The Official TBR Silliness Thread---2020

[Gemmarose]

What is Jesus Christ's favorite beer?

Rolling Rock

 

[EasyAce]

What is Jesus Christ's favorite beer?

Rolling Rock

@Once-Ler

Graffiti once seen in San Francisco:

JESUS IS THE ANSWER!

WHAT'S THE QUESTION?

WHO'S FELIPE AND MATTY'S KID BROTHER?

[Gemmarose]

Today has me feeling like this

[EdinVA]

Error 404 (Not Found)!!1

[Formerly Once-Ler]

That was great.

[corbe]

[Right_in_Virginia]

[mortarman]

I might be almost as accomplished as you are. 'crept with me it's whole bag of mounds candy bars in an afternoon.

 

[Formerly Once-Ler]

https://babylonbee.com/news/medical-experts-confirm-democrats-have-developed-herd-immunity-to-sexual-assault-allegations

Medical Experts Confirm Democrats Have Developed Herd Immunity To Sexual Assault Allegations

U.S.—Medical experts were excited to announce today that Democrats have achieved herd immunity against sexual assault allegations.

After getting accused of sexual assault thousands and thousands of times for so many years, the Democrats developed some kind of antibodies against the allegations. Researchers are taking blood samples to isolate the antibodies to see if a vaccine can be developed for other groups.

"It's amazing -- the entire Democrat demographic is entirely immune," said one researcher as he took blood samples from Joe Biden. "After conspiring with the media to squash any accusations that pop up, it seems, over time, Democrats have been able to develop a kind of herd immunity to any allegations."

more at link

[Formerly Once-Ler]

Obama: 'Biden Has Touched Us All'
https://babylonbee.com/news/obama-biden-has-touched-us-all

U.S.—Former president Barack Obama endorsed Joe Biden for president in a touching, intimate video Tuesday, saying, "Biden has touched us all."

Many were worried Obama wasn't going to endorse Biden, but he came through for the DNC establishment, telling everyone how deeply and personally Biden has touched everyone he has ever worked with.

"Many leaders, um, you know, they, um, don't rub you the right way," Obama said. "But not Joe. Joe, see, he, um, touches everyone he comes into contact with, whether they want him to or not. He's breathing down Trump's neck in, um, in the race now, and I know he will overcome and grab a come-from-behind victory. I'm very fondle--excuse me--very fond of Joe, and with a stroke of luck, we'll be able to lick Trump in this election as we grope about for the White House."

Obama brought his patented brand of eloquent, hope-infused rhetoric to the speech, saying, "We can, um, smell a win this year."

"Joe's campaign is very touching, that's what I'm, um, here to say. So don't let a Trump victory sneak up on us -- embrace Joe Biden in 2020."

[sneakypete]

telling everyone how deeply and personally Biden has touched everyone he has ever worked with.

You couldn't make up funnier stuff if you tried.

[Right_in_Virginia]

[Smokin Joe]

LOL!

[Right_in_Virginia]

[Right_in_Virginia]

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............. "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[Right_in_Virginia]

 

[Right_in_Virginia]

[corbe]

[Cyber Liberty]

Stolen from my Bookface page...

============================================

The Rules: Covid-19

1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.

2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.

3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.

4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.

5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.

6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.

7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT.

8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.

9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.

10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my..

12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it's better not to go out, well, but no…

13. It's better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don't go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).

14. You can't go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.

15. If you are sick, you can't go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.

16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?

17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with " I don't want to trigger panic, but…"

18. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.

19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don't live under the same roof.

20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.

21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.

22. The virus stays in the air - well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.

23. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were "almost dead" to find out if that's what they will die of…

24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications). Orange man bad.

25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?

26. Oh and remember to wash your hands frequently while singing happy birthday. Dont forget to drink hot water every 15 minutes and wear gloves but not masks because they don't work. Ok then yes wear masks if you want to because masks only work if you're a Doctor. Ok maybe you should wear a mask to save your life but definitely not gloves.

[corbe]

[Formerly Once-Ler]

That reminds me of a Freudian Slip I once made.  I was eating at the family table just like that guy, and I meant to ask my wife "could you please pass the salt," but instead I said "you've ruining my life you harlot."

[corbe]

[Neverdul]

So while many of are staying at or working from home, please don’t forget about your daily hygiene routine. And remember to wear clothes including pants for all your Zoom meetings.

MST3K - Keeping Clean and Neat


www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRB3xDg5pnU

[Formerly Once-Ler]

I just want Netflix to ask if I’m okay...

[Formerly Once-Ler]

[sneakypete]

@Once-Ler

Thanks! Good to know it finally happened. I have known it was only a matter of time for a while now.

[Formerly Once-Ler]

@Once-Ler

Thanks! Good to know it finally happened. I have known it was only a matter of time for a while now.

Please note:  This is the silliness thread.

[sneakypete]

Please note:  This is the silliness thread.

@Once-Ler

It's getting hard to tell the difference these days.

[EdinVA]

    Sometimes this year, we taxpayers will again receive another economic stimulus payment.
    It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:
     
    Q: What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
    A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
     
    Q: Where will the government get this money?
    A: From taxpayers.
     
    Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
    A: Only a smidgen of it.
     
    Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
    A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.
     
    Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
    A: Shut up.
     
    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with and your stimulus check wisely:
     
    * If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
    * if you spend it on gasoline, your money goes to the Arabs.
    * if you purchase a computer, it goes to India,Taiwan or China.
    * if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
    * if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
    * if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
    * if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to the management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
     
    Instead keep the money in America by:
    (1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
    (2) Go to a ballgame, or
    (3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
    (4) Beer, or
    (5) Tattoos
    (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
     

CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help
 

[240B]

[Cyber Liberty]

I want me one of those.

[corbe]

   Now that I'm semi-retired, this seems more appropriate for me, anyway.

[Cyber Liberty]

   Now that I'm semi-retired, this seems more appropriate for me, anyway.

I like mine.  This is on the wall of the downstairs kitchen.

[Formerly Once-Ler]

   Now that I'm semi-retired, this seems more appropriate for me, anyway.

It's off by a day.  I think it's Monday.  No idea what month it is though.

[Gefn]

@Cyber Liberty

Your clock is incorrect.

It’s not “Saturday”
It’s “Caturday”

[Gefn]

@Once-Ler

Congratulations on post 16,000!! 

[Cyber Liberty]

@Once-Ler

Congratulations on post 16,000!! 

@Once-Ler

[Formerly Once-Ler]

@Once-Ler

Thank you.

The secret is lots of short posts or some longer posts that don't require thinking.

[Right_in_Virginia]

[Right_in_Virginia]

[corbe]

[Right_in_Virginia]

[Right_in_Virginia]

[corbe]

[Formerly Once-Ler]

I'm told you just freeze water, but don't just pour water in your freezer.  you need something called an ice cube tray.  I don't know where you can find one of those.

[corbe]

[Right_in_Virginia]

[Gemmarose]

A blast from the past.

[EasyAce]

I'm told you just freeze water, but don't just pour water in your freezer.  you need something called an ice cube tray.  I don't know where you can find one of those.

@Once-Ler
You ever heard of an antique shop? 

[Formerly Once-Ler]

Local paper lets lucky couple tell the world how they first met.