Biden Forgives $39 Billion of Student Debt
Despite the recent US Supreme Court ruling that he lacks the authority to unilaterally forgive these debts, President Biden has gone ahead and authorized the Department of Education to forgive the remaining debts of 800,000 borrowers who have been making payments for the past 20 years.
Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona boasted that "the genius of this approach is that it totally bypasses the congressional appropriations roadblock. We simply stop collecting payments from this select category of debtors on the grounds that they have already suffered enough."
Sen. Eric Schmitt (R-Mo) called the move "an unlawful plan that will require working American taxpayers, most of whom never went to college, to foot the bill for persons who freely chose to borrow money to fund their education. Bypassing Congress and ignoring the Supreme Court is an abuse of power."
Cardona countered Schmitt's argument by pointing out "in many cases the college debt was incurred for worthless degrees in gender studies, critical race theory, or other such unmarketable skills. These students were duped by the universities offering these degrees. In effect, they purchased an inherently defective product. They deserve relief from their debt and should also consider a class action suit against the schools that scammed them."
Zuckerberg Touts "Threads" Superiority
In a bid to save America and the world from Elon Musk's "insanely uncontrolled free speech food fight," Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg pointed out how his "Threads" alternative to "Twitter" offers a "sane" alternative.
"Threads will provide a more comprehensive approach by collecting and managing our users' health & fitness, financial information, contact information, user content, browsing history, usage data, diagnostics, purchases, location, contacts, search history, identifiers, sensitive info, and more," Zuckerberg said. "This will enable us to better protect our customers from receiving and transmitting harmful communications that could get them in trouble with the government."
"Twitter used to provide these protections, but under the new regime introduced by Musk the worst enemies of democracy and purveyors of disinformation will have free rein to assail naive users with their vile propaganda," Zuckerberg complained. "Instead of being silenced like he was before Musk took ownership, Trump will be free to use Twitter to inflict his insults and lies onto whomever he chooses."
Musk expressed his opposition to Zuckerberg's "infantilization of his customers. I'm confidant that Twitter users appreciate my respect for their freedom to read and say what they want without a 'nanny' deciding for them what they should read and say. The Declaration of Independence recognized this inalienable right 250 years ago. I don't think Americans want to surrender this right to a dweeb like Zuckerberg and his minions."
Biden Wants Prisoner Exchange
New York Times reporter Evan Gershkovich is being held in Russia as a suspected spy. President Biden is eager to reach a deal to free "this courageous defender of democracy," but is "waiting for the appropriate person to exchange in return for his release."
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre explained that "as the President sees it, the person he wants to exchange for Gershkovich is Donald Trump. Trump, as most people will remember, was Russia's preferred candidate for president in 2016. They worked hard to rig the election in his favor, and sadly, were successful in stealing it away from former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The problem is that Mr. Trump is not yet in custody."
"We are hoping that a conviction for mishandling classified documents will resolve this dilemma in the not too distant future," she said. "Faced with the prospect of going into a US prison where he is very likely to be killed by an inmate enraged by Trump's racism, we think the opportunity to join his pal and benefactor Putin in Russia will be an act of mercy that will help heal and unify the country behind President Biden."
In related news, the Chinese government says it is withholding its endorsement of Biden's reelection pending "a demonstration of his appreciation of China's superior world leadership. In the face of President Biden's reckless escalation of the war in Ukraine, President Xi has helped the cause of peace by urging Russia to refrain from using nuclear weapons. A public acknowledgment of thanks for this tactful intervention is our minimum expectation."
White House Cocaine Investigation Closed
After ten days of intensive inquiries and scrutiny of 1,000s of hours of video evidence, the Secret Service decided to close the investigation into how a bag of cocaine ended up inside the White House.
Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle explained that "as improbable as it might seem, in all the videos of the area where the baggie was found the potential suspects all had their backs toward the cameras. Then as it turned out, the FBI was unable to find any fingerprints or DNA on the baggie. Finally, when we questioned the 500 persons shown to have been in the building in the days before the baggie was found, none admitted anything. We couldn't test them for drugs because we had no 'probable cause.' We decided not to use a lie-detector because it wouldn't be admissible in court. So, we know nothing. Fortunately, the amount of cocaine involved was too small to pose a significant health danger."
