Author Topic: The Jukebox from Hell  (Read 77656 times)

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Offline Chieftain

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The Jukebox from Hell
« on: June 22, 2012, 06:28:48 pm »
This is not meant to compete with Lando's ongoing artistry in any way, but rather to accent it.

What I want here is the absolute worst video and music recordings you know of.  Everybody has a couple of songs that put their teeth on edge, and this is the place for 'em.  Tasteless, off key, stunningly poor performances and idiotic costume malfunctions....let's see 'em boys and girls....

To start off, here is one of the songs that Rush Limbaugh uses for his Gay Updates...


Klaus Nomi - You don't own me [1981]

Next??

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Offline mystery-ak

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #1 on: June 22, 2012, 06:34:01 pm »
I think I got you all beat


Van Halen - (Oh) Pretty Woman
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Offline andy58-in-nh

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2012, 06:50:38 pm »
I think I got you all beat

Okay, I'll admit that your Van Halen video "Pretty Woman" is in fact, Pretty Horrible, so much so that it might have been partly responsible for Roy Orbison's untimely departure from this vale of tears.

But for that singular, why-aren't-I-ripping-out-my-own-eyeballs-rather-than-watching-this-dreck experience, may I present Mr. Daivd Hasselhoff, who it seems, is "Hooked on a Feeling....


David Hasselhoff - Hooked On A Feeling"
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Offline mystery-ak

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2012, 06:55:54 pm »
OMG..I forgot about David Hasselhoff...I'll never get those three and a half minutes back...this is a close call!
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Offline andy58-in-nh

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2012, 07:04:55 pm »
OMG..I forgot about David Hasselhoff...I'll never get those three and a half minutes back...this is a close call!

Oh, I could just be getting warmed up... if taunted enough, that is...  :smokin:

How's about the video that single-handedly destroyed Billy Squier's admittedly thin career? (Hint: he dances like you imagine Barack Obama dances...)


Rock Me Tonight
"If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people."    -Calvin Coolidge

Offline andy58-in-nh

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2012, 07:14:23 pm »
A lot of lovely things come from Finland: hot tubs, aquavit, ravishing blondes in tiny swimsuits.... this was not one of them...


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"If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people."    -Calvin Coolidge

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2012, 07:19:32 pm »
"It aint what you don't know that kills you.  It's what you know that aint so!" ...Theodore Sturgeon

Don't wait until you deathbed to tell people how you feel.  Tell them to f**k off now!   

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Offline andy58-in-nh

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2012, 07:32:53 pm »
Playmates - Beep Beep (The Little Nash Rambler)

Hey, I always liked that song. Reminds me of all the times as a young buck when I got pulled over by the local constabulary for going a wee bit over the limit while the girl next to me struggled to get herself in proper condition for a flashlight inspection...  I still jump at blue lights in my rearview.  At least now, I always have my pants on.
"If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people."    -Calvin Coolidge

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2012, 09:10:04 pm »
From the infamous 1968 album The Transformed Man, here's the second-worst musical act to come out of Canada (but more on Nickelback later), William Shatner, with quite possibly the worst of the six tracks to come off the album, a cover of the Bob Dylan classic "Mr. Tambourine Man."


William Shatner - Mr Tambourine Man
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2012, 09:19:37 pm »
In 1979, the Japanese pop duo Pink Lady had conquered their home nation and decided to conquer the world, starting with the United States. The problem was that the duo knew very little English. Did that stop them? Not in the least. After one top-40 hit, and a CBS news story, Fred Silverman (at the time the president of NBC) decided to sign them for a variety show, a format that was already in decline. The result-- Pink Lady and Jeff-- became known as one of the worst TV series in history and was canceled after five episodes in 1980. The move left Pink Lady's career in shambles, and they retreated to Japan and eventually into retirement. They've since reunited.

Here's their only top-40 hit, peaking at #37 on the Hot 100 in 1979, "Kiss in the Dark."


Pink Lady: "Kiss in the Dark"
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2012, 09:48:28 pm »
I think this one may have been intentionally bad, but they did a great job of it. French Canadian songstress Madame St. Onge belts out this 1960s vintage travesty.


Worst Records Ever Made - Mme St Onge

I could go on all night...
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Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2012, 09:50:59 pm »
When I was on shore duty (briefly) at NATC Lakehurst NJ, the crew took a 1 hour lunch break to watch two shows.  The first was the daily episode of "Soap", and the other was the daily segment of "The Gong Show".

