7 Things All Women Need In A Relationship (Jordan Gray)

[Quix]

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Via Nexus Newsfeed version. referent link yields a 404 error.
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https://nexusnewsfeed.com/article/home-family-pets/seven-things-all-women-need-in-a-relationship
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Men and women are at an emotional stalemate.

We feel something’s lacking in our relationships. The majority of men aren’t able to penetrate their women fully, nor are women fully opening to their men.

Women aren’t opening because men aren’t giving them what they need. Women feel disappointed and resentful; they are suffering. When women suffer, and they feel like they aren’t being seen, they close off to their men.

Fortunately, you can learn the right tools to be able to more fully penetrate your woman. You can give your partner what she needs, allowing her to feel seen so that she will open again.
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{List (annotated commentary on each is at the link):}
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1. To Feel Loved
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When women feel loved, they relax and open to us. The arguments dissipate, the sex is abundant, and their nurturing feminine energy flows throughout our lives.

Not feeling loved is the subtext of every argument that you and your partner have.
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{Qx: Note, when Attachment Disorder leaves either spouse a bottomless pit of constant, desperate neediness, problems  will be chronic awaiting serious working things through--usually with a professional}
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2. To Feel Safe
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There is a war being waged on women’s self-esteem, sexuality, and safety from a very young age.

Because of the barrage of disempowering messages being sent to women regarding their sexuality, women need to have a safe space where they feel that they can trust their partners.
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3. To Feel Seen
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Women want to feel seen.

She wants to feel you hearing her, and being aware of her emotional state.

She doesn’t necessarily want you to be affected by her emotional state, but she does want you to be witness to it.
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4. To Be Allowed To Be Nurturing
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Women want to see the cracks in our armour. They want to see that we trust them enough to open up to them. They want to be able to help us through our sadness.
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5. To Feel Sexually Desired
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6. To Be Appreciated
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The feminine in all people responds primarily to praise and appreciation.
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{Qx:  Who doesn't!!! Though I think it is a bit more of an intense need  in most women}
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7. To Feel Like She Can Count On You
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I think it's a decent list.
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I think Chapman's 5 LOVE LANGUAGES should also be factored in for either spouse, however.
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https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483316245&sr=1-1&keywords=FIVE+LOVE+LANGUAGES
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[Gefn]

I'm convinced love -  romantic love was invented in Hollywood and by romance novelists.

I don't think it exists.

You love your children. You love your parents. But romance- people just use you for sex and it's not love.

You are better off getting a dog or a cat who will love you unconditionally

[Quix]

I'm convinced love -  romantic love was invented in Hollywood and by romance novelists.

I don't think it exists.

You love your children. You love your parents. But romance- people just use you for sex and it's not love.

You are better off getting a dog or a cat who will love you unconditionally

I've seen a few cases of the real authentic thing, in my life.

A  shocking few, sadly.

Usually, horrific degrees of attachment disorder sabotage infatuation deepening to love or real love enduring and becoming richer.  Selfishness, insecurity, low self-worth, arrogance, control freakism, etc. etc. shred the chances of authentic selfless love taking root and growing or surviving.

https://www.amazon.com/Attachments-Why-You-Love-Feel/dp/0785297375/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483323283&sr=1-1&keywords=attachment+why+you+love+feel+and+act+the+way+you+do


And, sometimes, folks are more in love with the idea of a Hollyweed Romance than they are with their partner. That's fantasy land from the beginning.

Sorry, Dear Freya, for your pains and sufferings. Yeah, dogs are much more faithful and loyal than millions of marriage partners.

[truth_seeker]

I tend to listen to advice from those with resumes proving success in a field.

My wife and I celebrate 49 years of marriage this month.

Since we were teenagers, and "experts" assured us it wouldn't work.

If you can top that, I will take your marriage advice.

[Quix]

I tend to listen to advice from those with resumes proving success in a field.

My wife and I celebrate 49 years of marriage this month.

Since we were teenagers, and "experts" assured us it wouldn't work.

If you can top that, I will take your marriage advice.

Congrats. Impressive.