Cheatle went on to point out that "this isn't the first time illegal drugs have been found inside the White House. Twice before, in July and September of 2022, a couple of two-ounce baggies of marijuana were discovered. No one was arrested in these incidents, because the weight of the marijuana confiscated did not meet the legal threshold for federal charges."
Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn) asserted that "the so-called investigation is bogus and just another cover-up by the Biden Administration. It is hardly reassuring to hear that this isn't the first time that illicit drugs have been found in the White House. This failed investigation further undermines the public's confidence in the competence and honesty of the Secret Service and the FBI."
Black Dem Switches to GOP
Mesha Mainor was elected as a Democrat member of the State House of Representatives for District 56 in Atlanta, Georgia, This week she announced she was switching to the Republican Party. The key events spurring her change of Party were her support for school choice and her opposition to defunding the police.
"For decades, the Democrat Party has received the support of more than 90% of the black community," Mainor pointed out. "Yet, when it comes to education, the public schools serving the areas where Blacks live are the worst in the state. Polls show that over 70% of Blacks support school choice. Yet, my effort to give Black parents the option to send their children to better schools by voting for the Georgia Promise Scholarship Act was ridiculed by Democrat Party leadership."
Georgia Congresswoman Nikema Williams, Vice Chair of the Democratic Women's Caucus, said "Rep. Mesha Mainor's switch to the GOP is a stinging betrayal of her constituents, who elected a Democrat to represent them in the state legislature. Her notion that parents are competent to choose the schools they want their children to attend is 'white thinking' that will condemn these youngsters to a lifetime of involuntary self-sufficiency. It is the Democratic Party's position that once reparations for slavery are paid there will be no need for any Black to ever have to work again. Her siding with the police who arrest, assault, and kill Blacks in numbers disproportionate to their share of the population is even worse."
Mainor called Williams' ideas "toxic to the health and prosperity of our race. The poor education provided by the public schools contributes to a minority of Blacks committing a disproportionate share of the crimes--the majority of which victimize other Blacks. The majority of Blacks want and need protection from criminals. Defunding the police harms innocent Blacks and smears our entire race by allowing the smaller number of predators to be perceived as the norm for Blacks in general."
Climate Hypocrisy
Special Presidential Envoy for Climate John Kerry objected to Rep. Cory Mills' (R-Fla) contention that "his 48 trips lasting more than 60 hours and emitting an estimated 325 metric tons of carbon since President Biden was sworn into office seemed to contradict his mission to impose regulations requiring the reduction of carbon emissions by everyone else."
In his response to Mills, Kerry insisted "I don't own a private jet. I personally have never owned a private jet. Considering the importance of my mission, it's stupid to complain about how I get to the meetings that are essential to saving the planet from global warming."
"Whether you traveled in your own private jet or someone else's private jet isn't a crucial distinction," Mills pointed out. "The fact is that if you had traveled to these meetings using readily available commercial air and surface transportation services you would've made a minuscule contribution to the carbon emissions you say are destroying the climate."
"Yes," Kerry admitted, "but I would've consumed a more valuable resource--a few extra hours of my limited time on Earth waiting in airport terminals for connecting flights, waiting to retrieve checked baggage, and waiting for others to board and find their seats on each leg of my journey."
Kerry wasn't the only climate alarmist to display hypocrisy on the way to a climate meeting. Spain's Ecological Transition Minister Teresa Ribera had herself videoed riding a bike to a climate summit on how to utilize bicycle policy to reduce carbon emissions. The problem is, the bicycle wasn't deployed until she was within 100 meters of the meeting. Even then, two motorized vehicles escorted the pedaling minister during that 100 meter span. This completely erased the trivial reduction in emissions that she otherwise might have achieved.
