A Democrat's Guide to Moving to Canada; Some things to consider before escaping the looming American "Tyranny"

[SirLinksALot]

SOURCE: AMERICAN THINKER

URL: http://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2016/11/a_democrats_guide_for_moving_to_canada.html

by: Dennis Evers


If you were one of the registered living or deceased Democratic voters who made a pledge that if Trump wins, you would be heading north of the border to escape the horrendous possibility of fewer taxes, less government intervention, and fewer handouts, this guide’s for you.

A few tips before you head north. First, if you do keep your promise, bundle up; 22 below zero isn’t uncommon in some cities, but the frostbite scars and missing appendages will make you a living testament to your integrity and show all those people in the lower 57 states you are a person of conviction. Summer isn’t that hot, although highs of 113 degrees have been recorded, but the intense humidity helps you sweat and keeps you more comfortable. Also, watch out for the state bird: it is actually a mosquito.

Once you have crossed the highly secure border -- if your paperwork is in order -- great things await you. If you are polygamous, each one of your wives can get welfare, too.

Because there is “gun control” you can rest easy, as government statistics show that roughly a third of murders are firearm related. On the down side, another third are stabbings, so you might get carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey, but that’s a small price to pay for not having dangerous guns around for self-defense. If you do find yourself with a steak knife sticking out of your torso, “free” healthcare will be something you can look forward to. If you have a job, you know just how large of a chunk of your paycheck is taken to providing this free service, but hey, depending upon which hospital you visit, they may get around to removing your steak knife in a week or two. However, if complications arise, the government “death benefit” will pay you a lump sum of $2,295.85 to be planted, if you can find a really good deal on a casket. Unfortunately, you have to contribute for ten years before you are eligible.

Housing: no problem. Assuming you were totally committed to honoring your promise, you went ahead and sold your Prius (after removing the Hillary bumper stickers) or, if you’re a “big Hollywood star,” your eco-friendly Hummer and your other worldly possessions, and are heading north. Keep in mind that the average price of a house in Vancouver runs $1,513,800.00, but if that’s out of your price range, you can pick up a deal in Toronto for around $450.000.00. If you want to save big and rent, and test the whole “Canadian” thing, rent is around $1,368.00 for a two-bedroom apartment in Vancouver, and in Toronto it costs around $1,288.00

Here’s something you’re sure to like: progressive laws forbid defaming homosexuals and other “special” people, so you could end up in jail for a non-government approved joke or opinion. However, as a dyed-in-the-wool lib, you should be right at home with the restrictions on speech and thought. Just like here, you’re entitled to your own opinion, as long as its government approved.

Good news for animal lovers. If you cherish kitty cats and cuddly puppy dogs, but feel that slaughtering the most helpless creatures on earth is okay, Canada has more laws protecting animals than it has for innocent baby Canadian humans.

By now you’re wondering about food, and if you can maintain your bourgeoisie, capitalistic, semi-vegan diet of humus, cheese, yogurt, wine, and other delights, the answer is a resounding “YES”! There is just one little problem: a gallon of good ol’ USA milk runs about $3.00 (just bought a gallon at wally world for $2.00) while it is upward of $7.00 in the great white north. You can still enjoy eating out, but expect to pay higher prices as the competition in the capitalist U.S. keeps the prices down here much lower. If you prefer to eat healthier, it’s only about $1.50 more a day, which works out to only about $550.00 a year per person.

While gas in the states is around $2.25 per gallon, it’s only $1.19 per liter. Wait, my bad -- there are 3.78 liters in a gallon so gas is around $4.50 per gallon. You’ll probably wish you hadn’t sold your Prius before heading north.

If you are serious about leaving, you might consider a crowdfunding effort to help offset your expenses as almost everything in Canada is more costly, and there are a lot of us “deplorables” (more of us than you, actually) who would love to assist you in your transition.

It’s a win-win, and you really can’t put a price on conviction, eh?

[Norm Lenhart]

Dear GOD!!! Don't STOP THEM!!!!!

[jmyrlefuller]

I've been to Canada. It's a wonderful and beautiful country—and reliable conservatives like Rob Ford (yes, quit your snickering) and Stephen Harper have done decent work up there, despite their recent return to the Trudeau dynasty. The last thing we need is for a bunch of American liberals and Occupy-types going up and trashing the place.

[Norm Lenhart]

I've been to Canada. It's a wonderful and beautiful country—and reliable conservatives like Rob Ford (yes, quit your snickering) and Stephen Harper have done decent work up there, despite their recent return to the Trudeau dynasty. The last thing we need is for a bunch of American liberals and Occupy-types going up and trashing the place.

Yes but they trash everything they touch on vacation there anyway. Seen Vancouver lately?

[Applewood]

Mom had relatives in North Bay, Ontario and we visited them in the summer a few times. Lovely country and the cooler air was a welcome change from the heat in PA.  What surprised me was the residents going swimming when it was 50 degrees outside.  I guess to them 50 degrees is balmy. 

But in North Bay in winter, they could get high temperatures of -40°.  I whine when the temperature here goes below 60°. No thank you.

