Author Topic: Today's Toons 6/8/26 (Read 557 times)

pookie18 · « **on:** **Today** at 12:08 am »

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner was confronted by a new scandal Sunday when it was discovered that he engaged in sex-texting with multiple women right after he got married. It was leaked as a shrewd move to the middle. Democrats now want to package him as a Bill Clinton Democrat.

U.S. peace talks with Iran stalled Monday over Iran's anger over Israeli attacks on Hezbollah in Lebanon as Iran's leadership continued rotating. On Sunday, Iran's president submitted a letter of resignation to the Supreme Leader. It's reported he's stepping down in order to spend more time alive.

Politico reports Democrats are running on a vow to expand the Supreme Court to counter GOP appointees. When the Treasury Department announced plans to create a $250 bill with Trump's picture on it, the Democrats vowed to create a $100 bill with Hunter Biden's picture on it. It comes pre-rolled up.

Vermont Socialist U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders made speeches throughout Maine Tuesday with Democrat Senate candidate Graham Platner. To me it was odd to see a Jew campaigning for a guy with a Nazi tattoo on his chest. This makes as much sense as Big Bird campaigning for Colonel Sanders.

Senator Bernie Sanders barnstormed Maine campaigning for Senate candidate Graham Platner, extolling the candidate's commitment to Democratic Socialism. It's clearly defined. Democratic Socialists believe, as an article of faith, that it's okay to be wealthy as long as you feel just awful about it.

The Treasury Department last week instructed the Bureau of Engraving to make a $250 bill with President Trump's portrait on it. However the $250 bill with his picture on it won't go into general circulation until he's dead. Trump has finally figured out a way to get Democrats to stop shooting at him.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent hosted the Thursday White House press conference and insisted Iran first open up the Straits of Hormuz to start talks. It should get bi-partisan support. Democrats have to agree that a gay guy demanding that the straits open up is a perfect way to kick off Pride Month.

The Trump Accounts began Friday that provide toddlers $1,000 that parents invest in sure-bet index funds. Parents can put $5,000 a year in the accounts until the kids are 18 and it's an IRA. This way, in 2044 if State University has 20,000 kids, the College Republican Club will have 20,000 members.

Texas Democratic Senate candidate Jim Talarico said there are six sexes and that God is all of them. In the early 1970s, Progressives claimed that God is Dead and 50 years later they say God is Gay. The only conclusion I can draw is, God was awakened by disco music and regained the will to live.

President Trump gave Iran a few more days to agree to a deal before he turns the conflict over to the Pentagon. It has to end on his terms, which I'd argue it has. Iran's army, navy and missile system are all gone, and Stephen Colbert's Late Show is off the air, so no one can say Trump hasn't won.

PBS grimly assessed President Trump's physical exam Tuesday, which he passed with flying colors, saying it renewed media scrutiny into his health. CNN pointed out his many assassination attempts are a reminder of his mortality. It's like getting shot at is a health problem, like high cholesterol.

Google was reported to be seeking federal permission to release 32 million mosquitoes in California. The idea is to reduce the spread of West Nile Virus, and other mosquito-borne diseases. Last summer a mosquito bit Senator Elizabeth Warren and just like that, there went all her Indian blood.

The Wall Street Journal reported that New Jersey's leading Democratic candidate for Congress Dr. Adam Hamawy was discovered last week to have ties to an Al Qaeda-front organization and a convicted terrorist in the 90s. He's a Progressive Democrat. This is terribly embarrassing for Al Qaeda.

Maine's Democrat U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner faced another scandal Monday after his wife admitted to opposition researchers that he texted sex messages to 12 different women right after they'd gotten married. It gets worse. Platner met up with the 12 women on the dating site OK-Hitler.

I can't believe Scott Pelley got fired at CBS 60 Minutes today. Before that happened, I'd have said that a Trump voter would make the runoff for mayor of Los Angeles.

I hate to leave the Comedy Store for 2 weeks, but I just picked up a road gig in August as the interim Shah of Iran.

Scumbag Senate candidate Graham Platner at a theme park got very angry at a woman sitting next to him on the roller coaster who wouldn't stop screaming...it was like she never saw a penis before.

Democratic Socialists believe as an article of faith that the only way to defeat Trump's fascism is through high taxes, censorship and government control of everything.

Democrats have stopped calling Trump a Nazi since they discovered in Maine it only drives up your poll numbers.

Homeland Security says the border wall will be complete from the ocean to the Gulf a year from now. Everyone loves to say Viva Mexico, but no one wants to Viva in Mexico.

Hillary Clinton issued a post blasting President Trump's ballroom construction. She doesn't realize there's a difference between building something new at the White House and banging someone new at the White House.

-- Argus Hamilton