Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 24, 2026 Edition  (Read 57 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 24, 2026 Edition
« on: Today at 03:21:50 am »
Congresswoman Denies Knowledge of Fraud

This week, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn) denied allegations that she knew about the fraud for which Aimee Bock was sentenced to 41 years in federal prison. "I know she says I knew about the scheme to steal millions of dollars in federal funds meant to feed hungry children," Omar said, "but how credible are her claims? The sentencing judge called Bock a dishonest criminal mastermind who has done profound and lasting damage to the community and state, that her conduct was not an impulsive one-time error; it was sustained, organized, and aggressively pursued."

"Now, Bock is a convicted felon," Omar added. "This is a badge of shame only meted out to the worst persons among us. In contrast, I have been a respected member of Congress for more than seven years, reelected three times to serve as a community leader for Somali immigrants to defend not only their interests, but those of Somalia itself. I am a nationally respected voice for the Democratic Party. Many people say I should run for the Senate or presidency. Only fools or enemies of democracy would take Bock's word over mine."

House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer (R-Ky) said "our investigation into rampant fraud in Minnesota has revealed that Governor Tim Walz and Attorney General Keith Ellison were aware of widespread fraud in social service programs, lied about their knowledge of the fraud, and retaliated against employees who dared to raise concerns. Instead of protecting vulnerable Americans, they handed over billions in taxpayer dollars to fraudsters and threw their own state employees under the bus. Considering that the fraud was so profuse as to have consumed billions of taxpayer dollars I can't believe that any government official in Minnesota wouldn't have been aware of it."

Omar dismissed Comer's observations, saying "he is part of Trump's fascist takeover of America. There should be no doubt in any right-thinking person's mind that these people would say and do anything to destroy those of us who are fighting to save our democracy. I was the one who introduced the MEALS Act, which allowed the Department of Agriculture to issue waivers of school-meal requirements during the pandemic. It is not my fault if some people did something to fraudulently divert the funds for illegitimate purposes. Fortunately, the voters of Minnesota are with me, as will be proved when the ballots are counted in the November elections."

In related news, Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. revealed that "investigators have uncovered brazen schemes that billed taxpayers for non-existent services, fraudulent diagnoses, and fake care so criminals could enrich themselves at public expense. Every fraudulent autism diagnosis steals time, care, and resources from the children for whom this program was designed. Families with autistic children already face enormous challenges navigating therapies, specialists, and support systems. Fraud makes those barriers even steeper."

Democrat Wants Zionist Internment Camps

Maureen Galindo, a Democrat running for Congress in Texas Congressional District-35, wants "to save America from the devious schemes of Zionist Jews by incarcerating them in internment camps. I'm not against Jews per se. Jews who are simply members of the proletariat who wait in line with fellow citizens to buy bread or are toiling beside each other on the collective farms are acceptable, but those who have money and influence--running big businesses, Hollywood studios, media firms and donating millions to political candidates--are dangerous to our democracy. We need to neutralize their power. The best way to do that is to separate them from society and put them in camps like we did to Japanese-Americans during World War II."

Galindo contends that "separating out the dangerous ones from the masses is a humane approach. I'm not saying they need to be gassed or worked to death like Jews were in Nazi concentration camps. I have no Nazi tattoos I need to be ashamed of. The internees would be fed and cared for in the camps. But they'd be cut off from their access to control or manipulate society. They wouldn't be anybody's boss. The money they previously had would be confiscated and spent on services benefiting the poor or other deserving individuals. Over time, hatred of Jews would diminish in concert with the loss of their ability to control the centers of power."

Part of the "care" that her proposed internment camps would provide is castration. "We don't want bad genes to be passed on. Most Zionist Jews are pedophiles. Since we aren't going to exterminate the internees we still have to protect the public in the event that any of them escape. Admittedly, castrating can't prevent them from sexually abusing their victims, but at least there won't be any undesirable offspring."

She contrasted her candidacy with that of her primary-runoff opponent, saying "Johnny Garcia is controlled by billionaire Zionist Jews. He will do their bidding to aid and abet their plan to control the world. The fact that the San Antonio Jewish Federation (JFSA) has attacked me, but not him should be all the proof voters need to know who they should vote for to represent them in Congress."

Immigrant Crime Wave in Denmark

Unlike many other European countries, Denmark has been pretty restrictive in admitting Muslims into their country. Consequently, these immigrant populations are quite low compared to places like France, Sweden, and the United Kingdom. Also unlike other European countries, Denmark keeps meticulous statistics on the ethnicity of persons who commit serious crimes. These statistics show that disproportionate numbers of offenders are immigrants.

In the category of attempted homicide, Somalis are 27 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime, Moroccans and Palestinians are 20 times as likely, Iraqis are 13 times as likely, Pakistanis are 10 times as likely.

In the category of rape, Somalis are 20 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime, Syrians are 16 times as likely, Palestinians are 12 times as likely, Afghans are 11 times as likely, and Iraqis 9 times as likely.

