Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 17, 2024 Edition  (Read 1178 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 17, 2024 Edition
« on: November 16, 2024, 03:09:05 am »
Dems Count Invalid Ballots

In Pennsylvania, Bucks County Commissioners Diane Ellis-Marseglia and Robert Harvie decided to count ballots that the State Supreme Court has ruled cannot be counted. Centre County, Philadelphia County and Montgomery County have made the same decision.

Ellis-Marseglia asserted that "the court ruling is invalid because it violates the human right of people to be able to vote for who shall govern them. We are following the precedent we established in the 2020 election to count all ballots without respect to whether they met the requirements to be signed, dated, and received on time from duly registered voters."

The Commissioner brushed aside concerns that her illegal action could result in her being punished, saying "in our state no one goes to jail for breaking unjust laws. Once the so-called invalid ballots are co-mingled with the votes that conform to the legal requirements there will be no way of undoing our decision. Sen. Casey will be reelected and there's nothing that the Republicans can do about it."

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla), the person nominated to be the US Attorney General by President-Elect Donald Trump, said "election integrity is essential if we want to have a democratically selected government. Behaviors that fail to comply with the law--as Commissioner Ellis-Marseglia admits--will not be tolerated. A lengthy tradition of flouting the law will not protect anyone from being prosecuted and punished for their violations."

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) advised her fellow Democrats "not to worry. Unlike the current Attorney General Merrick Garland who was a judge before he was appointed, Mr. Gaetz is unqualified for the office to which Trump has nominated him. The Senate will never consent to him being appointed as the nation's chief law-enforcement officer. He will be in no position to prosecute anyone or to disrupt the time-tested procedures of any state that works to ensure that every person's right to vote is not impeded by restrictions aimed at limiting the casting of ballots to resident citizens with valid IDs."

In contrast, Rep. Warren Davidson (R-OH) commended the Gaetz nomination, saying "Garland targeted pro-life Catholics, parents who went to school board meetings, put people in prison for non-violent protests, and tried to bankrupt political opponents. He completely corrupted the whole purpose of the Department of Justice. He needs to face accountability for his abuses of power. I think Gaetz will hold Garland and his accomplices accountable and put the DOJ on the right side of the law and justice."

In related news, Federal Election Commission (FEC) Chairman Sean Cooksey asked DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz "to investigate a letter the DOJ sent to Musk concerning his efforts to encourage people to support freedom of speech." Cooksey alleges that "this letter constituted an illegal attempt to intimidate and chill private citizens and organizations from campaigning on behalf of President Trump. Further, this letter was leaked to the New York Times, which was a violation of the DOJ's long-standing media policies."

Dem's Moment of Sanity Doesn't Last

On MSNBC's "All In," Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) analyzed his Party's defeat in the recent election, saying "our Party became very intolerant, very judgmental of people who thought differently than us on social and cultural issues and other tough subjects like guns and climate. We created a lot of litmus tests and become pretty exclusionary. Now our Party is shrinking, not growing."

Later on the same day on CNN's "The Lead," Murphy declared Matt Gaetz "dangerously unqualified. This is going to be a red-alert moment for American democracy. Matt Gaetz is being nominated for one reason and one reason only. He will implement Donald Trump's transition of the Department of Justice from an agency that prosecutes the enemies of democracy into one that aids and abets those enemies."

"Already, the righteous prosecutions of Trump for mishandling of classified documents, election denial, and insurrection are being abandoned," Murphy complained. "I expect it won't be long before people imprisoned for protesting outside abortion clinics or trespassing inside the Capitol on January 6, 2021 will be released. The protection against misinformation that the FBI enforced on social media will give way to the free-speech chaos championed by Elon Musk. Transgenders will be denied their right to require others to use their preferred pronouns and may even be forced to pay for their own surgeries. The unity that the Biden Administration worked so hard to build will be undone unless Democrats and sane Republicans join forces to thwart Trump's attempts to change the way our government works."

DOGE Terrifies Dems

President-Elect Donald Trump's intention to create a Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and appoint Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy to run it has sparked desperate Democrats to contemplate methods aimed at preventing such a catastrophe. Senior Democrat on the House Ways and Means Committee Rep. Richard Neal (Mass) called DOGE "a rogue agency aimed at destroying nearly a century of vital government expansion. Before FDR took office in 1933 federal spending was less than 7% of GDP. Today it is more than 25% and growing. We can't let Trump's goons undo do all this hard work."

Rep. Juan Vargas (D-Calif) is urging President Biden "to take executive action to protect both employees and spending levels from being reduced. For one, he could declare all of his appointees to be covered public servants with full Hatch Act protections from dismissal. It would take years to conduct all the hearings needed before anyone one could be fired. A second thing he could do would be to sign long-term contracts with corporations to spend trillions of dollars. It would take years of court battles for Trump's hired guns to try to break these contracts."

"Speaking as presumed 'goon #1,' I think the value that these Democrats place on our bloated government is excessive," Musk asserted. "The notion that outgoing President Biden can somehow thwart our effort to cut waste is flawed thinking. Any executive action taken by one president can be undone by a succeeding president. When I bought Twitter I discovered that the number of employees on-board greatly exceeded the number needed to provide a free speech platform. I was able to reduce head count by 75% without impairing essential services to our customers. I think Vivek and I will be able to replicate this success in the federal government."

