Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 26, 2026 Edition  (Read 27 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 26, 2026 Edition
« on: Today at 03:03:17 am »
Highlights of the California Candidates for Governor Debate

One of the distinct differences between the Deomocrat and Republican candidates vying to be the state's next governor were their answers to the question of whether truck drivers should be able to understand English in order to be licensed to drive on the roads?

Riverside County Sheriff Chad Bianco (R) says "yes, it is a matter of public safety. The inability to read and understand roadside signs has a direct impact on crashes that kill other drivers and the passengers in their vehicles. Drivers who do not understand English make serious errors--like going the wrong way on freeway lanes, making illegal turns into traffic, and exceeding the speed limits."

Former US Congresswoman Katie Porter called Bianco's response "totally racist. Ignorance of the English language should not bar a black or brown person from earning a living driving a truck. Yet, this is precisely what Mr. Bianco would have the state do. He would yield to Trump's attempt to preempt the state's authority to grant licenses to whoever it pleases. He has no business running to represent a state as dedicated to diversity as California."

Xavier Becerra, former Secretary of Health and Human Services under President Biden, agreed with Porter, saying "as the state's next governor I would absolutely protect truckers who cannot speak or understand English. Many of them entered the country at President Biden's invitation and are seeking a better life. Only a small minority of them have been involved in fatal crashes. All persons entering traffic voluntarily assume the risks it entails."

Billionaire Tom Steyer (D) agreed with his fellow Democrats that "the mere suggestion that being able to understand English should be a requirement for driving an 18-wheel truck is racist. Instead of hassling immigrant truck drivers we should be arresting ICE officers. California is a sanctuary state. It's time we got the feds out of here. I'm confident that if we put a few of the ICE goons in prison the rest will leave us alone."

Another question that helped clarify where the candidates stand was their assessment of the job done by term-limited Gov. Gavin Newsom (D).

Republican candidate Steve Hilton called Newsom's tenure "a disaster. His high-tax and spend regime has not yielded better lives for the vast majority of California residents. State welfare payments have been marred by massive fraud. California leads the nation in homelessness and poverty. Out-migration of the hard-working and productive segments of the population are at all-time highs. Of course, the Governor was aided and abetted by the lopsided majority of Democrats in the state legislature as will any of the Democrats running for governor now will be if the win the job."

Billionaire Tom Steyer (D) took a more sympathetic view, saying "Gavin was plagued by bad luck. Hordes of foreigners seeking the good life flooded into the state. Paying for their welfare put a lot of pressure on the state's resources. Then there was the big fire in Los Angeles that hit just when the reservoirs were empty. Thousands of homes were burned and there hasn't been enough time to replace them with the higher-density residences Democrats want. I think he's done better than could be expected given those bad breaks."

Becerra 's assessment was more succinct "I give Newsom an 'A' for effort. Instead of bailing California out like former President Biden would've done, Trump has blamed Newsom and the Democrats for the wasteful spending and high taxes that raise the cost of living for residents and their lack of preparedness for the fires."

The debate moderator asked Hilton "won't your endorsement by Trump hurt your chances? In California, Democratic voters outnumber Republicans by two-to-one."

Hilton pointed out that "unlike this state's Democrat officeholders, I won't be insulting and slandering the President at every opportunity. When I'm governor we will have a constructive relationship and partnership with the federal government. We will work with the President and his administration to manage our forests better, to harvest the timber so we can build the homes lost in the 2025 fires, to increase California energy production so we can lower gas prices, to fight the fraud in our government so we can cut spending and cut taxes, and to enforce our immigration laws."

Porter scoffed at Hilton's "delusion that the people of California would ever elect a Republican again. Voters in this state hate Republicans in general and Trump specifically. By openly aligning himself with Trump's fascist regime Mr. Hilton has doomed his candidacy. Polls now show me ahead in the race for the primary. Voters like my 'take-no-prisoners toughness.'"

Becerra interjected, saying "Katie, you're wrong! Polls now show me in the lead. Voters that previously favored Swalwell now like me. I am the only candidate in this race to have previously won a statewide election as Attorney General and served in a federal administration. No one else is as highly qualified as me."

Bianco pointed out "both Hilton and I are leading all the Democrats in the latest polls at 16% and 14%, respectively. Porter and Becerra are tied at 13%. I think voters may be sick of misrule by Democrats and want some sane and sensible policies for dealing with the mess they've left us with. The California primary system gives every voter the opportunity to look beyond Party labels and elect the person they feel can do the best job. I hope they will see that person is me."

SPLC Funds Racist Hate

This week, the federal Department of Justice (DOJ) got a grand jury to indict the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) for donating money to known hate groups including the Ku Klux Klan, United Klans of America, Aryan Nations, the Nationalist Socialist Party of American Nazis and the Sadistic Souls Motorcycle Club.

