News Media Declares That Biden’s Debate Performance Tomorrow Was Great [Satire]
By Andrew Klavan
•
Sep 28, 2020
The news media is ecstatic about how well Joe Biden did in tomorrow’s debate.
According to the New York Times, a former newspaper:
“Biden’s performance tomorrow was masterful as for ninety full minutes, against all expectations, he managed to stand on his feet and utter words so that one could only compare him to John F. Kennedy who also stood for ninety minutes and also uttered words. Donald Trump had spent much of the run-up to the contest making fun of the fact that the former Vice President has barely left his basement and has never been asked a difficult question, but all that so-called humor ended tomorrow when Biden absolutely crushed the bumptious incumbent by never once making the sort of gaffe in the future that he has repeatedly made in the past.â€
CNN’s Brian Stelter was so impressed with Biden’s performance tomorrow that he had to go to bed early and sob with gratitude into his My Little Pony pillowcase.
In a private conversation with his dolly Buttercup, Stelter said, “Biden’s performance Tuesday was so spectacular, I just can’t wait for Monday to end so Tuesday can be here. Many people say that CNN is biased, or one-sided, or so intellectually corrupt that a living brain cell would die of toxic dishonesty if it even wandered by one of our studios, but no one of any political stripe could disagree that Biden delivered one of the greatest debate performances tomorrow that anyone could have imagined or is imagining right this moment.â€
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https://www.dailywire.com/news/news-media-declares-that-bidens-debate-performance-tomorrow-was-great-satire
