Ridiculous News of the Day

[catfish1957]

Rest of story

Bananas in the mailbox? As Joe Biden might say, "Aw, come on, man!"

There are varying degrees of "insane". I would venture 99.999999% chance that this guy meets that criteria

[Applewood]

'These aren't my pants:' Shoplifting suspect tries to avoid charges by telling police pants he was wearing weren't his

Officers say they found several items from the store in his pocket, along with stamp bags of heroin.

Williams told police that he planned to pay for the items, despite police saying the items were removed from their original packaging.

He also told police the pants he was wearing were not his.

Police did not buy the story, and Williams is facing several charges, including drug possession and retail theft.

https://www.wtae.com/article/shoplifting-suspect-police-pants-werent-his-bridgeville/30457177

By the way, in looking for this story, I found other similar stories where the suspect claimed the pants weren't his.  Those suspects, too, were not believed by the police.

[EdinVA]

'These aren't my pants:' Shoplifting suspect tries to avoid charges by telling police pants he was wearing weren't his

https://www.wtae.com/article/shoplifting-suspect-police-pants-werent-his-bridgeville/30457177

By the way, in looking for this story, I found other similar stories where the suspect claimed the pants weren't his.  Those suspects, too, were not believed by the police.

Well, ya gotta try... 

[DB]

'These aren't my pants:' Shoplifting suspect tries to avoid charges by telling police pants he was wearing weren't his

https://www.wtae.com/article/shoplifting-suspect-police-pants-werent-his-bridgeville/30457177

By the way, in looking for this story, I found other similar stories where the suspect claimed the pants weren't his.  Those suspects, too, were not believed by the police.

The pants probably weren't his. He probably stole those too.

[Applewood]

I was thinking with so many stories like this, maybe we need a subsection for stupid criminals.

Mods?

[berdie]

'These aren't my pants:' Shoplifting suspect tries to avoid charges by telling police pants he was wearing weren't his

https://www.wtae.com/article/shoplifting-suspect-police-pants-werent-his-bridgeville/30457177

By the way, in looking for this story, I found other similar stories where the suspect claimed the pants weren't his.  Those suspects, too, were not believed by the police.

This sounds like a very sanitized version of the folks with drugs in their booty that scream..."But they're not mine!!"

[mountaineer]

How did we miss this one?

Hairstylist named Kevin Bacon killed, eaten by Grindr date from hell: cops
By Ben Feuerherd
January 7, 2020 | 12:22am

A Michigan man named Kevin Bacon was mutilated and killed by a man he met on the LGBTQ dating app Grindr, reports said.

Bacon, a 25-year-old hairstylist, met up with suspected killer Mark Latunski on Christmas Eve after they spoke on the app, according to Michigan Live. ...

Inside the house, police found Bacon’s body hanging from the rafters with rope tied around his ankles, a local NBC affiliate reported.

Latunski told cops he killed Bacon by stabbing him in the back and slitting his throat, according to the report.  He also told cops he cut off Bacon’s testicles and ate them during the murder, WILX reported. ...

Full story at NY Post

[Cyber Liberty]

How did we miss this one?Full story at NY Post

I used to work at WILX....

[Smokin Joe]

If true, that one needs to be put down.

[corbe]

Gywneth Paltro Is Selling A Candle That Smells Like Her Vagina

by dev  3 hours



Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a candle that smells like her vagina at $75 a pop for her lifestyle and wellness company Goop. The name of the candle is none other than, you guessed it, “This Smells Like My Vagina.”

Paltrow first came across a scent that she said reminded her of the smell of her own vagina, she claims. The scent was then finalized for the “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle, which reportedly sold out within hours of its test run.

“This candle started as a joke between perfumer Douglas Little and GP — the two were working on a fragrance, and she blurted out, ‘Uhhh … this smells like a vagina,’” Goop outlined.

<..snip..>

https://dailytruthreport.com/gywneth-paltro-is-selling-a-candle-that-smells-like-her-vagina/

[Wingnut]

 Her ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt, commented and reportedly said:  If it is true to the smell  then the fragrance is most like a standing near a shithouse door on a tuna boat?

