"I am Joe Biden's doctor, and after today's thorough physical exam, I can affirm and attest that he's healthy as a horse. He has the mental acuity of a 30-year-old rocket scientist. His heart is strong, like a lion! He can lift 200 pounds over his head - with one hand! He can kick a 65-yard field goal with either leg. Oh yeah, and he can shoot a 47 for 18 holes of golf. I tell you, this guy is bionic, or something!"