Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 24, 2023 Edition  (Read 1228 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 24, 2023 Edition
« on: September 23, 2023, 07:17:53 am »
Dems Modify Voting Laws

This week Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) signed 10 voting reform bills passed by the Democrat majority legislature. She asserted that "we are safeguarding the integrity of our electoral process and ensuring equal access to the ballot box, we empower every New Yorker to have their voice heard. New York State remains committed to strengthening our democratic process, championing the right to vote for every citizen and cementing our place as a national leader on voting rights."

The New York Republican State Committee, the Republican National Committee, and the National Republican Congressional Committee have filed a lawsuit challenging a portion of the "reforms." Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) pointed out that "authorizing expanded absentee balloting directly contradicts the will of the people expressed in a 2021 referendum where voters opted to retain the state constitution's requirement that "votes be cast in person at their designated polling places unless the voter is unable to do so due to being outside their county of residence or if they are ill or have a physical disability."

Hochul countered the objections, saying "voters elected Democrats to control the legislature in 2022. This gives us the power to change these laws as we see fit. Experience has shown that the modifications that were used during the covid pandemic expanded the number of ballots that were cast. We have also removed the inconvenience of having to register to vote ahead of casting a ballot because this discourages spontaneity."

"One of the reasons for registering in advance is to be able to determine if that person is also registered in another state," Stefanik said. "Democracy means one-person-one vote. Purging the rolls of duplicates helps maintain this. Same day registration when casting a ballot undermines this safeguard."

"If a person is in New York that person has a right to vote in our elections," Hochul argued. "What is it to us whether that person may be voting somewhere else? I can see very good reasons why someone should be entitled to vote in different states. Suppose you're a resident of one and a college student in another. Your life is affected by the laws of both states. Why shouldn't you vote in both?"

Meanwhile in Pennsylvania, Gov. Josh Shapiro (D) announced that "I am authorizing automatic voter registration for everyone with a Pennsylvania driver's license. It is a commitment I made when I ran for governor. It makers our vote-by-mail elections more secure." So far, the automatic feature has registered 11,000 non-citizens. Commonwealth Court President Judge Mary Hannah Leavitt pointed out that "the state constitution requires in-person voting. Changing this must be preceded by amending the constitution. It cannot legally be done by executive decree nor by a simple legislative majority."

Gov't Conceals Info on Jan 6 Events

Attorney General Merrick Garland insists he doesn't know "if or how many federal agents or paid informants may have participated in the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the Capitol. Information like that is not considered necessary for me to know."

FBI Director Christopher Wray says "the decisions on how many agents and paid informants might be employed and what their specific duties might be are on a 'need to know basis.' I can see no reason why Congressman Jordan (R-Ohio) or any of his colleagues would have a need to know. On a matter of national security like this it is important to limit the opportunity for our government's enemies to acquire such information."

Special Counsel Jack Smith filed a "gag order" that aims to prevent former President Trump from criticizing any of the actions the government has taken against him related to the events of January 6, 2021 because "it threatens to undermine the integrity of these proceedings and prejudice the jury pool, in contravention of the 'undeviating rule' that in our justice system a jury's verdict is to 'be induced only by evidence and argument in open court, and not by any outside influence.' The argument that the details of the Jan 6 insurrection are legitimate campaign issues must take a backseat to our effort to save our democracy from its enemies."

While D.C. District Judge Tanya Chutkan hasn't formally responded to Smith's request, she has said that "the fact that Trump is running a political campaign has to yield to the orderly administration of justice. If that means his First Amendment right to free speech must be abridged, that's how it has to be."

Biden Snubs NYC Mayor

While in New York City to give a speech at the United Nations, President Biden declined to meet with Mayor Eric Adams. "I was hoping to get some support from my Party's president to help us afford the billions of dollars in extra expenses the flood of migrants is costing us," Adams said. "Without some sort of a federal bailout we're going to have to cut city services across-the-board. That will hurt the poorest of our residents, most of which are American citizens."

Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre chastised Adams "for dumping his local problems on the President. President Biden is here in New York City as the leader of the free world. His top priority is funding Ukraine's war against Russia. If we allow Russia to carve up Ukraine no nation's independence will be secure. If NYC goes bankrupt because it can't afford to care for its migrants who will be hurt? The City can simply default on its debts. The imprudent purchasers of its debts will just eat their losses and life will go on. That is not the case in Ukraine. Conquest by Russia means death to Zelensky and destruction of the Biden Brand--bringing a whole family's means of support crashing down."

"On top of this, the President has promised that the United States will be the largest donor to humanitarian causes in the world," she added. "This means stopping climate change, healing the sick, and feeding the poor. The trillions this will cost dwarf the piddling $12 billion Mayor Adams says he needs to help him pay for aiding the refugees that have landed in his city."

In related news, in a bid to reduce the number of migrants crossing into the US on foot, the Biden Administration is offering to fly them directly to their desired destination within the US. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Alejandro N. Mayorkas explained that "trekking through Mexico to cross the border on foot is dangerous. The cartels extort and sometimes murder migrants. By intercepting migrants in their countries of origin and flying them directly into the US we are saving lives. By giving them green cards like President Biden just authorized for 400,000 Venezuelan migrants we are given them employment and reducing the burdens on sanctuary cities that must feed and house these migrants."

14 US Cities to Make Climate Sacrifice

Fourteen American cities have agreed to ban meat, private vehicle ownership, and dairy consumption in order to save the planet from global warming. Phoenix, Arizona is one of the fourteen. Mayor Kate Gallego (D) described the climate situation as "dire. Just last month Governor Hobbs (D) declared a heat emergency when daytime temperatures hit 110 degrees. It's clear to me that the time to implement the kind of measures needed is now."

"Though the goal of reducing greenhouse gases will require a dramatic change in our diets, we are not explicitly banning meat at this time," Gallego said. "There are, however, steps we can take to discourage the consumption of highly polluting products like beef and dairy through our zoning, business licensing, health inspection, and lockdown powers. We can also levy higher taxes on these items to price them out of reach for many low income consumers."

The Mayor also boasted "our traffic calming efforts have made significant progress in reducing the capacity of our streets. This makes driving a private vehicle less convenient and more expensive. Combined with the heavy subsidies we pour into public transit, riding the light rail and buses have become relatively less inconvenient than it otherwise would've been. As the more costly and poorer performing electric vehicles displace the dirty internal combustion engine vehicles, we expect more of our residents to give up on owning their own cars."

She brushed aside complaints, saying that "sometimes those of us who are wiser must lead those who aren't toward the socially responsible behaviors that are required. We will try to do this as gently as we can, but we will not give in to the ignorance and selfishness that balks at making the sacrifices that are necessary."

Meanwhile, the Global Climate Intelligence Group, a global network of over 1750 scientists and professionals, declares that "there is no climate emergency. Earth's climate has varied as long as the planet has existed. The Little Ice Age ended as recently as 1850. Therefore, it is no surprise that we now are experiencing a period of warming. CO2 is not a pollutant. More CO2 is beneficial for nature, greening the Earth and increasing the yields of crops worldwide. There is no cause for panic and alarm. The net-zero CO2 policy proposed for 2050 is unrealistic and harmful. We have ample time to reflect and adapt. The aim of global policy should be 'prosperity for all' by providing reliable and affordable energy at all times."

Senate Dumps Dress Code

The unwillingness or inability of Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa) to dress appropriately for the office he holds has inspired Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) to order the Senate's Sergeant at Arms to discontinue enforcing the Senate's dress code for its members. "Society is changing," he explained. "Voters knew that Fetterman was a slob before they elected him. Shouldn't voters who are also slobs have someone who truly represents their values in a representative government?"

Schumer's relaxation of the dress code was immediately followed by Sen. Fetterman's presiding over a session clad in shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops. This spectacle moved Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) to call for "a restoration of decency and decorum." Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) and Dick Durbin (D-Ill) agreed with Manchin. Coryn called the bipartisan support for restoring the dress code "the coalition of the rational."