[sneakypete]

Gywneth Paltro Is Selling A Candle That Smells Like Her Vagina

 

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a candle that smells like her vagina at $75 a pop for her lifestyle and wellness company Goop. The name of the candle is none other than, you guessed it, “This Smells Like My Vagina.”

Paltrow first came across a scent that she said reminded her of the smell of her own vagina, she claims. The scent was then finalized for the “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle, which reportedly sold out within hours of its test run.

@corbe

Ok,I am going to make an admission here I never expected to make. I am totally bewildered by this. WTH were ANY of them thinking? Especially the people that spent 75 bucks to buy a "vagina candle"?

Then again,I guess I should be grateful there are things I don't understand.
 

[bigheadfred]

For some unknown reason that reminds me of this thing I heard about on the radio driving home from work... @corbe

"Subaru's lineup at the 2020 Singapore Motor Show featured several shiny new cars, including the Viziv Adrenaline Concept and the Impreza.

There was also a new Subaru featured called the Forester Ultimate Customized Kit Special edition.

Yes, you read that acronym right."

[bigheadfred]

@corbe

Ok,I am going to make an admission here I never expected to make. I am totally bewildered by this. WTH were ANY of them thinking? Especially the people that spent 75 bucks to buy a "vagina candle"?

Then again,I guess I should be grateful there are things I don't understand.

Well, just think about all the people laughing at people who would pay $75 for a $5 candle they can DIY. Wax off. Wax on.

[GtHawk]

Her ex-boyfriend Brad Pitt, commented and reportedly said:  If it is true to the smell  then the fragrance is most like a standing near a shithouse door on a tuna boat?

You choose, either way you lose.

A.

B.

C.

[sneakypete]

Well, just think about all the people laughing at people who would pay $75 for a $5 candle they can DIY. Wax off. Wax on.

@bigheadfred

"Wax off"??????

ROFLMAO!

Good one,Fred!

[Hoodat]

@corbe

Ok,I am going to make an admission here I never expected to make. I am totally bewildered by this. WTH were ANY of them thinking? Especially the people that spent 75 bucks to buy a "vagina candle"?

The herring candles are only 8 bucks.

[sneakypete]

The herring candles are only 8 bucks.

@Hoodat

 

[Smokin Joe]

Make yer own, a little fish oil in the wax....

(And here I thought candles were considered phallic....)

[mountaineer]

Hairstylist named Kevin Bacon killed, eaten by Grindr date from hell: cops

This case has taken an even stranger turn:

He's a father of 4 and worked as a chemist. Now he's accused of murder and cannibalism
Darcie Moran, Detroit Free Press
 Published 6:00 a.m. ET Jan. 13, 2020 | Updated 10:11 a.m. ET Jan. 13, 2020

...  Latunski, 50, has identified himself by several names since Dec. 28, 2019, when Kevin Bacon of Swartz Creek was found dead, naked and hanging by his ankles in Latunski’s Bennington Township basement.

On the felony advice of rights form he was given on Dec. 30, Latunski signed with the Olykos alias. That alias is associated with a Facebook page believed belonging to Latunski and with images connected to a gay escort profile.  ...

Latunski has a long history of mental illness, according to divorce filings by his ex-wife, Emily Latunski. The two were married in 2001, divorced in 2013 and had four children. The Tyrrell Road dwelling was their marital home.

Latunski was diagnosed in 2010 and 2012 with severe, recurrent and chronic major depression with psychotic features, adjustment disorder with depression and anxiety with paranoid schizophrenia, and borderline personality traits, according to an August 2019 motion to suspend parenting time. ...   Full story

[sneakypete]

Latunski has a long history of mental illness,...

@mountaineer

Ya think?

[ChemEngrMBA]

Either those are really big peanuts, or really small bananas...

You've never seen walnuts before, obviously.

[Smokin Joe]

You've never seen walnuts before, obviously.

Is that like those things they hang on the hitch? Only for walls?

(I have, but we grew up with black walnuts, and they look a mite different.)

