Author Topic: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***  (Read 4416 times)

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Offline L9teen

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**THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« on: September 16, 2016, 09:26:18 am »
 
When You See It.....

Well Played, Bookstore



Now, that's what you call a textbook Rick Roll.

*****

Rock Star



It takes a lot of stones to do something like this.

*****

Double Take



She's so sassy, she's double sassy.

*****

Fun Fact



If you say "Beetlejuice" out loud, three times, Lady Gaga will photo bomb you.

*****

Background Check



He wears glasses because he's "Far Sided"

*****

D-Neck



This is the opposite of a v-neck, if you know what I mean.

*****

Purrfect Just the Way She Is



I wonder what this adorable kitty's name is? I hope it's Eileen.

*****

Did Nazi That Coming



Too soon? Always.

*****

Mirror, Mirror



Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the creepiest of them all?

*****

Dinner for Four



I'd be on my toes, too, if I saw something like this.

*****

Palette Cleanser



I figured a cute puppy pic was in order after that last image.

*****

High Fashion



That top bun is Jamaican me crazy.

*****

Bradley Cooper



This just in. The Silver Linings Playbook sequel is going to be crazy, you guys.

*****

Happy Graduates



Congratulations to the graduating seniors of Peekaboo High School.

*****

Classy Lady



When you have to go, you have to go.

*****

Twix Shot



Twix: now available in peanut butter, caramel and camouflage.

*****

Gotcha



I see an armpit. What do you pervs see?

*****

Multi-Faceted



This girl is clearly very two-sided.

*****

Sexist Battleship



Game over. You sank my belief in gender equality.

*****

The Tiniest Hand Rail



People keep tripping on this one specific six-inch section of the floor! What do we do?
There's only one thing we CAN do.

*****

Facebook Shows a Different Map Based on Your Continent



The map on the notifications button changes depending on where you are in the world.

*****

Grass That Grew Under a Safety Cone



The grass is always greener on the other side on the inside of a cone.

*****

Giant Piece of Salt Is Shaped Like the Salt's Logo



You can find pyramids in:
-Egypt.
-Mexico.
-Sprinkled over your fries when they taste a little bland.

*****

A BLUE Coke Bottle



Happy Opposite Day! Coke is blue. Up is down. Saying, fine, how are you? when a restaurant host says, Hello isn't awkward.

*****

 The Heat From This Lamp Kept the Leaves From Falling



The tree is doing all it can to protest winter. Some people will do anything to avoid Christmas shopping.

*****

Flower With an Almost Perfect Yellow Circle



He loves geometry, he loves geometry not, he loves geometry, he loves geometry not...

*****

Pay Phone for Decorative Purposes Only



I, uh, love what you've done with the place.

*****

A -33 Prescription



At this point, instead of buying new glasses, it might be cheaper to learn echolocation.

*****

Neck Tie With a Microfiber Cloth



The perfect gift for someone who regularly cleans their -33 prescription glasses.

*****

The Part That Says "Hot" Got Burnt



When mildly interesting and mildly ironic combine.

*****

This Chameleon Is Really Good at Being a Chameleon



He's preparing himself for his big commercial audition. Booking Skittles would really do a lot for his career.

*****

Rear Window



And the Creeper of the Year Award goes to... Bathtub window guy!

*****

Footlong



False alarm. Thanks goodness. I mean, if that's what you're into.

*****

Not So Fast



I spoke too soon. It looks like the Creeper of the Year has competition.

*****

 Double Feature



Coming this summer to an X-Rated theater near you: Blow Job: The Movie. The sexystory of how cocaine fueled a computer empire.

*****

One for the Record Books



Best. Photobomb. Ever.

*****

Baby Got Back



This guy is taking Dad Bod to all new heights. Nice gams, pops!

*****

Handy



There are two very different handshakes going on here. One and a half, actually.

*****

Gurl Gonn Hurl



A good friend will hold your hair back when you barf. A great friend will hold your head up for a picture afterwards.

*****

Offline L9teen

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2016, 09:28:41 am »
 
FALL
INTO
PINGALING LIST – Let me know if you want on or off!! 
 [/font]

