Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 2, 2025 Edition  (Read 748 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 2, 2025 Edition
« on: February 01, 2025, 03:14:23 am »
Dems Vow Unrelenting Opposition to Trump

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) asserted that "Trump and his agenda is wrong in every way it could be wrong. All his ideas, policies, and nominees for the cabinet are out-of-step with America's values and needs. His notion that freedom of speech should not be regulated will expose the masses to dangerous misinformation. All of the safeguards devise by President Biden to spare them from hearing or seeing this misinformation are to be swept aside under the Trump regime."

"His craze to deport undocumented newcomers just because they are criminals violates the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) that we Democrats thought we had hardwired into our culture is in danger of being destroyed," the Senator lamented. "America needs all kinds of people to be a fully integrated society. Naturally, that must include the small fraction of folks who are criminals."

"Right now, the most potent weapon we have against Trump's extremism is to blockade the appointment of his desired henchmen to the cabinet," she argued. "Without these minions to carry out his evil plans he will be stymied like he was during his first term when veteran DC professionals were named to most of the important posts. If Democrats in the Senate can act unanimously against his nominees we 'll only have to bring along a few of our Republican fellow travelers to say 'Hell no' to his efforts to destroy our democracy."

Over in the House, Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) pledged to "take our fight against the tax-cuts, deportations, and dismemberment of the federal workforce that our Party has worked so diligently over generations to build up into an immovable army providing for the needs of the American people, into the halls of Congress, into the courts, and out into the streets."

House Majority Whip Tom Emmer (R-Minn) called Jeffries choice of words "needlessly inflammatory. Democrats have every right to debate and vote against bills we Republicans put before the House. They even have the right to sue in court. But sending people into the streets undermines the unity Republicans are focused on bringing to the country. Jeffries needs to stop trying to divide it."

Jeffries rebutted Emmer, saying "when the interests of the proletarians aren't being served by the existing government they have the right to use whatever means they deem effective for seizing power from that government and replacing it with one of their own choosing. Republican calls for unity are just a mask for the tyranny that is to come."

Trump Blamed for DC Air Crash

On Wednesday, January 29 an Army Helicopter collided with an American Airlines plane trying land at the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. Within a few hours of the crash, Rep. Norma Torres (D-Calif) was able to determine that "President Trump bears the full weight of responsibility for this tragedy. The fact that this crash came so quickly following the Senate's confirmation of the appointment of Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense is a telling sign that Trump's cabinet nominees are dreadfully unqualified for the jobs to which they are being appointed."

"I am sorry to say that this tragedy is part of a long-term pattern," Torres observed. "The last major air disaster occurred in Buffalo on February 12, 2009. This was after eight years of misrule by President Bush. There was also an airline crash into a bridge over the Potomac River near the airport on January 13, 1982 when Reagan was president. Am I the only one who sees a disturbing series of tragedies here? Clearly, Republican presidents seem to cause air disasters. It's too late for us to take any action against Reagan or Bush, but we can still impeach Trump before he can trigger another disaster by his merciless trimming of the federal workforce."

Former Department of Transportation Inspector General Mary Schiavo pointed out that "Trump's order trimming the federal bureaucracy explicitly exempted the air traffic controllers. More plausible explanations include the early departure from work by one of the two-person team responsible for controlling the airport's traffic and the fact that the collision occurred much higher than the altitude the helicopter was told to maintain."

Schiavo's explanations were rebutted by Rev. Al Sharpton who insisted that "Trump is not capable of human feeling. His insistence that only the most capable of people should serve in positions affecting public safety is highly insensitive to the Biden Administrations efforts to implement DEI across all federal agencies. Without DEI virtually every member of the air-traffic control workforce would be a white male with extensive experience in the aviation field."

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) pooh-poohed the idea that DEI might negatively affect the performance of air-traffic control, saying "the job is highly automated. Anyone who can see the monitors displaying the traffic should be able to do a decent job under most circumstances. Besides, the air-traffic controllers aren't the only ones involved in making the decisions that could have caused the crash. There were pilots on the airliner and in the helicopter whose actions could have caused the crash."

Presidential Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt pointed out that "both the Army and American Airlines have been following the DEI policies mandated by the Biden Administration. Perhaps passing over the individuals most capable of doing these very demanding jobs in order to achieve a greater diversity of racial, sexual, and disability among the workforce has some negative consequences."

Malicious Compliance

In a brazen attempt to discredit President Trump's executive order that all Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives mandated by the Biden Administration be ceased, the Air Force top brass removed a video of the Tuskegee Airmen and a video about Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASPS) during World War II from from the Air Force Academy's curriculum. Unsurprisingly, this outrage didn't go unnoticed.

Incoming Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth called it "a lame effort to slander these valiant airmen and women for political purposes. President Trump's opposition to DEI is not based on racism or sexism. It is based on the damage DEI has done to the quality of the performances of government agencies and businesses. When the most capable individuals are bypassed in order to give the less talented a "chance" to get a job, performance is bound to be negatively affected. It was especially egregious because the Tuskegee Airmen were among the most talented, courageous, and effective pilots the Air Force has ever had and the WASPs made valuable contributions to winning WWII. Both these groups were not assembled as sops for minorities or women, but were the result of recruiting the best talent for the job."

