Author Topic: Ridiculous News of the Day (Read 614925 times)

EC · « **on:** September 28, 2015, 05:03:26 pm »

We don't have a section for the really stupid stuff. The stuff that makes you shake your head in disbelief, laugh at the workings of insta-karma or just stretch the bounds of the ridiculous. Yet we do all need a laugh.

So - post 'em here if you find one!

EC · « **Reply #1 on:** September 28, 2015, 05:04:35 pm »

Man shoots himself in the balls after being caught relieving himself by police

Another day, and yet another example of karma working its wicked way once again.

A man who was caught urinating in the street accidentally shot himself in the privates while attempting to get rid of a gun he was carrying.

Javier Thomas, 26, was caught relieving himself in a Brooklyn street in the early hours of Saturday, and immediately attempted to throw away his 9-mm Glock pistol.

But he was left in agony when he accidentally pulled the trigger and shot himself in the privates, police said.

Thomas was taken to Kings County Hospital with a non-life threatening wound, and was later arrested on charges of weapon possession and reckless endangerment.

Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2015/09/28/man-shoots-himself-in-the-balls-after-being-caught-relieving-himself-by-police-5411260/

EC · « **Reply #2 on:** September 29, 2015, 01:52:31 pm »

Man Asks to Be Deported to Heaven

An Alaskan ‘sovereign citizen’ suggested a judge could send him to heaven in lieu of paying child support.

If your name is “Birdman” and you find yourself in court for failing to pay tens of thousands of dollars in child support, perhaps don’t ask the judge if he can deport you to heaven. The judge might laugh at you.

Last week, Kevin Francis Ramey, a 57-year-old resident of Togiak, Alaska, who goes by the nickname “Birdman,” was arrested in his hometown and flown to Dillingham to appear in appear in court for allegedly refusing to pay more than $84,000 in back child support. “Birdman” proceeded to ask the judge a question involving divine citizenship.

“[The law] says if you’re not a U.S. citizen you could be deported,” he said, according to KDLG-AM. “I know I have three citizenships: number one in heaven, number two in America, number three in California. And that’s my primary citizenship, is of course, in heaven. So I was kinda wondering, are you guys going to deport me to heaven?”

“That was a very legal question…I’m a citizen of heaven, the Bible tells us that,” Ramey told The Daily Beast. He was not, however, speaking literally. “What are they gonna do, put me in front of a firing squad and deport me to heaven? No.”

Ramey, a former member of the Togiak City Council, leads a foundation called Sui Juris Court Angels, a sovereign citizen organization. Because of his diehard views on sovereign citizenry, Ramey believes the state lacks the authority to charge him with a class C felony for failing to pay child support.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/28/man-asks-to-be-deported-to-heaven.html

alicewonders · « **Reply #3 on:** September 29, 2015, 02:39:48 pm »

He can always "self-deport" himself to heaven.

Just sayin'.

Paladin · « **Reply #4 on:** September 30, 2015, 05:46:24 am »

Man spies spider on his car as he prepares to pump gas. He decides to rid himself of the pest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKrmvM-3hzw

Now that's arachnophobia.

EC · « **Reply #5 on:** October 01, 2015, 10:31:54 pm »

Baboon raid temporarily forced Zimbabwe radio station off air

A radio station in Zimbabwe was temporarily forced off the air after a group of baboons raided a transmission tower and chewed through cables, a state daily reported Thursday.

The Chronicle newspaper said the newly-launched YA FM went down during the breakfast show on Wednesday, sending technicians into an emergency search to identify the problem.

“We initially thought it was the on-going load-shedding (power outage) programme ... but we later realised the lights were on,” the paper quoted YA FM chief executive Munyaradzi Hwengwere as saying.

“We ... discovered that our transmission tower which is in a mountainous place had been preyed on by baboons. I am told there were more than five of them that ate into the cables.”

The station was back on air after an hour, $1,200 poorer from the loss of advertising revenue during the disruption.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/oct/01/zimbabwe-baboons-radio-station-off-air

EC · « **Reply #6 on:** October 02, 2015, 11:21:21 am »

Nunchuk-wielding shampoo thief charged in bus-based sword attack

A Seattle woman fresh from jail after a nunchuk attack is now accused of chasing a stranger off a King County Metro bus – with a sword.

Facing her third assault-related charge of the year, Sharnika Joy Armstead is accused of dashing after a man who jostled her aboard a downtown bus. Armstead, a recently homeless West Seattle resident, is accused of waving a sheathed short sword at the object of her ire.

Armstead, 26, had been released from King County Jail six weeks before the Sept. 14 incident. She served a 74-day stint after bashing a two men with nunchuks during a shampoo theft from a North Seattle supermarket.

