Today's Toons 8/21/23

[pookie18]

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:


Hurricane Hillary approaching Southern California. She's out to destroy Orange County for voting Trump.


A rare hurricane headed for California but officials are ready. The moment it arrives they'll give it a driver's license and a ballot.


Mike Pence turned on his former boss last week declaring that he had a choice on January 6th of following Trump or following the Constitution. He's become the good little boy in class all the kids hate. The next week Denny's restaurants in Iowa named a menu item after Mike Pence, it's called Toast.


California SAT now consists of 1 question. Which came first, the Taco or the Tuesday?


After Donald Trump scored his third indictment Thursday, thousands of delirious fans tossed their hats onto the ice.


Kamala Harris declared economic victory Friday but then added most people are a four hundred dollar expense away from bankruptcy. It's why the nation gets nervous whenever Biden goes cycling on vacation. That twenty-nine dollar helmet is the only thing between the American people and Kamala.


ABC News deceptively edited Trump's speech on January 6th urging protestors to demonstrate peacefully and patriotically to make it look like he was inciting a riot. It could have been worse. ABC is owned by Disney which has plenty of voice-over actors available to dub Trump's speech into German.


The White House was presented with demands from the Oakland NAACP to do something and clamp down on the nationwide violence epidemic. The FBI just announced a crackdown on capital crimes. Next week the Justice Department plans to indict Donald Trump for the murder of Elvis Presley.


Donald Trump's judge on his January 6th case is a female Obama-appointed judge who used to work in Hunter Biden's law firm. I guess Hillary was unavailable. If he's jailed for contempt they have Jeffrey Epstein's prison guards on speed dial so he maybe should stop wearing those long neckties.


President Biden risks impeachment inquiry after Hunter's business partners refuted Joe's claim he knew nothing of Hunter's business deals. Joe just can't win. For 50 years, everyone in D.C. has said Joe Biden doesn't know anything and when he finally says he didn't know anything nobody believes him.


The Stockton Record reported a video showing a worker at a 7-Eleven beating an armed robber with a stick and subduing him went viral. Activists demand the 7-Eleven worker be placed under investigation. President Biden declared that America will always remember what happened on 7-Eleven.


The Secret Service tightened up White House security. There's a sign at the West Wing entrance that reads No Cocaine Beyond This Point.


Al Sharpton slammed Trump's role in trying to reverse the stated outcome of the 2020 election in January 2020. Al actually said, can you imagine James Madison or Thomas Jefferson overthrowing the government so they could gain power? Al Sharpton can't imagine it, and neither could King George III.


Today's the 49th anniversary of Nixon's resignation. Nixon famously said "I am not a crook." And he wasn't by today's standards.


President Biden wrapped up his tour of Arizona, New Mexico and Utah Thursday with a visit to Salt Lake City. The air out West can clear your head. For me, the highlight of his trip came when President Biden gazed at the Grand Canyon and wondered out loud when they'll place his face up there.


CNN reported that the number of Hispanics eligible to vote in the New Hampshire primary has tripled in the last thirty years. This could help Chris Christie. Some Hispanic voters like Chris Christie's moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him, he'll break open and spill out candy.


Los Angeles flash mob lawlessness resulted in calls for more parental discipline if not jail time for delinquents. Last Sunday, a few kids slipped out of our church nursery and into the kitchen and drew stick figures on the white refrigerator with magic markers. It looked like a Hunter Biden original.


Little Mike's Burgers in Oklahoma City offers a Trump burger with Trump's name branded on the bun. A ham sandwich would have been indicted.


The New York Post reported the Mega Millions lottery winning ticket was sold in Florida to one person who is set to collect the jackpot amount of one billion five hundred thousand dollars. We all know the jackpot disbursement rules. Half the money goes to taxes, and ten percent goes to the Big Guy.


-- Argus Hamilton





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