Some women are firmly in favor of their male gynecologists and some accept only females.

I had an elderly missionary friend in Taiwan. She'd had 10 children. I asked her how she felt about single folks who never had children giving her input given her vast experience compared to theirs. She said she welcomed it as they had a perspective, a vantage point she didn't have and she often learned useful things from their perspective.

Then there's the issue of learning from one's mistakes. Often, folks who have finally learned to do it right from making lots of wrong mistakes and overcoming them--have more to offer a couple starting out, than a couple who didn't have that many problems for 50 years. I worked hard to be a good husband and still somehow failed. My wife after 9 years married her co-worker.

Nevertheless, many marriages have benefited in lasting ways from my psychologist inputs over 40 years.

So, while I agree, to a point, that there's some sense to your assertion . . . it may not be as cut and dried absolute as you seem to make it sound.

I think the major issues in marriage are

--1. Avoiding selfishness like the  plague
--2. Putting your spouse generally first with compassion and genuine love--a choice vs a feeling

--3. Submitting one to another in humility
--4. Seeking your spouse's best interest first

--5. Sacrificially servant-heartedly loving your spouse in all the ways you can prayerfully imagine to do.
--6. Taking care of yourself in ways that leave you being someone to look up to, admire, appreciate, learn from, enjoy, have fun with.

--7. Putting God first in your relationship and following His leading in how to love your spouse.

[truth_seeker]

Much of our success comes from each having independent lives, and letting each other have their time and space.

Then enjoying time spent together as well. For example we we alternate picking movies, and I usually let her decide where to eat.

[Quix]

Much of our success comes from each having independent lives, and letting each other have their time and space.

Then enjoying time spent together as well. For example we we alternate picking movies, and I usually let her decide where to eat.

I think the balance you describe is a wonderful, essential aspect of successful relationships.

CONGRATS, FOR SURE.

[Smokin Joe]

I think the major issues in marriage are

--1. Avoiding selfishness like the  plague
--2. Putting your spouse generally first with compassion and genuine love--a choice vs a feeling

--3. Submitting one to another in humility
--4. Seeking your spouse's best interest first

--5. Sacrificially servant-heartedly loving your spouse in all the ways you can prayerfully imagine to do.
--6. Taking care of yourself in ways that leave you being someone to look up to, admire, appreciate, learn from, enjoy, have fun with.

--7. Putting God first in your relationship and following His leading in how to love your spouse.

Last, but not least, though, BOTH have to practice those, it isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. Sure, folks hit low points where they aren't up to snuff, and at times go above and beyond, but such is the nature of marriage.

[Quix]

Last, but not least, though, BOTH have to practice those, it isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. Sure, folks hit low points where they aren't up to snuff, and at times go above and beyond, but such is the nature of marriage.

AGREED INDEED.

THX

[Silver Pines]

Men are different from women, and they don't always pick up on emotional cues the way we do.  They're not always going to zero in on the woman who's sitting across the room, getting ready to cry.  Instead of trying to make the man more feminine and inculcate him with an emotional radar that he wasn't designed for, the woman can speak up and give him a nudge, let him know what she's feeling. 

If my husband told me he was going to do something around the house in the evening, but postponed it until the morning, it wouldn't "break my trust."  That's overdramatizing something that isn't even an issue...or shouldn't be.

"Put in the work and end the stalemate"....the article is heavy on the implication that the man is responsible for the problems in a relationship and the burden is on him to keep it going.  I don't agree with the premise that men should be walking around constantly trying to figure out what their woman is feeling, trying to gauge her state of mind, etc.  That's just not who men are.

"She doesn’t necessarily want someone who cries every day, but she does want someone who has the courage to cry in front of her when he needs to."

Lord have mercy.  "Necessarily?"  I've never known a female who wanted a weeper.   My sister-in-law's ex-husband cried at the drop of a hat.  When they were going through their divorce, he cried all the time, and then he would come over to our house and cry some more.  It's not nice, maybe, but that kind of behavior from a man is distasteful.  It engenders nothing but contempt from women.

