yes sir. I have run with guys in Florida, Texas, Louisiana, etc. If any one of them saw this in a lake or pond, it would be hold my beer shirt off first, jump in the pond and chase that sucker down. It would be an automatic response to seeing this. They would simply not be able to stop themselves. It's a reflex with those guys...

[catfish1957]

That is the funniest thing I have seen in awhile.  Good find. 

[bigheadfred]

@240B

I can't stop laughing.   

[sneakypete]

If anybody can get the knife out...Florida man can.  There will be liquor involved.

@berdie

I sense a "Hold mah beer!" contest developing even as I type this.

[Smokin Joe]

@berdie

I sense a "Hold mah beer!" contest developing even as I type this.

If it doesn't end up on pay per view, or at least Youtube, someone is missing a fine opportunity....

[sneakypete]

If it doesn't end up on pay per view, or at least Youtube, someone is missing a fine opportunity....

@Smokin Joe

No kidding! I have zero interest in sports,and even I would watch it. It would have drama,humor,and competition on display,all at the same time. Something for everybody. Even the PETA people would love it because they could cheer for the gator.

[240B]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

[catfish1957]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

If you believe the Alligator Hunting reality shows, that is about the correct spot to kill an alligator.  Of course the professionals use a gun.  I am guessing illegal hunting, a rank amateur who opted on this animal without a gun, or mass quantities of alcohol were involved. 

In any case, if the perp were to come forward, I am guessing he'd get a visit from this local FL Game Warden.

[mountaineer]

It was bound to happen. 

Florida man charged with threatening to kill Trump to avenge Soleimani
By Fox News
January 10, 2020 | 12:36am

A Florida security guard is accused of threatening to kill President Trump in retaliation for a U.S. airstrike that killed Iran’s top military general last Friday.

Chauncy Lump, 26, from the Fort Lauderdale area, faces federal charges of threatening to kill the president and remained jailed Thursday with bond set at $100,000, according to court documents filed Wednesday by the Secret Service.

Agent Lucas White wrote that shortly after Trump announced last week that a U.S. airstrike had killed Qassem Soleimani in Iraq in retaliation for plotting numerous terrorist attacks, Lump, under the name “BlackMan vs. America,” began live streaming a seven-minute video on Facebook.

During that video, agents say Lump made several threats against the president – who was staying at his Mar-a-Lago club, less than an hour away – while periodically displaying a loaded AK-47 semi-automatic rifle. ...  Full story

Chauncy

[roamer_1]

There must be a hell of a story behind that knife being where it is.
I wonder if the guy who put it there, if he is still alive, will come forward and tell us the story of what happened?
That's a grampa story I would love to hear.

@240B
They call him Amos Moses... 


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[sneakypete]

It was bound to happen. 
Chauncy

@mountaineer

I liked the fact that he was keeping it classy by having a towel wrapped around his head,and wearing a shower curtain.

[240B]

If you believe the Alligator Hunting reality shows, that is about the correct spot to kill an alligator.  Of course the professionals use a gun.  I am guessing illegal hunting, a rank amateur who opted on this animal without a gun, or mass quantities of alcohol were involved. 

In any case, if the perp were to come forward, I am guessing he'd get a visit from this local FL Game Warden.

Yep probably. Those shows say that the kill spot on a gator is the size of a quarter. You have to hit it just right or the bullet will glance off the thick rock-hard skull. That's why you see them frequently taking multiple shots. It's a small target. Some of them talk about killing a gator with a knife or machete in a tight spot, but they experienced experts and know exactly where to strike. And even the experts say it is a stupid thing to try. I reckon that alcohol was involved, along with some kind of a bet or a dare.

[goatprairie]

Yep probably. Those shows say that the kill spot on a gator is the size of a quarter. You have to hit it just right or the bullet will glance off the thick rock-hard skull. That's why you see them frequently taking multiple shots. It's a small target. Some of them talk about killing a gator with a knife or machete in a tight spot, but they experienced experts and know exactly where to strike. And even the experts say it is a stupid thing to try. I reckon that alcohol was involved, along with some kind of a bet or a dare.

"I reckon that alcohol was involved"

Yuh think?

[sneakypete]

"I reckon that alcohol was involved"

Yuh think?

@goatprairie  @240B

This is Florida Man. I am surprised he wasn't meth-powered,and jump in the water to beat the gator's ass before strangling him to death.

[berdie]

@goatprairie  @240B

This is Florida Man. I am surprised he wasn't meth-powered,and jump in the water to beat the gator's ass before strangling him to death.

Well...it could have been both. @sneakypete  I don't know what Florida man does in a club before he goes hunting gators or what he does when he gets there, lol. Thank goodness!

[240B]

[Lando Lincoln]

[bigheadfred]

Weird.

That matches exactly with the flight path the Ukranian commercial jet took.

