Author Topic: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread  (Read 167318 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline catfish1957

  • The Conservative Carp Rapscallion of Brieferville
  • Political Researcher
  • *****
  • Posts: 25,320
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #600 on: December 16, 2020, 10:05:12 am »

Late Florida man J. Hernandez

Full story

Is that show 1000 Ways to Die still on? 
I display the Confederate Battle Flag in honor of my great great great grandfathers who spilled blood at Wilson's Creek and Shiloh.  5 others served in the WBTS with honor too.

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #601 on: December 16, 2020, 01:43:51 pm »
Well this brings to mind a friend of my father back in Chicago. He lived in a remodeled brick building and had a gas station right across the street...

As it turns out, the remodel of his house was generally good (I remember this house from my yoot), with the exception that, because of a split-level re-design, the window in his bathroom was pretty much even with the floor. That was not optimal, but it was in the bathroom, so his wife just hung a long floor-length curtain at normal height and left the curtain closed.

Well, it was winter, and a howler outside, dumping down snow, and below freezing when he got done at the shop and battled the wind and cold on his short walk home. And since his wife had not yet returned, he wandered upstairs to the bathroom to shower in preparation for dinnertime.

Getting out of the shower, he slipped on the wet tile and went down... Soon discovering himself deposited in a snow bank, having blown right out the window and to the ground below. Wet and naked as a jaybird, he realized his dangerous predicament... The door was locked, and the window he had fallen from was on the second floor.

Then it came to him... The big picture window in the living room had not yet had the latch and locks installed - And if he could reach it, he could gain access. As luck would have it, the keys to his tow truck were left in the cab, so off he went streaking across the street to sit in the ice-cold cab and start up the truck.

Everything went fine from there... The truck started fine, and lights a-blaring, he took a run at the drifts below the living room window, and on the first go, got the truck close enough to attempt access from the hood of the truck into the picture window.

But alas, while the window opened fine, while he was crawling through, the window came down across his middle, and having nothing to stand upon to give his legs leverage...  :shrug:

There he was.

A passing motorist noticed his bare ass in the glow of the tow truck lights and called the cops. As they were arriving, with red and blues flashing, and the tow truck flashing, to the bemusement of the small group of cops, His wife arrived home that very moment.

That is not the sort of thing one will ever live down. And his only luck was in the fact that youtube was far, far from being created yet.

I have a particular fondness for folks trapped by windows ever since...

Offline dancer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 826
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #602 on: December 17, 2020, 06:07:32 am »
@roamer_1

That's hysterical!  Can't stop laughing!   :silly: :silly: :silly:

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #603 on: December 17, 2020, 09:29:46 am »
@roamer_1

That's hysterical!  Can't stop laughing!   :silly: :silly: :silly:

 happy77

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #604 on: December 17, 2020, 11:11:41 am »
@roamer_1 I read your story to Mr. M, and he laughed greatly. He said it reminded him of a bit Jackie Vernon did about a guy named Sid Sakowitz, who got his head stuck in the AutoMat door while eating a piece of apple pie, because he didn't know you were supposed to take the pie out first.
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #605 on: December 17, 2020, 11:22:51 am »
@roamer_1 I read your story to Mr. M, and he laughed greatly. He said it reminded him of a bit Jackie Vernon did about a guy named Sid Sakowitz, who got his head stuck in the AutoMat door while eating a piece of apple pie, because he didn't know you were supposed to take the pie out first.

LOL!  :beer:

Offline goatprairie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,399
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #606 on: December 17, 2020, 01:51:18 pm »
Well this brings to mind a friend of my father back in Chicago. He lived in a remodeled brick building and had a gas station right across the street...

As it turns out, the remodel of his house was generally good (I remember this house from my yoot), with the exception that, because of a split-level re-design, the window in his bathroom was pretty much even with the floor. That was not optimal, but it was in the bathroom, so his wife just hung a long floor-length curtain at normal height and left the curtain closed.

Well, it was winter, and a howler outside, dumping down snow, and below freezing when he got done at the shop and battled the wind and cold on his short walk home. And since his wife had not yet returned, he wandered upstairs to the bathroom to shower in preparation for dinnertime.

Getting out of the shower, he slipped on the wet tile and went down... Soon discovering himself deposited in a snow bank, having blown right out the window and to the ground below. Wet and naked as a jaybird, he realized his dangerous predicament... The door was locked, and the window he had fallen from was on the second floor.

