Gag Order Violates Freedom of Speech
This week at the request of Special Counsel Jack Smith, Judge Tanya Chutkan imposed a "gag order" on former President Donald Trump. She cited the risk that "allowing Trump unfettered freedom of speech could taint the jury pool and undermine the Special Counsel's efforts to gain a conviction against the leader of a huge domestic terrorist cell that is trying to subvert the authority of President Biden. Trump's contention that preventing him from speaking about a rigged 2020 election is itself an attempt to rig the 2024 election is rejected."
Smith hailed the order, saying that "Trump has abused freedom of speech to undermine our democracy. The 2020 election has been universally declared free from fraud by both government officials and all the legitimate media sources. Trump's refusal to accept this decision is what led him to sic his supporters on Congress on January 6, 2021 in a failed effort to overthrow the duly elected presidency of former Vice-President Joe Biden. As Judge Chutkan has previously pointed out, Trump should've been behind bars with his henchmen for the last two-and-a-half years, not roaming free to conduct another attempt to seize power."
The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has previously opposed restrictions on freedom of speech, but has made an exception in this case. Spokesman Bertram Petty explained that "allowing the enemies of democracy to misuse this freedom for treasonous opposition to valid government authority would amount to a suicide pact against our precious civil liberties."
In related news, Jake Lang reached the 1,000th day milestone of his imprisonment without a trial for his participation in the January 6, 2021 riot at the Capitol. He spent 20 months in solitary confinement where he wasn't permitted to shave or get a haircut. "They wanted us to look like homeless vagrants or deranged terrorists for our video court appearances," he said. Lang has been moved around to different prisons for the nearly three year period of incarceration. In the DC jail, he and fellow January 6 prisoners were confined to their cells for 23 hours and 15 minutes of each day. Smith called the treatment "merciful considering the seriousness of the charges against them. It's no worse than the treatment meted out to the 9-11 terrorists at Guantanamo."
Media Promotes Hamas Propaganda
This week a rocket landed in the parking lot of a hospital in Gaza killing hundreds of non-combatants. The New York Times immediately spread Hamas' assertion that Israel was responsible. Others like the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, CBS, MSNBC, Rueters, CNN, Associated Press, and BBC did the same. These reports inspired violent protests in various Muslim countries throughout the Middle East. Audio and video evidence has since confirmed that the rocket originated from a Hamas unit trying to fire it into Israel.
Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) dismissed the evidence and blamed Israel's "apartheid policies for driving Hamas to take desperate measures to defend Palestinian freedom" and the Biden Administration "for supplying faulty weapons to these freedom fighters. The fact is that Jews continue to illegally occupy parts of Palestine. Their armed forces are too powerful to successfully attack. Going after soft targets is the only viable option in this lopsided asymmetrical warfare the people of Palestine have been forced into."
She went on to praise "Hamas' innovative exploitation of the work permit program Israel established for Gaza residents. The expectation was that the economic benefits from gainful employment would diminish animosity toward the Jewish occupiers. But the intelligence gathered by frequent trips to work inside Israel made it easier to maximize the number of Jews that could be exterminated by a quick surprise strike."
A stunned Secretary of State Tony Blinken said "we urged Israel to improve the lives of Palestinians by issuing thousands of work permits to Gaza residents. We never thought that the Palestinians would literally bite the hand that feeds them. Now we look like idiots. Our only option for rallying after this blunder is to send another $60 billion in aid to Ukraine in the hope that a flare up in their battle with Russia can knock the whole Gaza/Israel thing out of the headlines."
A bumbling President Biden acknowledged Israel's innocence in the hospital attack, but lamented the poor marksmanship of the Hamas rocket-launch crew, saying "these guys gotta learn how to shoot straight. If it weren't for their incompetence those rockets would've landed in Israel."
In related news, the US Department of Homeland Security has hired Nejwa Ali, a former Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) spokesperson, to help determine which Palestinians will be allowed to come to America as "asylum seekers." Her most recent unofficial communication was a Facebook post praising the Hamas attack with the words "F*** Israel, the government, and its military. Are you ready for your downfall?"
"An Awesome, Stunning Victory"
These were the words Columbia Professor Joseph Massad used to describe the Hamas murder of over a thousand Jews in its October 7 raid on a music festival and surrounding neighborhoods. More than 30,000 people signed a petition calling for his removal from the University's teaching staff.
Thus far, Columbia President Nemat Shafik has rebuffed this demand, saying "our professors should have the right to say anything they wish without fear that it could result in any retaliation against them. This is called 'academic freedom.' Without it the whole university system would collapse. Obviously, from time to time what a professor says may offend someone, but this is the price we must pay for freedom of speech."
Dr. Shafik was quick to point out that "of course, freedom of speech is not an absolute right. If Professor Massad had criticized the University's pandemic policies mandating all students get vaccinated for covid or been seen wearing a MAGA cap things would be different. Spreading misinformation contradicting the accepted science proclaimed by the CDC and Dr. Fauci would be grounds for dismissal. Publicly showing support for the domestic terrorists who tried to overthrow our democracy would be a more serious deviation from the mainstream of political opinion than voicing approval of one side of a dispute in the Middle East."
US Special Forces Doxxed
The White House confirmed that "the identities of several US special forces members were accidentally exposed during their participation in a photograph on Instagram with President Biden. The photograph remained up on the web site for several hours before we realized our mistake and had it taken down."
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre insisted "it isn't that big of a deal. The same thing happened to Seal Team Six after their successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden. We have had no trouble filling the vacancies that occurred after most of the members of the team were killed by a terrorist missile."
"On the flip side, the President is in a desperate struggle to fend off another attempt by Donald Trump to seize control of our government," she added. "The value of the special forces picture with the President toward ensuring his reelection in 2024 should not be underestimated. He is right there in the room with these heroes. Trump is not. Joe Biden is in the photo looking presidential. Trump is not. People who see the photo will vote for President Biden. Saving our democracy is worth the possible loss of a few of our troops."
Hamas Raid "Mostly Peaceful"
Dr Basem Naim, Head of Political and International Relations for Hamas, characterized the October 7 raid on Israel as "mostly peaceful. The chief commander of the Al Qassem Brigade, who initiated the operation, gave clear instructions not to target civilians or to harm them. Of course, once the bullets start flying bystanders may unintentionally be harmed. Even if we believe the Israeli government's claim that 1400 civilians where killed, that is but a tiny fraction of the seven million Jews currently occupying Palestinian land. More than 99.8% of whom are still alive."
Israel's President Isaac Herzog rebutted Naim's claims by showing a copy of one of the many The Warrior's Guide - Jihad Version booklets found on dead Hamas fighters. "In this booklet terrorists are advised on how to take hostages and use them as human shields. How to torture them to obtain intelligence or obedience. We did not find any instructions to spare civilians of any age or sex."
Naim called Herzog's criticisms "unfair. He knows full well that many women are also Israeli soldiers trained in the use of deadly force. The same person who is nursing a baby may have a weapon at-hand that could be used to ambush a jihadi. Also the babies of today will become the armed adult Jews of the future. Neutralizing them now will save Muslim lives later. In this regard we have the support of the Palestinian people. More than two-thirds favor continued attacks on Israel. We are the soldiers of democracy waging a war of liberation against the occupiers of our land."
In related news, research conducted in 2014 estimated the average IQ of Palestinians to be less than 82. This puts them 18 points below the human mean IQ of 100 and in the lower half of the "below average intelligence" segment of humanity. Humza Yousaf, Leader of the Scottish National Party, says he wants "to bring a million Gaza refugees to Scotland. I believe they will help us in our fight to be free from English tyranny."
