Author Topic: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread (Read 163375 times)

Cyber Liberty · « **Reply #625 on:** January 28, 2021, 10:37:28 am »

Welcome to TBR, @Reason10!

Bigun · « **Reply #626 on:** January 28, 2021, 11:24:16 am »

Quote from: Smokin Joe on January 07, 2021, 12:31:50 pm

Simple enough. There are 1001 ways to wok your dog there.

I saw a video of one occurrence and it took me years to erase the memory.

sneakypete · « **Reply #627 on:** January 28, 2021, 02:14:32 pm »

Quote from: Reason10 on January 28, 2021, 09:49:39 am

There is a place in Kissimmee called Gatorland Zoo. It has gator feeding shows (where the feeder chains himself to the wall and holds chicken breasts up for alligators to actually jump up to get them, as if this were Sea World. (The chain is in case the gator grabs his hand. Keeps the gator from pulling the rest of him in the water.) And there are signs along all of the walkways warning tourists not to lean over the side because alligators are able to jump. And yes there are gator wrestling shows. In these shows, a guy pulls a six foot gator out of the water and messes with it. Both the guy and the gator have brains the size of a lima bean.

What confuses me is the fact that the snack bar sells fried gator tail. Is that for the acts that screw up? They wind up on the menu?

@Reason10

I disagree. The gator is obviously brighter. He or she gets a rare meal with fresh blood if it wins. All the guy gets is a painful death by gator.

verga · « **Reply #628 on:** January 28, 2021, 02:50:00 pm »

Quote from: sneakypete on January 28, 2021, 02:14:32 pm

@Reason10

I disagree. The gator is obviously brighter. He or she gets a rare meal with fresh blood if it wins. All the guy gets is a painful death by gator.

Went to one of those in FL. Native American showed us his left hand missing index finger.

Cyber Liberty · « **Reply #629 on:** January 28, 2021, 02:51:35 pm »

Quote from: verga on January 28, 2021, 02:50:00 pm

Went to one of those in FL. Native American showed us his left hand missing index finger.

I think "Gator Wrestling" was outlawed years ago...

sneakypete · « **Reply #630 on:** January 28, 2021, 06:34:09 pm »

BTW,Trump is a Florida Man now.

Just sayin...........

mountaineer · « **Reply #631 on:** February 11, 2021, 01:52:33 pm »

February 10, 2021
Miami man pleads guilty to using Covid loan for Lamborghini

A South Florida man has pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining $3.9 million in federal coronavirus loans and using some of the money to buy a Lamborghini Huracan.

David Hines, of Miami, rubbed his forehead in apparent shame as he pleaded guilty to federal charges including bank fraud at a hearing Wednesday held via videoconference because of COVID-19 restrictions. He will be sentenced in April.

As part of the plea, Hines acknowledged receiving $3.9 million in federal government loans on behalf of different companies he managed, fraudulently claiming they would be used to pay employees impacted by the pandemic. Instead, he used the proceeds to go on a spending spree that included shelling out $318,000 on a Lamborghini sportscar as well as running up bills at a jewelry store and a luxury Miami Beach hotel. ... WSVN

GtHawk · « **Reply #632 on:** February 11, 2021, 02:52:19 pm »

Quote from: mountaineer on February 11, 2021, 01:52:33 pm

February 10, 2021
Miami man pleads guilty to using Covid loan for Lamborghini

A South Florida man has pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining $3.9 million in federal coronavirus loans and using some of the money to buy a Lamborghini Huracan.

David Hines, of Miami, rubbed his forehead in apparent shame as he pleaded guilty to federal charges including bank fraud at a hearing Wednesday held via videoconference because of COVID-19 restrictions. He will be sentenced in April.

As part of the plea, Hines acknowledged receiving $3.9 million in federal government loans on behalf of different companies he managed, fraudulently claiming they would be used to pay employees impacted by the pandemic. Instead, he used the proceeds to go on a spending spree that included shelling out $318,000 on a Lamborghini sportscar as well as running up bills at a jewelry store and a luxury Miami Beach hotel. ... WSVN

I seriously doubt that.

