Ridiculous News of the Day

[Lando Lincoln]

When I was 6, I stepped on a 10-foot rattlesnake that was as big around as a coffee can (well, it was a little garter snake but it felt big).

[GtHawk]

Late last night I stepped on the new puppies squeaky ball.............................scared the crap out of me!

[roamer_1]

@roamer_1

Could have been a LOT worse. You are still alive and mobile,and your plumbing is intact.

@sneakypete

That will teach you about one-handed ad-hoc use of your weapon while accomplishing a weird semi-ballet dance thing across natural woodland... I kinda do remember firing upside down between my legs mid-cartwheel... It was bloody hard to concentrate... Somebody was screaming like a woman the whole damn time... I put four of six (colt .45) in that dang thing, all of em at point blank, and he was still coming. Finished him off with a stump, and that took some doing too.... Came away a little wiser... Bit four times, twice through the same boot... Roughed up otherwise... and a helluva sore throat.

But yeah... I made it.

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete

That will teach you about one-handed ad-hoc use of your weapon while accomplishing a weird semi-ballet dance thing across natural woodland... I kinda do remember firing upside down between my legs mid-cartwheel... It was bloody hard to concentrate... Somebody was screaming like a woman the whole damn time... I put four of six (colt .45) in that dang thing, all of em at point blank, and he was still coming. Finished him off with a stump, and that took some doing too.... Came away a little wiser... Bit four times, twice through the same boot... Roughed up otherwise... and a helluva sore throat.

But yeah... I made it.

@roamer_1

That's what ya get for all that screaming like a woman.....

[roamer_1]

Late last night I stepped on the new puppies squeaky ball.............................scared the crap out of me!

Butt nekkid stumbling through the house in the dead of night... Because there was pre-cut pumpkin pie and whipped cream in the fridge (Pumpkin pie is at it's very best in the middle of the night by the fridgerator light)... I bumped something, and suddenly a bright light and a wailing noise... Seconds later the main lights went on and my wife was asking why I was destroying her vacuum cleaner.

True story. 

[roamer_1]

@roamer_1

That's what ya get for all that screaming like a woman.....

Hey. I kept my mud... Mostly. 

[verga]

@sneakypete

That will teach you about one-handed ad-hoc use of your weapon while accomplishing a weird semi-ballet dance thing across natural woodland... I kinda do remember firing upside down between my legs mid-cartwheel... It was bloody hard to concentrate... Somebody was screaming like a woman the whole damn time... I put four of six (colt .45) in that dang thing, all of em at point blank, and he was still coming. Finished him off with a stump, and that took some doing too.... Came away a little wiser... Bit four times, twice through the same boot... Roughed up otherwise... and a helluva sore throat.

But yeah... I made it.

Sounds like something Patrick F. McManus would have written about.

[mountaineer]

Something is going on with the raccoons. This time it's personal.

Paula Reid @PaulaReidCBS
Strong Pawnee vibes at White House this morning as a raccoon attacked multiple news crews on North Lawn.
Raccoon  allegedly grabbed pant leg of a photographer & then a corespondent before being fended off.

 pictured here in more peaceful times.
10:17 AM · Sep 28, 2020·

[GtHawk]

Something is going on with the raccoons. This time it's personal.

Coulda been worse, coulda been a bunny just ask Jiiiimmmuuuh!

[roamer_1]

Sounds like something Patrick F. McManus would have written about.

a fine and pleasant misery... 
But true all the same. The only thing that is a mystery is why he let me step on him in the first place. I kinda think he was sick... All I know is that I stepped over a big log, like I have done a thousand times before... but felt a squish at the bottom... And then the whole world exploded. 

Many years later, I am still a mite touchy about stepping over logs... 

[Wingnut]

Sounds like something Patrick F. McManus would have written about.

@verga
Maybe Roamer is really Rancid Crabtree?

“Further Teachings of Rancid Crabtree,” A Fine And Pleasant Misery
“A Hunker is Not a Squat,” The Grasshopper Trap

[mountaineer]

Aggressive Raccoon Attacks ‘Multiple News Crews’ Outside White House
By  Emily Zanotti
Sep 28, 2020   DailyWire.com


Reporters for CBS News and other outlets were sent scrambling Monday morning after an aggressive raccoon began attacking news crews outside the White House.

CBS News’ Paula Reid was the first to break the news of the attack, which targeted one photographer and one correspondent.  ...

Even The Hill — one of the few outlets to initially report on the raccoon incident — got in on the fun.

“The Hill has reached out to the National Park Service and the General Services Administration for comment on the raccoon incident. The raccoons could not be reached for comment,” the outlet reported late Monday. “No evidence has emerged to suggest the raccoons were politically motivated.” More at Daily Wire

[Free Vulcan]

That you Rocket?

[Cyber Liberty]

2020 in a nutshell.  Coons Gone Wild.

[mountaineer]

2020 in a nutshell.  Coons Gone Wild.

Yes.

[roamer_1]

@verga
Maybe Roamer is really Rancid Crabtree?

That's kinda a close comparison... One I would rather not admit. 

Close, but with a lot more bathing. 

[verga]

That's kinda a close comparison... One I would rather not admit. 

Close, but with a lot more bathing.  happy77sasa

My favorite one, and I don't recall the title, was the one where he ended up wearing the Blue dress.

