Author Topic: Today's Toons 1/8/24 (Read 5012 times)

pookie18 · « **on:** January 08, 2024, 11:55:19 am »

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This Thread Brought To You By The Number 0:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Joe Biden burnished his law and order credentials today by ordering the arrest of everyone ever born on January 6th.

Today's the cutoff point. It says on the label if your insurrection lasts longer than 3 years you should consult your psychiatrist.

National Debt today hits 34,000,000,000000 dollars. America hasn't been attacked by this many zeros since Pearl Harbor.

President Biden is vacationing in the Virgin Islands and playing golf at the Buccaneer Country Club in St. Croix. He's still able to spring into action in case of emergency. Biden was alerted the U.S. Navy was under attack in the Red Sea, and he asked the next three groups if he could play through.

I saw in the overseas news Sunday even the earthquakes are leaving California.

Claudine Gay announced today, "I shall resign as President of the United States tomorrow at noon August 9th 1974."

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin flew to Israel Monday to meet with Israeli officials to give U.S. support and demand humanitarian aid to the Palestinians. Pro-Palestinian protestors completely jammed Penn Station. It halted commuter subway travel into New York, delaying hundreds of stabbings.

Mayor Eric Adams bragged New York is the world’s greatest city because any day you can wake up to a terrorist attack or a business opening. Today in L.A., I saw a parked car with a bumper sticker that reads I Miss New York. So I smashed the window, stole the radio and left a note saying, I hope this helps.

House Republicans passed a ban on transgender women from competing in women's sports events at federally supported schools. The bill went to the Senate. It's strange to think in the future the number-one cause of death among female Olympic gold-winning athletes could be prostate cancer.

Democrats are trying to keep Donald Trump off the ballot. Who do they think he is, Bobby Kennedy?

The Colorado Supreme Court banning Trump from the ballot had GOP governors threatening to do the same to Joe Biden. This past week, both Biden and Kamala have been comparing Trump to Hitler, but they must be careful with talk like that or do you know what Trump might do? Carry Harvard.

I was scheduled to perform in Denver next week but the Colorado Supreme Court just took my name off the marquee.

No matter which side you take, I think we can all agree the Covid vaccine is the world's leading cause of coincidence.

You can't get into a Costco or Sam's Club without an ID. Maybe they should be running the border.

Pennsylvania Democratic Senator John Fetterman said he's no longer a Progressive and that he supports Israeli military action in Gaza and opposes illegal immigration into the U.S. Reaction was swift. The Colorado Supreme Court just banned him from seeking re-election to the Senate in 2028.

Jill Biden fired her spokesman over a gay sex scandal a day after a House gay sex scandal and two days after the Senate's. That's three gay sex scandal in three days. They might want to remove that sign at the Washington D.C. city limits which reads You Are Now Entering the Seat of Government.

Harvard President Claudine Gay prompted an uproar telling Congress that penalizing students espousing genocide depends on the context. She needs to work on her replies. Claudine Gay was informed that she's being investigated for forty cases of academic plagiarism, and she replied, copy that!

Business Insider reported Monday that Russia and China are very close to signing a mutual defense treaty to take on the United States. The president reacted quickly to reassure Americans. President Biden stated that anybody killed during World War III will have their student loans forgiven.

-- Argus Hamilton