Then it came to him... The big picture window in the living room had not yet had the latch and locks installed - And if he could reach it, he could gain access. As luck would have it, the keys to his tow truck were left in the cab, so off he went streaking across the street to sit in the ice-cold cab and start up the truck.

Everything went fine from there... The truck started fine, and lights a-blaring, he took a run at the drifts below the living room window, and on the first go, got the truck close enough to attempt access from the hood of the truck into the picture window.

But alas, while the window opened fine, while he was crawling through, the window came down across his middle, and having nothing to stand upon to give his legs leverage...  :shrug:

There he was.

A passing motorist noticed his bare ass in the glow of the tow truck lights and called the cops. As they were arriving, with red and blues flashing, and the tow truck flashing, to the bemusement of the small group of cops, His wife arrived home that very moment.

That is not the sort of thing one will ever live down. And his only luck was in the fact that youtube was far, far from being created yet.

I have a particular fondness for folks trapped by windows ever since...
"Getting out of the shower, he slipped on the wet tile and went down... Soon discovering himself deposited in a snow bank, having blown right out the window and to the ground below"

Let me get this right.....he steps out of the shower, slips on the floor, gets blown out of a window, and ends up in a snowbank.
How does this happen? Blown out of the window how? If he slipped and was on the floor, how does he get blown out of a window?  What could blow him out of that window? The wind? Why would he leave the window open while  taking a shower in very cold weather? But two windows would have to be open to blow him out. Two open windows in a bathroom? I've got a very large bathroom, but it only has one window.
If he was naked and the window was closed, wouldn't he have been severely cut by broken glass?

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #607 on: December 17, 2020, 02:14:41 pm »
"Getting out of the shower, he slipped on the wet tile and went down... Soon discovering himself deposited in a snow bank, having blown right out the window and to the ground below"

Let me get this right.....he steps out of the shower, slips on the floor, gets blown out of a window, and ends up in a snowbank.
How does this happen? Blown out of the window how? If he slipped and was on the floor, how does he get blown out of a window?  What could blow him out of that window? The wind? Why would he leave the window open while  taking a shower in very cold weather? But two windows would have to be open to blow him out. Two open windows in a bathroom? I've got a very large bathroom, but it only has one window.
If he was naked and the window was closed, wouldn't he have been severely cut by broken glass?

Because the remodel left the window at floor level, when he slipped he slid right out through the window... I don't know if he got cut up. Incidentally, the window eventually got fixed - for whatever reason, he didn't brick it up he cut it up taller, framed in a bump out, and reinstalled the window at standard height. That's how I remember that window.

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #608 on: December 25, 2020, 04:53:04 pm »
Florida Man busy fixing holiday dinner for the family. Florida woman to the rescue!
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline sneakypete

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,766
  • Twitter is for Twits
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #609 on: December 25, 2020, 07:05:31 pm »
Florida Man busy fixing holiday dinner for the family. Florida woman to the rescue!


@mountaineer

And,as you can tell from the photo,she is a novice meth head. The pros look like extras from a set of The Walking Dead.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2020, 07:09:43 pm by sneakypete »
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #610 on: December 25, 2020, 07:15:58 pm »
I didn't know Walmart had sushi. What kind of wine goes with that (and cinnamon rolls), I wonder?
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Online Smokin Joe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 61,766
  • I was a "conspiracy theorist". Now I'm just right.
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #611 on: December 25, 2020, 07:22:04 pm »
I didn't know Walmart had sushi. What kind of wine goes with that (and cinnamon rolls), I wonder?
I don't know of anyone I'd want to be behind in the checkout line after they've been on that diet...
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline jmyrlefuller

  • J. Myrle Fuller
  • Cat Mod
  • *****
  • Posts: 14,647
  • Gender: Male
  • Nonpartisan hack
    • Fullervision
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #612 on: December 25, 2020, 10:24:32 pm »
Florida men (and women) save 20 golden retriever puppers from becoming Chinese food

Twenty rescued golden retrievers met their forever families Sunday. The dogs had a long journey all the way from China, where they were saved from a meat market.

https://miami.cbslocal.com/2020/12/22/dogs-rescued-meat-market-china-south-florida-home/
New profile picture in honor of Public Domain Day 2025

Offline dancer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 826
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #613 on: December 26, 2020, 04:43:47 am »
@mountaineer

And,as you can tell from the photo,she is a novice meth head. The pros look like extras from a set of The Walking Dead.
So true!

