The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[InHeavenThereIsNoBeer]

Florida Man does not wear sleeves.

Seriously, you people never watched Cops?

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets: police
A Florida man pelted his girlfriend in the "head and face area" with sweet and sour sauce packets Sunday because he was angry she had "bought the wrong food from McDonald's," a felony battery complaint said.

Jesus Oscar Ferrer Jr., 30, attacked his girlfriend -- with whom he has a child -- in the couple's motel room in Tampa, police said.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-for-pelting-girlfriend-with-mcdonalds-sweet-and-sour-packets-report

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonald's sweet and sour packets: police
A Florida man pelted his girlfriend in the "head and face area" with sweet and sour sauce packets Sunday because he was angry she had "bought the wrong food from McDonald's," a felony battery complaint said.

Jesus Oscar Ferrer Jr., 30, attacked his girlfriend -- with whom he has a child -- in the couple's motel room in Tampa, police said.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-for-pelting-girlfriend-with-mcdonalds-sweet-and-sour-packets-report

Good help is hard to find these days....

[InHeavenThereIsNoBeer]

Good help is hard to find these days....

WWJD?

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man claimed to be Lord of Satan; exposed himself
A North Central Florida man was arrested Monday after Gainesville Police said he yelled at two people and pulled down his pants in front of them.

According to the arrest report, James Davis, 43, approached two people at an apartment parking lot and yelled he was the Lord of Satan to them and he was going to chop the victims’ heads off, throw them into a trash can and called them insulting names.

https://www.wcjb.com/content/news/North-Central-Florida-man-claimed-to-be-Lord-of-Satan-exposed-himself--512109531.html

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man caught feeding wild alligator resists arrest: ‘‘He’s a good boy...and he loves bagels’’
Paul Fortin, 67 (...) told News 6 that he regularly fed Hank the alligator. "He's a good boy. He lets me pet him," Fortin told the channel. "He just sits there and he loves bagels…He was such a good friend."

The alligator-lover added: "It's illegal. It's totally illegal to do it. Did I know it? No. Did I know I couldn't feed a turtle? Alligators? Yeah, I kinda knew that…I don't know, maybe I'm Dr. Doolittle."

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-feeds-alligator-loves-bagels-1447269

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man, just released from jail, tried to break into vehicles in the jail parking lot
On Monday, 68-year-old Dennis Libonati was just released from the Pasco County Jail, officials said, but was (...) seen in surveillance video checking the door locks of 26 vehicles, including to sheriff's office vehicles. Detention staff took him into custody.

They said he admitted to trying to enter those vehicles in order to steal them, so he can head home. He said he tried to "hot wire" an ATV, deputies said.

http://www.fox13news.com/news/local-news/deputies-florida-man-just-released-from-jail-tried-to-break-into-vehicles-in-the-jail-parking-lot

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested for driving with a live alligator in passengers seat
Anthony Richardson was pulled over in the area of S.R. 64 and Pioneer Park in Zolfo Springs. Investigators located illegal drugs on his person and prior to searching Richardson’s car when he told detectives he had a live alligator in his front seat.

When asked if he had an alligator trapping/hunting license, Richardson stated he did not and that a friend had given him the gator, which he planned on releasing into the river.

Investigators located a baby alligator in a black bag with its mouth taped shut in the front seat.

https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/florida-man-arrested-for-driving-with-a-live-alligator-in-passengers-seat/

[jmyrlefuller]

See, Florida Man isn't all bad.

Florida man saves puppy thrown out of car window
Timothy Kauffmann is a hero. He tells WFLA, one day in late June, he was driving along Clay Pit Road in Hillsborough County, when he saw a puppy being tossed out of a car.

“They seem like they waited until the dog got in front of me and they threw it in front of my car, trying to get me to hit it. So, I had to slam on my breaks. I was more scared for the dog than anything,” said Kauffmann. 

From there, Kauffmann was able to get the dog out of traffic and into his car. After taking the pup to his home, feeding and watering the animal, he called 4 Lucky Dogs Pet Rescue.

https://www.wwlp.com/news/world/florida-man-saves-puppy-thrown-out-of-car-window/

[verga]

See, Florida Man isn't all bad.

Florida man saves puppy thrown out of car window
Timothy Kauffmann is a hero. He tells WFLA, one day in late June, he was driving along Clay Pit Road in Hillsborough County, when he saw a puppy being tossed out of a car.

“They seem like they waited until the dog got in front of me and they threw it in front of my car, trying to get me to hit it. So, I had to slam on my breaks. I was more scared for the dog than anything,” said Kauffmann. 

From there, Kauffmann was able to get the dog out of traffic and into his car. After taking the pup to his home, feeding and watering the animal, he called 4 Lucky Dogs Pet Rescue.

https://www.wwlp.com/news/world/florida-man-saves-puppy-thrown-out-of-car-window/

Some people are just A$$holes.

[Lando Lincoln]

You can search "Florida Man" and your birthday...  Here's mine... January 27:

Florida Man Prompts Evacuation at Taco Bell After Bringing Grenade He Found While Fishing

[Sanguine]

You can search "Florida Man" and your birthday...  Here's mine... January 27:

Florida Man Prompts Evacuation at Taco Bell After Bringing Grenade He Found While Fishing

"Look, nifty bomb.  I'm going to take it straight to Taco Bell!"