Vargas pounced, saying "Musk's savings came via eliminating the regulations necessary for preventing lies and misinformation from being spread through the platform. This lowered the quality of the previous Twitter experience. The same thing will happen if he tries to reduce the regulations that the federal government uses to keep businesses and individuals in line. The quality of life in America will decline. His dismantling of the Biden's executive orders intended to preserve this quality of life will doom the Republicans' hopes for retaining the presidency and their majorities in Congress in future elections."

Some recent examples of essential regulations the government uses to keep businesses and individuals in line:

In Georgia, Brittany Patterson got into trouble when police discovered that her 10-year-old son had walked the mile from his home into town. Patterson was handcuffed, arrested, booked on suspicion of reckless conduct and forced to post $500 bail. She called her treatment "outrageous. When I was ten I walked at least as far from home and my parents were never arrested or charged." Police offered to drop the charges if she would agree to sign a document guaranteeing that her children would always be under a watchful eye.

In New York, the FBI conducted a 6 A.M. raid on the home of Polymarket CEO Shayne Coplan and seized his phone and electronics. His crime: accurately predicting Trump's easy win over Kamala Harris. FBI spokesman Dooly Wong explained "when so many better known and wealthier pollsters predicted the opposite, Mr. Coplan's divergent forecast looks suspicious."

In California, the California Air Resources Board (CARB) adopted emission rules that will effectively outlaw gasoline and diesel fueled recreational vehicles (RVs). Under these rules RVs will not be able to be sold and registered in California beginning in 2025. RVs with more than 7500 miles on them and electric RVs are exempt from these rules.

In Texas, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) ordered a recall of 79,200 pounds of Kirkland Signature Sweet Cream Butter because the label does not say "contains milk." Interestingly, other regulations state that for a product to legally be called butter it must contain milk.

Starmer & Macron Scheme to Attack Russia

Alarmed that the election of Donald Trump could lead to a peace agreement between Russia and Ukraine, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer and French President Emmanuel Macron are pressuring President Biden to approve Zelensky's plan to use Storm Shadow cruise missiles to strike deep into Russian territory.

Starmer lamented, "we were completely stunned by Trump's victory. All the polls suggested the race would be too close to call. Naturally, we expected that the same most extensive voter fraud organization in American history that swept Biden to an easy victory over Trump in 2020 would succeed in sweeping Vice-President Kamala Harris to a similar easy victory. Unfortunately, Trump's boast that his margin would be too big for the race to be rigged against him turned out to be accurate. Our situation is now dire. We have only two months to try to persuade Biden to give Ukraine the weapons they need."

Macron was more optimistic, "we have already persuaded Biden to provide most of the weapons Ukraine has used to keep the war going. I'm confident he will heed our advice, but even if he doesn't Zelensky has all the materials he needs to make enough dirty nuclear bombs to destroy Russia's ability to continue to fight. Once this happens the people of Russia will rise up and overthrow Putin. In the midst of this turmoil French troops can swoop in and gain vengeance for the defeat Russia inflicted on our army in 1812."

A confident Trump called the scheme "foolhardy. England and France are too weak to take on Russia without America's help. I won't help them. My plan is to end the current war, not start a bigger one. I've already met with President Biden and he assured me that he doesn't support further escalation of the war. So, if Starmer and Macron want to start WWIII they'll have to do it without America's help. I hope that knowing this will stop them from doing something incredibly stupid."

Psychiatrist Recommends Shunning Family

Yale psychiatrist Dr. Amanda Calhoun went on "The View" to say "if you are going into a situation where you have family members, where you have close friends, who you know have voted in ways that are against you, against your livelihood, it's completely fine to not be around those people and to tell them why."

View co-host Sunny Hostin vociferously agreed, saying "it's a moral issue. If a family member or a friend voted for Hitler it's okay to denounce them. They are the traitors who put their own selfish interests ahead of yours. They don't deserve to be in the same room with you. The only way we can achieve unity in this country is to shun those who disagree with us. Exile them from our presence."

A regular viewer of "The View" went on X and posted "I have cut ties with my MAGA father and sister. I will never, ever speak to them again. I'll spit on their graves. Anyone who still hangs out with 'friends' or family that voted for fascism needs to take a long look in the mirror."

Rick Taylor, an unsuccessful Democrat candidate for the Ohio senate seat currently held by JD Vance, posted "my Aunt called asking about Thanksgiving plans. During the conversation she mentioned she voted for Trump. I told her my home is not open to traitors and I would not go to hers. I have no space in my life for those who could care less about the United States. My Aunt is now upset."

George Takei, the now demented actor who played Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu on the original Star Trek, posted: "Another reason to turn away from those who voted for Trump is because they sentenced the people of Ukraine to be ground beneath Putin's boot. It's unforgivable. Should any of these voters approach your home set off the intruder alert and stun them with your phasers."

Because her husband posted "God Bless America. God bless #45, 47," Huffpost writer Andrea Tate canceled Thanksgiving and Christmas. When her husband later brought her a cup of coffee and said "I'm sorry and I understand." She questioned whether he really understood, ignored the coffee and let it get cold "out of spite." "On Nov. 7, I saw my husband's post was still up. I told my husband 'I saw that you didn't take your post down, and that breaks my heart.'"