[Hoodat]

(I have, but we grew up with black walnuts, and they look a mite different.)

Off the tree, yes.  Good for throwing at people though.  Almost as good as horse apples.

[Smokin Joe]

Off the tree, yes.  Good for throwing at people though.  Almost as good as horse apples.

Hard as a rock and they leave a mark (brown stain that has to wear off).

[Cyber Liberty]

Hard as a rock and they leave a mark (brown stain that has to wear off).

We called the tiny red ones, "Bastard Berries."  Great wrist-rocket fodder.

[roamer_1]

Hard as a rock and they leave a mark (brown stain that has to wear off).

A mouth full of popcorn kernels and a peashooter, and I'll cut a hole in you :)

[Smokin Joe]

A mouth full of popcorn kernels and a peashooter, and I'll cut a hole in you :)

Yeah, but get hit with a black walnut and the bruise will fade long before the stain wears off.

[roamer_1]

Yeah, but get hit with a black walnut and the bruise will fade long before the stain wears off.

Yeah... The thing with the popcorn is, you get to laughing so hard hearing your buddy scream like a little girl that you really do risk inhaling em.. 

[Smokin Joe]

Yeah... The thing with the popcorn is, you get to laughing do hard hearing your buddy scream like a little girl that you really do risk inhaling em.. 

Well, just another 'marker'....

[roamer_1]

Fly tie some yarn on a household pin and use a blowgun... Or a peashooter, or disassembled Bic pen if you're in in math class  Shot Kelly Anne in the ass, kinda by mistake, and got kicked out of school for 3 days. 

No sense of humor, that principal...

[Smokin Joe]

Fly tie some yarn on a household pin and use a blowgun... Or a peashooter, or disassembled Bic pen if you're in in math class  Shot Kelly Anne in the ass, kinda by mistake, and got kicked out of school for 3 days. 

I had a blowgun. Guy I bought it from sold it to me because he'd nailed a jerk he was working with in the hind cheek and sank the dart in a couple inches with just a puff.... He knew he'd want to do that again, so he sold the blowgun rather than just get fired over it.

Good thing I didn't know about those in grade school, that's all I can say.

[Cyber Liberty]

I had a blowgun. Guy I bought it from sold it to me because he'd nailed a jerk he was working with in the hind cheek and sank the dart in a couple inches with just a puff.... He knew he'd want to do that again, so he sold the blowgun rather than just get fired over it.

Good thing I didn't know about those in grade school, that's all I can say.

That reminds me...I got that crossbow with a pistol grip.  It's an "Assault Crossbow." 

[roamer_1]

Good thing I didn't know about those in grade school, that's all I can say.

Ever shot a deer with a crossbow bolt fired from a wrist rocket? That's some learning.

[Smokin Joe]

Ever shot a deer with a crossbow bolt fired from a wrist rocket? That's some learning.

No. Now that'd be a worthwhile skill.

[roamer_1]

No. Now that'd be a worthwhile skill.

Refit it with surgical tubing and you can get a 45/50lb pull... More than enough...

[Cyber Liberty]

Ever shot a deer with a crossbow bolt fired from a wrist rocket? That's some learning.

I have some of those quad-tipped razor bolts.

[roamer_1]

I have some of those quad-tipped razor bolts.

Well to be fair, if you have a crossbow, that works way better.

[Cyber Liberty]

Well to be fair, if you have a crossbow, that works way better.

Yes, but it's impressive, what a wrist-rocket can do.  I just did a quick look at Amazon, and there are some really tricked out models.  And .50 caliber ammo bags.

[roamer_1]

Yes, but it's impressive, what a wrist-rocket can do.  I just did a quick look at Amazon, and there are some really tricked out models.  And .50 caliber ammo bags.

Mine is a stock rocket, modified with the surgical tubing, and a homemade modified fold-down whisker rest for crossbow bolts and fishing arrows... a nut on the front holds a PVC fishing spool...Other than that it's a 12 dollar rocket.

An important piece, that resides in my go-bag all the time. Pretty good with it... I can knock a grouse in the head more times than not... Barking a squirrel... not quite as well... But if I am ever caught out, that's the tool, rather than using up limited ammo.