Reason10 · « **Reply #633 on:** March 03, 2021, 08:58:14 am »

This has GOT to be the original FLORIDA MAN.

goatprairie · « **Reply #634 on:** March 03, 2021, 01:31:29 pm »

Quote from: Reason10 on March 03, 2021, 08:58:14 am

This has GOT to be the original FLORIDA MAN.

THIS!! is the original Florida rabbit...er...man.

dancer · « **Reply #635 on:** March 10, 2021, 12:42:29 am »

Florida man pulls out â€˜Dank Gummiesâ€™ instead of ID after nearly hitting gas pump, deputies say

Deputies said they were called to a gas station on Pine Ridge Road in Naples shortly before midnight on March 1 because witnesses said a suspicious man had nearly hit a gas pump and appeared to be under the influence.

Records show Demecio Lopez saw the deputy and immediately asked for help calling AAA because his car wouldnâ€™t start, even though the keys were not in the ignition at the time.

Lopez said he didnâ€™t have the keys to the vehicle but then rummaged through his pockets and pulled out the keys, according to the report.

The deputy then asked Lopez for his driverâ€™s license so he started rifling through his pockets again and this time pulled out a small green package labeled â€œDank Gummiesâ€ with â€œcannabis-infusedâ€ written on it as well, records show.

The deputy asked if Lopez just pulled out THC gummies and Lopez claimed it was normal candy but when he was asked to hand over the package, the deputy saw that it was labeled as containing 500 mg of THC, according to authorities.

Deputies said Lopez also had a package of â€œMedicated Nerds ropesâ€ that contained 400 mg of THC per rope.

Lopez claimed his girlfriend had a medical marijuana card due to a cancer diagnosis, according to the affidavit.

At that point, records show Lopez was taken into custody and a small baggie of cocaine was found on his person in addition to the THC-infused candies.

Heâ€™s facing charges of possession of cocaine and possession of a controlled substance.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2021/03/09/florida-man-pulls-out-dank-gummies-instead-of-id-after-nearly-hitting-gas-pump-deputies-say/#//

mountaineer · « **Reply #636 on:** March 15, 2021, 02:02:02 pm »

Cops Pop Florida Man After He Lies About The Bulge In His Pants
by Joe Kinsey
6 days ago updated 6 days ago

Florida man Michael Phillips, 20, had the perfect response when the Pinellas County Sheriffâ€™s Office asked him about the hard bulge in his pants as the 5-0 investigated a possible stolen car that he was riding in. â€œThatâ€™s my dick,â€ Phillips told police, according to a report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

The cops did some further digging and found that Phillips had a Glock 23 with 22 rounds shoved down there with his dick. As TSG notes, that Glock checks in at a respectable 7.36 inches.

Phillips told cops the gun is â€œfor protection,â€ and he appeared to be ready to protect himself as he had another clip loaded with 23 rounds in case things got crazy as he cruised around with 18-year-old Kyleigh Lynn Bartley, 19, who was arrested for grand theft auto. ... Outkick

mountaineer · « **Reply #637 on:** March 16, 2021, 06:49:27 pm »

I hate to be the one to bring these stories to your attention, but here goes:

Quote

Florida Man Caught Publicly Jerking with Gherkin in His Behind, Say Police
Breitbart Texas
15 Mar 2021

A Tampa Bay area man was arrested for allegedly masturbating on private property with an â€œuneaten pickleâ€ inserted in his rectum on Sunday afternoon.

Oldsmar Police in Pinellas County, Florida, accuse Eric L. Detiege, 47, of lying in the yard of a townhouse while pleasuring himself with one hand and a pickle in the other, according to an arrest complaint originally published by the Smoking Gun. The man faces a charge of Exposure of Sexual Organs, a misdemeanor in Florida. Detiege is reportedly being held in custody on a $150 bond. ...

Rest of story at Brietbart

berdie · « **Reply #638 on:** March 19, 2021, 04:05:06 pm »

I've been worried about Florida man during the Vid...looks like it was warranted.

Wingnut · « **Reply #639 on:** March 20, 2021, 01:32:08 pm »

Eric L. Detiege, full of intrigue
Used a gerkin while a jerkin.
When the cops took him away
he paused to say
he was just wanted to tickle
his gerbil with a pickle.

roamer_1 · « **Reply #640 on:** March 20, 2021, 02:41:52 pm »

Quote from: Wingnut on March 20, 2021, 01:32:08 pm

Eric L. Detiege, full of intrigue
Used a gerkin while a jerkin.
When the cops took him away
he paused to say
he was just wanted to tickle
his gerbil with a pickle.

