Is The Smart phone Ruining Your Relationship?

[Quix]

Live Science:
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http://www.livescience.com/57033-smartphone-ruining-your-relationship.html
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James A Roberts, Baylor University
30 November 2016
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. . .
 We zeroed in on measuring something we've dubbed "phubbing" (a fusion of "phone" and "snubbing"). It's how often your romantic partner is distracted by his or her smartphone in your presence. With more and more people using the attention-siphoning devices – the typical American checks his or her smartphone once every six-and-a-half minutes, or roughly 150 times each day – phubbing has emerged as a real source of conflict. For example, in one study, 70 percent of participants said that phubbing hurt their ability to interact with their romantic partners.
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Most know what it's like to be phubbed: You're in the middle of a passionate screed only to realize that your partner's attention is elsewhere. But you've probably also been a perpetrator, finding yourself drifting away from a conversation as you scroll through your Facebook feed.
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. . .
 We found that smartphones are real relationship downers – up there with money, sex and kids.
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People who reported being at the receiving end of phubbing also reported higher levels of conflict over smartphone use than those who reported less phubbing. Not surprisingly, higher levels of smartphone-related conflict reduced levels of relationship satisfaction.
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. . .

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This has to be one of the more insufferably infuriating and insulting aspect of 'modern' life and pretend "relationships."
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It is still a puzzle to me . . . what is the attraction? WHY such cell phone use in such contexts?
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imho, it has to do with !CONTROL! as well as immaturity in facing up to the goals, challenges and rewards of significant intimacy. People don't seem to know how to achieve lasting intimacy nor how to maintain it and enhance it once it's achieved.
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OF COURSE, there's also the chronic and epidemic horrors of rife Attachment Disorder and the resulting pride, insecurities, Control-freakism, brain damage in the areas that manage relationships and emotional expression; fears, etc.
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One might think--'oh, the person they are hearing from on their cell phone has a more intimate and higher priority relationship with them than I do.' But that's usually not true, either.
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So, people are routinely damaging closer, more important relationships to pay attention to contacts from folks several people down the priority list from the person they are with! How sensible is that! Sheesh.
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I'm glad I still merely have a Tracfone old style flip phone to mostly arrange lunches etc. I won't talk on it more than a minute. I won't use it when I'm with someone face to face unless there's a very rare, pending urgent something. And, I usually won't repeatedly have lunch with someone who is given to paying attention to their phone while we have lunch. Rain on em. Life is too short.
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[Frank Cannon]

We found that smartphones are real relationship downers – up there with money, sex and kids.

Oh. So sex and kids are a downer in a relationship. What sexually frustrated millennial came up with this [mod snip]?

Phones are not the cause but the symptom of a bad relationship.

[Quix]

We found that smartphones are real relationship downers – up there with money, sex and kids.

Oh. So sex and kids are a downer in a relationship.

Statistically, Sex, money & kids do show up as the sources of the most conflicts in most long term relationships, marriages. You seem to have a compulsion to rail against facts and truth--no surprise there.

[snip]
Phones are not the cause but the symptom of a bad relationship.

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There's probably some truth to that in many cases . . . but, also, in many other relationships, phones become a source of trouble in the relationship--often to a point of a break-up.
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Denial of the facts won't change the  facts, as usual.
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Your seemingly chronic incapacity/unwillingness to read and/or understand the OP article is showing again.
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That's Not very impressive.
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Avoiding Truth
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There is a principle
__Which is a bar against all information,
____Which is proof against all argument,
______And which cannot fail to keep man in everlasting ignorance.
________That principle is condemnation before investigation

--Edmund Spencer

[roamer_1]

This has to be one of the more insufferably infuriating and insulting aspect of 'modern' life and pretend "relationships."
.
It is still a puzzle to me . . . what is the attraction? WHY such cell phone use in such contexts?
.
[...]

So, people are routinely damaging closer, more important relationships to pay attention to contacts from folks several people down the priority list from the person they are with! How sensible is that! Sheesh.

I am highly inclined to agree. Though I would posit that the telephone itself sent us in that way...

The phone was wonderful for bringing those far off into the family - Especially as LDX charges began to dwindle. I remember the excitement of being able to talk to my sister, away at college... We all made certain to be home on time that one night a month that we'd get to talk to her, and find out about her far-flung existence...

Likewise my sainted grandmothers... It was not often done, but when it was, we coulod connect briefly but oh, so importantly, with those loved ones, both in Illinois/Michigan and those in Kansas/Missouri.