[Silver Pines]

I'm convinced love -  romantic love was invented in Hollywood and by romance novelists.

I don't think it exists.

You love your children. You love your parents. But romance- people just use you for sex and it's not love.

You are better off getting a dog or a cat who will love you unconditionally

@Freya

It's real, I can attest to that.

My parents had it for over 50 years.  When my father died, my mother never got over it.

My husband's grandparents had it for about that same period of time.  They loved each other dearly.

My husband's sister has finally found the man for her.  They're a perfect fit.

And after 20 years of marriage, I adore my husband with all of my heart.  I know he feels the same about me.  I put his wants above my own, and he puts mine above his. 

Oh, sure, I dated some jerks before I met him, and if I'm being honest, I wasn't always as nice as I should have been either.  So I'm sure there are a couple of men out there recalling me and saying, yeah, she was a witch.  I had my heartbreaks, I was dumped, I did the dumping, and I was used, but that's part of life, and it taught me what to avoid in my future (now) husband.  It's all in the past, and none of it can control me now.

[Quix]

@Freya

It's real, I can attest to that.

My parents had it for over 50 years.  When my father died, my mother never got over it.

My husband's grandparents had it for about that same period of time.  They loved each other dearly.

My husband's sister has finally found the man for her.  They're a perfect fit.

And after 20 years of marriage, I adore my husband with all of my heart.  I know he feels the same about me.  I put his wants above my own, and he puts mine above his. 

Oh, sure, I dated some jerks before I met him, and if I'm being honest, I wasn't always as nice as I should have been either.  So I'm sure there are a couple of men out there recalling me and saying, yeah, she was a witch.  I had my heartbreaks, I was dumped, I did the dumping, and I was used, but that's part of life, and it taught me what to avoid in my future (now) husband.  It's all in the past, and none of it can control me now.

FANTASTIC! CONGRATULATIONS!

I assume you know you have a rare relationship.

[Quix]

Men are different from women, and they don't always pick up on emotional cues the way we do.  They're not always going to zero in on the woman who's sitting across the room, getting ready to cry.  Instead of trying to make the man more feminine and inculcate him with an emotional radar that he wasn't designed for, the woman can speak up and give him a nudge, let him know what she's feeling. 

If my husband told me he was going to do something around the house in the evening, but postponed it until the morning, it wouldn't "break my trust."  That's overdramatizing something that isn't even an issue...or shouldn't be.

"Put in the work and end the stalemate"....the article is heavy on the implication that the man is responsible for the problems in a relationship and the burden is on him to keep it going.  I don't agree with the premise that men should be walking around constantly trying to figure out what their woman is feeling, trying to gauge her state of mind, etc.  That's just not who men are.

"She doesn’t necessarily want someone who cries every day, but she does want someone who has the courage to cry in front of her when he needs to."

Lord have mercy.  "Necessarily?"  I've never known a female who wanted a weeper.   My sister-in-law's ex-husband cried at the drop of a hat.  When they were going through their divorce, he cried all the time, and then he would come over to our house and cry some more.  It's not nice, maybe, but that kind of behavior from a man is distasteful.  It engenders nothing but contempt from women.

Worthy points.

Certainly men's brains were not designed with as much geography devoted to managing emotional expression as the average woman's brain.

Sniveling wimpy men are hardly men.

However, there is a time for men to cry and I don't think all that much is squared away or balanced with a man who can't or won't.

[Gefn]

Worthy points.

Certainly men's brains were not designed with as much geography devoted to managing emotional expression as the average woman's brain.

Sniveling wimpy men are hardly men.

However, there is a time for men to cry and I don't think all that much is squared away or balanced with a man who can't or won't.

I thought my dad was a real man in every sense of the word. I saw him shed a tear at his father's funeral but he did not cry. He shed a tear or two when his sister died.

The only time I saw him actually cry was the night both of my kidneys failed and the doc told both my parents I may not make it. He held my hand and I felt a few tears fall on it.

Oh he sniffled when he chopped onions. You have to give him a pass for that though.