Sen. Katie Britt (R-Ala) agreed, pointing out that "President Trump celebrated and honored the Tuskegee Airmen during his first term, promoting legendary aviator Charles McGee to Brigadier General and pinning his stars on his uniform in the Oval Office. That top Air Force officials would try to undermine the value of obtaining the most talented to do the job proves the baleful effects DEI is having on performance in every corner of the public sector."

The Fight Over Child Mutilation

One of Donald Trump's campaign promises was to combat the erroneous assertion that a person's sex could be changed. Now that he is President, Trump has issued an executive order "designed to protect children from being seduced by this delusion. Across the country, medical professionals are maiming and sterilizing a growing number of impressionable children under the radical and false claim that adults can change a child's sex through a series of irreversible medical interventions. This dangerous trend will be a stain on our Nation's history, and it must end."

"Accordingly, it is the policy of the United States that it will not fund, sponsor, promote, assist, or support the so-called 'transition' of a child from one sex to another, and it will rigorously enforce all laws that prohibit or limit these destructive and life-altering procedures," Trump proclaimed. "Within 90 days of the date of this order, the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) shall publish a review of the existing literature on best practices for promoting the health of children who assert gender dysphoria and use all available methods to increase the quality of data to guide practices for improving the health of minors with gender dysphoria. The Secretary of HHS shall, consistent with applicable law, take all appropriate actions to end the chemical and surgical mutilation of children."

In a move designed to encourage more of these futile mutilations, Pennsylvania Democrat State Representatives Benjamin Sanchez and Joe Webster are proposing legislation that "would remove sex from birth certificates. This will eliminate the need to amend the document when the individual decides that he or she is now the opposite of the sex that was assigned at birth. The tyranny of DNA will be neutralized and individual choice will be maximized."

World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) President Asa Radix, MD, PhD, MPH said "Trump's interference in this issue is a display of pure ignorance and contradicts best medical practice. If he had consulted experts in transgender hormones and surgeries he would have been informed that the earlier the transition occurs, the better the outcome."

"First, the hormones needed for the transition can increase the risk of blood clots, heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, and cancer. These risks are minimal at younger ages, but are elevated as the patient grows older," Radix pointed out. "Second, the longer we hesitate, the more grotesque the appearance of the transformed patient. A notable example of this phenomenon is Admiral Rachel Levine. While we all admire her courage in making the change, we shouldn't make patients to have to wait and risk a similar tragedy."

In related news, some employees of Meta strongly objected to CEO Mark Zuckerberg's decision to discontinue the policy of providing tampons in men's restrooms. A few have started a guerrilla campaign to personally purchase tampons and put them in the company's men's rooms. One, speaking anonymously said "we want to do what's right without retaliation, but with Zuckerberg morphing from the progressive stalwart who spent $50 million of his own money to help Biden beat Trump in the 2020 election into Trump's biggest admirer we have to keep the campaign covert."

New Yorkers Cheer ICE Raids

Many residents in the Hispanic and black communities of New York City came out to cheer as ICE agents hauled away dozens of the immigrant gangsters who have been terrorizing them. "Get them the hell off the street so people don't have to walk in fear," said Evelyn Brown, a Bronx resident. "We have been begging the police to help protect us from these thugs, but haven't gotten it. That's why we voted for Trump. Now that he's in it only took a few days to get some action."

Trump's "immigration czar" Tom Homan explained "we were able to take such quick action to round up these criminals because ICE has known of their whereabouts for years. The problem was that neither President Biden nor Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas would give the okay to apprehend and arrest them. ICE agents were banned from talking about it. The media helped stifle any coverage of how the Biden Administration was coddling these crooks. There is no logical reason for them to have done this. But with Trump back in the White House ICE has been unleashed to remove the trash."

In defense of his efforts to conceal the location of these gangster lairs, Mayorkas cited "the high risk that our officers could be killed in a raid against an entrenched and heavily armed enemy. Compared to how bad the optics of a bloody confrontation would be, we--the President and I--felt that tolerating the relatively small number of folks being victimized by these gangs would be the more prudent course of action."

"Seems more like an imprudent course of inaction to me," Homan replied. "While Mayokas had ICE sitting on its hands, these criminals were robbing, raping, and murdering people that their city government kept disarmed. It was a gutless abdication of government's duty to protect residents from outlaws. It took four years of suffering before voters were able to elect someone who would take that obligation to protect seriously. The removal of the Biden Administration shirkers was the best thing to happen during its four year term."

In related news, when a planeload of its nation's criminals that were being deported from the United States landed, Brazil's Ministry of Foreign Affairs Mauro Vieira expressed his outrage seeing that they were all wearing handcuffs. "Why are our citizens treated in such a degrading manor?" he demanded to know. Homan answered "because they are dangerous criminals. I recommend you lock them up to protect your honest citizens from becoming their victims."