But as the phone gained ubiquity and thereby cost efficiency, things started running the other way - It became so much more efficient to talk on the phone, that trips to those far flung places became less frequent - Replaced largely by the far cheaper phone calls - Family afar slowly started becoming disembodied voices, not someone you would ever see... My niece has three children I have never met, or met only when they were but babes. I have met her husband one time, maybe twice...

In business it became really evident. When I began, it was common to run around town and gather supplies, or make deals - Vendors always had coffee on hand, and I had my route of local shops and warehouses that I would go to daily or weekly... I knew the guys that worked there, and they knew me. My price was not based upon my volume, but rather on my relationship with those people. If a client called, it was invariably an invite to come by and talk about a new project...

But with the advent of cell phones, that efficiency left all those people once-removed. Now it became common to call on the phone to line everything up, and be minutes on the ground at any given store. While I still had a genial relationship with those folks, eventually the relationships dwindled as my old friends moved on, and relationship with the new never had the depth that I had with the old... And pricing started to be tagged to volume. Now it is a far cry to obtain a P1 pricing with anyone except the stores you have high volume with, and the folks behind the counter have no control over it whatsoever.

And now, finally, my vendors are all over the states, as are my clients. Orders are placed by email and kept up by email or txting. I don't know any of these people or their businesses. 

I'm glad I still merely have a Tracfone old style flip phone to mostly arrange lunches etc. I won't talk on it more than a minute. I won't use it when I'm with someone face to face unless there's a very rare, pending urgent something. And, I usually won't repeatedly have lunch with someone who is given to paying attention to their phone while we have lunch. Rain on em. Life is too short.
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BRAVO! I have gone a similar route, reverting to paying my bills around town in person. I am beginning to reopen those old in-person relationships, seeking them out. That's why I remain stubbornly immune to texting, preferring at the least a phone call - And desiring one-on-one if at all possible. Now my outside sales guys and reps always make a point to stop and bullshalate when they're blowing through town, and I think they're happy to have the human contact - that 20 minutes sitting on my porch drinking a sweet tea and talking about life.

It has certainly made my life more rich, and theirs too, I think.

[Quix]

Excellent points

Wonderful narrative. Thanks Big.

I could picture you in those situations.

Love your work relationship patterns. Congrats.

You're clearly the  sort of person I've always pegged you as--one who's word was his  bond and whom one could trust  his  life  to . . . even in  a pinch.

Honored to  know you.

LUB BRO.

I am highly inclined to agree. Though I would posit that the telephone itself sent us in that way...

The phone was wonderful for bringing those far off into the family - Especially as LDX charges began to dwindle. I remember the excitement of being able to talk to my sister, away at college... We all made certain to be home on time that one night a month that we'd get to talk to her, and find out about her far-flung existence...

Likewise my sainted grandmothers... It was not often done, but when it was, we coulod connect briefly but oh, so importantly, with those loved ones, both in Illinois/Michigan and those in Kansas/Missouri.

But as the phone gained ubiquity and thereby cost efficiency, things started running the other way - It became so much more efficient to talk on the phone, that trips to those far flung places became less frequent - Replaced largely by the far cheaper phone calls - Family afar slowly started becoming disembodied voices, not someone you would ever see... My niece has three children I have never met, or met only when they were but babes. I have met her husband one time, maybe twice...

In business it became really evident. When I began, it was common to run around town and gather supplies, or make deals - Vendors always had coffee on hand, and I had my route of local shops and warehouses that I would go to daily or weekly... I knew the guys that worked there, and they knew me. My price was not based upon my volume, but rather on my relationship with those people. If a client called, it was invariably an invite to come by and talk about a new project...

But with the advent of cell phones, that efficiency left all those people once-removed. Now it became common to call on the phone to line everything up, and be minutes on the ground at any given store. While I still had a genial relationship with those folks, eventually the relationships dwindled as my old friends moved on, and relationship with the new never had the depth that I had with the old... And pricing started to be tagged to volume. Now it is a far cry to obtain a P1 pricing with anyone except the stores you have high volume with, and the folks behind the counter have no control over it whatsoever.

And now, finally, my vendors are all over the states, as are my clients. Orders are placed by email and kept up by email or txting. I don't know any of these people or their businesses. 