Not exactly a jukebox item but some of the very worst talent on display in one place on a regular basis, ever.

I dare you to turn it up and listen to this rendition of John Denver's "Country Roads"....


1977 Gong Show All Star Special Part 7

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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2012, 05:08:43 pm »
Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to you what I believe is the only song performed by renowned male model and 1990s icon Fabio. In 1994 he recorded an album, Fabio After Dark. It was actually part-compilation album of songs to, well, set the mood and part Fabio describing his idea for the perfect romance (thick Italian accent at all) to some sort of late 80s/early 90s R&B slow jam beat.

And then there was this... yes, Fabio singing.


Fabio - When Somebody Loves Somebody

(EDIT: It seems that the new software no longer allows YouTube video embedding. Aw, shucks.)
« Last Edit: June 24, 2012, 05:15:02 pm by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2012, 08:34:30 pm »
Burt Bacharach has written some classic music. One of his best is a tune known as "(They Long to Be) Close to You," which was a hit for the Carpenters in 1970. So why is it being included in the Jukebox from Hell?

Well, in 2001 or so, Heineken, the beer company, decided to put together a commercial that would act as a psychological weapon: assemble some of Britain's most infamous and disliked celebrities and have them sing this song as badly as possible until sales of Heineken went up. The guy at the piano is renowned magician and outspoken conservative Paul Daniels, with his wife and assistant on the swing. The woman lowered down from the moon is Vanessa Feltz, a talk show host (think the UK's answer to Jenny Jones or Ricki Lake). The rest of the assorted weirdos are ones I don't recognize, but their eccentric appearances should tell you enough.

The end of the commercial series has them being attacked by lions.

Now, I apologize, but the only full version of this song I could find has the captions written over in Turkish. Most of it's available in bits and pieces with the original English captions.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6ZaXhNY_iQ
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #14 on: July 02, 2012, 07:40:53 pm »
The Portsmouth Sinfonia was an orchestra conceived by England's Portsmouth School of Art; its distinguishing characteristic was that its members were all novices at the instruments they played. (That wasn't to say they weren't musically skilled; "clarinetist" Brian Eno was in fact a skilled producer and keyboardist, a pioneer in the genre of ambient music.) Instead of having them play typical elementary school fare, the conductor plunged this group of n00bs directly into the classics and had them attempt to play the music as written, as well as they possibly could.

Alas, at least for the first few years, the results were (predictably) laughable. After a few years, the members of the orchestra slowly got accustomed to their instruments, and despite efforts to branch off into other genera, the novelty wore off and within a decade they were inactive.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present one of their earliest, and most infamous, recordings, an adaptation of Richard Strauss's "Also Sprach Zarathustra," made famous by the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6piDRKOwh88
« Last Edit: July 02, 2012, 07:42:40 pm by jmyrlefuller »
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #15 on: July 06, 2012, 06:15:24 pm »
Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to you Exhibit A in the case against mixing popular music with kazoos. Here is the Temple City Kazoo Orchestra, from the California city of the same name, with their atrocious cover of the Bee Gees classic, "Stayin' Alive."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGDVGzeq6ug
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Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2012, 09:15:00 pm »
One of my all time favorite worst singers ever is Florence Foster Jenkins.  She was beyond bad, but oblivious, and gave live concerts attended by her personal pianist...

Per Wiki....

Quote
From her recordings it is apparent that Jenkins had little sense of pitch and rhythm, and was barely capable of sustaining a note. Her accompanist can be heard making adjustments to compensate for her tempo variations and rhythmic mistakes. Her dubious diction, especially in foreign language songs, is also noteworthy. Nonetheless, she became popular for the amusement she provided. Critics often described her work in a backhanded way that may have served to pique public curiosity.[citation needed]

Despite her patent lack of ability, Jenkins apparently was firmly convinced of her greatness. She compared herself favorably to the renowned sopranos Frieda Hempel and Luisa Tetrazzini, and dismissed the abundant audience laughter during her performances as "professional jealousy." She was aware of her critics, but never let them stand in her way: "People may say I can't sing," she said, "but no one can ever say I didn't sing."[citation needed]
   