I will tell you this though. He didn't think it was beneath him to have tea parties with his daughters and their dollies. And he was a big old vet. Yet he would stay up all night to make a Barbie Dream house for one of his girls birthdays or put together a bike.

[Silver Pines]

FANTASTIC! CONGRATULATIONS!

I assume you know you have a rare relationship.

@Quix

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Is it all that rare though?  I don't know.  Certainly every couple has struggles, arguments, etc....I think the thing is to figure out whether you're in it for good and are determined to work through them, no matter what. 

[Silver Pines]

Worthy points.

Certainly men's brains were not designed with as much geography devoted to managing emotional expression as the average woman's brain.

Sniveling wimpy men are hardly men.

However, there is a time for men to cry and I don't think all that much is squared away or balanced with a man who can't or won't.

@Quix

Agreed.

[mirraflake]

I'm convinced love -  romantic love was invented in Hollywood and by romance novelists.

I don't think it exists.

You love your children. You love your parents. But romance- people just use you for sex and it's not love.

You are better off getting a dog or a cat who will love you unconditionally

I knew 3/4 of the way through our first date I would marry the woman across the table from me and she later said she felt the same about me.. 20 years later still doing great.

It's hard work though-it take effort on both of our parts to keep the passion alive. Sometimes there is more romance and sometimes less. Some times we fight and argue. But romance, love and passion is always there.

We have plenty of friends who have the same kids of romantic relationships.

@Freya

[mirraflake]

Much of our success comes from each having independent lives, and letting each other have their time and space.

Then enjoying time spent together as well. For example we we alternate picking movies, and I usually let her decide where to eat.

Yes to this^^^^^^^^^

We have separate checking and savings accounts and credit cards, never have to get each other permission to buy something we want, go away with friends for a weekend etc. Of course we married in our mid 30's and we were both independent from living single.

@truth_seeker

[Quix]

Thanks for all the great posts.

Have . . . uhhh . . . Diarrhea . . . bad enough not really up to writing much.

[Smokin Joe]

Men are different from women, and they don't always pick up on emotional cues the way we do.  They're not always going to zero in on the woman who's sitting across the room, getting ready to cry.  Instead of trying to make the man more feminine and inculcate him with an emotional radar that he wasn't designed for, the woman can speak up and give him a nudge, let him know what she's feeling. 

Mrs. Joe knows I don't do hints. It's like emotional charades to me, but I'm better at charades. All she has to do is tell me what's going on, and she'll talk about it when she's ready. Sometimes I have (what for me, anyway) is a flash of insight and pick up on things, but it isn't something to count on.

[Smokin Joe]

Yes to this^^^^^^^^^

We have separate checking and savings accounts and credit cards, never have to get each other permission to buy something we want, go away with friends for a weekend etc. Of course we married in our mid 30's and we were both independent from living single.

@truth_seeker

The different checking accounts saves an incredible amount of conflict and stress. We have joint accounts (in case of a serious misfortune, either can draw on either account), but she uses one and I another.

[Smokin Joe]

Thanks for all the great posts.

Have . . . uhhh . . . Diarrhea . . . bad enough not really up to writing much.

Hope you feel better soon. (I was going to say I hope everything comes out okay, but that somehow didn't seem right.)

[Quix]

Hope you feel better soon. (I was going to say I hope everything comes out okay, but that somehow didn't seem right.)

Thanks big.

Things much calmer now.

. . . including the other end . . . had a gallon bucket near my head in bed . . . woke up choking on  spit . . . coughed and upchucked before could get the bucket in place. Oh, well. Past time to wash the sheets anyway. LOL.

Last 24-48 hours haven't taken the supplements--even the cranberry capsules--for my UTI--but it's been quite clear. Not sure what's up with that. Curious.

I now return you to the regularly scheduled lack of TMI from this "old codger."

[Quix]

Mrs. Joe knows I don't do hints. It's like emotional charades to me, but I'm better at charades. All she has to do is tell me what's going on, and she'll talk about it when she's ready. Sometimes I have (what for me, anyway) is a flash of insight and pick up on things, but it isn't something to count on.