  @1poxgi@AbaraXas  - @Acemodean  - @alicewonders  - @andy58-in-nh  - @An@annieokie  - @ArneFufkin  - @austingirl  - @berferdt  -  @BigHomer - @Bigun@bob434@bolobaby@bootless@catfish1957@CatherineofAragon@cato potatoe  -  @chae@Charlespg@Chasaway@ConstitutionRose@Cowboyway@CSM  - @Cyber Liberty -   @DCPatriot@Dexter@Diamond6@DiogenesLamp@Doug Loss  -  @DrewsDad@driftdiver@EasyAce@EC@Eowyn@ExFreeper@Fishrrman@Frank Cannon  -  @Free Vulcan  -  @Freya -   @GilesB@goatprairie@gorush - @Gov Bean Counter  -  @GrouchoTex@guitar4jesus@HAPPY2BME@Hoodat@Idaho_Cowboy@INVAR@IsailedawayfromFR@Jazzhead@jmyrlefuller@Just_Victor@Kaslin@kevindavis@kidd@Kinsman Redeemer  -  @kjam22 -   @Lando Lincoln  -  @Leto@libertybele@LonestarDream@LottieDah@M1078@Machiavelli@MACVSOG68@Maj. Bill Martin  -  @MajorClay@Manic Episode  -  @markomalley@MBB1984@mcjordansc@MeshugeMikey@Millee@Minarch@mirraflake@mlizzy@montanajoe@mountaineer@mrpotatohead@mystery-ak@Neverdul@Nickname -   @Oceander@oldmomster@PinkFlipFlops@plewis1250@pogo101@Polly Tix  -  @pookie18@PROCON@r9etb@rangerrebew@rb224315@RedHead@Relic@Resp3@RetBobbyMI@Richardtavor@Unlimited  -  @roamer_1@rodamala@RoosGirl -  @Salem Poor  -  @Sanguine@ScottinVA@ShadowAce@sinkspur@SirLinksALot@sitetest@skeeter@Smokin Joe  -  @sneakypete@Springfield Reformer  -  @Stargazer@starstruck@stevekrz@Suppressed@SZonian@Texas Yellow Rose  - @the_doc@TheMom@ThePatriotFile@The_Reader_David@Timber Rattler  -  @TomSea@truth_seeker@TurkeyLurkey@TXnTX@txradioguy - @uglybiker@Variant@verga@Victoria33@WAC@washi@Weird Tolkienish Figure  -  @Wingnut

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2016, 09:38:47 am »
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

Offline verga

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2016, 09:40:13 am »
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough,” more or less, adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied,  “I worked last week with a real work crew building the new house next door to us.”
“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week too?”
The little girl replied, “I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f**king sheet rock…”
Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
It’s important to consider the impact of your actions on others, especially children. While it’s easy to forget, children are very impressionable, and this story highlights that fact.
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline verga

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2016, 09:43:27 am »
One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged.In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and a equally worn out Bible. The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor: “Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.”
The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
But the next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots and hat.
Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church.”
“I did,” replied the old cowboy.
“If you spoke to God, what did he tell you proper attire should be for worshiping in here?” asked the preacher.
“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear. He said He’d never been in here before.”
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline verga

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2016, 09:46:16 am »
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar, and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face and says, “I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!”
The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!”
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, “I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!”
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, and says…
“Grandpa, you’re drunk… Go home!”
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline verga

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2016, 09:52:34 am »
During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.
A lady stood up and came forward.
She said, “I have a reason to thank the Lord.”
“Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.”
“The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.
She continued, “Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain.”
“We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.”
“They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim’s scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.
She continued, “Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”
All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, “I’m Jim and I would like to tell my beautiful blonde wife, the word is “sternum.”
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline Gefn

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2016, 09:52:47 am »
Hellokitty girl!

The only joke I can think of is the one my ten year old godson told me last weekend.

Q: why is a baseball stadium so cool?

A: there's a fan in every seat.

 ****drummer

G-d bless America. G-d bless us all                                 

Adopt a puppy or kitty from your local shelter
Or an older dog or cat. They're true love❤️

Offline verga

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2016, 09:54:08 am »
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”
“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
�More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.�-Woody Allen
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise.

Offline Gefn

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2016, 09:57:44 am »
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”
“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”


Ok time for my blonde joke

A blonde goes to her eye doctor to have her eyes examined.

Dr: have you ever had your eyes checked?
Blonde: no doctor, they've always been blue.
 :blonde:
G-d bless America. G-d bless us all                                 

Adopt a puppy or kitty from your local shelter
Or an older dog or cat. They're true love❤️

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2016, 10:05:08 am »
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.  He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!”, he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

Offline Gefn

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2016, 10:12:21 am »
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.  He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!”, he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”


 ****drummer
G-d bless America. G-d bless us all                                 

Adopt a puppy or kitty from your local shelter
Or an older dog or cat. They're true love❤️

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2016, 10:30:57 am »
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough,” more or less, adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied,  “I worked last week with a real work crew building the new house next door to us.”
“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week too?”
The little girl replied, “I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f**king sheet rock…”
Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
It’s important to consider the impact of your actions on others, especially children. While it’s easy to forget, children are very impressionable, and this story highlights that fact.
Little pictures have big ears...

My granddaughter reminded me of that, years ago. We'd had a kid free house for the most part back in the days of Windows 95 and dial-up, and I was having troubles with a laptop and system crashes. After several efforts, (and crashes, I threw my hands up in the air and said, empahtically, "Son of a Bi*ch!") before taking a break. Mrs Joe gave me one of those looks and I remembered My (then two year old) granddaughter was in the room, coloring at the table behind me. (Oops).