Charged Tuesday in the bus incident, Armstead is also accused of brutally beating another woman at a Belltown women’s shelter on Aug. 19. Prosecutors claim Armstead, in a “vicious and unprovoked assault,” punched the other woman repeatedly in the head to steal her makeup bag.

Armstead’s current spate of legal troubles began May 18, when she beat up two men at a Grocery Outlet store in Seattle’s Lake City neighborhood.

Armed with homemade nunchuks, Armstead attacked the store owner after she was caught stealing a bottle of shampoo from the discount grocery. Armstead bit a store employee during the fight.

Armstead was arrested at the scene and ultimately sentenced to three months in jail for the assaults. She was released July 31.

She is alleged to have seriously hurt another woman at Angeline’s Center for Homeless Women two weeks later. According to charging papers, Armstead punched the woman repeatedly in the face while stealing her makeup bag.

Armstead remained free until Sept. 14, when she is alleged to have accosted a man on a Metro Transit D Line bus.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/crime/article/Nunchuk-wielding-shampoo-thief-charged-in-6543357.php

She just made every ninja fanatic who grew up to be a sub-editor VERY happy.

alicewonders · « **Reply #7 on:** October 02, 2015, 01:51:25 pm »

Hey, at least she's not carrying a gun!

aligncare · « **Reply #8 on:** October 02, 2015, 02:08:58 pm »

Reality is stranger than fiction...

just look at the absurd reality of Obama elected president, makes a deal to give Iran nuclear weapons, and his opposition party instead of stopping him, drafted legislation to help him subvert the constitution's treaty provision!

EC · « **Reply #9 on:** October 03, 2015, 10:37:55 pm »

Woman runs red light and almost causes crash, begins dancing on roof of car she nearly collided with

After almost colliding with a black saloon in the middle of a busy intersection, a woman in Guangdong for reasons unknown got off her scooter and began dancing on top of the car she very nearly crashed into.

According to Chinaso, at around 7 a.m. this morning eyewitnesses reported seeing a woman running a red light at a busy junction in Meizhou city, Guangdong province. After almost colliding with the car, everyone expected the driver to emerge and begin yelling at the woman, but instead the car remained stationary in the middle of the road.

Seemingly incensed by the fact that the driver refused to reveal himself, the woman dismounted her scooter, got on top of the car and started dancing, much to the disbelief of everyone in the vicinity.

This scene apparently went on for some time, causing a large traffic jam around the intersection. Only once police had been called did the woman finally call it a day and get off the car.

After the black saloon had driven away, the woman then decided to lie down in the middle of the road, oblivious to all the cars passing through the busy junction. After a further 10 minutes police arrived and moved the woman along.

http://shanghaiist.com/2015/10/03/woman_dances_on_car_roof_in_busy_intersection.php

EC · « **Reply #10 on:** October 03, 2015, 10:44:05 pm »

Man delays flight by calling in bomb scare, gets arrested, still misses flight

An Italian man has been arrested after he delayed his flight by calling in a bomb scare because he was running late.

The unidentified 46-year-old man still managed to miss the Alitalia flight from Turin to Rome on Thursday evening despite keeping the plane on the tarmac for two and a half hours.

The flight was only minutes from take-off when the warning came through and was promptly grounded, Italian newspaper La Stampa reported.

"I heard two Arabs say that they had put a bomb on board," the businessman is reported to have told the emergency services.

After the passengers had been evacuated, the luggage search, and the threat established as a fake, it eventually left Turin and arrived in Rome two and half hour behind schedule.

Despite his best efforts, the man – who was reportedly in Palermo on business – still missed his plane as police officers immediately arrested him when he arrived at the airport.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/man-delays-flight-by-calling-in-bomb-scare-gets-arrested-still-misses-flight-a6678346.html

Paladin · « **Reply #11 on:** October 04, 2015, 05:35:35 am »

"I poured drain cleaner in my eyes to blind myself"

"For most people, going blind is their worst nightmare, but for this North Carolina woman it was a dream come true.

"Jewel Shuping, 30, was so desperate to be blind that she poured draining cleaner in her baby blues to wipe out her eyesight — and she couldn’t be happier.

She suffers from an illness called body integrity identity disorder (BIID) — a disease that causes able-bodied people to strongly desire a disability.

“I really feel this is the way I was supposed to be born, that I should have been blind from birth,” Shuping told Barcroft Media.

The afflicted woman knew from a young age she wanted to be blind, and would attempt to harm her eyesight by staring at the sun while “blind-simming,” or pretending to be blind.

By the time Shuping turned 21, the idea of being blind was “a non-stop alarm that was going off” and she sought the help of a sympathetic psychologist to help her carry out her ultimate desire in 2006.