Her recitals featured a mixture of the standard operatic repertoire by Mozart, Verdi, and Johann Strauss (all well beyond her technical ability); lieder by Brahms; Valverde's "Clavelitos" ("Little Carnations"), a favorite encore; and songs composed by herself or accompanist Cosmé McMoon, who reportedly made faces at Jenkins behind her back to get laughs.[citation needed]

Jenkins often wore elaborate costumes that she designed herself, sometimes appearing in wings and tinsel, and, for "Clavelitos", throwing flowers into the audience from a basket (apparently on one occasion, she hurled the basket as well) while fluttering a fan and sporting more flowers in her hair. After each performance McMoon would collect the flowers from the auditorium in readiness for redistribution during the next show.[citation needed]

After a taxicab crash in 1943 she discovered that she could sing "a higher F than ever before", and sent the cab driver a box of expensive cigars.[4]

In spite of public demand, Jenkins restricted her rare performances to a few favorite venues and one annual recital at the Ritz-Carlton ballroom in New York City. Attendance was limited to her loyal clubwomen and a select few others; she handled distribution of the coveted tickets herself. At the age of 76 she finally yielded to public demand and performed at Carnegie Hall on October 25, 1944. Tickets for the event sold out weeks in advance. Jenkins died a month later at her residence, the Hotel Seymour in Manhattan.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjURO9L5fdc&feature=related

Murder on the High C's.....

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2012, 08:43:23 am »
You may have heard of the concept of a supremely bad product becoming a bigger hit than a good one; after all, that is one of the major plot points of Mel Brooks's film and musical The Producers. Well, it happens in real life, too. Circa 1980, Cynthia Frantz, a law student and resident of the Bay Area's alternative music scene, decided to take on the persona of "Gloria Balsam" and recorded a single with two songs, the first being a rock-and-roll cover of Frank Sinatra's "High Hopes" (which, unfortunately, I don't believe is on YouTube) and a maudlin ballad about a puppy, "Fluffy." Both feature horrendously off-key singing.

Here's "Fluffy."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WehN8X_VkE
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Offline U-238

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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #20 on: July 14, 2012, 11:18:43 am »
Larry "Wild Man" Fischer had a reputation as an eccentric street performer in southern California. He briefly had an association with the legendary Frank Zappa, who released Fischer's first album, An Evening with Wild Man Fischer. Fischer was seriously mentally ill, which led to him being institutionalized as a teen (he escaped without anyone bothering to put him back in) and throwing a glass jar at Zappa's daughter, which ended his association with Zappa.

Fischer's style can be described as erratic, stripped-down with very little instrumentation, and an almost-sobbing, wildly off-key style of singing. He had a knack for writing fairly good songs, but what he lacked (or perhaps purposely avoided) was the ability to make them sound anything resembling professional.

Fischer, alas, died last year.

Here's what appears to be an attempt at one of those cheesy sunshine pop songs, "Merry Go Round:"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHqR1Rql5r8
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #21 on: July 15, 2012, 08:24:36 am »
Continuing my theme of schizophrenic musicians is the case of Wesley Willis. Willis, who hailed from Chicago, wasn't so much a singer as he was a ranter. Many of his songs (none of which are safe for playing here) were meant to be so disgusting that they would scare off the demons that haunted him throughout his life. The rest of his body of work consisted mainly of odes to all things Chicago. In the first few years of his "musical career" he ranted with the backing of a full punk-rock band, the Wesley Willis Fiasco. In later years, he carried around an electronic keyboard to provide accompaniment. Willis died in 2003, aged 39 years.

Here's perhaps one of his most famous compositions, a tribute to the "Rock and Roll McDonald's" restaurant in Chicago, also entitled "Rock and Roll McDonald's."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp3Cs3tDuR8
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2012, 07:58:02 am »
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is a lesson in prophecy. As the story goes, Austin Wiggin received a series of prophecies from his mother as a child, one of them being that his daughters would become famous musicians. When her other prophecies started coming true, Wiggin, who had sheltered his family from the sins of rock-and-roll music, decided to basically force his four daughters, Dorothy, Helen, Betty and Rachel, to form a band and record an album.