This one issue is amazingly huge in tons of marriages/partnerships.

It has long somewhat mystified me how so many women absolutely DEMAND that the man MIND READ--when men are BRAIN-WISE--very handicapped for such a task. Their brains are NOT constructed in a way that supports that task. More the opposite.

Then the woman has the audacity to conclude that the man does not love her because he doesn't mind read at all or well. Sheesh. What a set-up.

However . . . on the other side of the coin . . . to the degree that the woman is assessing that the man doesn't pay enough attention to notice subtle changes in mood etc. . . . and therefore that THAT constitutes a lack of caring . . . maybe . . . sometimes . . . in some relationships.

However, again, men's brains are not constructed for paying a lot of attention to emotional details, subtle cues. Give a man a board to saw, construct with--fine. In terms of becoming wise and understanding about something as amorphous, fuzzy, imprecise as feelings about who knows what . . . most men opt out of that "mission impossible." They feel like a fish out of water being expected to ride a Pogo-stick.

However . . . again on the other side of the coin . . . WHEN a man is courting . . . say as a teen or early 20's something bloke . . . he seems to be amazingly perceptive about such nuances. So the woman is not ENTIRELY amiss in wondering where all that perceptivity went.

However, most men are just NOT up to maintaining that level of focused attention on such emotional details of life that their physiology (brains) are not constructed well to attend to very skillfully and certainly not all that quickly in real time.

In short, in relationships . . . men are good at some things and not others . . . kind of like women . . . only opposite. What a surprise.

[Smokin Joe]

This one issue is amazingly huge in tons of marriages/partnerships.

It has long somewhat mystified me how so many women absolutely DEMAND that the man MIND READ--when men are BRAIN-WISE--very handicapped for such a task. Their brains are NOT constructed in a way that supports that task. More the opposite.

Then the woman has the audacity to conclude that the man does not love her because he doesn't mind read at all or well. Sheesh. What a set-up.

However . . . on the other side of the coin . . . to the degree that the woman is assessing that the man doesn't pay enough attention to notice subtle changes in mood etc. . . . and therefore that THAT constitutes a lack of caring . . . maybe . . . sometimes . . . in some relationships.

However, again, men's brains are not constructed for paying a lot of attention to emotional details, subtle cues. Give a man a board to saw, construct with--fine. In terms of becoming wise and understanding about something as amorphous, fuzzy, imprecise as feelings about who knows what . . . most men opt out of that "mission impossible." They feel like a fish out of water being expected to ride a Pogo-stick.

However . . . again on the other side of the coin . . . WHEN a man is courting . . . say as a teen or early 20's something bloke . . . he seems to be amazingly perceptive about such nuances. So the woman is not ENTIRELY amiss in wondering where all that perceptivity went.

However, most men are just NOT up to maintaining that level of focused attention on such emotional details of life that their physiology (brains) are not constructed well to attend to very skillfully and certainly not all that quickly in real time.

In short, in relationships . . . men are good at some things and not others . . . kind of like women . . . only opposite. What a surprise.

Well, it is sort of the old 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' thing. Where I am deductive, she is intuitive. That doesn't bother either of us, and it provides a check system. When we don't come to the same conclusion by different routes, then the subject is down for further study and discussion by both of us. It is phenomenal how often we come to the same conclusion.

Had I been better at picking up on those cues as a young single man, it is likely I would have taken advantage of that for nefarious ends. It is just as well I was not ordinarily attuned. Often a couple of days later I would realize "Oh, that's what she meant." and note a missed opportunity. While they were not all missed, perhaps it is just as well most were, it made my life much less complicated.

Consider, though, in traditional male=provider, protector, hunter cultures, women being able to read subtle cues (and manipulate men) led to success and progeny. Not being able to do so often led to failure. There have been untold generations reinforcing those traits in women, just as the traits in men (hunter, fighter, provider) have been reinforced the same way.
Rewriting human cultural history goes contrary to human nature, as it has been for millennia.
That isn't going to work well, and causes a serious disruption in the way humans interact because it goes against basic behavioural instinct.