Below is a handy cheat sheet to use to decode leaked emails

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This past summer I had my niece’s four little girls (Mel age 8 and the triplets, Madi, Lilli and Helen age 7) over for a 3-day 2-night sleep over with their favorite Great Aunt – Me.
My great niece and I were emailing and texting back and forth a few days before hand as to the “logistics”.
Some of our conversations went like this:
My niece: do you need me to bring any food when I drop them off at your place?
Me: No you don’t need to bring food for them. I went to the grocery store already.
Me: I bought some pizza kits so the girls can help make their own pizzas.
My niece: Great but you do know Helen doesn’t like either sausage or pepperoni – right?
Me: Yes. I remember so I got one cheese pizza kit.
All this talk about pizza....
Me: I also got hot dogs. Both turkey hot dogs and regular ones for lunch on Saturday.
My niece: Cool.
Me: Are you OK with me giving them ice cream? I got two kinds – vanilla and chocolate but I have both chocolate and caramel sauce and some nut toppings, whipped cream, cherries and bananas - I figure we can make Sundays.
My niece: Sure, not a problem, but don’t let Lilly talk you into second (or third) helpings on the ice cream. And believe me, she will try. That girl loves her ice cream. Also Madi, like me is allergic to coconut.
Me: No problem.
Hot dogs ice cream and nuts.
Me: I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner Saturday night. And some Mac & Cheese to go along with the hot dogs because everyone likes pasta!
My niece: They will love that. PASTA!!!
Pasta
Me: I got juice boxes too!
My niece: I’ll bring some too. But don’t let them drink too much or drink too close to bed time.
Juice boxes sounds dirty and drink too much? Must be a code word for giving them liquor.
Me: I put gas in my car so when I switch vehicles with you, you will have plenty in the tank.
My niece: OK. I have the van filled up also.
Because all pedos drive vans
Me: Just want to confirm that we are going to meet up at the kid’s science museum on Sunday morning. Do you have directions? I can send you a link on Google maps?
My niece: No. I’ve got it already – in my GPS.
Maps.
Me: I’ve got some fun activities planned, some crafts.
My niece: They will love that! Let’s just hope it doesn’t get too messy ; )
Crafts. Arts and crafts or witch craft?
Me: The one thing you can pack is some kid movies.
My niece: Sure. Have you seen the Lego movie? It’s pretty funny even for adults. That and the Sponge Bob movie.
Me: OK. Just no Toy Story. I’ve seen that way too many times : )
Legos, Sponge Bob and the Toy Story movie have all been tied to Satanism. s/
Obviously this email chain proves that I’m a pedophile and a satanist and so is my niece.