The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[jmyrlefuller]

 Florida woman caught with 7 lobster tails in pants

https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2014/06/12/florida-woman-caught-lobster-tails-pants/15794155007/

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man performs surgery on a dog. The dog didn't make it. Turns out, he wasn't even a veterinarian.

https://www.local10.com/news/florida/2023/08/14/florida-man-posed-as-veterinarian-performed-surgery-on-pregnant-dog-who-died-authorities-say/

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man throws cheeseburger at wife

https://97x.com/florida-man-arrested-after-throwing-cheeseburger-at-wife/

[mountaineer]

Florida woman caught with 7 lobster tails in pants

Hey, I'm not from Florida. And there were only five.

[Wingnut]

Florida woman caught with 7 lobster tails in pants

https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2014/06/12/florida-woman-caught-lobster-tails-pants/15794155007/

lol
I thought this one sounded familiar.  It happened back in 2014 just after The FL State "Criminoles" GB stole some crab legs.  FL peeps like their seafood.

[goatprairie]

Florida woman caught with 7 lobster tails in pants

https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2014/06/12/florida-woman-caught-lobster-tails-pants/15794155007/

I was expecting more from Florida woman. I was expecting maybe stuffing baby gators down her pants or something. If it were live lobsters, maybe I'd get a little more interested.

[roamer_1]

Sheesh! A chick with a lobster in her pants, and... NOTHING.

You guys are slipping...

[bigheadfred]

Sheesh! A chick with a lobster in her pants, and... NOTHING.

You guys are slipping...

I don't know @roamer_1 I heard the lobsters in Florida are nothing compared to the crabs in Tijuana. 

[roamer_1]

I don't know @roamer_1 I heard the lobsters in Florida are nothing compared to the crabs in Tijuana.

Nice @bigheadfred ... But we can do better...

"Is that a lobster in your pocket, or is your name Dylan Mulvaney?"

"something... something... crawdad hole"

Geez... Even Wings got nothing.

Frank Cannon coulda picked low fruit off of that for days.
*SMH*

[Wingnut]

Nice @bigheadfred ... But we can do better...

"Is that a lobster in your pocket, or is your name Dylan Mulvaney?"

"something... something... crawdad hole"

Geez... Even Wings got nothing.

She did things I just couldn't fathom and I could tell by her mug shot... she was fishing for trouble.

[240B]

Don't mess with Texas Florida

[goatprairie]

Florida man throws cheeseburger at wife

https://97x.com/florida-man-arrested-after-throwing-cheeseburger-at-wife/

My wife throws cheeseburgers at me. Because I tell her to. Fortunately, my mouth is big enough to swallow a burger in one gulp. 

[240B]

Oddly enough, not the first time this has happened.
Several instances of people breaking into burger joints and making a meal.
Usually it is ex-employees.

[mountaineer]

I just assumed this one had been posted already.

Florida man arrested for pooping on dead possum during rush hour traffic
 Alex Oliveira
Published Nov. 19, 2023, 3:36 p.m. ET
New York Post

A Florida man was arrested after allegedly defecating on a dead possum in the middle of rush-hour traffic, according to police.

Rudy Wilcox, 45, was picked up by Clearwater police on Wednesday around 5:30 p.m. after he was seen dropping-trow in the middle of the Belcher Road and Willow Tree Trail intersection then laying a log on the doubly-unfortunate possum “in full view of the motoring public.”

“The def. was observed defecating on a deceased possum with his pants lowered and his anal region exposed,” a Pinellas County affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun read.

In addition to pooping on the possum within sight of motorists, he was also allegedly witnessed in action by a police officer with the Clearwater Police Department. ...

[mountaineer]

Florida woman threatens to kill ex-boyfriend, new girlfriend if they didn't have Christmas threesome with her: Sheriff
Paul Sacca
December 30, 2023

A Florida woman demanded that her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend have a threesome with her, and threatened to kill the new couple if they didn't have sex with her, according to police.

Cynthia Ann Ray, 38, was arrested on Monday and charged with a count of aggravated stalking and one count of sending written threats to kill, court documents say.

Deputies with the Lake County Sheriff's Office received a "criminal mischief" complaint around 8:30 p.m. on Christmas Day, and were dispatched to a residence in Groveland, Florida.