Ribera rejected the mockery of her stunt, saying that "I was merely demonstrating how people with less important jobs and responsibilities could contribute to reducing carbon emissions. It is unreasonable to expect a high-ranking member of the government like myself to waste my time traveling by such a time-consuming mode of transportation as a bicycle or bus."
In related news, Kerry apologized to Chinese President Xi Jinping for President Biden calling him a dictator, saying that "he's no more of a dictator than President Biden is. Both have had to take forceful actions. To battle the coronavirus both had to lock down businesses, confine people to their homes, and force them to get vaccinated. To tamp down attacks on democracy both had to censor the information people were able to receive and the comments they were allowed to make."
Biden's Leadership Called "Brilliant"
Though ordinary people might consider telling the world we are out of ammunition or severely depleting our strategic petroleum reserves to be unforced errors, However, MSNBC's Chris Matthews contends that "Biden is a brilliant strategist. I'd put him on a par with FDR's leadership during World War II. He has united NATO as never before and cleverly maneuvered Russia into a debilitating war with Ukraine."
Former President Trump called Matthews proclamation of Biden's genius "idiotic. Funding Ukraine's war with Russia has been a colossal blunder. It has multiplied the casualties for both sides, depleted our armaments, and dragged us nearer a World War III than we've ever been before."
"Democrats used to say that 'war is not the answer,'" Trump recalled. "If this was true in the case of Vietnam it is even more true now that one of the combatants is a nuclear-armed world power. The cluster bombs Biden is sending to Ukraine are outlawed by over 100 nations. These unreliable weapons will leave unexploded shells lying around to kill and maim innocent Ukrainian men, women, and children for decades to come. Escalating the conflict in this way is madness."
"It's not as if maintaining Ukraine's border is vital to US interests," Trump said. "Ukraine is not even a democracy. Zelensky has outlawed opposition parties. It is not an honest government. Billions of dollars worth of the ammunition and equipment we have provided have gone missing. Some has been sold on the black market. What is vital to US interests is peace. It makes no sense to squander the means for our own defense on this dangerous conflict."
Matthews rejected Trump's assertions, calling them "self-serving and unpatriotic. President Biden has given his word that we will give Ukraine everything it needs to defeat Russia. It is incumbent on every loyal American to ensure that his noble gesture is fulfilled. The greatest generation fought World War II to defeat Nazi tyranny. It is our duty to live up to the example they set for us and defeat Russian tyranny. If this leads to World War III, then so be it."
Dems Oppose Cutting Funding of Foreign Labs
This week, the House Appropriations Committee approved the 2024 State, Foreign Operations, and Related Programs Bill. The bill includes a ban on using taxpayer money to fund labs controlled by China, Russia, Cuba, Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela. It also bans taxpayer funding of risky gain-of-function research meant to enhance deadly viruses to be used as bioweapons.
Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn) said these provisions "are an insult to the great Dr. Anthony Fauci, whose funneling of tax funds to the Wuhan Lab in China was instrumental in supporting the gain-of-function research that enabled the world to experience the coronavirus pandemic. If Republicans have their way these foreign labs will be forced to seek funds elsewhere, perhaps from sources hostile to the United States."
National Republican Congressional Committee press secretary Will Reinert argued that "Dr. Fauci's previous support for gain-of-function research at the Wuhan lab was a tragic error. Aiding a lab controlled by one of our nation's adversaries to develop a bioweapon is a lapse in judgment that defies all reason. The six million deaths resulting from the coronavirus was a steep price for the world to pay for that lapse in judgment."
DeLauro lambasted the GOP's position as "short-sighted, 'Monday-morning quarterbacking.' We don't know whether the pandemic was an accident or a purposeful attack on the rest of the world. A ban on future funding without knowing for sure unfairly stigmatizes these countries and gain-of-function research, which Dr. Fauci feels is a legitimate area for future research. Curtailing our partnerships with the rest of the world makes us less safe."
Reinert pointed out that "there are nearly 200 countries in the world. The six countries banned from receiving funding from the United States do not constitute the rest of the world. The Democrats' objections are exaggerated and hysterical. No rational person can take them seriously."