In the category of grievous assault, Somalis are 17 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime. Palestinians and Tunisians are 12 times as likely. Algerians are 8 times as likely. Iraqis are 7 times as likely.

In the category of robbery, Somalis are 33 times as likely as Danes to be arrested for this crime, Tunisians are 21 times as likely, Palestinians are 16 times as likely, Algerians are 13 times as likely, and Ugandans are 12 times as likely.

Clearly, allowing these immigrants into the country has worsened the lives of the Danish people. Not only are they more exposed to being the victims of crime, but the Danish government fears that "our ability to provide generous welfare benefits is in danger of becoming financially infeasible."

Gov. Tim Walz (D-Minn) expressed shock about the data indicating that Somalis appear to be the worst people to allow to immigrate into a community, saying "we have a rather large contingent of Somalis in our state, but have never experienced a significant increase in crimes committed by them."

Gunshot Detection Technology Disabled

The city of Cambridge in Massachusetts has disabled its gunshot detection system--ShotSpotter--under pressure from leftist political activists. Stephanie Guirand, a member of the group "The Black Response" pointed out that "it disproportionately affects racial and ethnic groups that have higher propensities to commit crimes using guns than white folks. This is intrinsically racist and should not be allowed. Let the police use the investigation techniques they used before this technology existed."

Spencer Piston, a Boston University political science professor, said "this technology could lead to more arrests of undocumented immigrants. Arrests mean fingerprints, mug shots, and addresses will be recorded and kept. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) could access this information, track down the individuals suspected of committing crimes, apprehend and deport them. Massachusetts is a sanctuary state. We should be protecting these immigrants from ICE."

Police Commissioner Pauline Wells begged the City Council not to deactivate the devices, saying "there have been multiple instances where this technology has saved lives. Since young Black men are more likely to be shot than any other segment of the population this system will save more of their lives."

The City Council decided to "pause the operation of the technology for 90 days. We don't want to go off half-cocked. Let's take a little more time to evaluate the pluses and minuses of the system. Technologies that can have disparate impacts on our essential goal of diversity, equality and inclusion among different sectors of society mustn't be allowed to be undermined."

Mother of Trans Track Star Complains

Trans athlete AB Hernandez came in first at three events during a recent California Interscholastic Federation Southern Section championship final: long jump, high jump and triple jump. Girls who finished second to him were allowed to share the victor's podium.

Nereyda Hernandez, AB's mother complained "my trans girl beat those cis girls fair and square. Making AB share the podium with those losers was a travesty that devalued the ceremony. It's time that everyone admits that there is more to being a girl than just DNA. AB has the courage and the work ethic to overcome being short-changed with the XY chromosomes she inherited."

"We Must Break the Spirit of MAGA People"

This week, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) spoke before the 2026 CAP IDEAS Conference that was hosted by the Center for American Progress, saying "first, as a guarantee, we are taking back control of the United States House of Representatives in November. As I speak, we have thousands of people in the field registering as many new voters as we can. People like 64-year-old Californian Brenda Lee Brown Armstrong who has been registering homeless skid row folks for the last 20 years. She lets them use her home address so the mail-in ballots the state sends to every registered voter won't get lost and she can insure that they will be cast for Democrat candidates all up and down the ballot."

"Second, not only will we defeat MAGA with ballots," Jeffries boasted. "We will also break their spirit. Our Democrat majority in Congress will enable us to pass the legislation former Vice-President Kamala Harris mentioned last week. This includes adding enough new progressive Justices to the US Supreme Court to guarantee favorable rulings for all our progressive legislation including admitting Puerto Rico and Washington DC as new states. This would give our Party four new senators and five or six new House members. Then we will be able to eliminate the Electoral College and elect a president by a national popular vote. Red state power will be neutralized in the 2028 election. A progressive Democrat will be inaugurated as president in January 2029. Maybe it will be Harris or Newsom or even a fresh new face like me."

"With our Party in full control, the enemies of democracy will be punished," Jeffries promised. "Trump and his henchmen will be sent to prison. MAGA voters will be taxed and taxed some more until they are totally dispossessed. They will be denied the welfare benefits they have urged be denied to the foreigners that President Biden invited to our country and the millions more we will bring in under a new Democratic president. They will have to work off the books or beg in the streets like the immigrants they despise. Their children will be taken away to prevent their parents evil ideas from being taught to them. They will be given the transgender surgeries their parents would've denied them. The MAGA folks will rue every word they have said against us and every action they have taken to try to thwart the transformation that former President Obama pledged to make to America. These are the things we will do to break MAGA's spirit."

Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) called Jeffries vision of America's future "surprisingly moderate considering how much damage Trump and his minions have done to the country. Considering some of the things Jeffries has said in private, I would have expected him to call for more blood and guts to be spilled in the transformation. Lenin, and later Stalin, knew that potential counterrevolutionaries had to be exterminated for the progressive transformation to be assured of a permanent hold on power."