Waiting for Godot 2007 – A Satire in an Unannounced Number of ActsTales from the Banana Republican Archives.Act I.
A press room, two chairs, a podium with a microphone.
Early evening.
Estrougen sits on a chair and struggles to remove the battery from her Razr V3. She pulls at the back of the phone from every conceivable angle, panting, then gives up, rests, and tries again.
Enter Vlacid.
Estrougen:
(giving up again) Friggin' Chinese junk.
Vlacid:
(Advancing slowly and methodically) It's all Chinese junk, I can't get China out of my life, but then, I ask myself, if not China, then who…or what? So I carry on.
(Pausing, he looks around) Has he been here yet?
Estrougen:
(Putting phone down) He sent word that he will most certainly be here later tonight. I'm glad you're back, or maybe I should say, I'm glad you're still here.
Vlacid:
Yeah well, what else is there to do?
Estrougen:
You could leave, I guess, or rather not come back.
Vlacid:
But what if he comes when I'm gone? It's bad enough that I keep coming here when he's not, but it'd be worse to not be here when he does come.
Estrougen:
That's true, leaving would make the waiting worthless. All we have is the waiting, without the waiting we have nothing to do but wait for something else, and I just don't know what else to wait for.
Vlacid:
We have so much invested in this waiting that waiting on something else would be a waste of all the good waiting that's already been done.
Estrougen:
True. We do have the waiting…and to tell you the truth, it's been a good wait.
Vlacid:
It has been that.
(Long silence as Estrougen fiddles with the cellular phone and Vlacid tries to refold a newspaper)
Estrougen:
Yesterday, I got an IM that said he would certainly be here today, I hope that's true.
Vlacid:
How many times have you received the same IM?
Estrougen:
I dunno…hundreds I guess, but maybe this one's for real.
Vlacid:
Maybe this time…
Estrougen:
(Starts tinkering with his cell phone again.) Maybe this time…
Vlacid:
That made me think of Liza Minnelli.
Estrougen:
Everything seems to make you think of Liza Minnelli, which should concern you.
Vlacid:
I saw Liza the last time she came here.
Estrougen:
She came here?
Vlacid:
Yes she did, I waited in line for tickets.
Estrougen:
That must have been a long wait.
Vlacid:
It wasn't, not really.
Silence again as Estrougen continues the ongoing struggle with the V3, and Vlacid unfolds the folded newspaper and begins to read.
Vlacid:
There's a story about him here…interesting.
Estrougen:
There are always stories about him in that newspaper; it's the same newspaper you read yesterday.
Vlacid:
And the day before.
Estrougen:
And the day before that.
Vlacid:
But at least, this proves that he's consistent.
Estrougen:
Yes it does.
(Short pause as Estrougen thinks that she's finally removed the cell phone's battery cover, but it suddenly slips back into place with a triumphant click!)
Vlacid:
It says here that his accomplishments are many, and important.
Estrougen:
It does say that, I read that yesterday.
Vlacid:
And the day before.
Estrougen:
And the day before that.
Vlacid:
He says that he will find more Mohicans.
Estrougen:
It says that? I don't remember that it said that. I remember that he said that it was a shame that there were no Mohicans left.
Vlacid:
Exactly! And that means that he's going to find more Mohicans and fix the Mohican void.
Estrougen:
You think that's what he said?
Vlacid:
It's obvious…here, read it yourself.
Estrougen:
It says that, I see it.
Vlacid:
I told you.
Estrougen:
How does he plan to do that I wonder?
Vlacid:
It doesn't say. It doesn't matter though. What's important is that he will do it.
Estrougen:
True, that's what's really important. The details will reveal themselves in due time.
Vlacid:
In due time.
(The conversation lags as Vlacid turns a page of the unfolded newspaper and Estrougen tries removing the cover from the cell phone with her other hand, then upside down, then while standing.)
Vlacid:
Nothing to be told anymore…everything's been said.
Estrougen:
Maybe, if you read a different paper…
Vlacid:
I did, nothing more to be told there either.
Estrougen:
…a different paper from a different day…
Vlacid: (becoming excited.)
I did!
Estrougen:
…that you had not read before.
Vlacid:
Oh.
Estrougen:
I did that once. It said that he knew where to find the Lost Generation.