Acting US Attorney General Todd Blanche said "the SPLC is a nonprofit entity that purports to fight white supremacy and racial hatred by reporting on extremist groups and conducting research to inform law enforcement groups, with the goal of dismantling these groups. The SPLC was not dismantling these groups. It was instead manufacturing the extremism it purports to oppose by paying sources to stoke racial hatred."

SPLC CEO Bryan Fair said the organization "will vigorously defend ourselves, our staff, and our work. The whole existence of our organization depends on a robust climate of racial hatred. Thousands of Blacks were lynched between the Civil War and the 1960s, but have been relatively rare since then. Schools have been desegregated. It is illegal to deny customers service based on their race. Crimes committed against Blacks are vigorously prosecuted. It seems that the natural sources of racism have been significantly deterred. Well, our organization can't thrive without racism. So, we've been doing what any business would do when the demand for its services has dwindled--we're trying to create demand for our services. It has been a modest effort that has cost us only $3 million over the past few years."

Blanche explained that "as society changes the need for the products or services of various organizations is affected. If an organization wants to survive it must adapt by modifying what it does within the bounds of the law. Paying off hate groups to try to create fear that will increase donations is not an appropriate modification. I'm sure if the folks at SPLC gave more thought to the matter they could come up with a more constructive plan of action. It is, after all, a law center. There are Blacks who could use help with legal matters--like suing for damages or defending against criminal charges. There is no justification for the hate SPLC has been funding."

In related news, a year ago the SPLC put Turning Point USA (TPUSA) on its "hate map." TPUSA argues for conservative values. Its founder Charlie Kirk toured college campuses to argue for those values, challenging opponents to 'prove me wrong' in open debate forums. He also started YREFI--a business that helps young people pay off their student loan debt. Four months after the SPLC put TPUSA on its hate map Kirk was assassinated at a college debate.

Buttigieg Talks LGBTQ+ Policy

At a town hall in Oklahoma this week, former US Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg responded to a voter's fears that Republicans want to put trans and gay Americans in concentration camps. "Well, we all know that can't be ruled out," he said. "Why don't we compare and contrast the Republican and Democrat position on the LGBTQ+ issues?"

"Republicans want to keep trans folks out out women's sports, locker rooms, lavatories, and prisons," Buttigieg observed. "Republicans insist that LGBTQ+ individuals are abnormal and shouldn't be allowed to follow their dreams. The obvious way to prevent this would be to put them in concentration camps. To me that is really scary."

"In contrast, Democrats believe that everyone must respect the aspirations of LGBTQ+ individuals," Buttigieg asserted. "Allowing trans women into spaces set aside for so-called biological women doesn't pose as much danger as putting people into concentration camps. There might be some awkward moments, some unwanted attention, and in rare instances some sexual molestation or rape, but these concern me far less than putting LGBTQ+ people in concentration camps."

In related news, trans women in Massachusetts' prisons are being accused of "voyeurism, rape, and a pervasive climate of sexual intimidation" by biological women. Buttigieg called these accusations "unfortunate. However, prisons in general are dangerous places. The best way to avoid them is to avoid being convicted of a crime. This is something that none of the biological women in prison have achieved. So, if they are molested by trans women it is at least partially their own fault."

Newsom Makes His Book a Best-Seller

With two-thirds of the printed copies of his book--"Young Man in a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery"--remaining unsold, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) claims he bought these copies "to ensure it would be a best-seller. My plan is to give autographed copies to everyone who donates to my presidential campaign. I think my sly and speedy action here demonstrates my ingenuity as leader and gives me an early lead for the 2028 Democratic nomination for president."

"Another factor that will put me ahead of my Democrat rivals is that I was born a poor black child with a low IQ and dyslexia," Newsom boasted. "I am not just running to represent the people of America. I am one of them. Not one of my competitors can match me on this. They're all claiming that they're better than the people they want to represent as president."

"In addition to these two factors, I, unlike anyone else who is running, was taken by the Getty family to meet the King of Spain, Juan Carlos I," Newsom recalled. "Since Juan Carlos abdicated the throne in 2014, no one else can duplicate this unique experience I will bring with me when I move into the White House in January of 2029. Voters will appreciate that I have had contact with him and other important people that no one else has had."

Newsom received a ringing endorsement of his anticipated run for president from Hunter Biden who called him "the Democratic Party's greatest warrior. I think a ticket with Newsom at the top and New York Mayor Mamdani as VP would be an unstoppable juggernaut against any Republican ticket in 2028. Both have great ideas and the guts to implement them."

In related news, in order to speed up the process of rebuilding the homes the 2025 fires destroyed in Los Angeles County and the City of Los Angeles, President Trump issued an executive order in January of this year. At that time fewer than a dozen of the 16,000 homes that were destroyed had been rebuilt. Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass (D) called Trump's order "a political stunt to make us look bad." Gov. Newsom blamed Trump for the delay in rebuilding, saying "he flat out refused to give me the $40 billion I requested because he said he was afraid I would squander it like all the other federal aid that has been stolen in our state during my two terms in office. That's so unfair."