The result was a band known as The Shaggs and their album, Philosophy of the World. Derided as some of the worst music ever recorded, the Shaggs naturally didn't get taken very seriously. Austin Wiggin's dreams were crushed-- or so it seemed. Over the years, they slowly got better and in 1975 Wiggin decided to try again and brought his daughters back in the studio for their next album, Shaggs' Own Thing. Wiggin died during the recording sessions and the daughters, who always resented the whole thing, never released the album and disbanded the group forevermore. (Shaggs' Own Thing would get released in 1982; they'd reunite once in 1999.)

It was only in 1980 that Philosophy of the World was discovered by record executives, who believed it was so bad it was good and gave the album a wide release. They became infamous among "outsider music" aficionados and the album received wide praise, if only for its cathartic value.

The moral of the story: prophecies almost never turn out the way you expect them to turn out.

Here's a track from Philosophy of the World, which is kind of creepy knowing the story. "Who Are Parents?"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cs1BIlglzI
« Last Edit: July 16, 2012, 08:02:31 am by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #23 on: July 17, 2012, 06:46:35 am »
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is "Sultry" Sondra Prill, a late 1980s public access starlet from down in Florida. Unlike my other entries in this thread, she doesn't have much of a story... but like the others, she also doesn't have much talent. Watch her butcher Janet Jackson's hit "Nasty:"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZFrmFhXkr0
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Offline Luis Gonzalez

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #24 on: July 17, 2012, 11:28:37 pm »
Here's my entry/entries.

The original video first by O-Zone, a pop trio from Moldova, the second, the parody by Los Morancos, a Spanish comedy team.

The Spanish comedy team opens the song with some of the greatest lyrics ever to a disco song, as they face each other and sing:

Faggot who?
Faggot you!
Faggot me?
Faggot ha ha!



Fiesta! Fiesta!


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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #25 on: July 19, 2012, 06:05:09 pm »
My next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is simply inexplicable.


Design the Skyline - Surrounded by Silence
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #26 on: July 20, 2012, 06:19:51 am »
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2012, 08:13:28 pm »
We've already hit William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy in this thread. Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is another alumnus from Star Trek, George Takei (there must be something about that show; fortunately, DeForest Kelley knew better and never recorded an album in his lifetime). In 2008, Takei was one of the first contestants on the 2008 CBS reality show Secret Talents of the Stars; Takei's "talent" was supposedly that he was a country singer. Supposedly being the key word.

Let me put it this way: it was so bad, CBS canned the show after one episode.

Here's George Takei with his take on Willie Nelson's hit, "On the Road Again:"

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/4/george-takei-goes-country-485517
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Offline Scythian

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #28 on: July 22, 2012, 08:44:15 pm »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwbtbfAnI80

This one is actually pretty good, what do you guys think?
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2012, 06:26:23 am »
Meet William "Shooby" Taylor. Taylor was a scat artist, and while that in and of itself doesn't necessarily qualify him for the Jukebox from Hell, it was his decision to scat over pretty much any type of music, regardless of how appropriate it was, along with his somewhat unorthodox choices of syllables that qualifies him for this honor. His work was somewhat inconsistent, ranging from the good fits (a scat-along with Miles Davis) to the borderline sacrilegious (the black power anthem Lift Every Voice and Sing) to the absurd.

Fun fact: Taylor, at one time, appeared at the world famous Apollo Theater in Harlem during its Amateur Night competitions and was promptly booed off the stage.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present this morning's entry in the Jukebox from Hell: Shooby Taylor scatting over the Johnny Cash classic "Folsom Prison Blues."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgZ1PYS7qUU
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #30 on: July 26, 2012, 06:21:52 pm »
We know very little about our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell. Basically, a cassette tape containing the name of "Wooshie Spkamoto" and two karaoke tunes (Melissa Manchester's "Don't Cry Out Loud" and Kenny Rogers's "Lady") wound up in the hands of a disc jockey at WFMU, a New Jersey radio station known for featuring the totally bizarre artifacts of the music world. Naturally, they played it.

Here's Wooshie's cover of "Lady:"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4NJ21IchO8
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2012, 11:09:16 am »
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell takes a decidedly more mainstream turn-- sort of.

In 1971, Rupert Holmes (later to become famous for a certain little ditty involving piña coladas and getting caught in the rain) was able to get a band known as The Buoys signed to a recording contract. There were just two problems: 1) the contract was for only one song, and 2) the contract didn't require the record company to promote the single (and they weren't about to spend any money doing so). So Holmes decided to do what he could to make the single go viral: for that one song, he would write a tune so appalling that word-of-mouth would begin to spread about it, piquing interest in the song and prompting sales.

The result was "Timothy." At first listening, the song is an innocent tragic tune about three men trapped in a mine, with vocals buried under a thick brassy and stringy arrangement. But listen carefully to the lyrics and you'll soon find that by the end of the song, two of the men have eaten the titular character. That's right, Rupert Holmes wrote a song about cannibalism. Despite the record company's attempts to defuse Holmes's efforts by saying Timothy was a mule, Holmes's viral strategy worked. The song reached #17 on the Billboard Hot 100, making it the group's only hit single. "Timothy" was featured in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs, reaching #4.


The Buoys - Timothy
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2012, 11:18:20 pm »
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is another ruse. Jo Stafford, an acclaimed jazz vocalist, and her husband, pianist Paul Weston, had an act in which they posed as the lounge act "Jonathan and Darlene Edwards." "Jonathan" (Weston) would play an out-of-tune piano rather sloppily while "Darlene" (Stafford) would sing along off-key. Ironically, it was under this ruse that Stafford would win the only Grammy award she ever won in her lifetime-- the 1960 Grammy for Best Comedy Recording.

From their first album, Jonathan and Darlene Edwards in Paris, here's "Paris in the Spring."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alWBCVHGPnY
« Last Edit: July 28, 2012, 11:25:05 pm by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #33 on: August 01, 2012, 10:29:21 pm »
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the audition process for reality shows like American Idol, I had a friend of mine who tried out for it many years ago (she didn't make it through). Basically they gather thousands of auditioners in a big arena or stadium and have them perform one-by-one for the producers (not the on-air judges), then they send those they like to the televised auditions in front of the judges. Well, every so often they'll send a gag contestant to the judges as a joke. (Oftentimes they're not eligible for the contest; in fact, the first gag act was the hosts of the English version of the show in costume.)

William Hung earned a name for being one of the first "gag acts" to become famous from the American Idol auditions process. Hung, at the time a college student at UC-Berkeley, had no musical training when he tried out for Season 3 of the show. Yet his cover of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" rocketed him to infamy, parlaying it into three albums. Hung, mostly retired from music, now works for the LAPD.

Here's his signature song.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo-Y_Vb0wsw&t=52s
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #34 on: August 02, 2012, 08:43:34 pm »
In honor of the Olympics, I figured this entry in the Jukebox from Hell would be particularly fitting.

In 1994, the Canadian Football League decided that, in order to try and keep pace with its bigger, U.S.-based rival, it would begin placing markets in the United States. The original plan was to stay up north, but when it took in a Sacramento team from the now-defunct World League, that went out the window and in 1994, three new teams in Baltimore, Las Vegas and Shreveport (yes, Shreveport... it's a long and odd story) took the field.

Las Vegas's national anthem singer was a lounge singer named Dennis K.C. Parks. The problem was that Dennis, although he had a lyric sheet, had no idea of how the tune to Canada's national anthem, "O Canada," was supposed to go. The result was something that kind of resembled the old German Christmas carol "O Tannenbaum..." which sounds nothing like "O Canada." Despite his efforts to cover himself by using the pseudonym "Greg Bartholemew," Parks was discovered quite quickly and became an international embarrassment. (Fortunately, the Canadians took it in stride and brought him to Canada to learn the song the right way.)

Here's Dennis K.C. Parks's version of "O Canada."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpXzASiXX8U
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Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #35 on: August 03, 2012, 02:13:28 pm »
Gives new meaning to "sounds like Hell"...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QQX_KakJm34#!

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #36 on: August 04, 2012, 10:52:59 am »
This one sets up a nice segue... from a video parodying Lawrence Welk... to the real McCoy.

Here's Brewer & Shipley's lone chart hit, "One Toke Over the Line..." performed by the cast of The Lawrence Welk Show.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2012, 09:16:22 pm »
For the next few days, I'm going to feature in this thread Disco Week: a flashback to the late 1970s and some of the most ill-advised disco records ever recorded.

The first entry is a cut from The Ethel Merman Disco Album. Yes, Ethel Merman, at the time in her 70s, recorded a disco album at the peak of the fad. Here's her signature tune, "Everything's Coming Up Roses," discofied.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERZA-UawBuU
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #38 on: August 08, 2012, 09:11:11 pm »
Disco Week, Part II:

Monti Rock is perhaps best known as one of the eccentric regular guests on Johnny Carson's The Tonight Show in the 1970s, squarely on the D-list.