[roamer_1]

My favorite one, and I don't recall the title, was the one where he ended up wearing the Blue dress.

I couldn't pick one if I tried. The dog putting on a show out the picture window when the preacher was over... The attempted flight down the barn roof with the soap box airplane.... His first deer which he tied behind him on his bicycle with the forelegs tied to the handlebars, and the hind legs tied to the pedals, where upon he was going home, and the deer came back alive.... Him and rancid Crabtree and the ice fishing shack... The deep sea diving expedition in the creek with the bucket and the bicycle pump...

All of those are comparable at least to fond memories of my own childhood. 
Thanks for bringing him up. I lost those books in the divorce. I think I'm going to have to go buy the whole set again.

[Wingnut]

I hold one Rancidism dearly as truth.   Rancid Crabtree convince me that baths are bad because soap and water will eat holes in your protective crust.  This is why we Have Covid 19.  We are too clean.

[verga]

I couldn't pick one if I tried. The dog putting on a show out the picture window when the preacher was over... The attempted flight down the barn roof with the soap box airplane.... His first deer which he tied behind him on his bicycle with the forelegs tied to the handlebars, and the hind legs tied to the pedals, where upon he was going home, and the deer came back alive.... Him and rancid Crabtree and the ice fishing shack... The deep sea diving expedition in the creek with the bucket and the bicycle pump...

All of those are comparable at least to fond memories of my own childhood. 
Thanks for bringing him up. I lost those books in the divorce. I think I'm going to have to go buy the whole set again.

Amazon has them fairly cheap if you are willing to go with used paperbacks. I had read most of his stuff in F&S over the years. Our school Librarian was discarding "How I got this way". I reread that then went on amazon and picked up 4-5 to reminisce. kind of like hanging out with the guys I grew up with over a glass of Makers Mark. Inevitably one or more of the wives mutters, how the hell are they still all alive with their limbs intact?

[roamer_1]

I hold one Rancidism dearly as truth.   Rancid Crabtree convince me that baths are bad because soap and water will eat holes in your protective crust.  This is why we Have Covid 19.  We are too clean.

There is more wisdom in that than it first appears... I firmly DO believe that modernity is too clean.

[roamer_1]

Amazon has them fairly cheap if you are willing to go with used paperbacks. I had read most of his stuff in F&S over the years. Our school Librarian was discarding "How I got this way". I reread that then went on amazon and picked up 4-5 to reminisce. kind of like hanging out with the guys I grew up with over a glass of Makers Mark. Inevitably one or more of the wives mutters, how the hell are they still all alive with their limbs intact?

Nah. I will be buying the full rack. As it turns out, I was not aware of his continuation... The first boxed set is what I knew... And there's another other boxed set after that, and then some! So I have a happy 'catching up' to look forward to - And it's all your fault. 

And yeah, reminisce is right... He's over in Idaho, which is spitting distance around here... So if you rub off the humor, that's my life he's talking about. I lived it too.

like the soapbox airplane and the barn roof... Not quite the same, but we built a long ramp out of snow so we could sled from the top of the barn roof, across the barnyard, down the hill and across the pond...

I experienced that same exhilaration he described, sitting there on the barn peak with my Flexible Flyer... I too came oh-so-close to mishap, though unlike him, I DID complete my run successfully, just the one time, to include not falling off the side of the ramp (ice by that time), and shooting the gap, remembering to duck under the propped up barbed wire, so it only tore the back of my winter coat to shreds, and wholly deprived me of the ass of my pants and underpants, as I shot through at 247 miles an hour... leaving grooves in my butt that the old man could use for measurement as he applied my soon-to-come whoopin.

It seems the roof of the barn was made of tin type... A very thin aluminum cast-off from news-printing back in the day. And it seems a robust young lad, on a Flexible Flyer with sharpened runners, is not considered a warrantable use of a tin type roof, and it turns out, is a mass quite beyond the  shear strength of four roofing nails and easily transgresses the mil thickness of the thin aluminum... rending it and rendering it useless as a roofing product - that is, where it did not just tear away altogether. 

That is how the barn got a brandy-spankin new corrugated tin roof at top-dollar prices, and I got a brand new parka and pants to cover my freshly paddled butt.

Ah, those were the days, right? 



 

[Cyber Liberty]

Until now, I'd never heard of "Rancid Crabtree."  Not sure if that's good or not.

@Gefn  How was your Yom Kippur?  Did you get things set straight for the next year?

[roamer_1]

Until now, I'd never heard of "Rancid Crabtree."  Not sure if that's good or not.

If you have not read McManus, you are REALLY missing out. I believe 'They Shoot Canoes, Don't They' is the first book, and I flatly defy you to get through a single chapter without at least a healthy chortle. The book shaking around, and the tears from laughing make them very hard books to read.

[Wingnut]

If you have not read McManus, you are REALLY missing out. I believe 'They Shoot Canoes, Don't They' is the first book, and I flatly defy you to get through a single chapter without at least a healthy chortle. The book shaking around, and the tears from laughing make them very hard books to read.

@roamer_1    That is the Gods honest truth.  I have honestly fallen on the floor laughing several times reading that book.  The man was a marvel!  I miss him and his writings.  RIP Pat McManus.