[Lando Lincoln]

Florida Man Spits On 67-Year-Old for Wearing A MAGA Hat, Gets 90 Days Behind Bars

[sneakypete]

Florida Man Spits On 67-Year-Old for Wearing A MAGA Hat, Gets 90 Days Behind Bars

@Lando Lincoln

Gee,I wonder why he didn't try knocking the hat off a healthy man his own age?

Ever notice these Dims always pick someone old and feeble,or a school kid,to attack?

[Lando Lincoln]

@Lando Lincoln

Gee,I wonder why he didn't try knocking the hat off a healthy man his own age?

Ever notice these Dims always pick someone old and feeble,or a school kid,to attack?

@sneakypete

Here's the video.  And notice - he spat from the safety of being behind a railing and table.  Coward.

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[sneakypete]

@sneakypete

Here's the video.  And notice - he spat from the safety of being behind a railing and table.  Coward.

Error 404 (Not Found)!!1

@Lando Lincoln

I am WAAAY too old  and feeble to be playing THOSE reindeer games,but not sure how well a table and rail would protect him if he spit on me. I may be old and feeble,but MY definition of a fair fight is one *I* win.

[Lando Lincoln]

@Lando Lincoln

I am WAAAY too old  and feeble to be playing THOSE reindeer games,but not sure how well a table and rail would protect him if he spit on me. I may be old and feeble,but MY definition of a fair fight is one *I* win.

@sneakypete

More detail with pics.  The perp is a real a-hole, as is his wife apparently.

Vero Beach man sentenced to 90 days in jail after spitting on man wearing 'MAGA' hat, court rules

[Lando Lincoln]

How did man with no priors get 90 days in Vero Beach MAGA hat spitting case? | Opinion

Good opinion piece.  The older gentleman has had several surgeries on his neck for cancer.  At the time of the incident, he had 17 stitches from the most recent surgery. 

[Cyber Liberty]

How did man with no priors get 90 days in Vero Beach MAGA hat spitting case? | Opinion

Good opinion piece.  The older gentleman has had several surgeries on his neck for cancer.  At the time of the incident, he had 17 stitches from the most recent surgery.

FTA:

"I don't even care that I'm going to jail; this is actually exciting," Ajple told deputies, according to an arrest affidavit. "Plus, I have more time on this earth than he does anyway; he probably feels so good about himself."

One has to be pretty stupid to say that, after getting read his Miranda rights. 

[Lando Lincoln]

FTA:

One has to be pretty stupid to say that, after getting read his Miranda rights.

He is, after all, Florida Man.

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete

More detail with pics.  The perp is a real a-hole, as is his wife apparently.

Vero Beach man sentenced to 90 days in jail after spitting on man wearing 'MAGA' hat, court rules

@Lando Lincoln

He must have been to get 90 days active for spitting on someone. That's almost unheard of.

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete

More detail with pics.  The perp is a real a-hole, as is his wife apparently.

Vero Beach man sentenced to 90 days in jail after spitting on man wearing 'MAGA' hat, court rules

@Lando Lincoln

BTW,just HOW freaking stupid do you have to be to think Trump is a communist? No wonder that retard and his wife vote Dim.

[sneakypete]

FTA:

One has to be pretty stupid to say that, after getting read his Miranda rights.

@Cyber Liberty

He even looks happy and is smiling smugly in his mug shots. Here is hoping someone in jail gives him an attitude adjustment while he is in there.

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida Man arrested for hanging from a traffic light and pooping on cars

That's right, a Florida Man, high on meth decided to climb a traffic light and go number two on passing cars. It took the police AND fire department to get him down and as Florida Man stories often end, he was arrested. More, including his epic mugshot here

https://www.huzlers.com/florida-man-arrested-for-hanging-on-traffic-light-and-shtting-on-cars-passing-underneath/

[240B]

@Lando Lincoln
BTW,just HOW freaking stupid do you have to be to think Trump is a communist?

You wouldn't believe the number of retarded Libs who think Hitler(National Socialist NAZI) was a Republican who supported Trump.
Bernie Sanders/Pow Wow Warren are National Socialists, not Trump or his supporters. However, facts and reality do not matter to Liberals. So it is useless to try to correct them with history. They don't care. Trump is a NAZI. Their mind is made up and reality only confuses them.

[mountaineer]

Florida Man arrested for hanging from a traffic light and pooping on cars

Without  investigating further, I will guess  this meth head is, based on his photo, about  21 or so.

[roamer_1]

Florida Man arrested for hanging from a traffic light and pooping on cars

Well, credit where it is due... That was a spectacular feat. You could sell tickets...

[Smokin Joe]

Well, credit where it is due... That was a spectacular feat. You could sell tickets...

It's gonna take a lot of ______________(write in substance(s) of choice here) and maybe a few alligators to top that one...

[roamer_1]

It's gonna take a lot of ______________(write in substance(s) of choice here) and maybe a few alligators to top that one...

I wonder if he skinnyed out there butt nekkid or if he dropped his britches once out on the pole. That'd be one helluva peculiar talent...