[rodamala]

@SirLinksALot

BREAKING NEWS FROM CANADA:

https://www.theburningplatform.com/2016/11/09/breaking-news-from-canada/

[Norm Lenhart]

Mom had relatives in North Bay, Ontario and we visited them in the summer a few times. Lovely country and the cooler air was a welcome change from the heat in PA.  What surprised me was the residents going swimming when it was 50 degrees outside.  I guess to them 50 degrees is balmy. 

But in North Bay in winter, they could get high temperatures of -40°.  I whine when the temperature here goes below 60°. No thank you.

Heh...

I'm from the Adirondacks in NY originally. Tri-lakes, 60 miles off the border. We had literally 2 months of summer to swim in. Maybe 3 if you were a polar bear. We used to laugh like hell as we jumped in ponds in June that still had ice floating in the shady areas under the trees. We could always tell who was a western/southerner because at 65ish deg. they were wearing at least a normal winter jacket.

Now I'm in AZ but the water is still nearly freezing because it's coming off the bottom of two dams, one being Hoover.

[thackney]

...a welcome change from the heat in PA...

You made this Texan laugh out loud.

[Norm Lenhart]

You made this Texan laugh out loud.

Indeed but they get even more humidity than Texas!

[LMAO]

Canada does have some great fishing. Pike and walleye, mostly

[rodamala]

Indeed but they get even more humidity than Texas!

Humidity?  Try East Texas in August.  West Texas at the same time is bearable only because the humidity is low enough to let the sweat evaporate.  No such luck in eastern Texas though.

[Norm Lenhart]

Humidity?  Try East Texas in August.  West Texas at the same time is bearable only because the humidity is low enough to let the sweat evaporate.  No such luck in eastern Texas though.

Oh I know. But the north east is no picnic. August at 90 deg and 99.9 % for days on end is pretty ugly.

[Gefn]

Here's the answer

[attachment deleted by admin]

[rodamala]

Oh I know. But the north east is no picnic. August at 90 deg and 99.9 % for days on end is pretty ugly.

I know your point though... I live in PA.

[Night Hides Not]

Indeed but they get even more humidity than Texas!

Not in West Texas, i.e. El Paso.  It's a dry heat, but still damn hot at 105+. Phoenix is a different matter

[Applewood]

Canada does have some great fishing. Pike and walleye, mostly

True.  My late uncle was an avid fisherman.  Used to go to a spot in Quebec province.  Funny thing is, he hated seafood.  Wouldn't eat it.  But he would bring back some great pike and walleye and share it with our family.   All cleaned and deboned, ready for cooking.  Delicious. 

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Last time I was in Canada was Niagara Falls last year. The Canadian side is better IMO.

[Norm Lenhart]

True.  My late uncle was an avid fisherman.  Used to go to a spot in Quebec province.  Funny thing is, he hated seafood.  Wouldn't eat it.  But he would bring back some great pike and walleye and share it with our family.   All cleaned and deboned, ready for cooking.  Delicious.

Deboning Northern Pike is somewhat more pleasurable than setting yourself on fire. But not by much. We had a guy that just ran them through a meat grinder several times after gutting them and made 'Pike Burgers". Worked will if you like Pike. I don't personally but ketchup fixes it up well enough.

[Norm Lenhart]

Not in West Texas, i.e. El Paso.  It's a dry heat, but still damn hot at 105+. Phoenix is a different matter

Here in Mohave County, AZ,  the standard reply to 'It's a dry heat" is "Yes, however so is sticking your head in the oven and I don't recommend that for too long either" ;)

[Applewood]

You made this Texan laugh out loud.

You're right.  There are a lot hotter places than PA.  We don't get too many 90 plus degree days here.  But the humidity and stagnant air is murder for old folks and people with respiratory or heart diseases.  I have to stay indoors when it's really bad.  I can't breathe.

[Norm Lenhart]

I know your point though... I live in PA.

I hated that in NY. Just miserable. In AZ, believe it or not, it gets humid as hell in monsoon season. Thankfully not for long. It's funny to occasionally look off in the distance (Big sky here) and see a thunderhead dumping rain... and you see the column disappear before it hits the ground.

Evaporated mid flight.

[Applewood]

Deboning Northern Pike is somewhat more pleasurable than setting yourself on fire. But not by much. We had a guy that just ran them through a meat grinder several times after gutting them and made 'Pike Burgers". Worked will if you like Pike. I don't personally but ketchup fixes it up well enough.

Ketchup will fix anything.  LOL

I don't think my uncle did the cleaning or deboning.  This place where he fished had someone who did all that.   Still, no matter who did the deboning, you still had to be careful when eating.  Plenty of tiny bones that could stick in your throat.  But it was worth the risk. 

[Norm Lenhart]

Ketchup will fix anything.  LOL

I don't think my uncle did the cleaning or deboning.  This place where he fished had someone who did all that.   Still, no matter who did the deboning, you still had to be careful when eating.  Plenty of tiny bones that could stick in your throat.  But it was worth the risk.

They are fun to catch but God what a PIA to clean. there is more bone than meat. Some guys have a method to do it where you cut the meat a certain way and pull it down 'sliding' it off the ribs that works when it works but it usually doesn't.

[thackney]

Indeed but they get even more humidity than Texas!

Parts of Texas, but I live on the Gulf side of Houston.  No part of Penn has more humidity than here.