That would have been no better with pictures.

sneakypete · « **Reply #641 on:** March 20, 2021, 02:41:54 pm »

Quote from: berdie on March 19, 2021, 04:05:06 pm

I've been worried about Florida man during the Vid...looks like it was warranted.

@berdie

If there is one thing you do NOT have to worry about,it is the survival of Florida Man. They are insanely tough. Can take enough drugs to paralyze a pack of gorillas,and wash it down with whiskey made from creek water run-off from a city,and wake up two days later wanting a snort and a drink.

mountaineer · « **Reply #642 on:** March 20, 2021, 04:04:56 pm »

Florida man in motorized scooter exposes himself to shoppers at Walmart, police say
by Joseph Erickson
Friday, March 19th 2021
MyCBS4

CHIEFLAND, Fla. â€” An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.

Several witnesses told police that 80-year-old Hoyt Neeley had a hole in pants and exposed himself to shoppers while touching himself, police say. Victims had reported similar behavior from a man matching Neeley's description at the same Walmart in the past, but his identity was never confirmed. ...

Was that wrong?

bigheadfred · « **Reply #643 on:** March 20, 2021, 05:56:58 pm »

Quote from: mountaineer on March 20, 2021, 04:04:56 pm

Florida man in motorized scooter exposes himself to shoppers at Walmart, police say
by Joseph Erickson
Friday, March 19th 2021
MyCBS4

CHIEFLAND, Fla. â€” An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.

Several witnesses told police that 80-year-old Hoyt Neeley had a hole in pants and exposed himself to shoppers while touching himself, police say. Victims had reported similar behavior from a man matching Neeley's description at the same Walmart in the past, but his identity was never confirmed. ...

Was that wrong?

Soooo...someone finally took a look at his face instead.

Cyber Liberty · « **Reply #644 on:** March 20, 2021, 09:31:55 pm »

Quote from: bigheadfred on March 20, 2021, 05:56:58 pm

Soooo...someone finally took a look at his face instead.

And it's good they weren't near the Sporting Goods section. That face is begging for a properly placed 9-Iron. Yah.

240B · « **Reply #645 on:** March 20, 2021, 09:50:16 pm »

Speaking from a loony Liberal point of view, his penis doesn't matter.
The most important thing is, 'Was he wearing a Mask!!'

roamer_1 · « **Reply #646 on:** March 21, 2021, 02:15:33 am »

Quote from: 240B on March 20, 2021, 09:50:16 pm

Speaking from a loony Liberal point of view, his penis doesn't matter.
The most important thing is, 'Was he wearing a Mask!!'

No shirt no shoes... Don't say nothing about pants...
So wear the mask and forget the pants.
I wonder how that would work out.

Wingnut · « **Reply #647 on:** March 21, 2021, 09:19:12 am »

Quote from: mountaineer on March 20, 2021, 04:04:56 pm

CHIEFLAND, Fla. â€” An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.

Was that wrong?

Only if they didn't sanitized that scooter.

verga · « **Reply #648 on:** March 22, 2021, 08:56:11 am »

Quote from: roamer_1 on March 21, 2021, 02:15:33 am

No shirt no shoes... Don't say nothing about pants...
So wear the mask and forget the pants.
I wonder how that would work out.

Years ago in Buffalo, near one of the colleges (I will not say which one) They had a sign that said "Men must be wearing pants at al times". I asekd the bartender what prompted that? He told me I wouldn't believe him if he told me.

roamer_1 · « **Reply #649 on:** March 22, 2021, 10:34:30 am »

Quote from: verga on March 22, 2021, 08:56:11 am

Years ago in Buffalo, near one of the colleges (I will not say which one) They had a sign that said "Men must be wearing pants at al times". I asekd the bartender what prompted that? He told me I wouldn't believe him if he told me.

It was a gag we played for a while. Never exactly indecorously... The point was made in more and ever more ridiculous boxers. But it was a fun thing to point out.