Offline catfish1957

  • The Conservative Carp Rapscallion of Brieferville
  • Political Researcher
  • *****
  • Posts: 25,320
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #614 on: December 26, 2020, 09:14:32 am »
@mountaineer

And,as you can tell from the photo,she is a novice meth head. The pros look like extras from a set of The Walking Dead.

Wine, sushi, and cinnabons?  Sounds more like the side effects of a cannabis edible overdose.
I display the Confederate Battle Flag in honor of my great great great grandfathers who spilled blood at Wilson's Creek and Shiloh.  5 others served in the WBTS with honor too.

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #615 on: December 26, 2020, 10:04:28 am »
I saw that story about the Golden Retrievers. Hard to believe anyone would eat them. I guess I just assumed (without any evidence) the Chinese would stick to stray dogs and mongrels, not purebreds!  **nononono*
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline jmyrlefuller

  • J. Myrle Fuller
  • Cat Mod
  • *****
  • Posts: 14,647
  • Gender: Male
  • Nonpartisan hack
    • Fullervision
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #616 on: January 07, 2021, 07:18:46 am »
« Last Edit: January 07, 2021, 07:36:57 am by jmyrlefuller »
New profile picture in honor of Public Domain Day 2025

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #617 on: January 07, 2021, 08:47:09 am »
I have a feeling he went on a multi-day bender and woke up with that lovely facial enhancement, not remembering a thing about getting it.
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline sneakypete

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,766
  • Twitter is for Twits
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #618 on: January 07, 2021, 10:55:26 am »
I saw that story about the Golden Retrievers. Hard to believe anyone would eat them. I guess I just assumed (without any evidence) the Chinese would stick to stray dogs and mongrels, not purebreds!  **nononono*

@mountaineer

There ARE no stray dogs in China.

Guess why this is so.
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Online Smokin Joe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 61,766
  • I was a "conspiracy theorist". Now I'm just right.
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #619 on: January 07, 2021, 12:31:50 pm »
@mountaineer

There ARE no stray dogs in China.

Guess why this is so.
Simple enough. There are 1001 ways to wok your dog there.
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline goatprairie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,399
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #620 on: January 07, 2021, 10:52:00 pm »
http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/snidely-whiplash-bust-908743

A routine robbery, but an epic mugshot:


How low is your IQ when you do something like that? You're announcing to anyone who sees you "hi, I'm a complete idiot."

Online Wingnut

  • The problem with everything is they try and make it better without realizing the old way is fine.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 21,860
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #621 on: January 07, 2021, 11:11:12 pm »
Simple enough. There are 1001 ways to wok your dog there.

@Smokin Joe
Hey, I lol'd!   888high58888
You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way to actually be cool.

Offline Reason10

  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 18
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #622 on: January 28, 2021, 09:49:39 am »
There is a place in Kissimmee called Gatorland Zoo. It has gator feeding shows (where the feeder chains himself to the wall and holds chicken breasts up for alligators to actually jump up to get them, as if this were Sea World. (The chain is in case the gator grabs his hand. Keeps the gator from pulling the rest of him in the water.) And there are signs along all of the walkways warning tourists not to lean over the side because alligators are able to jump. And yes there are gator wrestling shows. In these shows, a guy pulls a six foot gator out of the water and messes with it. Both the guy and the gator have brains the size of a lima bean.

What confuses me is the fact that the snack bar sells fried gator tail. Is that for the acts that screw up? They wind up on the menu?
Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

Ayn Rand

Offline Reason10

  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 18
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #623 on: January 28, 2021, 09:52:39 am »
Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

Ayn Rand

Offline Cyber Liberty

  • Coffee! Donuts! Kittens!
  • Administrator
  • ******
  • Posts: 62,261
  • Gender: Male
  • 🌵🌵🌵
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #624 on: January 28, 2021, 10:36:55 am »
Polk County Sheriff Grady

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQF2SFz0A0I

Joe Arpaio was like that in Maricopa County, AZ.  "If you have a gun and can legally carry, please do.  We do not have a requirement for a permit to carry."
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

Offline Cyber Liberty

  • Coffee! Donuts! Kittens!
  • Administrator
  • ******
  • Posts: 62,261
  • Gender: Male
  • 🌵🌵🌵
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #625 on: January 28, 2021, 10:37:28 am »
Welcome to TBR, @Reason10!
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

Offline Bigun

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 34,546
  • Gender: Male
  • Resistance to Tyrants is Obedience to God
    • The FairTax Plan
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #626 on: January 28, 2021, 11:24:16 am »
Simple enough. There are 1001 ways to wok your dog there.

