Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 5, 2025 Edition  (Read 317 times)

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Online John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: October 5, 2025 Edition
« on: October 04, 2025, 02:37:29 am »
Dems Vote to Shutdown Government

This week, the Democrat minority in the US Senate refused to vote for the continuing resolution that was needed to keep the federal government funded while the negotiations for the next budget are underway. The resolution was passed by the House, but couldn't make it past the Senate's filibuster rules.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) explained "Republicans want to discontinue the special pandemic increase in the spending for medicaid that has been part of the budget since 2021. Democrats want to continue this level of spending. Until Republicans do what we demand we will oppose the funding required to keep the government open while negotiations are ongoing."

Vice-President JD Vance pointed out that "the pandemic is over. The reason for the increased medical spending is gone. Further, it turns out that billions of the emergency spending went to subsidize medical care for illegal aliens. Democrats admit that subsidizing medical care for persons who entered the country illegally is against the law. Yet, they now insist it must not be cut out of the budget and are willing to shutdown the whole government until this demand is met."

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) insisted "the immigrants who came here at the invitation of President Biden are not here illegally. They are just as entitled to health care as the rest of us. Our Statue of Liberty invites the oppressed and impoverished folks around the world to come to America. Once they make it here it is our obligation to tend to their needs. This is what the people want and the Democrats support. It is the Republicans who are spurning the generosity that has been the bedrock of our country's policy for generations."

President Trump challenged this notion, saying that "subsidizing the people who are invading our country should not be our policy. It is fiscally impossible to sustain the unrestricted entry of persons who are dependent on government welfare payments. It is also not what the majority of our citizens wanted when they elected me as their president."

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) conceded "it may not be what those who voted for Trump want, but it cannot be allowed. It is the type of policy that Hitler would've championed. It can never be right no matter how many people vote for it. As former Soviet leader Joseph Stalin observed, 'only non-fascist parties should be permitted to run for office in true democracies.' Today's Republicans don't meet this standard. Those who voted for Republicans cast ballots that would not have been counted if Stalin's wisdom had been heeded in 2024."

An interesting aspect of government shutdowns is that so-called essential services will continue operating while non-essential functions will not. Trump has suggested that "the idea that the government should continue to fund non-essential functions seems nonsensical. Why should taxpayers be compelled to hand over money that they could use to support their families or invest in their businesses so some bureaucrats can be paid to do non-essential things? I think the shutdown may provide an opportunity to eliminate some of these non-essential costs."

The American Federation of Government Employees and the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, the unions representing government employees being paid for non-essential functions, is suing to prevent Trump from cutting non-essential employees. Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-Md) called Trump's suggestion "outrageous and unprecedented. The federal government has been funding non-essential functions for many decades. Millions of employees and their families have come to rely on the paychecks and generous pensions awarded to those who perform these non-essential functions. Terminating this spending would be an earthshaking transformation of the government we have come to know and love."

In related news, the shutdown may force the cancellation of luxury retreats scheduled for the congressional recess next week. Republicans had planned to go to the ultra-exclusive resort at Sea Island, Georgia. Democrats had planned to gather at the Hotel Yountville, a luxury resort located in California's wine country. Cynics speculate that the prospect of interrupting these types of perks may motivate a quick compromise that would fund the government for another seven weeks. An anonymous source observed "disputes over policies take a backseat to the preservation of special privileges on both sides of the aisle."

Idea that Military Should Be Physically Fit Assailed

Speeches by President Trump and Secretary of War Pete Hegseth to America's top generals and admirals were assailed by anonymous ex-Pentagon employees. "What difference does it make if a general or admiral is too fat to pass any of the fitness requirements that front-line soldiers and sailors are expected to meet?" one source wanted to know. "They're not going to be storming enemy positions or flying combat missions. All they have to do is give orders."

Another fretted that "all the effort we've expended to compile a force that exemplifies diversity, equity, and inclusion is being cast aside. We're a diverse society. Why shouldn't folks of divergent abilities be participating in active combat or in the ranks of those giving the orders?"

Hegseth said "I think it is important that our military be a fearsome force. By weeding out the unfit we ensure our enemies that there are no weak spots for them to attack. The basic problem with the DEI emphasis we've seen over recent years is that lowering the fitness standards to accommodate weaker women lowers the average performance of combat units. Women who can't meet the fitness requirements expected of men have no place in combat units."

"Second, I think it is important that our military be seen as a serious organization," he added. "Individuals who are grossly overweight, men pretending to be women and wearing dresses detract from the seriousness of the organization. They project an image of confusion that undermines the deterrence function of our mission and makes actual warfare more likely."

