What Biden REALLY wrote in his desperate letter begging Democrats not to fire him (...at least, according to KENNEDY!)
By Kennedy for Dailymail.com
Published: 17:31 EDT, 9 July 2024 | Updated: 18:10 EDT, 9 July 2024
Beleaguered President Biden's last gasp for power included a letter to Congressional Democrats on Monday, bullying his party's lawmakers into submission.
'I am firmly committed to staying in this race,' he scrawled. But before you read Sleepy Joe's authentic tongue, here's my... I mean the original draft:Deer Dems,
I'm Jill Biden's husband and she and Hunter have told me to write to you lyin dog-faced pony soldiers – as my friend John Wayne Gacy liked to say in that movie.
Did you watch the debate? I'm not sure if I did.
But you can't replace me because Barack says I'm not done yet.
And by God, man, I'm the goodest Senator eva – the Lord Almighty said so! I wouldn't be running again if I wossont the best qualified for the job.
My record is impeachable:
Every morning I put on my special shoes ready to kick Alley Cat Liar Trump in his fat orange face.
Then I nap or play with my dog. The Secret Service agents love it when he chases them around the South Lawn.
To anyone who says I'm too old, I say: Watch Me (between the hours of 10am and 4pm).
But listen, folks, c'mon, no malarkey here – the other guy is a dangerous lying dictator who isn't very good at golf.
I'm a six-handicap. Or an eight… but I better not get into that.
Did I tell you about the time I got arrested trying to see Willie Nelson... I mean Nelson Mandela?
Do you really want to judge me on 90 Bad Minutes on One Bad Night and not my 300 Bad Years in Congress? Let's do the math!
I received over 400 trillion, sorry million votes, several from non-dead folks. All the polls that I've read aren't not on my side. I have nearly infinity delegates. That's one for each of Hunter's baby mamas.
But honestly, folks, you better get in line because you're giving Kamala ideas. She even tried to push me down the White House stairs.
So let's get the facts straight, I put together NATO like a chocolate computer chip, saved Israel and saw off Corn Pop, who was even worse than Vlad Putin.
The stakes are too high. The world is falling apart. And I can't remember if I left the stove on. But I know a plastic surgeon who can make it all better.
Plus, I was talking to the new British Prime Minister Maggie Thatcher who says I'm just like Ronald Reagan. Isn't she a pistol? She smells good, too.
My top adviser Hunter says we need Four More Years til we can finally beat Medicare, murder Social Security and settle up with the Chinese.
So, believe me, I can beat Mitt Romney. And if I don't, well, at least I answered all the questions and tried my bestest.
Luv,
The First Black Woman To Serve With A Black President
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