Today's Toons 5/13/13

[pookie18]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
French Socialist Prime Minister Jean-Marc Ayrault wrote a letter to members of the government asking them to avoid using English words. Maybe he should just be more grateful that he's not speaking German.
 
White House spokesman Jay Carney said in response to a question about the Benghazi attack that it "happened a long time ago." Yeah, sorta like that Bush administration Obama keeps blaming everything on.
 
New e-book technology is allowing professors to see how much of the textbooks students actually read. I'll bet members of Congress are glad the bills they vote on aren't in that format.
 
 
A new study shows that the United States has double the amount of oil and three times the amount of natural gas reserves as previously thought. Bad news for Obama. Wind reserve estimates turned out to be spot on.
 
 
A new poll shows that 59% of Americans think school textbooks put political correctness ahead of accuracy. Nah. They've always discussed George Washington filing an environmental impact statement before crossing the Delaware.
 
At the Benghazi hearings, Democrat Congressman Elijah Cummings said that "death is a part of life". So are break-ins, but we've been dealing with Watergate for 40 years.
 
The US military intelligence community has admitted that it has lost track of Syria's chemical weapons. They're probably somewhere near the F-16s we sold to Egypt.
 
-- Fred Thompson
 
Boston cops arrested three suspects who tried to help the Tsarnaev brothers after they bombed Boston. It's becoming clear. After three weeks it appears the terrorists were aided by three accomplices--political correctness, welfare and U.S. immigration policy.
 
Tim Tebow was waived by the N.Y. Jets, leaving the evangelical Christian quarterback unemployed Monday. It's sad. He went to New York to preach the Good News in a town where the good news is the word that the courts have overturned Mayor Bloomberg again.
 
 
Queen Creek High School held a Redneck Day in which students dressed like the cast of rural Southerners in the A&E hit show Duck Dynasty. Liberal groups are furious. Drinking corn liquor out of a jug in class undermines marijuana education in our schools.
 
President Obama flew to Mexico for meetings on trans-national issues Thursday. He hailed the success of U.S. businesses operating in Mexico. Last year in Mexico City over one hundred thousand people went to Borders thinking they'd found a short cut to Tucson.
 
Robert Redford is starring in The Company You Keep about the violent underground anti-war protesters in the Sixties and what became of them today. They're still active. University of Chicago professor and former Weather Underground bomber Bill Ayers just applied to teach at U-Mass Dartmouth so he can work with any remaining subversives.
 
Kim Jung Un announced he'll build an amusement park in Pyongyang this year that incudes a replica of London's Big Ben clock and the Eiffel Tower. He has a knack for business. He expects that the ride where you fly little planes into them could be very popular.
 
Congress hears testimony today that Hillary Clinton bypassed her State Department terror experts during the Benghazi attack on purpose. Some accuse her of misconduct and dissembling just to protect the president's popularity. It's like she's still the First Lady.
 
Ohio State University presented President Obama an honorary doctorate on Sunday when he spoke at their graduation ceremony. His is a singular life. Barack Obama is already America's first black president, now he's the only doctor in favor of ObamaCare.
 
 
President Obama praised the virtues of government Sunday in his commencement speech to Ohio State grads. He was preaching to the choir. This spring three juniors on the football team skipped their final year of eligibility to go straight to unemployment.
 
The Labor Department reported that the unemployment rate of people looking for work dropped to seven and a half percent. That's good news. President Obama called it a step in the right direction and he encouraged more Americans to give up looking for work.
 
Hillary Clinton will be given the Helen Keller Humanitarian Award in New York next week. She did great things despite being blind and deaf. Somehow you knew Hillary Clinton would come up with a fool-proof defense for missing the Benghazi terrorist attacks.
 
President Obama gave the commencement address at Ohio State on Sunday. He told the college seniors that it's their responsibility to make the world a better place. It's believed to be the earliest a president's ever thrown in the towel after winning re-election.
 
 
Dan Rather was on an NBC talk show Sunday. He said that President Obama's critics want to cut his heart out and throw his liver to the dogs. It sounds like he's been interviewing rival tribes in Kenya for a new documentary that he's hoping to sell to Nat Geo.
 