If you're wondering where Richard Simmons got his persona, take a listen to this disco cut, "Get Dancin'," which Monti Rock recorded under the title "Disco-Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes" (certainly not subtle). The rambling, exuberant, encouraging banter Disco-Tex engages sounds very similar to the kind Simmons would make famous a few years later.

It's also gay as ****, which isn't surprising considering disco's roots in the gay club scene.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KD6PqT3LjQk
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #39 on: August 09, 2012, 04:28:22 pm »
Disco Week, Part III:

I Love Lucy is remembered as a television icon-- the first TV show to gain a wide life in reruns, one that continues to this day. However, as Lucille Ball was beginning to find out in the later years of her last sitcom Here's Lucy (and would later realize fully a few years later when Life with Lucy was a huge flop), some things are best left as they are, in the past.

But that didn't stop the Wilton Place Street Band, a studio group assembled to take Desi Arnaz's classic Cuban-style theme to I Love Lucy... and set it to a disco beat. I'm not going to make any connections here... but Vivian Vance, the woman who played Ethel on that show, died the same year this travesty was released.

As performed on Soul Train, I present... "Disco Lucy."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouyfD1mfLOo
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #40 on: August 10, 2012, 02:33:20 pm »
Disco Week, Part IV:

This little piece was released when disco was already well out of fashion. The creepy narrator trying too hard to invoke his "low voice" is Kevin Kline, who later became a famous actor.

Here's Cristina Monet (and Kevin Kline), with "Disco Clone."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1lqi29BVXE
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #41 on: August 11, 2012, 09:17:24 am »
Introducing the Minipops.

In 1982, the British television network Channel 4 launched a TV show called Minipops, in which kids would sing, in costume, to contemporary pop hits of the day. The idea seems innocuous enough-- after all, the popular "Kidz Bop" line of albums does the exact same thing today here in America. That is, until you realize some of the lyrical content of the songs they're singing.

Then, seeing little 5-year-old Joanna singing "night time is the right time, we make love" while dressed up as grown-up Sheena Easton seems kind of creepy. The outrage from this incident forced the show's cancellation. Overkill, perhaps, but certainly the choice of song (and original lyrics) was inappropriate.

(Note that this was originally going to be Disco Week Part V, which would've featured the Minipops cast doing a medley of ABBA... and blurting out the equally creepy first line, "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man after Midnight..." but unfortunately that one doesn't seem to be on YouTube.)

Here's Joanna Fisher singing Sheena Easton's hit, "9 to 5 (Morning Train)."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh7NxD9fTGM
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #42 on: August 12, 2012, 08:01:18 am »
Wrapping up Disco Week:

I have purposely tried to avoid repeat appearances on the Jukebox from Hell, and I featured a couple of Lawrence Welk performers last week, so I was hesitant to include this one so soon. However, Myron Floren wasn't among the performers, so I'll let this one slide. Myron was Welk's second-in-command and, like Welk, a skilled accordionist. While accordions go well with polka, Western European romantic music, and Weird Al parodies... disco is probably way down on that list.

But oh, no. Remember, this is the late 1970s, and they had to discofy everything. EVERYTHING. Including Lawrence Welk apparently.

But here it is anyway... Myron Floren, with a disco-backed cover of A. Humpfat's Clarinet Polka... "Disco Accordion."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2003/01/365-Days-Project-01-31-floren-myron-disco-accordion-1977.mp3
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #43 on: August 13, 2012, 03:06:12 pm »
I promise this is the last Star Trek related tune I will include here... until, at least, I run out of artists.

This little ditty dates to 1987, from Britain. I'm going to start this by saying that from 1984 to 1986, there was a popular rock supergroup known as The Firm active. Well, the band in today's entry into the Jukebox from Hell isn't that "The Firm." They're both from the mid-80s, both were British, and they have the same name, but the similarities end there.

This "The Firm" was a novelty group that recorded a rather annoying tune about the TV show Star Trek... as if that show hadn't churned out enough bad music already (see above). Rightfully so, the record companies refused to distribute this dreck. So the band pressed their own copies and distributed them to radio... and inexplicably, it became a hit. A number-one hit, even. (Of course, I imagine there were plenty who were expecting a tune from the aforementioned rock supergroup and were sorely disappointed.) It never caught on in America, with the only real exposure coming from novelty DJ Dr. Demento.