Over at the House, a different dress code issue has arisen. House Administration Committee Chairman Bryan Steil (R-Wisc) has advised staffers "to not wear jewelry or become distracted on cell phones while walking around, riding transit, or driving in Washington, DC. Robberies on public transit are up by 67% since a year ago and carjackings are up by 101%."

Esteemed Universities Behaving Badly

Saifullah Khan was kicked out of Yale in 2019 after he had been both accused of rape and acquitted in 2018. He is now suing the school and his accuser for defamation of character. The Connecticut Supreme Court has ruled that his accuser, a fellow student, does not have "qualified immunity" for her unpersuasive testimony in a school hearing that Khan raped her after a 2015 Halloween party.

Yale University President Peter Salovey denied he was directly involved in the matter, but admitted that "it seems odd that the university expelled Mr. Khan after he was acquitted. Before he was acquitted would be easier to explain. Rape is a very serious charge. Any university would be humiliated to have a person charged with such a crime among its student body. If he had been kicked out in 2015 that would've made sense. But in 2019? It defies explanation."

Harvard, the oldest and now the wealthiest university in the United States, was founded by persons fleeing England in search of tolerance. This year, Harvard scored zero out of a possible 100 points on the College Free Speech Rankings compiled by the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression (FIRE). This was the first zero recorded by any university since FIRE began assessing how respected freedom of speech is at these institutions of higher learning. Another Ivy League school--the University of Pennsylvania--finished next to last with a rating of 11 out of a possible 100 points.

Sean Stevens, FIRE's director of polling and analytics, attributed Harvard's abysmal rating to "their vigorous persecution of faculty members who dissent from woke orthodoxy. Nine faced sanctions and seven ultimately were punished for expressing 'misleading or inappropriate opinions.'"

Harvard University's President Claudine Gay was not the least bit embarrassed by the rating, saying "we have higher standards than the run-of-the-mill universities open to the expression of incorrect political views. Our donors and graduates expect us to adhere to these higher standards. Every professor must demonstrate their fitness to co-mingle with the best-and-brightest minds in the world. If they don't they will be chastised and given the opportunity to recant. Those who do recant are given a second chance to demonstrate that they are worthy of inclusion. The nattering of free speech anarchists like those at FIRE is not going to divert us from our principles."

In related news, lawyers representing Students for Fair Admissions sued West Point for race and ethnicity discrimination in admissions decisions, said "the US Supreme Court has already disallowed race to be used to exclude otherwise qualified applicants from attending a publicly funded university. West Point is not exempt from this ruling, yet its director of admissions brags that race is wholly decisive for whether hundreds if not thousands of applicants will be admitted to the Academy."

Dem Urged to Resign for Taking Bribes

This week, Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) was indicted on federal bribery charges. Federal agents found more than $480,000 in cash, $100,000 in gold bars, and a key to a safe deposit box with $70,000 in it owned by his wife Nadine during a search of their home.

Rep. Dean Phillips (D-Minn) called for Menendez to resign, saying "a member of Congress who appears to have broken the law is someone who I believe should resign."

Eric Holder, also demanded Menendez's resignation. "As both a leader in the Democratic Party, a former Attorney General, and given the seriousness of the charges, I call upon Senator Menendez to resign. The nation will be better served if he steps aside and allows a transition to occur that will best serve the people of New Jersey."

Gov. Phil Murphy (D-NJ) called the accusations "deeply disturbing for both national security and the integrity of our criminal justice system. I'm aware of the 'innocent until proven guilty' slogan, but his continued status as a Democrat of high ranking besmirches us all. I want him to resign immediately."

Menendez complained about "the dual standard being applied to me. The amounts I am accused of taking are dwarfed by the multiple millions in bribes that have been paid to Joe Biden. The implications to national security when a president is compromised far exceed those involving every lesser office holder. Yet, I don't see a single Democrat office-holder calling for him to resign. So, pardon me if I don't fall on my sword for these two-faced bastards."