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man foiled in carjacking attempt by a stick shift
The incident occurred Tuesday when an elderly man left his car running with the keys in the ignition while he was putting his walker into the trunk.

According to the sheriff's office, a man, later identified as 25-year-old Jaylen Alexander, allegedly attacked the elderly man, slamming the hood of the trunk on his chest and his walker.

Alexander is accused of then getting into the man's car, locking the doors and trying to drive away. After stalling multiple times, Alexander left the car and took off running, the sheriff's office said. The elderly man told authorities he believed the reason Alexander stalled was because he did not know how to drive a manual transmission

https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/18/us/florida-man-arrested-carjacking-stick-shift-trnd/index.html

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man leaves his wife naked on the side of the road, torches her car
Florida man was arrested Saturday after leaving his naked wife at the side of a highway following a beach trip—then setting her car on fire, police say.

Donald Allen Moran, 55, of Pensacola, was booked by deputies from Escambia County Sheriff's Office at roughly 10:10 p.m. on charges of battery and arson, jail records show. He is also accused of targeting another man after starting the blaze, allegedly slapping him on the face.

Police responded to reports of a fire at the 8000 block of Gregg Road and found Moran and the male victim—who has not been named—in a front yard. The victim told officers he spotted Moran pouring gas through the driver's side door and setting it alight, WEAR-TV reported.

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-donald-allen-moran-arrested-charged-arson-battery-naked-wife-beach-car-fire-1449404

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man gives fake name to cops...the person whose name he used was also wanted for arrest
A 26-year-old Bradenton man is behind bars after providing law enforcement with his brother’s name because he was wanted on felony warrants, Manatee County sheriff’s deputies say.

The only problem is that his brother is wanted, as well.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article233006777.html

[mountaineer]

She squeezed his testicles so hard he couldn’t walk. Cops say she just wanted sex
Bradenton Herald
By Mark Young
July 23, 2019 10:53 AM, Updated July 23, 2019 03:03 PM

A 44-year-old Florida woman was charged with battery after she squeezed her husband’s testicles so hard that he “crumpled over and had trouble walking,” according to a Pasco County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

Deputies say Anastacia Tasch on July 22 approached her husband while he was sleeping on the couch and “without provocation or permission walked over to the victim and grabbed his genitals.”

According to the report, Tasch admitted doing so but that she “did this in a sexual manner because she was attempting to arouse the victim in an effort to have sexual intercourse.”  ...

The report did not provide an update on the man’s condition, but the sheriff’s office noted on a press release that perhaps “How about just a kiss next time” would have been a better approach.

Full story and booking photo

[Wingnut]

Best headline on the above

Police Pan Florida Woman's 5:30 AM Performance Of The Nutcracker ...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/domestic-battery/florida-nutcracker-panned-842019

I bet the Cracker Barrel cringes when that one come to the Buffett line. 

[thackney]

I bet the Cracker Barrel cringes when that one come to the Buffett line.

Where did you find a Cracker Barrel with a Buffet?  I'm going need actual directions please.

[Wingnut]

Where did you find a Cracker Barrel with a Buffet?  I'm going need actual directions please.

I meant Golden Corral!  Or Ryan's Steakhouse or Shoney's.  I'm going see nile.

[EdJames]

I had some trouble at Ryan's once....  but that is a story for a different thread....

[Wingnut]

I had some trouble at Ryan's once....  but that is a story for a different thread....

A story like that could get a fellow banned.   

[jmyrlefuller]

Five guys (five Florida Men) arrested for fighting at Five Guys
A woman told authorities that one of the men was arguing with another man, someone threw a cup, and a door was slammed in a man’s face before an “all-out brawl” broke out, according to a police report obtained by the Orlando Sentinel.

Three juvenile males and two adult males (...) were charged with affray and processed at the Martin County Jail.

https://fox59.com/2019/07/19/5-guys-arrested-after-fight-at-five-guys-burgers-and-fries-in-florida/

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man allegedly urinates into ice machine at nightclub
A Florida man was arrested on Saturday after allegedly relieving himself in a nightclub's ice machine, investigators said.

Michael Williams, 28, was at 260 First, a nightclub in St. Petersburg, around 2:30 a.m. when police spotted him "urinating inside the ice chest used to distribute ice throughout," according to court documents obtained by The Smoking Gun.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-pees-ice-machine-nightclub

[sneakypete]

Florida man allegedly urinates into ice machine at nightclub
A Florida man was arrested on Saturday after allegedly relieving himself in a nightclub's ice machine, investigators said.

Michael Williams, 28, was at 260 First, a nightclub in St. Petersburg, around 2:30 a.m. when police spotted him "urinating inside the ice chest used to distribute ice throughout," according to court documents obtained by The Smoking Gun.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-pees-ice-machine-nightclub

@jmyrlefuller


What they SHOULD have done was stop the music,and make a public announcement over the PA that this guy had been caught doing that.

I'm pretty sure that would have discouraged others from doing it in the future.

[Cyber Liberty]

@jmyrlefuller


What they SHOULD have done was stop the music,and make a public announcement over the PA that this guy had been caught doing that.

I'm pretty sure that would have discouraged others from doing it in the future.

@sneakypete  It was at 2:30AM.  Sounds like after hours.