The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[Smokin Joe]

I wonder if he skinnyed out there butt nekkid or if he dropped his britches once out on the pole. That'd be one helluva peculiar talent...

LOL! There are some things I just don't need to know...likely he's so skinny they just fell down...

[Cyber Liberty]

I wonder if he skinnyed out there butt nekkid or if he dropped his britches once out on the pole. That'd be one helluva peculiar talent...

And, does the poop run up his back and drip off his head, like a Three-toed Sloth?

[Victoria33]

Bkmk

[Cyber Liberty]

Bkmk

Sometimes you are a sick monkey, @Victoria33! 

[verga]

Well, credit where it is due... That was a spectacular feat. You could sell tickets...

True story. I was in Toronto when the Jays won the series. One of the Stations went out after the game to do "Man on the Street" interviews. About 1/2 hour after the game they show a guy hanging from a light standard by his knees. Toronto police are among the most polite in the world. One of them is very politely asking the guy to come down. The guy very politely the cop no. After several more requests/ denials. The man says he is going to be sick. the cop takes three steps to the.  right and asked him to come down again. Damn funny on live television.

[roamer_1]

LOL! There are some things I just don't need to know...likely he's so skinny they just fell down...

I can't help it. I'm a hard wired process guy... There are efficiencies to be determined. 

[roamer_1]

And, does the poop run up his back and drip off his head, like a Three-toed Sloth?

Well... There's a picture I didn't need in my head...
 

[Cyber Liberty]

Well... There's a picture I didn't need in my head...
 

It serves all you sick bastids right!

[roamer_1]

True story. I was in Toronto when the Jays won the series. One of the Stations went out after the game to do "Man on the Street" interviews. About 1/2 hour after the game they show a guy hanging from a light standard by his knees. Toronto police are among the most polite in the world. One of them is very politely asking the guy to come down. The guy very politely the cop no. After several more requests/ denials. The man says he is going to be sick. the cop takes three steps to the.  right and asked him to come down again. Damn funny on live television.

LOL! That English sense of propriety makes for the best dry humor. 

[roamer_1]

It serves all you sick bastids right!

Well that position does resolve the aiming issue... With quite a bit of practice, I would suppose...

 

[Cyber Liberty]

Well that position does resolve the aiming issue... With quite a bit of practice, I would suppose...

 

It's fortunate that stories like this lack critical details like that.  It lets us fill those in as needed!

[roamer_1]

It's fortunate that stories like this lack critical details like that.  It lets us fill those in as needed!

The mathematics and telemetry alone... Amazing. The guy must be a genius!

[Cyber Liberty]

The mathematics and telemetry alone... Amazing. The guy must be a genius!

Or he's crapping up his back.  One or the other.

[roamer_1]

Or he's crapping up his back.  One or the other.

LOL! This thread made my whole day.

[berdie]

Without  investigating further, I will guess  this meth head is, based on his photo, about  21 or so.

It makes one wonder what he'll look like at 30....doesn't it?

[bigheadfred]

Without  investigating further, I will guess  this meth head is, based on his photo, about  21 or so.

No doubt. A woman my wife knows stopped by the other day. She isn't 50 yet and looks like she is over a 100. Rumor has it she has been breakiing bad for a long time.

[sneakypete]

It makes one wonder what he'll look like at 30....doesn't it?

@berdie

 I don't think that is something that is likely to happen,as well as anything he is likely to worry about.

Of course,being a methhead,his body will be 100 years old due to wear and tear by the time he is 30,so I guess it all evens out.

Don't want to shock anyone,but speed freaks don't age well.

[Smokin Joe]

@berdie

 I don't think that is something that is likely to happen,as well as anything he is likely to worry about.

Of course,being a methhead,his body will be 100 years old due to wear and tear by the time he is 30,so I guess it all evens out.

Don't want to shock anyone,but speed freaks don't age well.

I have seen it. Daughters who look older than their mothers...and have fewer teeth.

[sneakypete]

I have seen it. Daughters who look older than their mothers...and have fewer teeth.

@Smokin Joe

 Well,it's hard to maintain health and weight when your whole body,including your brain,is humming like a tuning fork.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man accused of stealing golf balls, beating up elderly golfer

22-year-old Tyler Dearden was taking golf balls from a golfer's bucket at a club in Ocala, Florida.

News outlets say the golfer told him not to do that, and went to report him. An affidavit says that when he returned, Dearden came up to him and stated he wanted to apologize, but he punched him and knocked him to the ground. Dearden told deputies he was defending himself because the golfer threatened him by pointing a golf club at him.

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/state/florida-man-accused-of-stealing-golf-balls-beating-up-elderly-golfer

[Victoria33]

Sometimes you are a sick monkey, @Victoria33! 

