Ridiculous News of the Day

[Wingnut]

Spare the duct tape...spoil the job.



Coast Guard rescues Alaska man in homemade, duct-taped boat


June 11 (UPI) -- The U.S. Coast Guard in Juneau, Alaska, said crew members rescued a man whose homemade, duct-taped water craft was taking on water.

Coast Guard Station Juneau said the 32-year-old man was attempting to get to Point Bishop by rowing in the Gastineau Channel in his inflatable boat Wednesday. The crew saw his craft was taking on water and transported the man and his dog to Douglas Harbor.

"I noticed the craft in the channel and I could tell the man was not wearing a life jacket and the craft was not safe," Lt. Joseph Schlosser said. "I contacted the sector command center and the Station's smallboat crew responded quickly and helped the man to safety."

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/06/11/Coast-Guard-rescues-Alaska-man-in-homemade-duct-taped-boat/9261497196416/?spt=slh&or=1

[240B]

@240B my attitude has always been marry whomever you like, worship however you wish, as long as you are not torturing children or small fur bearing, or trying to convert me, I don't care.

@verga
Same with me. I think the entire 'gay' issue is overblown in the extreme. The homosexuals are making an issue of it not because they want to be 'equal'; what they want is to be 'special'. And I don't agree with that at all.

[Restored]

@240B my attitude has always been marry whomever you like, worship however you wish, as long as you are not torturing children or small fur bearing, or trying to convert me, I don't care.

That's just it. They are demanding that you convert over to their side. And it is NOT a request. It's an order.
Bake that cake or suffer the consequences.

[240B]

[EC]

Kansas man who robbed bank to escape wife gets home-confinement sentence

A Kansas man who robbed a bank last September and told police that he was hoping to get caught so he would get prison time to escape his wife, was sentenced Tuesday to six months of home confinement after pleading guilty, The Kansas City Star reported.

Lawrence John Ripple took the guilty plea in January. He told the judge on Tuesday that he had heart surgery that left him depressed when he committed the bank robbery, the paper reported.

More: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/06/14/kansas-man-who-robbed-bank-to-escape-wife-gets-home-confinement-sentence.html

[Wingnut]

Sounds like it was the correct sentence based on extenuating circumstances.

http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article155936879.html

[Cripplecreek]

The Future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

[mountaineer]

The Future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

That wild raccoon must have scared the bejeezus out of him.

[Cripplecreek]

That wild raccoon must have scared the bejeezus out of him.

He should have explained that the raccoon has better vision in the dark and he was going my way....

[Wingnut]

The Future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

I Am Groot.

[Cripplecreek]

I Am Groot.

 

[Sanguine]

The Future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

The explanation is almost funnier than the photo:  http://whnt.com/2017/06/14/local-officer-explains-how-barry-larry-terry-and-his-raccoon-became-a-social-media-sensation/

[mountaineer]

Barry Larry Terry ... and my other brother Darryl. Er, Derry. 

Great prank, though.

[Smokin Joe]

That wild raccoon must have scared the bejeezus out of him.

His ears look upside down.

[musiclady]

That wild raccoon must have scared the bejeezus out of him.

I'd be scared too if I had a wild raccoon sitting on top of my head.....


(Where's Cong. Traficant when you need him??  :dx1:)

[mountaineer]

Traficant carried his pet ferret with him - on his head - everywhere he went. Except jail.

[musiclady]

Traficant carried his pet ferret with him - on his head - everywhere he went. Except jail.

Barry Larry Terry would have been a great cellmate for Traficant.

He could have shared the raccoon on his head with Jim, who lost the ferret on his.  :dx1:

[EC]

Dumb criminal one today:

Police: Woman asked officers to check her needle for meth

PERU, Ind. – Police arrested a woman after they say she asked officers to check her needle for meth, according to WXIN.

Miami County Central Dispatch received a call on May 16 around 10:40 a.m. about a suspicious female at a residence in the 200 block of West Eighth Street in Peru, Indiana.

Officers say they identified the female as Sammi Y. Breeden, 20, of Peru.  She told them that she had been at another location in Peru earlier in the day where she had been using methamphetamine.

She said she shot up with a needle, but she didn’t think the substance was meth because it was making her feel different from her usual meth high.

More: http://wtkr.com/2017/05/17/police-woman-asked-officers-to-check-her-needle-for-meth/

How bloody high do you have to be to ask the cops to do meth quality control?

[bigheadfred]

Dumb criminal one today:

How bloody high do you have to be to ask the cops to do meth quality control?

Strangely enough, there was a guy here (Thursday) who was harassing people, peering in windows, acting weird, etc., downtown by the police station. The police, when they got there, said the guy told them he had gotten some bad meth and was looking for the good stuff. Asked them if they knew where the good stuff was. Wanted them to help in the search.

[Suppressed]

'I'm going to hit you in the head,' woman named Miracle Crimes tells Springfield cop before allegedly kicking him in groin
Updated on June 17, 2017 at 8:09 AM Posted on June 17, 2017 at 8:01 AM
BY JACK FLYNN jflynn@repub.com

SPRINGFIELD - It started with a tray of doughnuts.

On May 30, Miracle Crimes allegedy hurled the tray at the assistant manager of the Pride Gas Station on Berkshire Avenue after being told to leave the store, according to the arrest report.

When police arrived, she resisted arrest and threatened to kill the officers before being Tasered and transported to police headquarters. Once there, she kicked an officer in the groin and renewed her threats, the report said.

"I'm going to kill you so call your kids and tell them goodbye," she said, according to the report.

...

Excerpt. Read more at http://www.masslive.com/news/index.ssf/2017/06/call_your_kids_and_tell_them_g.html
I think this is she, from a previous booking... the name "Miracle Crimes" can't be that common:

[EC]

Her parents must be so disappointed. They had dreams for her. No common crimes for her, but miraculous ones.

[bigheadfred]

Indeed, Crimes was pregnant at the time of her arrest...

Betcha they could add rape to the charge sheet.

[240B]

Strangely enough, there was a guy here (Thursday) who was harassing people, peering in windows, acting weird, etc., downtown by the police station. The police, when they got there, said the guy told them he had gotten some bad meth and was looking for the good stuff. Asked them if they knew where the good stuff was. Wanted them to help in the search.

I was in jail with a guy like that. He was sweating bullets. He go busted for buying crack cocaine. He was sweating it. Turns out they let him go.


He didn't have any cocaine on him at all. He was snorting powdered sugar. The Cops couldn't bust for a sugar rush. They had to let him go.


He spent like $100 on it. I've never seen anyone so happy that he was ripped off.

[Smokin Joe]

I was in jail with a guy like that. He was sweating bullets. He go busted for buying crack cocaine. He was sweating it. Turns out they let him go.


He didn't have any cocaine on him at all. He was snorting powdered sugar. The Cops couldn't bust for a sugar rush. They had to let him go.


He spent like $100 on it. I've never seen anyone so happy that he was ripped off.

A friend was so whiskey drink one night he ran off down the road. Very worried about him, his wife called the police station (small town) and asked if they'd seen him. "Yep, we have him in custody". "Oh! Thank God!" she replied. Then she realized what she'd said...

[berdie]

This is probably one of my favorite threads on this board.

Barry Terry Larry and his raccoon still have me laughing.