Ridiculous News of the Day

[Wingnut]

Man mowing lawn near tornado "was keeping an eye on it"


This Canuck has a very large pair! 

http://www.kwqc.com/content/news/Man-mowing-lawn-near-tornado-says-he-was-keeping-an-eye-on-it-426305481.html

[Oceander]

Yes he does. 

[musiclady]

Yes he does.

And absolutely NO functioning brain cells.......... 

[Cyber Liberty]

And absolutely NO functioning brain cells..........

He may be safe from the twister, but he's open for a good lightning strike pushing that nice metal lawnmower around that great big flat area.

[Cripplecreek]

He may be safe from the twister, but he's open for a good lightning strike pushing that nice metal lawnmower around that great big flat area.

People seem to be increasingly foolish about lightning. I see people out on the lake here all the time with thunder rumbling and lightning flashing on the horizon.

When I know weather is heading in my direction I keep an eye on the sky and even dark clouds can send me edging toward where I launched the boat. Distant thunder sends me on a bee line for the launch and close thunder sends me to hug the shoreline and toward the launch.

[Cyber Liberty]

People seem to be increasingly foolish about lightning. I see people out on the lake here all the time with thunder rumbling and lightning flashing on the horizon.

When I know weather is heading in my direction I keep an eye on the sky and even dark clouds can send me edging toward where I launched the boat. Distant thunder sends me on a bee line for the launch and close thunder sends me to hug the shoreline and toward the launch.

My brother and I were on a boat on Duck Lake once (North of Albion) and a storm surprised us.  We noticeed our hair was standing on end, and had an "Oh Shit" moment.  We got low in the boat and beat it to the launch ASAP and got the snot outta there.

[EC]

I do usually try to steer clear of the  "dumb criminals" stories. This one was too perfect to pass up.

Man flashing money on Facebook Live arrested on drug charges

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- A Florida man joyfully flashing money live on the internet got a sudden surprise when police officers barged in and arrested him for allegedly selling drugs.

A man identified by the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office as 22-year-old Breon Hollings went on Facebook Live to show friends a handful of money, saying, "It don't stop, man, it don't stop."

He then retrieves more money from another room and starts shuffling it when he hears Jacksonville officers warning over a loudspeaker they are about to raid the house. A stunned Hollings runs out of the room. Seconds later, officers barge in. Hollings was arrested off camera.

More: http://www.pennlive.com/nation-world/2017/06/man_flashing_money_on_facebook.html

[Wingnut]

Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice

He was laid back with his mind on his money and his money on his mind

[EC]

People rescued after apartment removes stairs

DEKALB COUNTY, Ga. - Firefighters rescued several people trapped on the second floor of an apartment building after the complex removed the stairs.

The staircase at the Maple Walk Apartments in Decatur is the only way in and out of several homes.

“This is crazy. How can you cut off access to the stairs and everybody's in their apartments?” neighbor Andre Williams said.

Neighbors told Channel 2’s Sophia Choi they woke up to the stairs being removed and no way to get down.

“What if there's a fire or anything? Or someone hyperventilates, anything, any health problems?" Quintas Harris asked.

They found notices on their doors saying there would be no access to the stairs until Thursday.

“They gave us no notice. No nothing. They were already taking the stairs down when we got the notice this morning,” Shawnta Tiller said.

Choi tried to get a comment from complex managers but no one answered the door or returned her call. The fire marshal wasn’t able to reach them either.

Video: http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/dekalb-county/2nd-floor-residents-trapped-after-apartment-removes-stairs/530037876

[EC]

With a headline like this, it had to be included.

Post-Coital Battery Bust For Porn Star

JUNE 5--A porn actress is facing a domestic battery charge after allegedly socking her boyfriend in the face during a post-coital quarrel, police report.

According to investigators, Lauren Kaye Scott walloped the victim Saturday in his Pinellas Park home. The man suffered a “swollen lip with a cut” during the 4:55 AM confrontation, a police officer stated.

As detailed in an arrest affidavit, the 23-year-old Scott “would not get off the phone” after having sex with her boyfriend, who asked Scott to leave the residence. Scott, cops say, “became upset” and struck her beau of six months in the face.

More: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/domestic-battery-bust-for-adult-actress-890374

Apparently she's asked the judge nicely if she can leave Florida to go back to her husband, Milo's booking agent. 

[Wingnut]

Wow.  You just can't make these things up! 

Oh...Those stills vs the mug shot are very telling!   ouch.

[Sanguine]

Her mama must be so proud...

[Old Warrior in Exile]

Oh...Those stills vs the mug shot are very telling!   ouch.

Yep.

She sho' is ugly.

Certainly not worth a postcoital punch in the mouth.

[Smokin Joe]

Yep.

She sho' is ugly.

Certainly not worth a postcoital punch in the mouth.

Late model, but high mileage...

[Wingnut]

Late model, but high mileage...

Corp Lease return.

[Wingnut]

With a headline like this, it had to be included.

Post-Coital Battery Bust For Porn Star

JUNE 5--A porn actress is facing a domestic battery charge after allegedly socking her boyfriend in the face during a post-coital quarrel, police report.

Danger Zone 

[Old Warrior in Exile]

Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Crushes Game-Winning Homer In Tee-Ball Championship

June 6, 2017

AUBURN, CA—Local 36-year-old man Nate Ripley, who identifies as a six-year-old, “absolutely crushed” a game-winning homer at a local tee-ball game and won the championship for his team Monday evening, reports confirmed.

Ripley reportedly walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 6th, pointed his bat toward the left-field wall looming 130 feet in the distance, and let her rip, sending the ball rocketing over the fence and into a parking lot as the fans cheered and his coach yelled out, “Attaboy, Nate! Good job, bud!”

His team, the Lil’ Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.

Ripley’s feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.

http://babylonbee.com/news/man-identifying-6-year-old-crushes-game-winning-homer-tee-ball-championship/

[Old Warrior in Exile]

You see, this is just a glimpse of how absurd this nonsense is going to get, folks.

[mountaineer]

Not to worry, BabylonBee is like the Onion. #fakenews   ^-^

[Cripplecreek]

With a headline like this, it had to be included.

Post-Coital Battery Bust For Porn Star

(the victim)Lecompte-Goble has recently worked as booking agent for Milo Yiannopoulos, the alt-right author/provocateur. Lecompte-Goble’s Facebook page lists him as “Chief Product Officer” for Yiannopoulos.

[Smokin Joe]

Not to worry, BabylonBee is like the Onion. #fakenews   ^-^

@Old Warrior in Exile I believe we used to call that "satire", as other headlines on the site show.

Pentagon Officials Scramble To Change Nuclear Code From ‘Covfefe’

or

California Christians Must Now Register Bibles As Assault Weapons

Unfortunately, what used to be the exclusive territory of satire is ever merging with reality, and it is no less ridiculous for some 35 year old guy to 'identify' as a teenage girl than it is for one to identify as a six year old t-ball player. At least the (fictitious) ball player knew which restroom to use.

[EC]

It belongs. There are many ways in which things (or people) are ridiculous.  ^-^

[Smokin Joe]

It belongs. There are many ways in which things (or people) are ridiculous.  ^-^

If you backtrack the extrapolations found in satire, you often find these have a root somewhere in a real story that might not be quite so ridiculous, but is certainly pointing in that direction.

[Wingnut]

I thought everyone would figure it was satire when i posted it.  But in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world where girls will be boys, and boys will be girls, and white will be black it's hard to tell anymore.  My bad.  :(

[Smokin Joe]

I thought everyone would figure it was satire when i posted it.  But in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world where girls will be boys, and boys will be girls, and white will be black it's hard to tell anymore.  My bad.  :(

LOL(A)! 

[Wingnut]

LOL(A)! 

 

[Bigun]

I thought everyone would figure it was satire when i posted it.  But in this mixed up, muddled up, shook up world where girls will be boys, and boys will be girls, and white will be black it's hard to tell anymore.  My bad.  :(

No bad!  I knew what it was the instant I read it and thought the author had a pretty good handle on things!

[mountaineer]

Peacock takes out $500 in wine after crashing liquor store
Amanda Lee Myers
The Associated Press
10:40 AM
Jun 7, 2017

ARCADIA, Calif. — A female peacock has ruffled more than just feathers at a Los Angeles-area liquor store.

Without a peep, the peahen strutted into the open door of the Royal Oaks Liquor Store in Arcadia on Monday. Store manager and college senior Rani Ghanem said he didn’t even know it was there until a customer walked in and asked him about “el pollo,” Spanish for “the chicken.”

Ghanem, a 21-year-old San Bernardino resident whose family owns the store, said he then tried to guide the sharp-clawed bird outside but that she spooked, at one point flying directly toward him and then up onto a top shelf of the store. ...

In all, Ghanem said the peahen was in the store for 90 minutes and broke $500 worth of the family store’s best bottles, including champagne.

“Yeah, he’s got expensive taste,” Ghanem joked in the store on Tuesday. “I’m like, ‘You break, you buy, dude.‘ But clearly he didn’t. He got away with it.” ...

Full story at Post-Gazette.

[thackney]

Peacock takes out $500 in wine after crashing liquor store

I would be searching for wine marinated peacock recipes...

[Wingnut]

If they would have left him alone the gay dude would have left the store without all the drama.   But nooooo. they had to ruffle his plumage

[Sanguine]

If they would have left him alone the gay dude would have left the store without all the drama.   But nooooo. they had to ruffle his plumage

"Female peacock".  Which I guess to be accurate should have been "a peahen".

[Wingnut]

"Female peacock".  Which I guess to be accurate should have been "a peahen".

I thought the boy cocks had the brightly colored feathers and strutted around tring to lure the plain and drab females to the bed  er nest

[Sanguine]

I thought the boy cocks had the brightly colored feathers and strutted around tring to lure the plain and drab females to the bed  er nest

I suppose drab females can strut. 

[Wingnut]

 :nometalk:  I'm gonna just back away slowly from that one Sang.... 

[Sanguine]

:nometalk:  I'm gonna just back away slowly from that one Sang....

Probably a wise move.

[Wingnut]

Probably a wise move.

I ain't no democrat so I know when to hold em and when to fold em!

[Smokin Joe]

"Female peacock".  Which I guess to be accurate should have been "a peahen".

Yep, and referred to as a 'her' instead of a 'he', at least in lieu of any evidence of gender confusion. The males have the blue/green and the ornate tail feathers, the hens are a dappled brown, and have far less ostentatious plumage. The hens are fairly large at maturity (Think the size of Guinea fowl), and have very long toes, but lack the spurs the males have.  They're a big enough bird to be a pain in a place like a liquor store or a china shop...

[EC]

It's a slow news day in Kent:

Littlebourne: Birthday balloon for Zachary Starr defies the odds

A helium balloon bought to celebrate a special occasion will usually deflate within a couple of weeks.

But for A-level student Zachary Starr, the decoration purchased at Kent and Canterbury Hospital to mark his birth 18 years ago is still going strong.

The King’s School pupil, of St Vincent’s Close, Littlebourne, posed with the balloon ahead of his landmark birthday tomorrow.

http://www.kentonline.co.uk/canterbury/news/birthday-balloon-lasts-18-years-126911/

Posting in Ridiculous because it's not actually possible.

[Cyber Liberty]

It's a slow news day in Kent:

Littlebourne: Birthday balloon for Zachary Starr defies the odds

A helium balloon bought to celebrate a special occasion will usually deflate within a couple of weeks.

But for A-level student Zachary Starr, the decoration purchased at Kent and Canterbury Hospital to mark his birth 18 years ago is still going strong.

The King’s School pupil, of St Vincent’s Close, Littlebourne, posed with the balloon ahead of his landmark birthday tomorrow.

http://www.kentonline.co.uk/canterbury/news/birthday-balloon-lasts-18-years-126911/

Posting in Ridiculous because it's not actually possible.

That's unlikely.  I had a friend that did balloons for a living (she owned a shop) and she told me helium balloons never last.  The helium (He2) molecules are tiny, and go right through the latex balloon.

[240B]

That's unlikely.  I had a friend that did balloons for a living (she owned a shop) and she told me helium balloons never last.  The helium (He2) molecules are tiny, and go right through the latex balloon.

Either it has been sprayed with some kind of acrylic coating to maintain its shape, or someone is surreptitiously refilling it.

[Cyber Liberty]

Either it has been sprayed with some kind of acrylic coating to maintain its shape, or someone is surreptitiously refilling it.

I suspect the latter.

[240B]

I suspect the latter.

We don't actually get to see the aged balloon. The picture, I assume, was taken when he was 18. Therefore, the entire story is word of mouth. God only knows why someone would make this up.


If they kept it in a hermetically sealed chamber of some kind, that has adjustable barometric pressure, then possible, maybe, conceivably, perchance, it could have lasted this long. But I doubt it.

[EC]

That's supposedly the balloon bought at his birth in the picture.

I don't believe this for a second - heavy steel tanks of helium will empty themselves after a few years.

[240B]

That's supposedly the balloon bought at his birth in the picture.

Oh! Well in that case there is no way. I am fairly sure the ink wouldn't last that long unless it is in a very dark cold place. It should fade over time. That balloon looks brand new. This is nonsense.

[bigheadfred]

@EC @Cyber Liberty

[Cyber Liberty]

@EC @Cyber Liberty

Fah-RAY-ed!

[verga]

It's a slow news day in Kent:

Littlebourne: Birthday balloon for Zachary Starr defies the odds

A helium balloon bought to celebrate a special occasion will usually deflate within a couple of weeks.

But for A-level student Zachary Starr, the decoration purchased at Kent and Canterbury Hospital to mark his birth 18 years ago is still going strong.

The King’s School pupil, of St Vincent’s Close, Littlebourne, posed with the balloon ahead of his landmark birthday tomorrow.

http://www.kentonline.co.uk/canterbury/news/birthday-balloon-lasts-18-years-126911/

Posting in Ridiculous because it's not actually possible.

My aunt and uncle used to buy my cousin a new gold fish every time the old one died, took him years to figure out it was a different fish.... I'm just sayin......

[Wingnut]

My aunt and uncle used to buy my cousin a new gold fish every time the old one died, took him years to figure out it was a different fish.... I'm just sayin......

Knew a guy who would buy a new road bike every year.  But it had to be black so when his wife was in the garage she wouldn't notice the difference.
Just say'n...  he's divorced now seems that wasn't the only cheating he was doing.

[Smokin Joe]

That's unlikely.  I had a friend that did balloons for a living (she owned a shop) and she told me helium balloons never last.  The helium (He2) molecules are tiny, and go right through the latex balloon.

This is one of those little Mylar ones. It would have to be unusually well sealed, for starters.

[EC]

EPD: Suspect allegedly shot man with shotgun shell filled with cereal

EUREKA, Calif. - Timothy Glass Jr., 29, Eureka, was arrested in Eureka for resisting arrest and probation violation after allegedly shooting a man with flare gun loaded with a shotgun shell filled with cereal, according to the Eureka Police Department.

More: http://www.krcrtv.com/north-coast-news/epd-suspect-allegedly-shot-man-with-a-shotgun-shell-filled-with-cereal/532087089

The victim declined to press charges. Don't know which is more ridiculous - shooting someone with cereal, or being shot by cereal.