Author Topic: Original Puns by JJ  (Read 2268 times)

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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Original Puns by JJ
« on: March 11, 2023, 07:44:50 pm »
My latest:

Two trainers at Sea World had their porpoises swimming quick laps back and forth across the pool, one north and south, and the other east and west.
They were at cross-porpoises.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2025, 12:47:19 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline roamer_1

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2023, 08:02:31 pm »
That was a Dad joke, for all intensive porpoises.  :laugh:

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2023, 08:24:17 pm »
The Lone Ranger must have lived in Canada. 
They named their biggest city after Lone Ranger’s sidekick, Toronto. 
He spoke Esperanto and loved cilantro.

________________________________

Composers of their era agreed to sit for a painting to be hung in the
Herzog Anton Ulrich Museum.

The famous painter of Blue Boy, Thomas Gainsborough, was preparing to start and he looked at the subjects of his work and said, “Wolfgang and Ludwig are here but where is Franz?”
Mozart answered, “He’s not on our list.”
Thomas: “I beg your pardon, I meant Franz Joseph”?
Luldwig replied, “Franz Joseph is hidin’.
“Well then what about Johann Sebastian?”
Wolfgang:  “He said he’ll be right back.
Oh and George Frideric couldn’t handle it.”

_______________________________

One hot summer in Iowa, temperatures reached 100 degrees and hogs were dying because they can’t sweat.  The farmers brought the hogs into the barn and turned the fan on to cool them.  Of course hogs eat constantly and as a result, are pooping all over the floor constantly.  So when the farmer and his helper were doing work inside the barn they heard a loud crash and a “splat.”
The helper said, “What was that?”  Farmer replied, “That was the fan hitting the shit.”

_____________________________

He couldn’t find it.  The phlebotomist searched for a blood vessel in vain.

___________________________

At the 9 AM memorial service, the mortuary director greeted friends and family of the dearly departed:  “Good mourning!”

_________________________________

Astrophysicists at MIT formed a rock band and made a recording of the song they wrote, “Space-time is On My Side.”



« Last Edit: January 24, 2025, 12:47:55 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2023, 08:37:42 pm »
Abdominal snowman

Amazing maize maze

One good tern deserves another
« Last Edit: January 24, 2025, 12:48:14 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2025, 12:48:39 pm »
What sandwich do smart people have for lunch?

McDonald’s Quarter Ponders
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2025, 08:10:42 pm »
Sign on a Music Store Door in Harrisonburg, VA, ca 1976:

Momentarily Closed.

Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet.
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2025, 08:47:46 am »
SLOTH
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline MeganC

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2025, 11:45:20 am »
In communism jokes are forbidden unless everyone gets them.
Resistance to Jim Robinson is obedience to God.

Online bigheadfred

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2025, 12:03:38 pm »
I would rather be a little off than a little moron.
She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2025, 06:30:36 pm »
I would rather be a little off than a little moron.

I believe the pun must go:
"I would rather be a little more off than a little moron."

Now to change the subject, my newest pun:

Puns by Leftists are almost always viewed by gaslight.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2025, 06:33:08 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2025, 04:33:54 am »
In communism jokes are forbidden unless everyone gets them.
In communism, you laugh when the Zampolit laughs. See? Everyone gets them.
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2025, 04:02:41 pm »
GENIE WITH THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR
"I have now purchased and given away six copies of the book!  Well done sir!" - Bigun
5 Star Review by LMAO
The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "Wow, beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"This book should be required reading for every teenager.  I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Online mountaineer

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2025, 06:55:56 pm »
In communism jokes are forbidden unless everyone gets them.
I always loved the jokes the Soviet citizens shared among themselves, e.g.:
Quote
In the days of state control, a Russian man saved and saved and saved until he finally had enough money to buy a car.

He took the bus to the state car agency to arrange the purchase.

After an hour of filling in paperwork, he handed over the money and asked when he could pick it up.

The agent looked at a book and replied "exactly one year from today."

The man thought for a minute and asked "morning or afternoon"?

The agent, surprised, said "morning or afternoon! It's next year. What difference does it make?"

The man replied "The plumber is coming in the morning..."
The abnormal is not the normal just because it is prevalent.
Roger Kimball, in a talk at Hillsdale College, 1/29/25

Offline berdie

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2025, 07:11:33 pm »
I always loved the jokes the Soviet citizens shared among themselves, e.g.:



 :rolling: :rolling:

Offline MeganC

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Re: Original Puns by JJ
« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2025, 06:38:58 am »
A Soviet man is asked what he thinks of his government and he says, "I can't complain."
Resistance to Jim Robinson is obedience to God.