Ray's ex-boyfriend reportedly informed police officers that his ex-girlfriend had been harassing him and his new girlfriend. ...

The former boyfriend said he received menacing messages from his ex-girlfriend threatening to kill him and his current beau unless the new couple had threesome sex with her, according to the Lake County Sheriff's Office.  ...

The Blaze

[catfish1957]

Florida woman threatens to kill ex-boyfriend, new girlfriend if they didn't have Christmas threesome with her: Sheriff
Paul Sacca
December 30, 2023The Blaze

I'll save everyone a click, and from the visuals, this is not Penthouse Forum stuff.....   

[GtHawk]

I'll save everyone a click, and from the visuals, this is not Penthouse Forum stuff.....   

More like cover of DYKE magazine 

[goatprairie]

More like cover of DYKE magazine 

Crystal Meth Weekly.

[sneakypete]

Crystal Meth Weekly.

@goatprairie

Those goobers HAVE to be subscribers to a video feed because you just know they are shaking too badly to read print.

[mountaineer]

This one's not so funny, but it is a Florida man:

Libs of TikTok
@libsoftiktok
Florida man arrested for threatening to assassinate President Trump. He also told police that he was going to send weapons to blow up Trump tower

https://twitter.com/libsoftiktok/status/1897688441866822070

[libertybele]

@goatprairie

Those goobers HAVE to be subscribers to a video feed because you just know they are shaking too badly to read print.

Miss ya Arthur, just miss ya.

[Smokin Joe]

Miss ya Arthur, just miss ya.

Yeah, me, too. I gotta think he's somewhere getting a kick out of all this.

[bigheadfred]

Drugged-out Florida wacko who bit off chunk of flesh from cop’s skull at music festival sentenced for horrific attack

https://nypost.com/2025/03/11/us-news/florida-man-sentenced-for-biting-cops-head-at-music-festival/

A crazed Florida man, who chomped off a chunk of flesh from a cop’s skull at a local music festival and then complained hair was stuck in his teeth, will spend the next six years behind bars for the horrific, drug-induced attack.

[Luis Gonzalez]

https://youtube.com/shorts/LigtAVRZNlM?si=SGJEuEykKe6sTZ0L

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida men steal, then damage priceless century-old Canadian silver artifact

https://www.fox10tv.com/2025/06/19/florida-panthers-crack-stanley-cup-during-celebrations/

[Smokin Joe]

Florida men steal, then damage priceless century-old Canadian silver artifact

https://www.fox10tv.com/2025/06/19/florida-panthers-crack-stanley-cup-during-celebrations/

Casus belli

Be careful, unlucky visitors could be pelted with Tim Horton's and poutine...

[libertybele]

Florida man arrested for DUI on lawn mower along toll road: FHP

BROOKSVILLE, Fla. - A man faces charges after troopers say he took his riding mower onto a busy toll road while impaired.

The backstory:

According to the Florida Highway Patrol, dispatchers received calls from multiple witnesses around 8:30 a.m. Friday reporting a man operating a lawn mower erratically on the southbound side of the Suncoast Parkway (SR 589).

Troopers say traffic cameras showed the lawn mower going south from Citrus County into Hernando County, and the rider was pulled over just south of the exit to U.S. 98.

FHP says Christopher Spain, 38, showed several signs of impairment, including small pupils, flushed skin, dry mouth, and visible irritation to the inside of his nose..............

https://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-man-arrested-dui-lawn-mower-along-toll-road-fhp

[libertybele]

[verga]

With those ears, he could be related to King Charles.

[jafo2010]

Never noticed this stream before.

Guy that defecated on an  opossum, was he  from California?  Second nature out there. 

[Smokin Joe]

Never noticed this stream before.

Guy that defecated on an  opossum, was he  from California?  Second nature out there.

I think gerbils are more at risk there..

[GtHawk]

With those ears, he could be related to King Charles.

Did anyone else hear ‘dueling banjos’ in their head while looking at his picture?

[verga]

Did anyone else hear ‘dueling banjos’ in their head while looking at his picture?

No, but I will now when i look at that picture. Thank you for the visual I don't need.