By Yours Truly
http://throneberryfields.com/2017/04/02/opening-day-cy-ruth-versus-two-blown-saves/Wouldn’t you love to have known the dialogue between Giants manager Bruce Bochy and his Opening Day starting pitcher
and Cy Ruth Award candidate Madison Bumgarner, when Bumgarner wasn’t pitching during their not-pretty 6-5 loss to the
Diamondbacks? Rumour has it that it went something like this:
Bochy: Bum, it’s not that we don’t need the runs, but would you kindly remember that your job with this team is not to do
your impersonation of Henry Aaron every other time up?
Bumgarner: Skip, just don’t look at me!
Bochy: Bum, I know you were p.o.ed about losing the perfect game in the sixth. But you’re not getting paid the gigabucks to
beat baseballs into earth orbit. You’re getting paid the gigabucks to
throw them, preferably down the throats of enemy batters.
Think you can remember that while you’re bucking for the Cy Ruth Award?
Bumgarner: Skip, just don’t look at me!
Bochy: Bum, you’re embarrassing our hitters. Hitting one 410 feet over the left center field fence on 1-2. You realise how many
guys around here can’t hit on 1-2? You bucking to get our hitting coach fired?
Bumgarner: Skip, just don’t look at me!
Bochy: OK, I’ll give you this one, Bum. That shot you hit in the seventh with one out. 2-0. Now, that’s a more reasonable count
to swing on. And you did bust a three-all tie while you were at it. But c’mon, you don’t have to do
everything yourself. Even if
you’re the one who let them tie it up at three-all in the first place. Well, OK, it was A.J. Pollock, and even you can’t keep him from
hitting one out now and then, you’re only human, after all.
Bumgarner: I’m only
what?!?Bochy: I knew that’d get your attention, Bum! Now, about those eleven strikeouts . . . that’s why you’re getting paid the gigabucks.
Wait a minute—hey, Denard! Not a great way to open, getting yourself arrested for attempted grand theft second!
Bumgarner: Don’t look at him, Skip!
Bochy: Anyway, you’re getting paid to strike those emereffers out, not hit them into the Cove, buddy. There’s no Sandy Mays Award
in baseball. I need you to start and when necessary close your own games, so far, depending on how much of an improvement this
bullpen’s gonna be over last year’s bullpen. Christ, last year we couldn’t save a thing if we’d had the Red Cross coming out of
the pen.
Bumgarner: Rowrowrowrowwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!Bochy: What’s eating you, Bum?
Bumgarner: What’s with this Hoover? Who does he think
he’s fooling with that slop? Why doesn’t he go back and make his vacuum
cleaners where he belongs?
Bochy: He just struck Pence out after Hunter fought him back to 2-2.
Bumgarner: That ain’t exactly beating as you sweep as you clean, Skip.
Bochy: Where’d you learn
your history?
Bumgarner: I play
Trivial Pursuit just like any
normal guy.
Bochy: Normal!
Normal! Any normal guy who gets paid the gigabucks to pitch and strike out the other guys but who gets up to the
plate and thinks he’s Mike Schmidt. You call that normal?
Bumgarner: Do I
look like Mike Schmidt, Skip?
Bochy: Only when you hit.
Bumgarner: When did
he ever strike out eleven guys in a game?
Hey! We got first and second. Buster walked and Craw singled him
to second. Who says I’m the one who has to do it all?
Bochy: Nunez just lined out to right, in case you weren’t looking.
Bumgarner: Looks like Hoover needs to change his beater bar brushes.
Bochy: Come on, Bum, give the guy a break, you had to squirm a couple of times too, you know.
Bumgarner: I twist and shout, I do
not squirm.
Bochy: Have it your way, buddy.
Look at him. Throws two balls to Hernandez, then strikes his ass out on three straight pitches. Looked
like he took a couple of lessons from you.
Bumgarner: OK, give you that one. Poor Gork, forget the breeze, I could feel the hurricane.
Bochy: C’mon, Bum, you did more than your share today. Take the rest of the day off. Law can handle these guys.
Bumgarner: OK, Skip, but remember who would have hit second in the ninth. For all you know I had another home run in me.
Bochy: Bum, let’s not get into that again, shall we? Can’t you settle for being the only pitcher in baseball history ever to hit two bombs
on Opening Day and let it go at that?
Bumgarner: Well, look at poor Law, Skip. Two hitters, two singles, and Goldschmidt coming up.
Whoa! Two straight strikes he throws
on Goldschmidt. Now balls one and two.
Bochy: Gimme a break, Bum, I didn’t want Pollock to pounce on you again.
Bumgarner: You’re all heart, Skip.
Bochy: Damn! The bastard tied it up with a single.
Bumgarner: He fought the Law and won.
Bochy: Forget it. Jerry Seinfeld you
ain’t. Hold on, I gotta get Law out of there.
Bumgarner: Good call, Skip. Blach got the double play. And Strickland got the strikeout. Now I
know you’re gonna miss me hitting in
the ninth!
Bochy: You gonna start that again?
Bumgarner: Who’s the genius who decided I could take the rest of the day off when I might have had another home run in me?
Bochy: I dunno.
Bumgarner: Well, don’t look at
me, Skip!
Bochy: Hey, look who’s pitching the ninth.
Bumgarner: It’s old man Rodney! And Panik triples off him to open! C’mon, Skip, I could have gotten him home without hitting one
out.
Bochy: See? Gillaspie got him home! Sacrifice fly. So it’s not like you hitting your third homer of the game, just shoot me.
Bumgarner: Don’t
start with me, Skip!
Bochy: Now I got to get Melancon in there. The season isn’t even three hours old for us and already we’ve got a blown save. Thirty
last year wasn’t enough, we gotta buck for forty already?
Damn, how could we load up the pads on old man Rodney and not cash
those guys in? How could we get Span thrown out at the plate to end that inning? Coulda had a two or more run lead.
Bumgarner: Well, Melancon isn’t getting paid the big gigabucks to go up to the plate and hit grand slams, Skip.
Damn, Skip! Two
outs, he gives up a double to Mathis and an RBI single to Daniel Freaking Descalso!! And Owings sends home the winning run!
Why are we paying Melancon the big gigabucks? I
told you you should have had me available to hit in the ninth! You ever heard of an
insurance run?
Bochy: Don’t
look at me, Bum!
Which Madison Bumgarner do
you prefer?
