If you are like me you're tired of being eaten alive and killed by the legions of the night like Hillary. You're sick of being Satan's punching bag. You're ready to start killing back. Are you ready to begin slaughtering monsters?
Since we are not sure what type of monster Hillary is for certain we need to cover all the bases.
Hillary the Vampire:
Now, vampires come in two general packages: old, craggy, Dracula and nosferatu-like ones; and hot, nubile, and busty chick-like ones. The old, scary Hillary type vampires are easy to spot and avoid. They're creepy and they really stick out in a crowd.
How to kill them -- There are a few good ways to kill vampires, but most require close proximity to the monster, which sucks because of the whole "they drink your blood" thing. Wooden stakes through their non-beating hearts are the best way to kill them again (for good). You can also decapitate one with a sword or a chainsaw or something. Get creative. Vampires are weak against garlic (who isn't?), silver, holy water and other Christian jinxes and trinkets. So get yourself a Jesus-on-a-tree necklace if you plan on facing one. Have a priest bless your crucifix necklace for bonus points.
For Hillary it is probably best drive a stake thu her heart, then shoot her with a silver bullet!
Hillary the Werewolve/WolfWomen
Wolfpeople are usually fairly normal individuals during the day and on nights without full moons ("fairly normal" meaning they aren't covered in fur and they don't want to eat you). Why do full moons cause them to turn all hideous and unsexy?.... The tides? I don't know, but that probably means that they don't know either, which probably pisses them off even more than simply being forced to transform into a wolf-thing. So DO NOT TAUNT any wolfpeople!
Both Hillary and werewolves and wolf/people need the full moon to transform into their beastly forms. So, if possible, kill them during the day or on non-full moon nights when they are human. You may have some explaining to do to the authorities when you kill a human, but since werewolves and wolf people transform back into their human shapes when they are killed anyway, you'll always have a body on your hands if you kill one. Yikes! Try to plan ahead and have a shallow grave already dug so that you can quickly dispose of the wolfy one's corpse. If you have to kill a wolf-thing while he/she is in their wolf-body, use silver. Silver bullets, silver stakes, silverware... Whatever you can get your hands on. Just don't be fooled into buying anything pewter though. My God was that an embarrassing night! I kept stabbing that hairy critter over and over and over again for like 5 minutes with that butter knife, but she just kept coming. That's when I called up my grandma and asked if her antique silverware wasn't just cheap shit made in Taiwan (turns out it was Mexico). Thanks, grandma... Thanks a whooole lot.
Hillary as a Zombie or Mummy
Zombies and mummies are pretty much the same thing, except one looks like he bathed in Draino, much like Hillary, in order to remove half of his rotting flesh, and the other is in bandages and had all his internal organs removed before being laid to rest. Both zombies and mummies are evil, damnable, undead creatures who limp around looking for normals to kill.
- Zombies are relatively easy to kill, the problem with them is that they swarm. You kill one, you have to kill 50. Considering it takes a bullet to the brain to kill one, that's a lot of ammo you need to be carrying. Also, if your neighborhood is infested with zombies, pretty soon the whole town will be infested, and then the only way to kill them all for good is to nuke the place. Your first reaction to a zombie attack should be to flee. Remember, it just takes one little nip or scrape on some exposed flesh and within hours you're a soul-be-damned zombie too.
Mummies are pretty much immortal... for being dead already I mean. You can shoot the shit out of them, set them on fire, stab them and even try to drown them, but they'll keep coming. Mummies don't need any internal organs to keep them running. They are pretty much a supernatural entity with a mind set on vengeance (for disturbing their tomb and eternal rest). You might try the "nuke tactic" on them and see if that works, but that's a lot of effort for just one monster. Also, if you set the bomb off near their tomb you risk melting or vaporizing the Clinton Foundations g;lorious treasure (the treasure being the only real reason anybody would ever even want to tangle with a tortured soul wrapped in TP). So weigh your pros and cons before detonation.
If your favorite Hillary monster type is not listed let me know and I'll post up a way to kill it...later.