BRAVO! I have gone a similar route, reverting to paying my bills around town in person. I am beginning to reopen those old in-person relationships, seeking them out. That's why I remain stubbornly immune to texting, preferring at the least a phone call - And desiring one-on-one if at all possible. Now my outside sales guys and reps always make a point to stop and bullshalate when they're blowing through town, and I think they're happy to have the human contact - that 20 minutes sitting on my porch drinking a sweet tea and talking about life.

It has certainly made my life more rich, and theirs too, I think.

[Quix]

Ain't got no stinkin' smart phone.  Ain't got no relationship neither.  So....what's all the fuss about?   

Then there's this from Japan:
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http://www.wakingtimes.com/2016/12/02/japan-social-engineering-blatant-depopulation-agenda/
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"Japan, Social Engineering and the Blatant Depopulation Agenda"
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. . .
Marriage has become a minefield of unattractive choices. Japanese men have become less career-driven, and less solvent, as lifetime job security has waned. Japanese women have become more ” independent”(more state dependent) and ambitious by social engineering c.q. Mind Control. Aoyama says the sexes, especially in Japan’s giant cities, are “spiraling away from each other”. Lacking long-term shared goals, many are turning to the form of casual sex, short-term trysts and the usual sick social engineering tools: online porn, virtual-reality “girlfriends”, anime cartoons, massive smart technology, insane TV programming, and a hyper media jungle in general.

A  significant part of Japanese men suffers from the effects of social withdrawal to a pathological extreme. They are recovering and are taking the first steps to rejoining the outside world. Of the estimated 13 million (!)unmarried people in Japan who currently live with their parents, around three million are over the age of 30. A significant number of people can’t relate to the opposite sex physically or in any other way. The exact goal of the war on the sacred bond between man and woman.
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. . .
Emi(23) and her friend Eri(22) say they share the usual singleton passions of clothes, music and shopping, and have hectic social lives. But, smart phones in hand, they also admit they spend far more time communicating with their friends via online social networks than seeing them in the flesh. Eri adds she’s spent “the past two years” obsessed with a virtual game that lets her act as a manager of a sweet shop. The goal of the psychopathic technocrats, who are masters in social engineering due to their occult knowledge of the human consciousness and how to manipulate it,  is that the in the future, relationships will be largely technology driven. “Japan has developed incredibly sophisticated virtual worlds and online communication systems. Its smart phone apps are the world’s most imaginative”. Trauma based mind controlled populations that are trapped in the reptilian brain, and in an overcrowded environment with limited physical space, have one common dominant drive. That is the need to escape, and what better than into private, virtual fake worlds, to become the happy zombie.
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. . .

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Sigh.

[Gefn]

Ain't got no stinkin' smart phone.  Ain't got no relationship neither.  So....what's all the fuss about?   

I have an iPhone. I check the weather on it and play solitaire on it. No relationship and the only people that call me are my sister and my mother. Occasionally my sister will send me pictures via text.

I lead a very boring life.

[Quix]

I have an iPhone. I check the weather on it and play solitaire on it. No relationship and the only people that call me are my sister and my mother. Occasionally my sister will send me pictures via text.

I lead a very boring life.

imho . . . There's a LOT to be said for boring.

When I was courting my wife to be in Israel, I noted that life with me would likely be a lot of things but boring wasn't likely to be one of them. After 9 years, she said she was ready for some boring and married her co-worker who carried a bear's head around in the back of his pick-up, for months, looking for an ant hill to eat the gunk out. 9 years later, she divorced him. Maybe she had a 9 year itch.

Dramas and Traumas are highly over-rated, imho. Life has enough drama and trauma without manufacturing it and winding it up.

Loving one's spouse, a child, a dog . . . that's plenty of drama of a lasting sort.

[Gefn]

imho . . . There's a LOT to be said for boring.

When I was courting my wife to be in Israel, I noted that life with me would likely be a lot of things but boring wasn't likely to be one of them. After 9 years, she said she was ready for some boring and married her co-worker who carried a bear's head around in the back of his pick-up, for months, looking for an ant hill to eat the gunk out. 9 years later, she divorced him. Maybe she had a 9 year itch.

Dramas and Traumas are highly over-rated, imho. Life has enough drama and trauma without manufacturing it and winding it up.

Loving one's spouse, a child, a dog . . . that's plenty of drama of a lasting sort.

Going to Israel is on my bucket list.

[Quix]

Going to Israel is on my bucket list.

It was worth it.

Though the machine guns, grenades etc. went off in an area of the Athens airport where we were standing 5 minutes earlier . . . our tour guide had felt an urge to ask the airline if we could board early. We did. The plane left from the terminal--no taxi-ing. Never saw anything like it. They literally threw the last bits of our luggage on.

