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Author Topic: Wingnut's New and Improved Title  (Read 966 times)

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Online Wingnut

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Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« on: November 25, 2020, 07:55:43 pm »
So, I Just left the Smallmart with my service dog (My country will not let them build a huge one) where an out-of-state "Karen" with a basket full of TP asked me what kind of dog I had. You have seen her type before, a specimen of at least forty years trying desperately to be mistaken for her own daughter in, what I can only assume, was a pair of yoga pants, furry boots, a shirt that was strategically unbuttoned and a huge pair of sunglasses acting as a solar panel for her 'Let me speak to your manager' haircut.  Anyway I said a service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she is allowing my dog to lick her face. With a straight face I said "He is my butt licking dog ( BLD ). I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of people like you hoarding the TP so he licks my ass clean...... The cashier lost it and walked away from the register.
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 08:08:20 pm by Cyber Liberty »
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Online Wingnut

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2020, 08:12:47 pm »
@Cyber Liberty Just say'n a Bluto would want to know.....
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Offline Victoria33

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2020, 08:21:43 pm »
@Wingnut

You are sooooo bad, good.
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Online Wingnut

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2020, 08:32:29 pm »
Quote from: Victoria33 on November 25, 2020, 08:21:43 pm
@Wingnut

You are sooooo bad, good.

I am something.  Not sure if I am either "good or bad". is what will be on my gravestone.  I asked my wife, if she makes it beyond my expiration  date to say: "My bleep husband of 50 years ago gave his last Fuk a few years ago.  I only wish it was with the house keeper" 
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 08:33:34 pm by Wingnut »
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You don’t become cooler with age but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way to actually be cool.

Online Wingnut

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2020, 10:45:19 pm »
Is Bluto Gone? 
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Offline catfish1957

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2020, 10:51:56 pm »
Quote from: Wingnut on November 26, 2020, 10:45:19 pm
Is Bluto Gone?
Cyber blasted his electronic carcass over 20 states.
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Online bigheadfred

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2020, 10:59:03 pm »
He seemed fun.  :whistle:
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Online Wingnut

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2020, 11:03:13 pm »
Quote from: catfish1957 on November 26, 2020, 10:51:56 pm
Cyber blasted his electronic carcass over 20 states.

Only 20?  He is losing his touch!   LOL
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Online bigheadfred

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2020, 11:05:19 pm »
Quote from: Wingnut on November 26, 2020, 11:03:13 pm
Only 20?  He is losing his touch!   LOL

It was early in the day. Not fully charged.
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She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline catfish1957

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2020, 11:05:44 pm »
Great quip....

Here is one I had to go fish off another old forum.  Happened a couple of years ago. (PG-13 warning)......

Today in fact I decided to participate in my local Coffee Klatch which consists of about 8 (+ or - 2) guys I used to work with, who like myself are retired. 90% of the conversation centers around politics, sports, personal ailments, and how much our wives are bitching at us. Conversation as usual was lively, I of course gave the details of my computer wrist issue.

Then, I looked over at my friend K____. He was wearing a contraption, with wires underneath his shirt, which I knew was one of those cardio-monitors. I slyly mentioned mentioned that "Wow K___ ...what is that? has L___ slapped a GPS device on to keep up with your ass? (Go To Hell Glance No. 1).

About 5 minutes later K___ pulls a out a piece of paper and starts writing on it. I snatch it from him, and asked what is this? Come to find out he has to document all his activities while the monitor in place. On the instructions...... I noticed and announced. You gotta tell these guys every time you urinate and deficate? isn't that 2 or 3 feet form your heart? (Go To Hell glance No. 2)

Finally, I noticed No. 6 on the activity list....... "Record any sexual activity". K__???? I don't see any sex on this sheet? What's wrong with you?

I then offered him what I thought was a very profitable dare..... K____? I'll give you $100 if you write down on your activity log..... Blow Job with a Smiley Face behind it.   happy77. One condition, you've to give me an update of any reaction or feed back on that entry from the medical community.

(GoTo Hell look No. 3 and he didn't take the damned dare.)
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I display the Confederate Battle Flag in honor of my great great great grandfathers who spilled blood at Wilson's Creek and Shiloh.  5 others served in the WBTS with honor too.

Online Wingnut

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2020, 11:08:12 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on November 26, 2020, 11:05:19 pm
It was early in the day. Not fully charged.

The Kegorator was out of gas!.
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Online Cyber Liberty

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Re: Wingnut's New and Improved Title
« Reply #11 on: November 27, 2020, 02:57:32 pm »
Quote from: Wingnut on November 26, 2020, 11:08:12 pm
The Kegorator was out of gas!.

It's due for some maintenance.  I got a cleaning kit that forces a solvent mixture up the supply hose through the faucet.  After using that (next keg change), I'll disassemble the faucet and keg coupler for a thorough cleaning.  I have my spare keg queued up after that.
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