I saw a video of one occurrence and it took me years to erase the memory.
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Offline sneakypete

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,766
  • Twitter is for Twits
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #627 on: January 28, 2021, 02:14:32 pm »
There is a place in Kissimmee called Gatorland Zoo. It has gator feeding shows (where the feeder chains himself to the wall and holds chicken breasts up for alligators to actually jump up to get them, as if this were Sea World. (The chain is in case the gator grabs his hand. Keeps the gator from pulling the rest of him in the water.) And there are signs along all of the walkways warning tourists not to lean over the side because alligators are able to jump. And yes there are gator wrestling shows. In these shows, a guy pulls a six foot gator out of the water and messes with it. Both the guy and the gator have brains the size of a lima bean.

What confuses me is the fact that the snack bar sells fried gator tail. Is that for the acts that screw up? They wind up on the menu?

@Reason10

I disagree. The gator is obviously brighter. He or she gets a rare meal with fresh blood if it wins. All the guy gets is a painful death by gator.
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Offline verga

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,675
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #628 on: January 28, 2021, 02:50:00 pm »
@Reason10

I disagree. The gator is obviously brighter. He or she gets a rare meal with fresh blood if it wins. All the guy gets is a painful death by gator.
Went to one of those in FL. Native American showed us his left hand missing index finger.
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline Cyber Liberty

  • Coffee! Donuts! Kittens!
  • Administrator
  • ******
  • Posts: 62,261
  • Gender: Male
  • 🌵🌵🌵
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #629 on: January 28, 2021, 02:51:35 pm »
Went to one of those in FL. Native American showed us his left hand missing index finger.

I think "Gator Wrestling" was outlawed years ago...
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

Offline sneakypete

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,766
  • Twitter is for Twits
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #630 on: January 28, 2021, 06:34:09 pm »
BTW,Trump is a Florida Man now.

Just sayin...........
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #631 on: February 11, 2021, 01:52:33 pm »
February 10, 2021   
Miami man pleads guilty to using Covid loan for Lamborghini

A South Florida man has pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining $3.9 million in federal coronavirus loans and using some of the money to buy a Lamborghini Huracan.

David Hines, of Miami, rubbed his forehead in apparent shame as he pleaded guilty to federal charges including bank fraud at a hearing Wednesday held via videoconference because of COVID-19 restrictions. He will be sentenced in April.

As part of the plea, Hines acknowledged receiving $3.9 million in federal government loans on behalf of different companies he managed, fraudulently claiming they would be used to pay employees impacted by the pandemic. Instead, he used the proceeds to go on a spending spree that included shelling out $318,000 on a Lamborghini sportscar as well as running up bills at a jewelry store and a luxury Miami Beach hotel. ... WSVN
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline GtHawk

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14,874
  • Gender: Male
  • Well EXCUSE me!
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #632 on: February 11, 2021, 02:52:19 pm »
February 10, 2021   
Miami man pleads guilty to using Covid loan for Lamborghini

A South Florida man has pleaded guilty to fraudulently obtaining $3.9 million in federal coronavirus loans and using some of the money to buy a Lamborghini Huracan.

David Hines, of Miami, rubbed his forehead in apparent shame as he pleaded guilty to federal charges including bank fraud at a hearing Wednesday held via videoconference because of COVID-19 restrictions. He will be sentenced in April.

As part of the plea, Hines acknowledged receiving $3.9 million in federal government loans on behalf of different companies he managed, fraudulently claiming they would be used to pay employees impacted by the pandemic. Instead, he used the proceeds to go on a spending spree that included shelling out $318,000 on a Lamborghini sportscar as well as running up bills at a jewelry store and a luxury Miami Beach hotel. ... WSVN
I seriously doubt that.

Offline Reason10

  • Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 18
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #633 on: March 03, 2021, 08:58:14 am »

This has GOT to be the original FLORIDA MAN.

Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

Ayn Rand

Offline goatprairie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,399
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #634 on: March 03, 2021, 01:31:29 pm »
This has GOT to be the original FLORIDA MAN.



THIS!! is the original Florida rabbit...er...man.

Offline dancer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 826
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #635 on: March 10, 2021, 12:42:29 am »
Florida man pulls out ‘Dank Gummies’ instead of ID after nearly hitting gas pump, deputies say

Deputies said they were called to a gas station on Pine Ridge Road in Naples shortly before midnight on March 1 because witnesses said a suspicious man had nearly hit a gas pump and appeared to be under the influence.

Records show Demecio Lopez saw the deputy and immediately asked for help calling AAA because his car wouldn’t start, even though the keys were not in the ignition at the time.

Lopez said he didn’t have the keys to the vehicle but then rummaged through his pockets and pulled out the keys, according to the report.

The deputy then asked Lopez for his driver’s license so he started rifling through his pockets again and this time pulled out a small green package labeled “Dank Gummies” with “cannabis-infused” written on it as well, records show.

The deputy asked if Lopez just pulled out THC gummies and Lopez claimed it was normal candy but when he was asked to hand over the package, the deputy saw that it was labeled as containing 500 mg of THC, according to authorities.

Deputies said Lopez also had a package of “Medicated Nerds ropes” that contained 400 mg of THC per rope.

Lopez claimed his girlfriend had a medical marijuana card due to a cancer diagnosis, according to the affidavit.

At that point, records show Lopez was taken into custody and a small baggie of cocaine was found on his person in addition to the THC-infused candies.

He’s facing charges of possession of cocaine and possession of a controlled substance.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2021/03/09/florida-man-pulls-out-dank-gummies-instead-of-id-after-nearly-hitting-gas-pump-deputies-say/#//

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #636 on: March 15, 2021, 02:02:02 pm »
Cops Pop Florida Man After He Lies About The Bulge In His Pants
by Joe Kinsey
6 days ago   updated 6 days ago   

Florida man Michael Phillips, 20, had the perfect response when the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office asked him about the hard bulge in his pants as the 5-0 investigated a possible stolen car that he was riding in. “That’s my dick,” Phillips told police, according to a report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

The cops did some further digging and found that Phillips had a Glock 23 with 22 rounds shoved down there with his dick. As TSG notes, that Glock checks in at a respectable 7.36 inches.

Phillips told cops the gun is “for protection,” and he appeared to be ready to protect himself as he had another clip loaded with 23 rounds in case things got crazy as he cruised around with 18-year-old Kyleigh Lynn Bartley, 19, who was arrested for grand theft auto. ... Outkick
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #637 on: March 16, 2021, 06:49:27 pm »
I hate to be the one to bring these stories to your attention, but here goes:
Quote
Florida Man Caught Publicly Jerking with Gherkin in His Behind, Say Police
Breitbart Texas
15 Mar 2021

A Tampa Bay area man was arrested for allegedly masturbating on private property with an “uneaten pickle” inserted in his rectum on Sunday afternoon.

Oldsmar Police in Pinellas County, Florida, accuse Eric L. Detiege, 47, of lying in the yard of a townhouse while pleasuring himself with one hand and a pickle in the other, according to an arrest complaint originally published by the Smoking Gun. The man faces a charge of Exposure of Sexual Organs, a misdemeanor in Florida. Detiege is reportedly being held in custody on a $150 bond.  ...
Rest of story at Brietbart
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline berdie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6,008
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #638 on: March 19, 2021, 04:05:06 pm »
I've been worried about Florida man during the Vid...looks like it was warranted.

Online Wingnut

  • The problem with everything is they try and make it better without realizing the old way is fine.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 21,860
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #639 on: March 20, 2021, 01:32:08 pm »
Eric L. Detiege,  full of intrigue
Used a gerkin while a jerkin.
When the cops took him away
he paused to say
he was just wanted to tickle
his gerbil with a pickle.


You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way to actually be cool.

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #640 on: March 20, 2021, 02:41:52 pm »
Eric L. Detiege,  full of intrigue
Used a gerkin while a jerkin.
When the cops took him away
he paused to say
he was just wanted to tickle
his gerbil with a pickle.