The psychologist gave her eye-numbing drops before sprinkling a few droplets of drain cleaner into each pupil.

“It hurt, let me tell you. My eyes were screaming and I had some drain cleaner going down my cheek burning my skin,” she said.

“But all I could think was, ‘I am going blind, it is going to be okay.”

Dr. Michael First, professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, says that people who suffer from BIID can’t control their need to be disabled.

“These people are aware that this feeling of theirs is unusual — they know it is coming from within them. They can’t explain it,” he said."

http://nypost.com/2015/10/01/i-blinded-myself-on-purpose-and-have-never-been-happier/

EC · « **Reply #12 on:** October 04, 2015, 10:27:06 pm »

India police charge toddler with 'theft and trespassing'

Police in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh have been left red-faced after charging a toddler with theft.

Two-year-old Ravi had been named in a police complaint along with three men, one of whom was his relative.

Police attempted to arrest the toddler on Tuesday - causing his alarmed father to take Ravi to the district court, where he explained the situation to senior police officers, reports said.

Ravi's name was taken off the complaint after the senior officers intervened.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-34412306

EC · « **Reply #13 on:** October 05, 2015, 02:57:33 pm »

Turkish man sends bomb to ex-girlfriend as ‘wedding gift’

A man has been arrested in Turkey’s Aegean town of Aydın for placing a bomb at his ex-girlfriend’s front door as a “wedding gift.”

Reports stated that the woman in the Çine district of Aydın married the man, identified only as Mustafa K., shortly after breaking up with her former boyfriend, identified as Baki A.

Upon receiving news of the woman’s marriage, the suspect enlisted one of his friends, identified as Ersun B., to help him build a home-made bomb to be detonated in front of the woman’s home.

The two men charged 10 short tubes with explosives and attached the tubes to a bottled gas, before placing the explosive at the front door of the house where the woman lives with her husband.

The explosive was noticed by her husband, who informed the district police department. Police teams then removed the bomb, in the process finding a note that read: “My wedding gift to my love.”

The bomb squad disposed the bomb at vacant land in the nearby Kavşit neighborhood.

Read more: http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/turkish-man-sends-bomb-to-ex-girlfriend-as-wedding-gift.aspx

EC · « **Reply #14 on:** October 05, 2015, 03:08:58 pm »

Man is stranded for 2 days after wheelchair stalls in tunnel

MARKLETON, Pa. (AP) — Authorities say a Pennsylvania man has been rescued after spending two days inside an old railroad tunnel when his motorized wheelchair broke down.

WJAC-TV (http://bit.ly/1iZjqm2) reports that the Somerset County man was inside the Pinkerton Tunnel along the Great Allegheny Passage when his wheelchair stalled.

It's not clear who first located the man. But officials say it took an all-terrain vehicle to free him Sunday because an ambulance couldn't fit inside the tunnel.

The man was taken to Somerset hospital with chills and dehydration but is expected to recover.

http://report24uk.info/article/326054/man-is-stranded-for-2-days-after-wheelchair-stalls-in-tunnel

alicewonders · « **Reply #15 on:** October 05, 2015, 03:20:52 pm »

Quote from: EC on October 05, 2015, 03:08:58 pm

Man is stranded for 2 days after wheelchair stalls in tunnel

MARKLETON, Pa. (AP) — Authorities say a Pennsylvania man has been rescued after spending two days inside an old railroad tunnel when his motorized wheelchair broke down.

WJAC-TV (http://bit.ly/1iZjqm2) reports that the Somerset County man was inside the Pinkerton Tunnel along the Great Allegheny Passage when his wheelchair stalled.

It's not clear who first located the man. But officials say it took an all-terrain vehicle to free him Sunday because an ambulance couldn't fit inside the tunnel.

The man was taken to Somerset hospital with chills and dehydration but is expected to recover.

http://report24uk.info/article/326054/man-is-stranded-for-2-days-after-wheelchair-stalls-in-tunnel

They need to start making a four-wheel drive motorized wheelchair. I see people driving these things everywhere, like you would a car. Came around a blind curve on a State highway one evening at dusk, at a good clip - and there, right in front of me in the middle of the lane (no reflectors or lights) was a guy in a motorized wheelchair. I had to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting him.

I understand that the wheelchairs give people independence and mobility - but they are not cars and should not be treated as such. That said, glad they found the guy in time!

EdinVA · « **Reply #16 on:** October 05, 2015, 03:36:49 pm »

Quote from: alicewonders on October 05, 2015, 03:20:52 pm

They need to start making a four-wheel drive motorized wheelchair. I see people driving these things everywhere, like you would a car. Came around a blind curve on a State highway one evening at dusk, at a good clip - and there, right in front of me in the middle of the lane (no reflectors or lights) was a guy in a motorized wheelchair. I had to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting him.