Former Vice-President Kamala Harris asserted "this is a very wrong turn in the history of our nation. Modern warfare doesn't require that soldiers be strong or agile. Anyone can launch a missile or drone with the push of a button. Why should women and transgenders be denied this opportunity? Just because our adversaries might not be intimidated by this doesn't negate the right of these individuals to have equal opportunities to join our armed forces. If I had won the election I would have expanded the DEI program to include every type of individual. No one should be barred from pursuing their dream by artificial and unnecessary standards of the sort Trump and Hegseth want to impose on those who defend our nation."

Trump's Gaza Plan Has Wide Support

President Donald Trump's 20-point plan to end the war in Gaza garnered widespread support from many Middle Eastern countries. Foreign ministers of Saudi Arabia, Jordan, the UAE, Indonesia, Pakistan, Türkiye, Qatar, Egypt, and the Palestinian Authority all welcomed Trump's efforts and agreed to work with the US to advance the implementation of the peace plan.

The plan includes releasing the remaining hostages, disarming Hamas, and the possibility of a Palestinian state — if Hamas complies with the plan and the Palestinian Authority agrees to discontinue its anti-Israel policies. If Hamas does not comply, Israel is authorized to continue fighting until Hamas is totally eliminated.

Trump predicted "a sad outcome for Hamas if it fails to opt for peace. Mr. al-Hadad has seen all of his predecessors killed. He cannot expect to prevail or even survive continued war. Israeli forces will destroy what is left of Hamas. All the sane leaders in the region recognize that war is the worst option. Peace will enable a fabulous development of Gaza into profitable land with major resorts and attractions that will benefit the people who live there. Al-Hadad has only a short time to decide whether he wants to participate in this prosperity or preside over the destruction of Hamas."

In other Muslim news, United Kingdom judicial authorities jailed Hamit Coskun for provoking Moussa Kadri to stab him. The provocation came when Coskun, whose family had suffered under Turkish Islamist rule, decided to protest by burning a copy of the Koran. Kadri got a knife and stabbed Coskun while shouting "I'm going to kill you." The authorities found Kadri's explanation "I was trying to protect my religion in the traditional Islamic way" sufficient to release him into the community.

Arresting Victims the Only Way to Prevent Violence

Portland Mayor Keith Wilson's decision to align himself with the masked Antifa "protesters" confronting the ICE agents attempting to enforce America's immigration laws has created an inverted sense of justice in the city. At a demonstration outside the ICE offices in the city Antifa goons proceeded to attack journalist Nick Sortor who was observing the demonstration. Though outnumbered, Sorter's efforts to defend himself attracted the attention of the Portland Police who arrested him "for his own protection."

The arresting officer explained "first of all, there was only one of him and dozens of Antifa. Arresting Sorter was feasible with minimal risk of additional injury to anyone. That wouldn't have been the case if we had tried to arrest his assailants. Second, even if we had managed to apprehend any of the Antifa offenders we would have been immediately ordered to release them on their own recognizance. Third, we would've gotten a dressing down from the Mayor for interfering with a 'mostly peaceful' demonstration."

In the end, Sorter was charged with "disorderly conduct." This is the same charge leveled at a few others who engaged in fights with ICE agents during the "mostly peaceful" event.

Cuomo Apologizes to Jews

In a desperate effort to win Jewish votes in his race for New York City mayor, former Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY) apologized for imposing covid lockdowns that he now acknowledges "needlessly interfered with Jewish religious services and schools." His apology included a claim that "I was only thinking of the health and safety of the public during a time of a great threat to both."

Cuomo failed to mention his order sending infected coronavirus patients of differing faiths into nursing homes inhabited by highly vulnerable elderly individuals. Observers estimate that this order caused thousands of additional deaths, to which Cuomo replied "I didn't know what else to do with them."

Ironically, then President Trump had a Navy hospital ship with the capacity to house 500 to 1,000 patients sent to New York. Unfortunately, virtually no covid patients were sent to the ship by New York government officials. Mayor Bill de Blasio explained "I didn't think it would be good optics to let Trump be credited as some sort of savior for the ill. At the time the narrative we were working on was that Trump was too incompetent to deal with the pandemic." Unfortunately for Cuomo, he is so far behind that even if he got all the Jewish votes he couldn't overtake Mamdani's lead.

Meanwhile, Mamdani's latest election promise is a pledge to end the gifted program for early grades. He explained that "it gives parents who actively work for the education of their own children an unfair advantage over parents who are too indifferent or ignorant to work for a better education for their children. Allowing individual initiative is against socialist principles. Under socialism all decisions concerning education will be made by the public school officials. If anyone is to receive favored treatment it must explicitly be those who take the least initiative on their own. Collective equity must supplant the inherent meritocracy of individual initiative."