Something I wrote the last time this utterly stupid idea sprung whole cloth from some prominent idiot's head.
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I Attend the 2009 Constitutional Convention
Arrival:Well, here we are. It was a struggle just getting tickets to attend. Getting in, however. was easier than supposed. Being a master of disguise, I succeeded in entering the building unchallenged - disguised as an ordinary downtrodden victim from a below-the-poverty-line neighborhood inner-city online newspaper. There are quite a few of us here in the gallery.
We are the People. We call out our Demands. The Wise Men on the floor listen and nod in agreement. They take our Consensus and debate the finer points. They turn those Points into potential Articles and Sections of the new U.S. Constitution they are charged with authoring.
Some Background - Things That Simmered Under The Surface
Money:The recent financial crisis in the U.S. was caused by many factors - some of which were bantered about in the media from moment to moment, but left largely undeveloped. One of the most egregious was Congressional overspending. While revenues to the government were high from tax cuts and other incentives, the Congress decided to not only spend every penny of this new revenue, but to spend even more on pet projects, boondoggles, and pork.
There was also a war to finance. The military, being what it is, needs lots of cash to not only pay its soldiers, but also to replace destroyed equipment. It needs still more money to help the civilians in the countries effected to rebuild their destroyed infrastructure. This factor alone was capable of soaking up much of the new revenue coming into the federal government.
Social Entitlements:Back when the federal government decided it had the responsibility to provide assistance to elderly citizens in need, no provisions were made for the long term. Rather, this responsibility was looked on as a short term temporary measure. Trouble is that once a federal program begins, it never stops growing. Later, the program was extended in various forms to cover ordinary citizens in need. Ever more money was needed - as the population expanded and lived longer, the amounts needed began to grow exponentially, then logarithmically.
The vast amounts of money needed had to come from the only place the Wise Men in power believed they could get it: from higher taxation of the citizens. Those Wise Men realized that the more onerous the tax burden on citizens became, the more power they had to make this-and-that promise to 'fix things'. The more grand and extravagant the promise, the more likely they would be re-elected. And the more wealthy the successful Wise Men became.
The Tax System:As citizens began to complain about their increasing burdens, the Wise Man began to exempt more and more of them, until nearly half paid little or no taxes. The Wise Men fixed this vexing problem by placing more of the burden on evil corporations and the moderately wealthy. The corporations responded by passing the increased burden back to the citizens as higher prices, and the moderately wealthy cut back on investments in new businesses and large projects. The super-wealthy cared not at all beyond the size of their trust funds.
Education:America, in those times, was the only known nation to ever deliberately mis-educate its citizens for political purposes. In fact, in some cities it was possible for a child to leave school knowing no more or even less than when they entered. The Wise Men had realized that an educated populace was less likely to believe their extravagant promises, and the only way to overcome this unfortunate problem was to take over the educational process and rewrite the text books.
Our Wise Men knew it was unnecessary for their purposes to have citizens able to read, write, speak and read English, or know correct spelling and grammar. Citizens only had to push a button, click a mouse on some digital device and receive the answer they needed for most situations. Other Wise Men would see to it that the citizenry got the politically correct answers.
Estates or Classes:Together with the vast amounts of money placed in circulation, the tax and monetary systems effectively created three classes.
The First Estate: consisting of the super-wealthy - who had tax loop holes and paid little or no taxes, the Wise Men - who made the laws, and the large corporations - as long as they made large campaign contributions to the Wise Men;
The Second Estate: consisting of the moderately wealthy, and small corporations - who would not or did not make large enough campaign contributions, paid most of the tax and;
The Third Estate: consisting of ordinary citizens - who had the least wealth, but the highest financial burden - paying only a small share of the overall taxes, and the People - the downtrodden who paid no tax at all, but were the most numerous.
Things Come to a Head
Before our Wise Men, under the leadership of the Anointed One, assumed near total control of the government last year, the reviled and completely evil men who preceded them printed vast sums of money for their staunchest supporters: Big Banks, Big Lenders, and Investment Firms. Because there was no accounting for what these entities used the money for, much of it simply disappeared, more went toward extremely large bonuses for corporate CEOs and other Board members, and some went to buy up other firms.