The White House was blasted for inaction during the Benghazi attack Wednesday in House hearings. The terrorists overran the consulate then they overran the annex. So it does support Barack Obama's claim during the campaign that he's got al-Qaeda on the run.
 
Hillary Clinton will be awarded the Helen Keller Humanitarian Award at a New York dinner. It's funny. Some organizations might denounce Hillary for turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to the Benghazi attacks, but the Helen Keller Foundation honored her for it.
 
The Bill and Hillary Clinton Airport opened on Monday in Little Rock. They've done so much. When Bill and Hillary took over Arkansas thirty-five years ago the state was a national hillbilly joke and with tireless effort they upgraded it to an international sex joke.
 
 
The White House was shamed over the Benghazi attack Wednesday and the next day the FBI admitted they told Boston cops nothing on Tamerlan Tsarnaev. It's nuts. President Obama bragged he's got al-Qaeda on the run but he failed to say they're running toward us.
 
Hillary Clinton was honored Wednesday by L.A. Mayor Villaraigosa who hopes to be her running mate. Pollsters say Hispanic voters will never support a Hispanic candidate who abandons his wife. It shows that language is not the only barrier between our cultures.
 
President Obama was asked by pizza restaurants and movie theaters to halt ObamaCare's rule that they display every item's calorie content. The calorie count of pizza and movie popcorn is like a French marriage. Too many questions take all the fun out of it.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
Over the weekend President Obama gave the commencement speech at Ohio State University. He said, "I dare you to do better" — to which the students yelled back, "No, we dare YOU to do better. We need jobs!”
 
Mexico's economy has been on the upswing the last couple of years. They're getting investors from companies all over the world. In fact, Mexico is now home to 11 million undocumented Americans.
 
CNN anchor Carol Costello was robbed of her iPhone in broad daylight while walking down the street in Atlanta. Unfortunately, it was on CNN, so there weren’t any witnesses.
 
 
New predictions claim that 42 percent of Americans will be obese by the year 2030. They say the only way to stop it is for government to step in. Oh, yeah, that will work. When it comes to trimming the fat and tightening your belt, who knows better than the U.S. government?
 
According to Forbes magazine, Al Gore is now worth more than $200 million. This is what Gore meant when he talked about going green.
 
-- Leno
 
The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, "Well, that would be great if I had a job."
 
– Letterman
 
 
Yesterday President Obama warned Congress not to delay the immigration reform bill. You can tell he's getting tough because if they keep delaying the bill, he says he might even warn them again.
 
Yesterday President Obama spoke at Ohio State’s graduation, and told students that it’s their responsibility to make the world a better place. It got awkward when students were like, “Wait, isn't that literally YOUR responsibility?”
 
The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, "Well, that would be great if I had a job."
 
 
– Jimmy Fallon
 
 
In South Carolina, former Governor Mark Sanford won a congressional seat after dragging around and debating a cardboard cutout of Nancy Pelosi. Then someone explained that WAS Nancy Pelosi.
 
– Conan
 
 
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Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "listen here, good looking, I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on...it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
 
His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "no sh*t... I'm in Congress too. What state do you represent?”
 
 
 
 

[EC]

Morning pookie! Hope you had a nice weekend.

[Davidfxs]

Thank you pookie. Have a great day

[jmyrlefuller]

The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, "Well, that would be great if I had a job."
 
– Letterman

The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, "Well, that would be great if I had a job."
 
– Jimmy Fallon

Either this is a mix-up, or someone is about to get into some serious trouble. (EDIT: Not you, Pookie. Whoever blatantly plagiarized this joke.)

[pookie18]

Morning pookie! Hope you had a nice weekend.

Mornin', EC!

[pookie18]

Thank you pookie. Have a great day

You're welcome, David!

[pookie18]

Either this is a mix-up, or someone is about to get into some serious trouble. (EDIT: Not you, Pookie. Whoever blatantly plagiarized this joke.)

It must've been my editing error. Looking back, I only found it attributed to Letterman...

[ricebug]

G'day, Pookie!!

[pookie18]

G'day, Pookie!!

G'day, Ricebug!