*ring* *ring* *ring*
"Welcome to The Briefing Room help desk, how can I help you?"
"I want to complain about the burrito in the break room."
"Um, okay. What was wrong with it?"
"It tasted like someone put mayo on it. Old mayo!"
"You do realise that all members are supposed to bring their own lunch, right? That burrito was probably left over from some other member who hasn't posted in years."
"Am I going to die?"
"Just make a donation to TBR and you will be magically healed!"
"... Are you making fun of me?"
"You're the one eating mummified food. I heard they have Snickers in the bathroom, you might want to check."
"How does this help me?"
"If you start vomiting, see a doctor."
"... Gee, thanks."
"Oh, and you can have that salad labeled 'TOUCH AND DIE', I ate out."
"I want to complain."
"What now?"
"This salad has broccoli in it!"
*click*