@Cyber Liberty
@roamer_1
@sneakypete

Cyber, I was at a casino when I posted "bkmk" on this thread.  I was using my phone and wanted to come back to this thread later to tell you the time son was making a documentary film in Florida - due to what he did, he would qualify as "Florida Man" that day.

He was tied to the outside of a helicopter; helicopter flew low over an alligator filled swamp, son filmed the gators, but that is not all.

He was taken to an alligator "park", where people saw gators.  All people there told to be silent, make no noise.  Son approached large gator, had small film camera; gator opened his mouth, son put his head inside gator jaws and filmed his mouth.  Others there filmed son's head inside gator mouth.  Son is still alive with his own head, do not know condition of gator as this was years ago.

[berdie]

@berdie

 I don't think that is something that is likely to happen,as well as anything he is likely to worry about.

Don't want to shock anyone,but speed freaks don't age well.

Of course you are right @sneakypete . Sometimes I forget what world they live in.

[bigheadfred]

Note to self: No morning sex if I plan on filming gators later.

[roamer_1]

Note to self: No morning sex if I plan on filming gators later.

Yeah... It's a long, long run to where you are gonna find any gators. Better save your strength, 

[bigheadfred]

Ya'll know the difference between a pothead and a meth head. They will both steal your stuff. But a meth head will help you look for it.

[bigheadfred]

Yeah... It's a long, long run to where you are gonna find any gators. Better save your strength, 

They got jet airliners here.  Though I used the first person I hope people who plan on putting their head in a gator's mouth don't go to the show smelling like bait.

[roamer_1]

They got jet airliners here. 

They DO? Will wonders never cease?

Though I used the first person I hope people who plan on putting their head in a gator's mouth don't go to the show smelling like bait.

Not a good pastime for me. I smell like bacon frying any time it gets hot outside. 

[bigheadfred]

They DO? Will wonders never cease?

Not a good pastime for me. I smell like bacon frying any time it gets hot outside. 

NOW I understand your insistence on pants. 

[roamer_1]

NOW I understand your insistence on pants. 

Hey. It ain't ME insisting on pants. That's everybody else.

[sneakypete]

Ya'll know the difference between a pothead and a meth head. They will both steal your stuff. But a meth head will help you look for it.

@bigheadfred

Some will even insist they help you look,and give you hell for moving too slowly.

[bigheadfred]

Hey. It ain't ME insisting on pants. That's everybody else.

I was thinking the best way to smell like bacon frying is to do it nekked. Wear pants.

I don't know if any of those jet planes go to Florida. I've seen some take off. Always in the same direction. Southwest. So they must all be Southwest Airlines flights. 

[roamer_1]

I was thinking the best way to smell like bacon frying is to do it nekked. Wear pants.

No, no, no! That's bass ackwards. The only time I DO insist on pants is when frying actual bacon, and when shoveling snow. The rest of the time, I need to be reminded. I am not up on all the fancy dress codes everybody has. Except the Mini-Mart.

No Shirt
No Shoes
No Service.

See? Nothing at all about pants, so I'm good. Not the same at the church for some reason 

I don't know if any of those jet planes go to Florida. I've seen some take off. Always in the same direction. Southwest. So they must all be Southwest Airlines flights. 

We got two. One to SLC, and one to Minneapolis. Been on both. Kicking and screaming. If God wanted me to fly I wouldn't have feet.

[PeteS in CA]

Florida man accused of stealing golf balls, beating up elderly golfer

22-year-old Tyler Dearden was taking golf balls from a golfer's bucket at a club in Ocala, Florida.

News outlets say the golfer told him not to do that, and went to report him. An affidavit says that when he returned, Dearden came up to him and stated he wanted to apologize, but he punched him and knocked him to the ground. Dearden told deputies he was defending himself because the golfer threatened him by pointing a golf club at him.

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/state/florida-man-accused-of-stealing-golf-balls-beating-up-elderly-golfer

Musta been one of those assault golf clubs, with a chainsaw bayonet attached!

[bigheadfred]

Musta been one of those assault golf clubs, with a chainsaw bayonet attached!

Those shoot one 'round' at a time? I've heard of golf shots. But not golf shootings.

That chainsaw bayonet sounds handy. No more worries when you hit one into the trees.

[roamer_1]

Musta been one of those assault golf clubs, with a chainsaw bayonet attached!

You gotta think a guy is going to strenuously object if you try and grab his balls. 

[bigheadfred]

You gotta think a guy is going to strenuously object if you try and grab his balls. 

Especially after some guy was sucking his toes.

[roamer_1]

Especially after some guy was sucking his toes.

Yeah. That's altogether too personal... 

