28-3. The Atlanta Falcons losing a 28-3 lead was the moment I said I was done—no amount of societal pressure, love of the game of football or curiosity was worth watching the Super Bowl as long as Tom Brady was still in the NFL. That game was Super Bowl LI in 2017. Living in Western New York, where Bills Mafia reigns supreme and the mood of the entire region seems to hinge on the result of the latest Bills game, had made the second Brady dynasty unbearable. And so I decided—no more. When the New England Patriots reached Super Bowl LII the next year, I skipped it, with no real hard feelings about Brady losing that game to Nick Foles. Again in LIII, what turned out to be the most exceptionally boring Super Bowl ever—I'm glad I missed it.
I can't remember whether I watched 49ers-Chiefs for Super Bowl LIV. I do recall giving the game another shot during Super Bowl LV—and turning the game off in disgust when Brady's Tampa Bay Buccaneers blew open a commanding lead before halftime. I haven't watched since. Even though Brady retired, the Chiefs have turned into an even more insufferable dynasty, a team that somehow is 1-4 against a resurgent Bills in the regular season but somehow ends up 4-0 against the same team, all by razor-thin and often controversial decisions, ranging from 13 Seconds to the Bad Spot of this year. You see, at least Brady would occasionally get bounced in the divisional round, opening up room for the likes of Peyton Manning's Colts and Ben Roethlisberger's Steelers to get their cracks at Super Bowl rings. The Chiefs, particularly with the arrival of Travis Kelce's billionaire girlfriend and all of her fans, have no such intentions, with their loss to Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals looking more and more like a Joe Flacco-level fluke. Taylor Swift is one of the few people with both the money and cultural clout to corrupt a sport as big as professional football—and the NFL is not above taking a bribe. (See, for example, their promise not to play on Christmas if it lands on a Wednesday, only for Netflix to slip a hundred million or so to them to change their mind.) As a Western New Yorker, going from being able to detach oneself from the contest because the local team is so bad it never stands a chance of getting close, to a team that absolutely deserves a shot but somehow keeps getting jobbed by either bad luck or corruption, somehow feels worse. This year, the suspicious lucky breaks the Chiefs got seem to have finally pushed a lot more people over the edge.
There are talks of a boycott. The most recent successful organized boycott was for LIII, when the New Orleans Saints fandom tuned out after the NFC Championship was affected by a blown helmet-to-helmet hit that wasn't penalized. The 50% drop in viewership in New Orleans corresponded to a 5% nationwide drop for a game with far fewer implications of systemic corruption. I've been here. It may not be easy to avoid getting drawn into a spectacle of this size, but I can share a few tips that have helped me.
- Turn off your phone.
The cellular phone is the biggest source of mindless wandering and curiosity. Inevitably, your instinct will be to look up what's going on. If you must keep your phone on for calls, turn off both Wi-Fi and mobile data. If not, just turn it off and put it away. - Netflix and chill.
If you decide to stay in, the beauty of living in the era we live in is the practically limitless number of television options you have at your disposal. While there won't be much available live other than the famous Puppy Bowl, you can always pull up a favorite movie or TV show and let your focus fixate on that. - Take a walk.
Seriously, as long as weather permits, it's a great way to get some exercise and get attuned with your surroundings. There may not be as many options out of the house to do an activity, but if there are, you will benefit from smaller crowds. - If you go somewhere, a convenience store is a great option.
Convenience stores are some of the few places that will often have a limited amount of in-store seating and, at the same time, no televisions showing the game (unlike your local bar and grill). - Get a radio.
An old-fashioned, FM radio. I don't recommend AM—as much as DXing can be fun in normal situations—because so many AM stations, especially the long-range ones, will be carrying the game. But if you have a local FM music station that you like the blend of music they play, tune it in. Sunday night is either automation with very little interruption except for commercials, or the specialty shows (pre-recorded) that play a little different mix of music. If you have an Internet station that you like, I suggest this: you get yourself a little FM transmitter, hook it up to your computer or phone, leave the phone some place you won't be tempted to pick it up and start doomscrolling (see 1. above), set the transmitter to a frequency not being used by a station in your area, and your radio to the same. That will give you a range of about one city block. - Remember you're not missing much.
You can always catch the highlights of the game and the entertainment afterward—and in some cases before. The commercials aren't as outstanding as they once were, and the halftime show has a very limited appeal (let's face it, Kendrick Lamar is "not like us").
No sporting event is worth losing your peace of mind over it. With a little perseverance, you too can live in ignorant bliss.
Happy boycotting, and go Bills.
