Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 20, 2025 Edition  (Read 1757 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 20, 2025 Edition
« on: April 19, 2025, 04:02:32 am »
Judge Orders Restoration of Aid to Hamas

This week, District of Columbia Judge Ibn al-Murderu ordered the restoration of the USAID funds designated for Hamas that he says "Secretary of State Marco Rubio has illegally canceled. The desire for government efficiency does not override the commitments made by the prior Biden Administration."

ACLU spokesperson Bertram Petty praised the ruling, calling it "both correct and humane. Israel has cut off the humanitarian aid to Gaza that Hamas had been pilfering to supplement the contractual payments USAID had been making to the organization. This has made it impossible for Hamas to meet its payroll obligations to its fighters. These brave men have taken on dangerous work against the very lethal Israeli Defense Force for the very reasonable wages of $200 per month. However dedicated they may be, they cannot afford to do this for free. Restoring these funds is necessary if the Hamas mission is to survive."

Rubio rejected the judge's decision, saying "by no stretch of the imagination do the destructive actions of Hamas fit the ostensible mission of USAID to promote international development. Hamas' mission is murder and terror. We cannot justify using the taxes Americans pay to subsidize their anti-American, antisemitic, and uncivilized behavior and objectives of Hamas. In addition, the national security obligations of my office are outside the scope of this Judge's authority. We will not be complying with his illegitimate demands."

Former Secretary of State Anthony Blinken warned that "Secretary Rubio's harsh rejection of the policy toward Hamas that we built under President Biden could have tragic results. We faced a situation where there were no good choices. It was our feeling that if we could establish a steady funding mechanism for Hamas through the USAID they wouldn't steal as much of the humanitarian aid we were providing to the people living in Gaza. The cuts that the Department of Government Efficency (DOGE) recommended to USAID and that Rubio followed completely ignored the beneficial effects the payments to Hamas could've had for the innocent inhabitants of that war zone."

In related news, the latest DOGE findings reveal that not only did the Biden Administration allow thousands of persons on the terrorist watchlist into the country, it also gave them Social Security numbers and generous welfare benefits. Blinken explained "this was an experimental initiative to determine if we could divert them from the path of jihad by luring them into the idle lifestyles typical of US citizens who receive these benefits. I am proud to be able to report that there were no major terrorist atrocities committed on US soil during the Biden presidency. I shudder to think of what might happen if DOGE's recommendation to discontinue these benefits to terror suspects is implemented."

New York AG Commits Mortgage Fraud

This week, investigative journalist Joel Gilbert revealed that his research discovered that New York Attorney General Letitia James committed mortgage fraud by making false statements on loan applications. In 2023 she claimed a property she purchased in Virginia as her primary residence. On another property loan in 1983 she claimed to be married to her father. These deceptions resulted in lower interest rates being granted. Needless to say, the AG of New York dioes not reside in Virginia and she and her father were not married to each other. While James did not directly refute the obvious deception of her mortgage infractions, she boldly asserted "I will not be silenced, I will not be bullied. I will not bend, I will not break, and I will not bow to anyone."

George Washington University Law School professor Jonathan Turley pointed out that "claiming you are married to your father or a resident in the state of Virginia to get more favorable terms are clearly misleading statements. In comparison, in 2022, James asserted that President Trump committed mortgage fraud by overvaluing his Mar a-Lago estate. He estimated its worth as a billion dollars. The lenders were expected to make their own estimate before making the loan to him. They decided that the collateral was sufficient and made the loan, which has since been paid back in full."

"Attorney General James estimated Mar a-Lago's value to be $28 million," Turley continued. "On this basis, she prosecuted the Trump organization for mortgage fraud and obtained a guilty verdict. The judge in the case imposed a $454 million fine on the Trump organization. This verdict is under appeal. Given that the estimated value of a property like Mar a-Lago would vary widely and the fact there there were no victims of the alleged fraud, it seems likely that the appeal will result in an overturn of the verdict and fine."

In rebuttal to Professor Turley's observations, James pointed out "the loans I obtained were tiny compared to those taken out by Trump. The potential harm from his nefarious schemes dwarfs any harm that might have occurred from my minor typographical errors. Add to this my superior character as a public servant compared to Trump's 'robber baron' capitalistic exploitation and I think any New York jury that would hear a case brought against me by the US Department of Justice would result in a verdict of not guilty."

Senator Wants to Rescue "Maryland Family Man"

This week, Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-Md) flew to El Salvador on a quest to secure the return of Kilmar Abrego-Garcia to the US, saying "this Maryland family man is one of my constituents who was wrongfully abducted from his home and flown to his country of birth by the Trump Administration. This man escaped from El Salvador as a teenager in fear for his life and was granted refugee status by a US court. Sending him back there is a cruel and callous disregard for his life."

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt disputed the Senator's characterization of the situation. "First of all, Mr. Abrego-Garcia is not a 'Maryland family man.' He is a Salvadoran man who entered this country illegally. As such he is eligible for deportation to his place of birth. Second, the 'fear for his life' claims stems from the fact that he is wanted in El Salvador as a member of the MS-13 gang.""