I don't like that guy that stands 6" to close when talking...
How do you know where that is? It ain't in the manual...
But if a chick is standing too close, that's good.
Same line. Somehow you know.
Go figger.

[mountaineer]

Florida woman or, at least, woman in Florida.

Woman caught on video doing bizarre strip tease in Miami airport
By Tamar Lapin
January 16, 2020 | 8:44pm

She volunteered for an airport strip search.

A woman could be seen on video slowly stripping naked while strolling through the baggage claim area at Miami International Airport.

The fully nude woman is then seen jumping on top of a cop car.

In the wild cellphone footage posted on Twitter, she belts out a song as she struts inside the airport.  ...

Full story and video

[Victoria33]

@roamer_1

I don't know if you were a member at Free Republic.  My good friend, Johnny, name there was JRandomFreeper, had a pants problem and we members constantly ribbed him about that.

It was New Year's Eve and he went to a party at the house next door.  At the end of that party, he had no pants.  The next day, he found them, on the roof of that house.  He did not know how they got there.

[mountaineer]

My husband says he gave up drinking hard liquor in college after an incident where he found himself trying to remove his pants over his head. 

I didn't know him then, and it's just as well.

[Cyber Liberty]

@roamer_1

I don't know if you were a member at Free Republic.  My good friend, Johnny, name there was JRandomFreeper, had a pants problem and we members constantly ribbed him about that.

It was New Year's Eve and he went to a party at the house next door.  At the end of that party, he had no pants.  The next day, he found them, on the roof of that house.  He did not know how they got there.

I miss Johnny....

[roamer_1]

@roamer_1

I don't know if you were a member at Free Republic.  My good friend, Johnny, name there was JRandomFreeper, had a pants problem and we members constantly ribbed him about that.

Yes @Victoria33 ... I remember JRandomFreeper... RIP, friend.

It was New Year's Eve and he went to a party at the house next door.  At the end of that party, he had no pants.  The next day, he found them, on the roof of that house.  He did not know how they got there.

Believe it or not, that happens more often than folks might assume... 

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man with Coors can spilled in truck told troopers, 'I don't drink'

Juan Gomez Gaitan was driving a rental truck toward Miami on Sunday. Troopers who pulled over Gaitan said he smelled like beer, and when they asked for the rental agreement, that's when he replied, "I don't drink." Inside the truck, troopers also found prescription pills that did not belong to him.

https://www.abc-7.com/story/41586257/florida-man-with-coors-can-spilled-in-truck-told-troopers-i-dont-drink

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida man with Coors can spilled in truck told troopers, 'I don't drink'

Juan Gomez Gaitan was driving a rental truck toward Miami on Sunday. Troopers who pulled over Gaitan said he smelled like beer, and when they asked for the rental agreement, that's when he replied, "I don't drink." Inside the truck, troopers also found prescription pills that did not belong to him.

https://www.abc-7.com/story/41586257/florida-man-with-coors-can-spilled-in-truck-told-troopers-i-dont-drink

Did he say he takes pills?  Inquiring minds and all...

[mountaineer]

Florida Man does not have gills, alas.

Florida man on the lam hides under water, busted when he comes up for air
 Natalie Musumeci
January 21, 2020 | 10:52am

This was a “not so great escape.”

A wanted Florida man tried to evade arrest by hiding under water in a pond — but was swiftly busted by police when he was forced to come up for air, cops said.

Daniel Christopher Booth, 36, of MacClenny, Fla., had warrants out for his arrest from Baker County for selling methamphetamine, police said. ...

Full story at NY Post

Curses, foiled again!

[goatprairie]

I don't know why the guy didn't snatch one of those hollow reeds that are so prevalent on tv and in the movies.  We all know that when people jump into water to escape capture, there's always hollow reeds at close hand enabling the escapee to breathe through to avoid detection.

[Smokin Joe]

I don't know why the guy didn't snatch one of those hollow reeds that are so prevalent on tv and in the movies.  We all know that when people jump into water to escape capture, there's always hollow reeds at close hand enabling the escapee to breathe through to avoid detection.

Have you ever tried to breathe through one of those things?

[goatprairie]

Have you ever tried to breathe through one of those things?

Yes, my last escape from the Big House me and another con had to share one for a few hours.
It took five or six escapes, captures, and escapes before we learned the right breathing techniques.
Right now, I'm still under water as I'm typing this response. Hopefully, the bloodhounds will go away after a few more hours. 

[roamer_1]

Have you ever tried to breathe through one of those things?

Especially with your buddy trying to pee in it, unbeknownst... But to be fair, we were probably about eight at the time...

[Smokin Joe]

Especially with your buddy trying to pee in it, unbeknownst... But to be fair, we were probably about eight at the time...

All the reeds where I grew up were plugged, like the cross baffles in bamboo.