Trump Fires Back After Bible Accuses Him Of Not Being Christian

[L9teen]

 Trump Fires Back After Bible Accuses Him Of Not Being Christian

http://babylonbee.com/news/trump-fires-back-bible-accuses-not-christian/
June 4, 2016



 NEW YORK, NY—Responding to numerous statements which don’t mention him by name but are widely believed to include him in their intended audience, Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate and self-described Presbyterian, fired back at the Holy Bible Saturday after it reportedly accused him of not being a Christian.


“I’ve said many times that I greatly appreciate the Bible, it has served us well, but folks, we can do better,” Trump said in a video shared on his Facebook page, adding that the Scriptures are “millions of years old and weak, so weak,” attributes he implied are to blame for Christianity’s perceived decline in America and why ISIS is “chopping off Christian heads.”


“‘Has-Been Bible’ says I’m not a Christian, but that is a lie, folks. I am a tremendous Christian—the very best,” Trump assured the nation. “These numerous verses from the Bible—which, by the way, doesn’t even have the courage to address me by name—but these verses that try to paint me as somehow un-Christian, they’re ridiculous and false, and it’s pathetic, really. It’s sad!”


Pressed for comment, the Holy Bible released a one-sentence statement: “You will know them by their fruits.”


 

[the_doc]

Trump Fires Back After Bible Accuses Him Of Not Being Christian

“I’ve said many times that I greatly appreciate the Bible, it has served us well, but folks, we can do better,” Trump said in a video shared on his Facebook page, adding that the Scriptures are “millions of years old and weak, so weak,” attributes he implied are to blame for Christianity’s perceived decline in America and why ISIS is “chopping off Christian heads.”

“‘Has-Been Bible’ says I’m not a Christian, but that is a lie, folks. I am a tremendous Christian—the very best,” Trump assured the nation. “These numerous verses from the Bible—which, by the way, doesn’t even have the courage to address me by name—but these verses that try to paint me as somehow un-Christian, they’re ridiculous and false, and it’s pathetic, really. It’s sad!”


Pressed for comment, the Holy Bible released a one-sentence statement: “You will know them by their fruits.”


 

WOW!  That is a hilarious post, L9teen!  Of course, Trump does not appreciate his own farce.

(Are you sure this stuff isn't from the Onion?)

Side note to Jerry Falwell, Jr.:  Do you still think Trump is a "God-fearing man?"   If you do, are all of today's dispensational fundamentalists as dense concerning true Christianity as you are?

[markomalley]

Trump Fires Back After Bible Accuses Him Of Not Being Christian

http://babylonbee.com/news/trump-fires-back-bible-accuses-not-christian/
June 4, 2016



 NEW YORK, NY—Responding to numerous statements which don’t mention him by name but are widely believed to include him in their intended audience, Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate and self-described Presbyterian, fired back at the Holy Bible Saturday after it reportedly accused him of not being a Christian.


“I’ve said many times that I greatly appreciate the Bible, it has served us well, but folks, we can do better,” Trump said in a video shared on his Facebook page, adding that the Scriptures are “millions of years old and weak, so weak,” attributes he implied are to blame for Christianity’s perceived decline in America and why ISIS is “chopping off Christian heads.”


“‘Has-Been Bible’ says I’m not a Christian, but that is a lie, folks. I am a tremendous Christian—the very best,” Trump assured the nation. “These numerous verses from the Bible—which, by the way, doesn’t even have the courage to address me by name—but these verses that try to paint me as somehow un-Christian, they’re ridiculous and false, and it’s pathetic, really. It’s sad!”


Pressed for comment, the Holy Bible released a one-sentence statement: “You will know them by their fruits.”


 

Trump fires back after Bible accuses him of not being Christian

Official Trump Surrogate reaction:

This is nothing but an attack by God. What a looooooosssssseeeeerrrr. Lyin God. Crooked God. Obviously in the tank with the globalist NWO just like Lyin Ted. Mr. Trump will bury him!!!

(/sarc...maybe)

[the_doc]

Official Trump Surrogate reaction:

(/sarc...maybe)

Another great post!

[GrouchoTex]

In other news, Mr. Trump was seen speaking with  the Koran to try and get a better deal............

[ABX]

LOL, the sad part is he is so reactionary and juvenile in his approach, he probably could be tricked into doing something like this on twitter or in the media, simply by making comments to him that are actually Bible quotes- just don't attribute the quote to the Bible-- just make the statement and sit back to watch him react.

[L9teen]

WOW!  That is a hilarious post, L9teen!  Of course, Trump does not appreciate his own farce.

(Are you sure this stuff isn't from the Onion?)

I heard about this article and website from Steve Deace.  Apparently it's the "Christian" version of The Onion.

[Wingnut]

This past easter Trump tweeted this:

Donald J. Trump ✔ @realDonaldTrump
The reason Jesus paid for the sins of haters and losers with his blood is because Jesus just wasn’t a very good negotiator.
-Donald Trump
8:02 AM - 27- March 2016 · Manhattan, NY, United States


*_<,/s>

[Formerly Once-Ler]

This past easter Trump tweeted this:

Donald J. Trump ✔ @realDonaldTrump
The reason Jesus paid for the sins of haters and losers with his blood is because Jesus just wasn’t a very good negotiator.
-Donald Trump
8:02 AM - 27- March 2016 · Manhattan, NY, United States


*_<,/s>

[markomalley]

This past easter Trump tweeted this:

Donald J. Trump ✔ @realDonaldTrump
The reason Jesus paid for the sins of haters and losers with his blood is because Jesus just wasn’t a very good negotiator.
-Donald Trump
8:02 AM - 27- March 2016 · Manhattan, NY, United States


*_<,/s>

Darned shame that you couldn't mock up a screenshot of such a tweet. lol.

[Wingnut]

Darned shame that you couldn't mock up a screenshot of such a tweet. lol.

I don't has the skills...maybe one of the experts could take a shot at it..  :)

[ABX]

Darned shame that you couldn't mock up a screenshot of such a tweet. lol.

not that hard (I deliberately made it an obvious fake so it didn't get spread around)

[Wingnut]

not that hard (I deliberately made it an obvious fake so it didn't get spread around)

Hoh Boy...  A trump thug will pay me a visit now.  Thanks Broh!

[L9teen]

There there is this:



But I love when #TrumpBible was trending:

[debrawiest]

I heard about this article and website from Steve Deace.  Apparently it's the "Christian" version of The Onion.

The Babylon Bee is a fantastic and hilarious site. If there's anything nefarious going on in the "religious" world, BB will report it. Fortunately for them, there's always someone somewhere who is twisting Scripture.

[jmyrlefuller]

The GOPe financed the publishing of those Bibles, didn't they? More globalist B.S. and lies.

—certain posters here

[Smokin Joe]

The GOPe financed the publishing of those Bibles, didn't they? More globalist B.S. and lies.

—certain posters here

Well, DUH! The whole Christian thing is a Globalist Conspiracy! (just not like he thinks).