"While living in our country he has associated with other members of this gang," Leavitt continued. "In 2022 he was identified by the Biden Administration as a possible suspect in human trafficking operation while in the presence of known MS-13 gang members. When he was originally arrested, he was wearing a sweatshirt with rolls of money covering the ears, mouth, and eyes of presidents on various currency denominations. This is a known MS-13 gang symbol of 'Hear no evil. Speak no evil. See no evil.' Two separate judges confirmed Abrego-Garcia's affiliation with MS-13. He wasn't alone when he was taken into custody. He was also arrested with two other well-known members of the vicious MS-13 gang."

"He is now within the jurisdiction of the El Salvador authorities who are holding him for his prior membership in MS-13," Leavitt added. "There is no legitimate grounds for us to demand his return to America."

Van Hollen acknowledged that "the government here did allow me to meet Mr. Abrego-Garcia. He looks fine and shows no signs of physical abuse. However, we don't have any proof that the government of El Salvador's reasons for holding him are legitimate. In my view, it is their obligation to return him to America so that the judge who ordered his return can decide for herself whether there are any legitimate reasons to hold him."

Patty Morin was not impressed by the Senator's crusade. "My daughter Rachel was a US citizen and resident of Maryland. Van Hollen wasn't anywhere near as ardent about this constituent of his when she was murdered by Victor Antonio Martinez-Hernandez--another illegal immigrant fleeing from El Salvador in fear for his life after murdering a woman there. It seems the Senator has a greater interest in inviting more immigrants into our country and opposing the deportation of known foreign criminals who are in this country illegally."

In other Maryland news, when Parker Jensen, a senior at Towson High School in Baltimore County, visited the Baltimore County Board of Education to ask Baltimore County Public Schools Emergency Manager for School Safety Richard Muth why the American flag was not displayed in the school's classrooms Muth called the police. "When Jensen cited the Maryland Education Code and Baltimore County Public Schools policy that mandates the United States flag be displayed in every classroom I knew I had to act fast to prevent further trouble," Muth said. "I was pleased to see that his high school suspended him for his disapproval of the school's decision not to display the flag because it could provoke violence from students who despise America."

Later when Jensen's attorney filed suit to expunge the suspension and seek damages, the flags were quietly reinstalled in the classrooms. Principal Jack Aston asserted "there is no basis for damages. Jensen is back in school and the record of his suspension will be removed from his file. The only 'damage' he experienced was a few days off from school, which I'm pretty sure he enjoyed."

Outpouring of Dem Support for "Maryland Family Man"

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned "if they can ship Kilmar Abrego Garcia to a foreign prison—accused of no crime, with no trial—they can do it to anyone. Americans of conscience must stand against this now."

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Ma) warned that "if President Donald Trump's administration can deport Kilmar Abrego-Garcia, they can 'disappear' you. This is the time for the American people to start fighting back for our country."

Rep. Debbie Dingell (D-Mi) said "I did three town halls in a 24 hour period. One was in a very conservative part of my district that voted for Trump, one was with seniors and one was with young people in a high school. All were adamant about getting the 'Maryland Man' back home. This is a constitutional crisis for this country."

Democratic strategic genius James Carville said "the Democrat Party's top agenda needs to be focused on retrieving deported El Salvadoran Kilmar Abrego Garcia, who is accused of being an MS-13 gang member. Some folks question whether this is the top issue we should fight on. I say this is what we should fight on. This is why we think we're a country."

Gov. Wes Moore (D-Md) endorsed "Sen. Van Hollen's quest to bring Mr. Abrego-Garcia home. He was legally in America and there is no evidence he is a member of MS-13."

Gov. Tim Walz (D-Minn) said "this whole thing with Mr. Abrego Garcia, reminds me of when the Nazis were sending Jews to concentration camps. Everyone was afraid to object. If you don't speak up against what's been done to this man, there will be no one left to speak up for you when Trump comes for you."

Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) asserted that "just bringing Mr. Abrego-Garcia back isn't enough. Judge Boasberg has to award him a few million dollars for the pain and suffering he has endured at the hands of Trump's henchmen."

Restoring American Manufacturing Is a "Pipe Dream"

Former Secretary of the Treasury during Biden's presidency Janet Yellen called Trump's efforts to revitalize America's manufacturing capabilities "a pipe dream. Not only will it not happen, it's not even a desirable goal. America has entered a post-industrial phase. Generation Z quite sensibly rejects the idea of having to work for a living. We won't have the workforce needed to run complex industrial output in another 20 years."

"In contrast, China has millions of workers willing to accept extraordinarily low wages," Yellen contended. "Why not let them do the work making products so Americans can concentrate on consuming them? China will buy our debt. This will supply the funds needed to purchase their output. We'd essentially be freed from the whole work-to-eat treadmill that has intruded on human leisure since the start of the industrial revolution."

"Another overlooked benefit de-industrialization is that the total interdependence of this arrangement will pave the way to a lasting peace between us and China," Yellen predicted. "Since an indolent America would be incapable of defending itself China would no longer need armaments. This ugly burden of a fragmented world would evaporate. A unified single world nation would finally have the time to achieve the edenic society envisioned by Karl Marx. Trump will probably never admit it, but individuals will own nothing a be happier than they ever have been since civilization first began."