Virtually none of the money went to citizens of very low income who, encouraged by the Wise Men, had bought very expensive houses and were in trouble when their unemployment and or welfare checks stopped coming in, forcing them to default. About half of those who did receive refinancing still refused to pay their loans. When these poor disadvantaged downtrodden citizenry defaulted en mass, the whole system came tumbling down - much like Humpty Dumpty and no one could put him or them back together again.
Worse still, in the eyes of the People, was the refusal to extend any money to help the auto unions maintain their pay rates and perks. The car companies had failed to adequately plan for the future, neglecting to build the cars the People wanted, not understanding that the Wise Men knew more about autos then they did. This oversight was rectified after the Wise Men assumed control of the auto companies, much to the chagrin of the highly paid auto executives.
Thereafter, the auto companies began to build the very small environmentally friendly low carbon emission electrically powered vehicles we enjoy today. Sure, they are very expensive and not to many can afford them yet. True, the electricity is in scarce supply from the wind farms. Some whiners complain about the low power heaters in the winter, others decry the slow assent on steep hills, and the most abject whiners bemoan having to stop so frequently at government recharging stations while ascending mountain passes.
However, the Wise Men promise that they will give citizens and the People tax credits toward the purchase of one of these vehicle. They promise to work harder on a method of transmitting power without those ugly intrusive environmentally unfriendly transmission towers. Meanwhile, more people walking and riding bikes has helped to reduce obesity and lower individual carbon footprints more in accordance with recent laws.
Shortly before our Wise Men assumed control, a scandal began to brew around the new leadership to be. However, before much could be concluded about the leadership's involvement, the person at the center slipped and fell while exiting his bathtub in his plush Chicago home. He was pronounced dead a few hours later. No autopsy was conducted at the request of his family. The whole matter shortly subsided as the media moved on to more pressing issues.
It quickly became apparent to the media during the early winter of '09 that manmade climate change was at the root of the terrible cold weather we experienced. Leading the way, California and New Jersey passed the nation's most stringent carbon emission laws to date.
Corporations residing in those states were forced to comply, but the huge associated financial costs either forced them to close their doors or relocate to another more business friendly state. Some corporations ultimately left the country, moving to nearby Mexico or to the far away land of China.
Outraged citizens, seeing these huge corporate carbon emitters with there tens of thousands of high paid jobs moving into their state, raised a cry to the Wise Men to 'do something'. Responding to the cries of the down trodden citizenry the Wise Men used the California model and applied it to the nation. They called this the Cap and Trade Bill wherein carbon emissions were set at a fixed level - as determined by the Wise Men.
Shortly thereafter, in early Fall, the dollar collapsed and paper money lost its value.
The Next Big Thing
While others were focused on all these weighty matters, the PIF was looking at the next Big Thing - from Utah's Daily Herald report: Ohio's Call For Constitutional Convention, H.J.R. 8 text:
The resolution proposes to apply to the Congress of the United States to call a constitutional convention pursuant to Article V of the United States Constitution for proposing amendments. This resolution has no direct fiscal impact to the state or local governments.
Little noticed or largely ignored by the media was the interesting tidbit that 32 states have, for various and sundry reasons, called for a Constitutional Convention. "Umm, so what?" most would reply. (See education above for the origin of that response).
Ask any ordinary citizen - who are followers of the Wise Men - what is the guiding law of the land, few could name the Constitution, but all would claim to have read it at some point. None however, would be able to cite more than one or two of the Amendments, but all would defer to the Bill of Rights, not knowing that the Amendments and the Bill of Rights are one and the same.
Beyond that limited knowledge, the citizens in the Land of the Wise would not know that Congress is required - upon receiving requests from 34 states - to convene a Constitutional Convention. And learning that little known fact, those citizens would immediately have visions of colorful elaborate balloon drops, endless media talking heads, and the loss of their favorite TV shows for the duration - but reassuringly know that Convention coverage would be dropped if a sporting event fell during that period.
The Trip Begins
Squirreling away pre-1981 pennies and pre-1964 dimes and quarters, I began to accumulate real wealth in copper and silver which could be used to purchase a fare to the location of the new Constitutional Convention. With the hyper-inflation we had during the early spring and summer, this tactic proved prudent when paper money ceased to be of any value.
One of the last purchases I made with paper money was a state-of-the-art digital camera ... well, maybe a tad on the cheap side, I admit. but as you see I have recorded the images here for posterity.