The song attempts to associate characters with catchphrases that were never uttered during the course of the Star Trek series... with extremely bad imitations (the imitation of McCoy is particularly bad). Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present... "Star Trekkin'."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE
« Last Edit: August 13, 2012, 03:11:21 pm by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #44 on: August 14, 2012, 05:21:49 pm »
Actor Telly Savalas had a nice career as a tough-guy character actor. He's probably best known for his starring role in Kojak.

However, he also had a musical career. While not as infamous as William Shatner's, Savalas was prone to, quite frequently, perform spoken-word covers of popular songs. Amazingly, he was a hit in Europe with those things, especially with a cover of the Bread song "If." Oddly, Savalas had a very respectable baritone singing voice, even if it was somewhat limited in range. His covers of a couple of Don Williams tunes turned out very well. Why he decided to speak the lyrics to so many of his songs, the world will never know.

Here's one of the tunes that didn't turn out so well. Ladies and gentlemen, I present Telly Savalas, with the Righteous Brothers cover "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPtoQYzcRwg
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #45 on: August 15, 2012, 05:03:49 pm »
Not too much is there to be said about Wing Han Tsang, a New Zealand woman of Chinese descent. Let her high-pitched warbling speak for itself.

Here's Wing with a cover of ABBA's "Dancing Queen."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqBWvmhS-AY&feature=related
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #46 on: August 17, 2012, 07:04:38 pm »
Norman Odom has a special place in music history. He helped launch the career of famed record producer T-Bone Burnett. His style of music is considered an important forerunner to the genre of psychobilly.

And all of that came from this oddball mess he recorded under the nickname "Legendary Stardust Cowboy" in 1969-- "Paralyzed." That's all I'm going to say about this one, as the element of surprise makes this one all the more, well, entertaining.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EEZAivzl1Q
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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #47 on: August 18, 2012, 02:08:40 am »
HA!  You call zis muzik BAD!?! 

It is to laugh, that you sink zis musik ist BAD!

HA, HA HA! HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Zis ist the epitome of bad!

(Credit to Ivor Bigguns)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyQE1zzLbGo

or zis von...  (which I actually like... Star Trek done as opera)

(credit: Robot Chicken)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_Ff3upJG00

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #48 on: August 20, 2012, 08:12:17 am »
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from an obscure pornographic Broadway musical called "Let My People Come." Most of the VERY graphic songs from this musical aren't fit for play most places, including here. However, one song does have a fairly wide circulation, a tune about... coming out as gay. Certainly not the worst tune out there about this topic (but most of the ones that are worse are intentionally cheesy, see the Kids in the Hall song of the same topic), but the end part with everyone yelling in ecstasy "I'm gay!" is enough for a few chuckles.

Here's "I'm Gay."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAN-q7G5I88
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #49 on: August 22, 2012, 05:14:59 pm »
An old tale known as the Marching Chinamen states that if the entire population of China were to line up and file through a gate, they would never finish, as China's population is large enough that the children of those currently passing through the gate will mature and have more children, who themselves have time to mature and have yet more children, ad infinitum. (Presumably the tale was long before the one-child policy came into effect.) It was adapted into the humorous short-story "The Marching Morons" in 1951, in which the Chinese were replaced by stupid people.

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell illustrates this point in pure clarity. As long as I limit myself to one entry per day (as I have), I should never run out of bad music to feature here. Heck, up to this point I've even been able to restrict myself to one song per artist... and I still have a big backlog to go through. Yet every day, more bad music comes out. I heard this tune on the local country music station for the first time today. Within ten seconds of trying to listen to it I was annoyed. This woman sounded like a valley girl trying to cross the anger of Taylor Swift with a pop sound vaguely resembling Katy Perry without the charm or perhaps Ke$ha. After putting up with the entire song, waiting for the backsell... it comes. Shockingly this piece of bilge was from an almost unrecognizable Swift herself. Although she's put together some tripe before that pandered squarely to the teen girls and no one else... never before had she ever released a song as bad as "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together."

The Kennedys must be getting to her head... and not the Dead variety.

Here it is.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcMn_Eu-XTE
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