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and she wanted to watch a movie on the VCR. Not knowing there was already a movie in the machine, she tried to put the tape in. It fell out. she turned it around and tried again. It fell out. She flipped it over and tried. It fell out. She turned the inverted tape around and tried to put it in, having now patiently worked through the four possibilities for orientation. It fell out. "Son of a B*tch!"  I got one of those looks from Mrs. Joe and the opportunity to explain why it wasn't a good thing for little girls to say...and then showed her how to get the movie out so hers would go in.
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Online Right_in_Virginia

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2016, 10:45:14 am »
@L9teen

Did you copy this thread word for word and picture by picture from FreeRepublic?

Nevermind ... I see you're the same person ....  Just protecting your hard work   :beer:
« Last Edit: September 16, 2016, 10:46:56 am by Right_in_Virginia »

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2016, 10:52:49 am »
Once there was a man who drove the train for a living. He loved it; it was something he’d wanted to do since he was a little boy. His favorite part was making the train go as fast as possible.

One day, however, because he was going so fast, the train got into an accident. The man made it out safely but unfortunately, one passenger died. The man was put on trial, found guilty, and sentenced to execution.
 
The day came when the man was meant to be executed and he requested a banana for his last meal. He ate his banana, sat in the chair, and the executioner flipped the switch. Sparks flew, but the man emerged alive.  Now, around this time there was a law that stated if a person were to survive an execution, it was a sign of divine intervention and the prisoner was to be let go. So, the man was released.

He got his job back as a train driver, and having learned nothing from his previous mistakes, continued on driving the train recklessly. Of course, the train soon got into another accident.

Again, the man was put on trial, found guilty and sentenced to death.  And for his last meal, he requested two bananas. He ate his bananas, was strapped into the chair, and the executioner flipped the switch. Once again, the man was totally fine, and released.

Now, would you believe that he got his old job back again? Our reckless train driver seemed to have learned nothing, because he continued to drive the train overly fast and recklessly. Of course, he got into an accident for a third time.

Once again the man was put on trial, found guilty, and sentenced to death. The day came and he requested his last meal - three bananas. At this point the executioner said, “No, I’m sick of you coming in here, eating your banana and walking out unscathed. Let’s just do this.”

So, without eating his bananas, the man was strapped to the electric chair, the executioner flipped the switch and - the man was completely unharmed. The executioner was dumbfounded.

“Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it,” the man explained, “I’m just a bad conductor.”
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

Offline Idaho_Cowboy

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #15 on: September 16, 2016, 11:25:36 am »
Once there was a man who drove the train for a living. He loved it; it was something he’d wanted to do since he was a little boy. His favorite part was making the train go as fast as possible.

One day, however, because he was going so fast, the train got into an accident. The man made it out safely but unfortunately, one passenger died. The man was put on trial, found guilty, and sentenced to execution.
 
The day came when the man was meant to be executed and he requested a banana for his last meal. He ate his banana, sat in the chair, and the executioner flipped the switch. Sparks flew, but the man emerged alive.  Now, around this time there was a law that stated if a person were to survive an execution, it was a sign of divine intervention and the prisoner was to be let go. So, the man was released.

He got his job back as a train driver, and having learned nothing from his previous mistakes, continued on driving the train recklessly. Of course, the train soon got into another accident.

Again, the man was put on trial, found guilty and sentenced to death.  And for his last meal, he requested two bananas. He ate his bananas, was strapped into the chair, and the executioner flipped the switch. Once again, the man was totally fine, and released.

Now, would you believe that he got his old job back again? Our reckless train driver seemed to have learned nothing, because he continued to drive the train overly fast and recklessly. Of course, he got into an accident for a third time.

Once again the man was put on trial, found guilty, and sentenced to death. The day came and he requested his last meal - three bananas. At this point the executioner said, “No, I’m sick of you coming in here, eating your banana and walking out unscathed. Let’s just do this.”

So, without eating his bananas, the man was strapped to the electric chair, the executioner flipped the switch and - the man was completely unharmed. The executioner was dumbfounded.

“Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it,” the man explained, “I’m just a bad conductor.”
HA HA!

When a redhead goes crazy, is it called gingers snaps?
“The way I see it, every time a man gets up in the morning he starts his life over. Sure, the bills are there to pay, and the job is there to do, but you don't have to stay in a pattern. You can always start over, saddle a fresh horse and take another trail.” ― Louis L'Amour

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2016, 11:38:26 am »

When a redhead goes crazy, is it called gingers snaps?


Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx


Offline Gefn

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2016, 11:49:15 am »
G-d bless America. G-d bless us all                                 

Adopt a puppy or kitty from your local shelter
Or an older dog or cat. They're true love❤️

Offline Neverdul

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2016, 02:05:51 pm »


So This Is How Liberty Dies, With Thunderous Applause

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #20 on: September 16, 2016, 02:48:53 pm »
Privacy Concerns Go Far Afield When Image of Cow's Face is Blurred
Photos of a particularly "moo-dest" cow, whose face was blurred in Google Street View, have gone viral on social media.

Google Street View posted on its website that it automatically blurs faces and license plates in its imagery to protect people's privacy.

It appears that Google also sought to protect the identity of this cow, whose face becomes blurred when a Street View user approaches it more closely as it peacefully grazes in Cambridge, England.



http://abcnews.go.com/International/privacy-concerns-afield-image-cows-face-blurred/story?id=42138332
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #21 on: September 16, 2016, 03:02:41 pm »
Reading this will enlighten you

 I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

 Internal Revenue 'Service'
 U.S. Postal 'Service'
 Telephone 'Service'
 Cable TV 'Service'
 Civil 'Service'
 State, City, County & Public 'Service'
 Customer 'Service'

 This is what I thought 'Service' meant.

 But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
 BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

 You are now as enlightened as I am.
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #22 on: September 16, 2016, 03:03:41 pm »
One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Colorado were listening to

 the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to
 have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered
 side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

 So the good wife went out and moved her car.

 A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,
 "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
 odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
 The good wife went out and moved her car again.

 The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
 "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the
 electric power went out.

 The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
 "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on
 so the snowplows can get through?"


 With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

 "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #23 on: September 16, 2016, 03:09:05 pm »
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

 He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.

 The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?"

 "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St..Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

 Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

 Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #24 on: September 16, 2016, 03:09:35 pm »
A wife's love

 A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

 He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

 With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

 There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

 Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

 Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table.. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

 "Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral.
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline Hopalong Ginsberg

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #25 on: September 16, 2016, 03:12:06 pm »
Ping @Hopalong Ginsberg


Redhead joke alert!!!!!

 8888spinning cat

I was listening to some soul music...whoops! Sorry, redheads...

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #26 on: September 16, 2016, 03:12:06 pm »
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

 She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

 A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

 As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

 Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

 To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

 


 "My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline Idaho_Cowboy

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #27 on: September 16, 2016, 03:15:36 pm »
Reading this will enlighten you

 I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

 Internal Revenue 'Service'
 U.S. Postal 'Service'
 Telephone 'Service'
 Cable TV 'Service'
 Civil 'Service'
 State, City, County & Public 'Service'
 Customer 'Service'

 This is what I thought 'Service' meant.

 But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
 BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

 You are now as enlightened as I am.
:silly:
“The way I see it, every time a man gets up in the morning he starts his life over. Sure, the bills are there to pay, and the job is there to do, but you don't have to stay in a pattern. You can always start over, saddle a fresh horse and take another trail.” ― Louis L'Amour

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #28 on: September 16, 2016, 03:17:06 pm »
An oldie but a goodie...

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

 NICKNAMES
• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

 EATING OUT
• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 MONEY
• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 BATHROOMS
• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 ARGUMENTS
• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 FUTURE
• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 SUCCESS
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 MARRIAGE
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 DRESSING UP
• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 NATURAL
• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 OFFSPRING
• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
 A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #29 on: September 16, 2016, 03:20:07 pm »
I was listening to some soul music...whoops! Sorry, redheads...

I would never denigrate redheads.   I gave birth to one and a half of them! 

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #30 on: September 16, 2016, 03:20:13 pm »
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.


Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but certainly not least:

15.October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #31 on: September 16, 2016, 03:27:06 pm »





Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.


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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #33 on: September 16, 2016, 04:24:43 pm »


If Hotel California Were a Doctor's Song, This is What it Would Mean
Who doesn’t know the Eagles? Especially their chart-buster song Hotel California?
Over the years, the song has been interpreted in so many different ways. Some say it’s about Satanism; some link it to drug addiction, others believe it depicts hedonism, and still others argue it’s about cannibalism. The mysterious lyrics have managed to intrigue people from all over the world.
When everyone’s busy decoding the song in his own way, why, then, should the medical fraternity stay behind? Here’s how a doctor recently dissected, examined, and explained its meaning:

Welcome to the Hotel California!

















http://myblogmytalkmyrules.blogspot.com/2015/11/hotel-california-funny-doctors-song.html
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

Offline SZonian

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #34 on: September 16, 2016, 04:26:27 pm »
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #35 on: September 16, 2016, 04:39:13 pm »
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx




Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #39 on: September 16, 2016, 06:45:43 pm »


Where did you find that picture of my Fred??
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #40 on: September 16, 2016, 07:21:27 pm »

Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: **THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS FOR 9/16***
« Reply #41 on: September 17, 2016, 02:30:09 am »
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed: