Commentary : 99 Reasons Why Baseball Is a Much Better Game Than Football
January 18, 1987|THOMAS BOSWELL Washington Post|
Thomas Boswell writes about many sports for The Post. He loves one of them.
Some people say football's the best game in America. Others say baseball.
Some people are really dumb.
Some people say all this is just a matter of taste. Others know better.
Some people can't wait for next Sunday's Super Bowl. Others wonder why.
Pro football is a great game. Compared with hockey. After all, you've gotta do something when the wind chill is zero and your curveball won't break.
But let's not be silly. Compare the games? It's a one-sided laugher. Here are the first 99 reasons why baseball is better than football. (More after lunch.)
1. Bands.
2. Half time with bands.
3. Cheerleaders at half time with bands.
4. Up With People singing "The Impossible Dream" during a Blue Angels flyover at half time with bands.
5. Baseball has fans in Wrigley Field singing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" at the seventh-inning stretch.
6. Baseball has Blue Moon, Catfish, Spaceman and The Sugar Bear. Football has Lester the Molester, Too Mean and The Assassin.
7. All XX Super Bowls haven't produced as much drama as the last World Series.
8. All XX Super Bowls haven't produced as many classic games as either pennant playoff did this year.
9. Baseball has a bullpen coach blowing bubble gum with his cap turned around backward while leaning on a fungo bat; football has a defensive coordinator in a satin jacket with a headset and a clipboard.
10. The Redskins have 13 assistant coaches, five equipment managers, three trainers, two assistant GMs but, for 14 games, nobody who could kick an extra point.
11. Football players and coaches don't know how to bait a ref, much less jump up and down and scream in his face. Baseball players know how to argue with umps; baseball managers even kick dirt on them. Earl Weaver steals third base and won't give it back; Tom Landry folds his arms.
12. Vince Lombardi was never ashamed that he said, "Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing."
13. Football coaches talk about character, gut checks, intensity and reckless abandon. Tommy Lasorda said, "Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze too hard and you kill it; not hard enough and it flies away."
14. Big league baseball players chew tobacco. Pro football linemen chew on each other.
15. Before a baseball game, there are two hours of batting practice. Before a football game, there's a two-hour traffic jam.
16. A crowd of 30,000 in a stadium built for 55,501 has a lot more fun than a crowd of 55,501 in the same stadium.
17. No one has ever actually reached the end of the restroom line at an NFL game.
18. Nine innings means 18 chances at the hot dog line. Two halves means B.Y.O. or go hungry.
19. Pro football players have breasts. Many NFLers are so freakishly overdeveloped, due to steroids, that they look like circus geeks. Baseball players seem like normal fit folks. Fans should be thankful they don't have to look at NFL teams in bathing suits.
20. Eighty degrees, a cold beer and a short-sleeve shirt is better than 30 degrees, a hip flask and six layers of clothes under a lap blanket. Take your pick: Suntan or frostbite.
21. Having 162 games a year is 10.125 times as good as having 16.
22. If you miss your favorite NFL team's game, you have to wait a week. In baseball, you wait a day.
23. Everything George Carlin said in his famous monologue is right on. In football you blitz, bomb, spear, shiver, march and score. In baseball, you wait for a walk, take your stretch, toe the rubber, tap your spikes, play ball and run home.
24. Marianne Moore loved Christy Mathewson. No woman of quality has ever preferred football to baseball.
25. More good baseball books appear in a single year than have been written about football in the past 50 years. The best football writers, like Dan Jenkins, have the good sense to write about something else most of the time.
26. The best football announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
27. The worst baseball announcer ever was Howard Cosell.
28. All gridirons are identical; football coaches never have to meet to go over the ground rules. But the best baseball parks are unique.
29. Every outdoor park ever built primarily for baseball has been pretty. Every stadium built with pro football in mind has been ugly (except Arrowhead).
30. The coin flip at the beginning of football games is idiotic. Home teams should always kick off and pick a goal to defend. In baseball, the visitor bats first (courtesy), while the host bats last (for drama). The football visitor should get the first chance to score, while the home team should have the dramatic advantage of receiving the second-half kickoff.
31. Baseball is harder. In the last 25 years, only one player, Vince Coleman, has been cut from the NFL and then become a success in the majors. From Tom Brown in 1963 (Senators to Packers) to Jay Schroeder (Jays to Redskins), baseball flops have become NFL standouts.
32. Face masks. Right away we've got a clue something might be wrong. A guy can go 80 m.p.h. on a Harley without a helmet, much less a face mask.
(more reasons at link)
http://articles.latimes.com/1987-01-18/sports/sp-5548_1_pro-football-game