I understand that the wheelchairs give people independence and mobility - but they are not cars and should not be treated as such. That said, glad they found the guy in time!

Here you go Alice....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnzNY7X2dNE

alicewonders · « **Reply #17 on:** October 05, 2015, 03:44:47 pm »

I want one of those!

I wonder how long before someone blocks the aisle at Walmart with one of those?

Right_in_Virginia · « **Reply #18 on:** October 05, 2015, 07:38:41 pm »

Quote from: EC on September 28, 2015, 05:03:26 pm

We don't have a section for the really stupid stuff. The stuff that makes you shake your head in disbelief, laugh at the workings of insta-karma or just stretch the bounds of the ridiculous. Yet we do all need a laugh.

So - post 'em here if you find one!

This should be interesting . . . AND fill up fast!

EC · « **Reply #19 on:** October 06, 2015, 12:22:02 pm »

This one definitely rates a spot.

Pervert claimed he’d never flash because his penis is too small – prostitute says otherwise

A serial flasher has been jailed after a prostitute appeared in court last minute and gave a detailed description of his penis.

Hinton Sheryn, 68, had denied he would get his genitals out in public – because he was embarrassed it was ‘unusually small’.

But officers managed to find a prostitute he used who came to court at the last minute and contested his claims.

The female sex worker described his manhood and told Plymouth Crown Court it was a normal size.

Her late intervention helped convict the successful author, who has now been jailed for 17 years after being convicted of 18 perverted crimes.

http://metro.co.uk/2015/10/06/pervert-claimed-hed-never-flash-because-his-penis-is-too-small-prostitute-says-otherwise-5423869/

Paladin · « **Reply #20 on:** October 06, 2015, 08:18:37 pm »

"A serial flasher has been jailed after a prostitute appeared in court last minute and gave a detailed description of his penis."

Did it bend like you know whose?

aligncare · « **Reply #21 on:** October 06, 2015, 08:34:26 pm »

A penis line-up? That's beyond ridiculous, that's bizarre.

Paladin · « **Reply #22 on:** October 07, 2015, 12:43:45 am »

"A penis line-up? That's beyond ridiculous, that's bizarre."

What was the name of that movie where a female high school gym teacher wanted to inspect the penises of all the boys in the school so she could identify who had been spying on the girl's shower? (He had exposed himself though his peep hole).

EC · « **Reply #23 on:** October 07, 2015, 12:58:53 am »

One of the Porkys ones? Seems familiar.

EC · « **Reply #24 on:** October 08, 2015, 03:05:23 pm »

Man has six inch long dagger stuck in his rear while trying to remove piles in DIY operation

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT
Patient was taken to hospital in Hangzhou, China, yesterday
A dagger could be seen sticking out from the man's backside
He claimed he sat on the blade by accident while trying to remove piles
Surgeons have extracted the knife but failed to find haemorrhoids

A Chinese man has a six-inch-long dagger removed from his rear yesterday after it got stuck there by accident.

The patient, known only by his surname of Yan, said he had tried to remove his piles with the knife in his dorm when the blade got caught in his rectum, reportedPeople's Daily Online

However, doctors from Sir Run Run Shaw Hospital in Hangzhou, eastern China, said they didn't find any haemorrhoids on Mr Yan.

Removed: Doctors successfully extracted the sharp object (pictured) yesterday from the patient's body

Mr Yan was taken to the hospital by his colleagues at around 11am on October 7.

He is reported to be in his 50s and comes from Jiangsu province. He works as a dishwasher at a restaurant in Hangzhou.

Hospital staff said the patient was in great pain when he was sent to the emergency room and the handle of a dagger could be seen sticking out from his backside.

An unnamed colleague, who sent Mr Yan to the hospital, told Zhejiang Television Station: 'A colleague of his called me and said [Mr Yan] was sleeping and couldn't come to work today.

'He said a knife is sticking out from [Mr Yan's] rear.'

Mr Yan's colleagues decided to rush him to the hospital.

Mr Yan told a local reporter that he had been suffering from haemorrhoids for more than 10 years.

The pain became unbearable yesterday morning so he decided to 'chop them off' by himself with a dagger.

He said he carried out the operation by squatting down in front of a mirror, but he lost his balance at one point and sat on the blade by accident.

After checking the patient, an emergency room doctor said: 'We need to see if the dagger has pierced the rectum or the colon. If the intestines are fine, then we will remove it directly.'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/peoplesdaily/article-3264936/Man-six-inch-long-dagger-stuck-rear-trying-remove-piles-DIY-operation.html

Look, I KNOW washing dishes is boring, but THAT boring?