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Author Topic: Humor/Jokes  (Read 280137 times)

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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #750 on: Wednesday, Mar 04, 2026 08:09 am »
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. "Surely I can't run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!" he thought.

Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying "Thud."

"Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?" the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.

"No," said the priest. "But I got him with the door."
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Online jmyrlefuller

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #751 on: Thursday, Mar 05, 2026 05:32 pm »
Not all of Michael Jackson's albums were good. One was Bad.
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #752 on: Tuesday, Mar 17, 2026 12:51 pm »
Q: What do Iranian leaders have in common with the Irish this St. Patrick’s Day?

A: They’re both going to get bombed.
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #753 on: Tuesday, Mar 17, 2026 02:11 pm »
Quote from: rustynail on Tuesday, Mar 17, 2026 12:51 pm
Q: What do Iranian leaders have in common with the Irish this St. Patrick’s Day?

A: They’re both going to get bombed.

 :tongue2: :silly: :tongue2: :silly: :tongue2:
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Offline corbe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #754 on: Friday, Apr 17, 2026 01:25 pm »
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No government in the 12,000 years of modern mankind history has led its people into anything but the history books with a simple lesson, don't let this happen to you.

Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #755 on: Friday, Apr 17, 2026 03:22 pm »
 :silly:
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #756 on: Friday, Apr 17, 2026 04:48 pm »
"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?     Nacho cheese."       ****drummer
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #757 on: Friday, Apr 17, 2026 04:49 pm »
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #758 on: Friday, Apr 17, 2026 05:01 pm »
I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #759 on: Friday, Apr 24, 2026 02:10 pm »
Wife: 'Say one word that will make me angry!'

Husband: 'What.'

Wife: 'I SAID SAY ONE WORD THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!!!'

Husband: 'What.'
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #760 on: Monday, Apr 27, 2026 04:18 pm »
How did the lumberjack fail his exam?
The teacher axed him a question and he was stumped.
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Online Sighlass

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #761 on: Tuesday, Apr 28, 2026 09:50 pm »
Quote from: MeganC on Wednesday, Mar 04, 2026 08:09 am
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud "THUD," he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up

The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. "Surely I can't run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!" he thought.

Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying "Thud."

"Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?" the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.

"No," said the priest. "But I got him with the door."

Ok, that was funny ... thanks !
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Exodus 18:21 Furthermore, you shall select out of all the people able men who fear God, men of truth, those who hate dishonest gain; and you shall place these over them as leaders over ....

Online mystery-ak

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #762 on: Sunday, May 10, 2026 11:30 am »
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Democrat Party...the Party of Infanticide

"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience"
Mark Twain

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
-Matthew 6:34

Smokin Joe: Stupid people vote. If you have enough of them, you don’t need to steal an election

Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #763 on: Thursday, Jul 23, 2026 09:15 am »
When women begin to age, they tend to adopt numerous cats.
It's their entering into a time in their life called many-paws.
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Offline Wingnut

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #764 on: Wednesday, Jul 29, 2026 09:45 am »
A patient visiting the Dr. office tells the doctor that their butt hurts around the entrance.

The Dr. says; 'It's an exit not an entrance. If you keep calling it an entrance it will continue to hurt.  Change the traffic pattern and you'll thank me!"
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You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way to actually be cool.

Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #765 on: Thursday, Jul 30, 2026 02:33 pm »
I'm so old that when someone tells me to haul ass it takes me three trips!   yogi555
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When the symbol of anti-government resistance is your national flag then your government is the enemy of your nation.
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