[bolobaby]

Another article posted in Alternate Realities that probably has no place here.

@Quix - why not post these where the belong?

[Smokin Joe]

Statistically, Sex, money & kids do show up as the sources of the most conflicts in most long term relationships, marriages. You seem to have a compulsion to rail against facts and truth--no surprise there.
.
There's probably some truth to that in many cases . . . but, also, in many other relationships, phones become a source of trouble in the relationship--often to a point of a break-up.
.
Denial of the facts won't change the  facts, as usual.
.
Your seemingly chronic incapacity/unwillingness to read and/or understand the OP article is showing again.
.
That's Not very impressive.
.
Avoiding Truth
.
There is a principle
__Which is a bar against all information,
____Which is proof against all argument,
______And which cannot fail to keep man in everlasting ignorance.
________That principle is condemnation before investigation

--Edmund Spencer

A phone helped one of my Granddaughters out of a bad marriage. She wouldn't listen to any of her kin who told her he was no good, but (after they'd been married a year or so) when he somehow managed to dial her number while engaged in extracurricular activities, she finally had had enough. Ha! Good riddance!

[Quix]

A phone helped one of my Granddaughters out of a bad marriage. She wouldn't listen to any of her kin who told her he was no good, but (after they'd been married a year or so) when he somehow managed to dial her number while engaged in extracurricular activities, she finally had had enough. Ha! Good riddance!

Sounds like that gives a whole new meaning to a

butt dial!

Glad she's free of the jerk.

[Quix]

Another article posted in Alternate Realities that probably has no place here.

@Quix - why not post these where the belong?

Last I understood such . . . Alternate Realities for this forum are as construed by . . . drum roll . . . moi.

Perhaps you haven't read this OP here:

"Alternate Realities" as a Construct, Descriptor, Label, Domain, Sphere . . .

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=233110.msg1125967#msg1125967



ALTERNATE REALITIES, to me,

includes whatever strikes my interest as bearing meaningfully on our rapidly changing world in these END TIMES--particularly as related to Biblical prophecy, globalism, UFO's, "ET's," MSM propaganda and manipulations, the ruling oligarchy, conspiracies true and/or hypothesized, potential &/or actual significant events on the road to a one world religion and one world government; abuses of government; mass mind control; mass population control and control of individuals; 'mind-numbing lobotomization' via technology; mangled relationships; destruction of the family; [/b] etc. etc. etc.

So, given Alternate Realities as a construct--the other end of it would be, to me, the more conventional realities blathered about and construed as "real" by the Main Stream Media and most sheeple, lemmings, Eloi of the masses of people shuffling about on the streets toward the caverns of the Morlachs {for the uninitiated--see globalist H.G. Well's THE TIME MACHINE}.

One could list the label as

Alternate Realities/Conventional Delusions

With that as the construct, Conventional Delusions would be the FALSE, UNREAL, UNTRUE end of things.

The label could be

1. Alternate Realities/Propagandized, lobotomized, mind-controlled virtual fantasies

or

2. Alternate Realities/Oligarchy spoon-fed VR {Virtual Realities) mind feeds

or

3. Alternate Realities/Soma-supported stupor

or

4. Alternate Realities/Conventional assumptions

etc.

Y'all can offer your own 'other end' of the construct for my consideration, if you wish. Nasty ones may be deleted, however. LOL.

I think I prefer #1 above.

The question may arise about whether or not I fantasize that most of my and/or others' threads hereon are truer, to me, than "Conventional Assumptions."

Probably not. I would assume that disinformation and misinformation are rife in this ballpark.

My Dissertation Chairman was a Mormon Bishop. One day he was getting his briefcase out of the trunk of his car as we were going into his office to sort through my software program to analyze the Kelly grids for my Dissertation. I noticed his Book of Mormon copies in his trunk and asked him how he reconciled the 5 or so revisions to the Book of Mormon that had purportedly never been changed. He said something that I disagreed with theologically but felt was still factually, generally true in a lot of ways:

"Life is soooo complex, just about any cock-a-may-me explanation will do."

He was a super brilliant man who, one time, had presented 20 different papers to the American Psychological Assoc Convention that year. Usually, it was an honor to present one.

So, NO, I do NOT automatically think that all or even necessarily a majority of the OP's here are true or mostly true.

I merely believe that they are useful for consideration for a variety of reasons.

. . .