The following is a true story. It happened some years ago in a far away kitchen. The names have not been changed to protect the guilty. No live animals or humans suffered permanent damage as a result of this incident.
A Wingnuts Very Special Thanksgiving.
As this is Thanksgiving I was just up early
at 5AM this morning to put my special rub on our bird. I always let it soak in before cooking the the turkey on the Weber. It is a very fine rub. A bird worthy rub. One with special mixture of oils and spices that just "goldens up" the bird when slow cooked. Yumm Yumm. It's to die for.....
Well after I had that sucker all greased up and was about to transfer it to an oven pan, I lost my grip on the 14 pounder and that damn turkey shot out of my hands like a rocket. It bounced 3 or 4 upon a hard landing an it was not scrubbing speed off as it was slip sliding away across the kitchen floor!
Now normally this would be not be a problem. Just pick
the bird up and hose it off. I mean hell, any germs will be
cooked off on the grill and any extra grit can pass for extra seasoning spice.
But Noooo not today. Beau, our Golden Retriever, (who all this time had been watching me prep the turkey like a vulture waiting for his next victim) saw the turkey shoot out of my hands and he takes off after it!
For a short while the wayward bird was out running Beau, but finally the friction of the ceramic tile floor slowed it down enough for the dog to pounce. Now mind you, all this time I'm yelling like a mad man
at the frick'n turkey, and at the dog...to both STOP!
Now somehow, and I still can't grasp the physics
of this, but the turkey took a hard left turn on
the floor and headed for the door to escape out the garage. Maybe Beau slapshot it with a reaching paw, or maybe it bounced off a chair leg like a bumper pool ball. I don't know. But anyway, just then poor Beau got caught up in the oil slick the turkey was leaving behind and he skated out of control and slammed smack dab into the wall...hard! BAMMM
I'm close on Beau and the birds trail, as all of this is unfolding. Then I too get caught up in the oil,.... Bamm! Down I go.... on my butt slip sliding away on the oil slick. So there we are... like Larry, Mo and Curly all up against the wall in a sorry heap of dog fur, turkey and a Wingnut.
The turkey was a little worse for wear. It is slightly deformed with a left wing dangling down and a leg is missing. But now it back in the fridge...resting.
I think I'll take bath now and soak my sore butt.
As for Beau...he's outside barking at skwerls and eating a raw turkey leg. Beau loves skwerls almost as much as turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