Vlacid:
He knows that?
Estrougen:
I read that he said that, so it must certainly be true. And he's going to bring them back…you can count on that. I'm not one to believe everything that I read, but if he said it, then who am I not to believe it?
Vlacid:
He's an amazing man, so accomplished.
Estrougen:
So accomplished…
(Estrougen finally gives up trying to remove the cover from her V3, and with a sigh, drops it in the pocket of her coat. Then she pulls it out again and begins to turn it over slowly, examining it closely. Vlacid begins to fold the newspaper.)
Vlacid:
You're done?
Estrougen:
For today, maybe forever, after all, he should be here any minute now.
Vlacid:
So, why did you fold the paper so carefully?
Estrougen:
What if I need it tomorrow?
Vlacid:
It will be the same stories, that's what.
Estrougen:
No less true the more times I read them than the first time I read them.
Vlacid:
Well, that's certainly true.
Estrougen:
The man is a pillar of serenity in a sea of not serenity.
Vlacid:
Not serenity…I like that. It somehow reminds me of Liza Minnelli.
(Just then, a door opens offstage and hurried, purposeful footsteps approach. A young man enters stage left and walks to the podium, displaying a great deal of familiarity with the setting, he spreads papers out before him.)
Young man: (turns microphone on, and tests it by tapping on it.)
May I have your attention please?
(Estrougen and Vlacid approach the podium while looking excitedly around the room.)
Estrougen: (Speaking to the young man.)
Is he here? We've been waiting. Is he here?
Vlacid: (Excitedly)
What about the Mohicans? Are they here too?
Young man:
May I have your attention please?
(Estrougen and Vlacid barely contain themselves.)
Young man:
Mr. Godot wishes me to tell you that he will not be here today; it's not time for him to be here yet. He wanted me to assure you that he will be here tomorrow, because tomorrow will be a better day for him to be here than today, he wanted me to thank you for waiting, to tell you that he is looking forward to meeting with you, and that he's certain that the pleasure will be all yours once you meet.
Estrougen: (Despondent.)
Not today?
Young man:
Today, is not important, tomorrow is important, Mr. Godot wants you to remember that.
Vlacid:
But yesterday, you said that he would be here today.
Estrougen:
Yesterday, you said that he wouldn't be here, because tomorrow would be a better day for him to be here. Didn't you say that yesterday?
Young man:
Yes, I did.
Vlacid:
And that's what you said the day before.
Estrougen:
And the day before that.
Young man:
And I've been right every time, I've never lied, have I?
Vlacid:
No, you haven't lied.
Estrougen:
No, you haven't lied.
Young man:
Very well then, thank you for your understanding, and we shall see you tomorrow. Are there any questions?
Estrougen:
One question…he will come, won't he?
Young man:
He will come tomorrow. So when you wake up, and it is tomorrow, you can count that he will come. But not today, he will never come today.
(The young man turns off the microphone, gathers his paper, and with the same hurried, purposeful steps exits stage left, leaving Vlacid and Estrougen standing alone once again.)
Estrougen:
Well, that was that.
Vlacid:
I thought it was promising, really. I think that today, he really meant that he will be here when we're all here tomorrow.
Estrougen:
But not today, never today, today is not the best time for him to be here, tomorrow is.
Vlacid:
Yes, so true. And when he comes…OH BOY! When he comes won't those Mohicans be happy that he's here?
Estrougen:
And the Lost Generation, finally found.
Vlacid:
And Atlantis.
Estrougen:
He knows where that is?
Vlacid:
He said so in almost those very words…I read all about it yesterday. And the day before, and the day before that.
Estrougen:
It makes the waiting better, just knowing that tomorrow it ends.
Vlacid:
Ends? It begins tomorrow.
Estrougen:
Are you sure?
Vlacid:
I think so. It's been so long that I don't know whether I'm waiting for a beginning or an end.
Estrougen:
We're just waiting for tomorrow, when we're finally here tomorrow, and not today, all the waiting will be worth it.
Vlacid:
Tomorrow then?
Estrougen:
Tomorrow then.
(Estrougen pulls her V3 out of her coat pocket and fumbles with it, while Vlacid folds the newspaper one final time. They both walk out stage right.)
(Curtains)