That would have been no better with pictures.  :laugh:

Offline sneakypete

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,766
  • Twitter is for Twits
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #641 on: March 20, 2021, 02:41:54 pm »
I've been worried about Florida man during the Vid...looks like it was warranted.

@berdie

If there is one thing you do NOT have to worry about,it is the survival of Florida Man. They are insanely tough. Can take enough drugs to paralyze a pack of gorillas,and wash it down with whiskey made from creek water run-off from a city,and wake up two days later wanting a snort and a drink.
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Online mountaineer

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62,195
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #642 on: March 20, 2021, 04:04:56 pm »
Florida man in motorized scooter exposes himself to shoppers at Walmart, police say
by Joseph Erickson
Friday, March 19th 2021
MyCBS4

CHIEFLAND, Fla. — An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.

Several witnesses told police that 80-year-old Hoyt Neeley had a hole in pants and exposed himself to shoppers while touching himself, police say. Victims had reported similar behavior from a man matching Neeley's description at the same Walmart in the past, but his identity was never confirmed. ...


Was that wrong?
“All Democrats are not horse thieves, but all horse thieves are Democrats.”—Horace Greeley, 1872

Offline bigheadfred

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15,507
  • Gender: Male
  • One day Closer
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #643 on: March 20, 2021, 05:56:58 pm »
Florida man in motorized scooter exposes himself to shoppers at Walmart, police say
by Joseph Erickson
Friday, March 19th 2021
MyCBS4

CHIEFLAND, Fla. — An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.

Several witnesses told police that 80-year-old Hoyt Neeley had a hole in pants and exposed himself to shoppers while touching himself, police say. Victims had reported similar behavior from a man matching Neeley's description at the same Walmart in the past, but his identity was never confirmed. ...


Was that wrong?

Soooo...someone finally took a look at his face instead.
She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline Cyber Liberty

  • Coffee! Donuts! Kittens!
  • Administrator
  • ******
  • Posts: 62,261
  • Gender: Male
  • 🌵🌵🌵
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #644 on: March 20, 2021, 09:31:55 pm »
Soooo...someone finally took a look at his face instead.

And it's good they weren't near the Sporting Goods section.  That face is begging for a properly placed 9-Iron.  Yah.
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

Online 240B

  • Lord of all things Orange!
  • TBR Advisory Committee
  • ***
  • Posts: 20,816
  • I refuse to be obstinate!
    • I try my best ...
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #645 on: March 20, 2021, 09:50:16 pm »

Speaking from a loony Liberal point of view, his penis doesn't matter.
The most important thing is, 'Was he wearing a Mask!!'
You cannot "COEXIST" with people who want to kill you.
If they kill their own with no conscience, there is nothing to stop them from killing you.
Rational fear and anger at vicious murderous Islamic terrorists is the same as irrational antisemitism, according to the Leftists

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #646 on: March 21, 2021, 02:15:33 am »
Speaking from a loony Liberal point of view, his penis doesn't matter.
The most important thing is, 'Was he wearing a Mask!!'

No shirt no shoes... Don't say nothing about pants...
So wear the mask and forget the pants.
I wonder how that would work out.  :shrug:

Online Wingnut

  • The problem with everything is they try and make it better without realizing the old way is fine.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 21,860
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #647 on: March 21, 2021, 09:19:12 am »


CHIEFLAND, Fla. — An 80-year-old man has been arrested for flashing shoppers at Walmart while riding in a motorized scooter.




Was that wrong?

Only if they didn't sanitized that scooter.
You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way to actually be cool.

Offline verga

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,675
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #648 on: March 22, 2021, 08:56:11 am »
No shirt no shoes... Don't say nothing about pants...
So wear the mask and forget the pants.
I wonder how that would work out.  :shrug:
Years ago in Buffalo, near one of the colleges (I will not say which one) They had a sign that said "Men must be wearing pants at al times". I asekd the bartender what prompted that? He told me I wouldn't believe him if he told me.
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline roamer_1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 35,785
Re: The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread
« Reply #649 on: March 22, 2021, 10:34:30 am »
Years ago in Buffalo, near one of the colleges (I will not say which one) They had a sign that said "Men must be wearing pants at al times". I asekd the bartender what prompted that? He told me I wouldn't believe him if he told me.

It was a gag we played for a while. Never exactly indecorously... The point was made in more and ever more ridiculous boxers. But it was a fun thing to point out.