[mountaineer]

Wisconsin man busted for selling weed told cops he ‘ingested’ his mom’s ashes
By Ben Feuerherd
January 17, 2020 | 2:25am

A Wisconsin man busted for selling weed and possessing other drugs told police he ingested his dead mother’s ashes, a report said Thursday.

Austin Schroeder, 26, allegedly sold drugs to undercover cops a number of times from November 2019 to January 2020 in Waukesha County, west of Milwaukee, a local Fox affiliate reported.

A drug task force executed a search warrant for his apartment on Jan. 10 and found glass pipes, MDMA, bongs and an “unknown powder,” according to the report. ...

He told cops he mixed his mother’s ashes with a variety of substances, “some of which he ultimately ingested,” according to the report. ... Full story at NY Post

Was that wrong?

[mountaineer]

Do you really need the sound? 

Deaf man from Brooklyn sues Pornhub over lack of closed captioning
By Yaron Steinbuch
January 17, 2020 | 8:24am

A deaf man from Brooklyn is moaning that he can’t fully enjoy videos on Pornhub because they don’t provide closed captioning – so he has filed a class-action lawsuit alleging the site is in violation of federal law.

Yaroslav Suris claims the porn site has violated his and others’ rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act because the deaf and hearing-impaired can’t understand the audio portion of the skin flicks. ...

“We understand that Yaroslav Suris is suing Pornhub for claiming we’ve denied the deaf and hearing-impaired access to our videos,” Pornhub VP Corey Price told TMZ.

“While we do not generally comment on active lawsuits, we’d like to take this opportunity to point out that we do have a closed captions category,” he added.

Full story

Seriously? Closed captioning?

[grunts]
[moans]

Yes, that really enhances the presentation, I'm sure.

[EdinVA]

Do you really need the sound?  Full story

Seriously? Closed captioning? Yes, that really enhances the presentation, I'm sure.

[Smokin Joe]

Do you really need the sound?  Full story

Seriously? Closed captioning? Yes, that really enhances the presentation, I'm sure.

Fine. Give them closed captioning, large print for the visually impaired. That should take up half the screen...and likely cover what they were there to see, anyway.

[mountaineer]

Pa. public defender accused of stabbing her fiancé, also a public defender
Updated Jan 20, 8:59 AM;Posted Jan 20, 8:03 AM

By John Luciew

Rocker Jackson Browne once sung about “Lawyers in Love,” but never like this: A public defender in Allegheny County is accused of stabbing her fiance, who is a fellow public defender.

The Associated Press cites a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported that Elizabeth LaForgia, 31, has been charged in the stabbing in Avalon, Pa.

Police there say she stabbed her fiancé and fellow public defender George Saba with a 12-inch kitchen knife -- and kicked him in the crotch. The incident followed a night of drinking last week, police said.  ...

More

[sneakypete]

She stabbed him "in the woods"?

Is that some sort of local slang? I sure hope that isn't an edited "She stabbed him in the woody".

[Applewood]

"The incident followed a night of drinking last week, police said."

Not surprising.  Seems most incidents like this between family members, spouses and friends occur after one or both drink too much. 

Some people just should never drink alcohol.  When I drank, I either fell asleep or mellowed out.  But for so many, alcohol makes them mean and/or violent

[sneakypete]

"The incident followed a night of drinking last week, police said."

 

Some people just should never drink alcohol.  When I drank, I either fell asleep or mellowed out.  But for so many, alcohol makes them mean and/or violent

@Applewood

I always wanted to dance and sing. It was other people who wanted to beat on me to make me quit singing and dancing that caused the trouble.

[Smokin Joe]

@Applewood

I always wanted to dance and sing. It was other people who wanted to beat on me to make me quit singing and dancing that caused the trouble.

Right. Same here. For some reason they didn't see the same things I thought funny with the same sense of humor...

[bigheadfred]

Fine. Give them closed captioning, large print for the visually impaired. That should take up half the screen...and likely cover what they were there to see, anyway.

Might as well call it clothed captioning.