Soon after Ohio became the 33rd state to call for the Convention, the District of Columbia was admitted as a state - by the popular demand of the People from the Land of the Wise - and promptly became the 34th state to make the call. Congress followed the law and called the Convention.
One of the first acts of the Convention was to nullify the previous Constitution in its entirety. With the rag written by dirty old slave owners from the 18th Century out of the way, the Convention began in earnest led by the Wise Men, the ACLU, People for the American Way, CAIR, NOW, NAMBLA, and other groups with the words 'people', 'socialist' or 'progressive' - as well as various acronyms - in their titles.
There was quite a debate about what to do with those individuals which citizens saw as standing in the way; this was pretty much everyone not judged to be in the Third Estate. Some were in favor of locking them up for life. Others pointed out that there was no money available to feed and house them, and they would either freeze to death in the winter or starve.
Still others said the carbon footprint necessary to isolate these people was unacceptable. Eventually, most recognized the necessity for some form of death penalty. After much wrangling about humane killing, painless executions, carbon footprints, use of scarce resources, and expedient methods, they finally settled on the method below.
A Glimpse of Things to Come
I was able, due to my extremely downtrodden appearance, to gain a short admittance to the inner sanctum of the Wise Men as they debated some of those finer points.
While we patiently wait for the Wise men to finalize our new Constitution, I was able to smuggle out this partial list of the most popular Articles for inclusion:
Article 1
Section 1
Abortion Any woman desiring an abortion for any reason shall be permitted said procedure in all circumstances.
Section 2
Marriage Any two persons or groups of persons desiring to marry shall be permitted said procedure in all circumstances. This section shall not be construed as to limiting partners solely to the species human.
Article 3
Section 1
Firearms No person at any time shall be permitted the ownership, use, or training with firearms of any description or appearance. Exceptions shall be granted to those individuals serving as community police, to members of the military, to individuals in approved private security firms, and to government approved civilian national security corps or forces.
Article 4
Section 1
Euthanasia Any person or group desiring to end life shall be permitted at approved facilities. Waivers may be granted to individuals or groups wishing to stop under private conditions, but only under circumstances when health does not allow transfer to an official euthanasia facility.
Article 5
Section 1
Judicial Guidelines Judges upon accepting a case are required to form an emotional attachment to the case at hand. Sentences imposed on those found guilty of the charged offense shall be sentenced in accordance with the judge's feelings of grief, remorse and or whatever seems fair to the judge at the moment of sentencing. No prior legal finding shall contravene the outcome of the sentencing.
Article 7
Section 1
Political Parties The party of the Wise Men is the only officially recognized political party. Other groups calling themselves political parties are permitted, but no member of said party may hold any political office.
Article 9
Section 1
Religion There shall be no officially recognized religion or creed. Religious displays are deemed offensive and lead to disputes, disturbing the civil peace. Religious activities and prayer houses are permitted as long as they are peaceful and not disruptive. Religions of peace are welcome and needful. Religions of hate and dissension are deemed wrong and are proscribed herewith. Citizens are urged to submit to the religion of peace.
Clause 1 Hate speech shall be deemed wrong and punishable. Religions promulgating hate-filled speech toward any group or groups, individuals or individual practices are proscribed and punishable.
Clause 2 It is permissible for religions of peace to set up, maintain, and administer separate community judicial counsels. These local courts may administer laws in accordance to the tenants of the religion to its members, as well as those who not being members bring criticism, derision, or other offensive actions and speech directed toward the religious community and or its members.
Article 10
Section 1
Unionization All corporations and businesses - whether privately or publicly held - shall have each component unionized. Privileges, dues, and other fees shall be set by each union and charged to its members.
Article 20
Section 1
Recognized Treaties No Article in this document shall be construed as superseding any Recognized Treaty. Parties to Recognized Treaties may set their own laws rules and regulations, including the right to tax individual members as well as others not under their immediate jurisdiction but on recognized Treaty lands.
Clause 1 All Articles granted in this document are granted as Rights to Recognized Treaty Tribes. No article herein shall be at any time granted as a Right to citizens who are not members of a Recognized Treaty Tribes, but as privileges which can at any time for any reason be revoked.
PS: Bet you think this post is some sort of joke or satire - well some of it - but the approaching Constitutional Convention and the things that it can do are REAL!
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