Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 9, 2026 Edition  (Read 68 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 9, 2026 Edition
« on: Friday, Aug 07, 2026 11:40 pm »
Islamist Wins Dem Nomination for Senator

Abdul El-Sayed narrowly won the Democratic primary election for one of Michigan's US Senate seats. Self-identified Marxist Hasan Piker denounced the 51% of Democrats who did not vote for El-Sayed, calling them "unbelievably Islamophobic pieces of s**t."

Long-time Democrat strategist James Carville expressed his disappointment that "communists and antisemites are trying to take over the Democratic Party. I am NOT going to be in the same party as Hasan Piker! His idea that the Democratic Socialists are going to seize the means of production is what Lenin did in Russia a 100 years ago. It led to widespread poverty, secret police, and firing squads for dissenters. I don't believe you can legitimately be a Democrat with that kind of agenda. It would be the abolition of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for the vast majority of Americans."

Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) who had endorsed El-Sayed's primary opponent Rep. Haley Stevens for the Senate nomination urged his fellow Democrats "to unite behind the voters' choice. Our goal is to defeat the Republicans and stop their reign of terror. While I am not enthusiastic about the idea of seizing the means of production or the antisemitism advocated by the Democratic Socialists of America I'm confident that the US Supreme Court will not permit those antidemocratic policies to go into effect."

El-Sayed thanked Schumer for urging unity, but announced that "I will not be supporting him for Majority Leader of the Senate. The DSA platform calls for the elimination of the Senate and the Supreme Court. All power would be consolidated into a single-chamber legislature. The so-called 'checks and balances' that have been blocking radical transformation of our society need to be swept aside to permit collectivism to become a permanent and unchangeable feature of the new American way of life."

Former Rep. Mike Rogers, winner of the Republican primary for the Michigan Senate seat characterized the race between himself and El-Sayed as "a choice between common sense and complete insanity. The so-called 'moderate' Democrats who've been running Michigan for the last 20 years have driven 200,000 manufacturing jobs out of the state, dropped our schools to 45th in the nation, saddled families with higher taxes and higher utility rates. El-Sayed is an extremist who will be even worse for the people in our state and nation."

El-Sayed countered Rogers' criticism by pointing out "Rogers has a vacation home in Florida. That's something that the average Michigan voter cannot afford." Doug Powers, an editor for Twitchy, noted that "El-Sayed owns investment properties in Dubai and India. I'd bet that even fewer Michigan voters could afford that."

In related news, a Fox News Digital review found that El-Sayed has received more than $115,000 in campaign donations from individuals connected to the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR). CAIR has been designated a terrorist organization by the United Arab Emirates and by the states of Florida and Texas. Jukaku Tayeb, El-Sayed's father-in-law, is a member of the founding committee of the Islamic Society of North America--a group linked to the Iranian-backed terrorist group Hamas.

Maher Stuns Liberals

Bill Maher, host of HBO's "Real Time" talk show, stunned his mostly liberal audience by admitting that "President Trump's assertion that the Democratic Socialists of America are communists is accurate. I have mercilessly criticized Trump for his trillion lies, but in this instance I have to acknowledge the truth behind what he says."

"Look, the DSA spokespeople reject the promise of liberty made in our nation's founding documents," Maher reminded his audience. "They want to replace liberty with collectivism and conformity enforced by a government that considers individuals as resources to be exploited without their consent. As liberals, we want to see a society that has compassion for the less fortunate, but we don't want the kind of regimentation Marx saw as necessary to change humans into creatures more like ants who selflessly toil in a collectivist system. We want individuals to pursue their happiness as they see it."

Maher continued, "a few weeks back a group of Democrats drafted a 'Promise to America.' This promise declared the following:

We are capitalist, not socialist.

We want safety, not lawlessness.

We are responsible, not reckless.

We want public institutions to be competent, accountable, and practical.

We promote free speech and persuasion over coercion.

We are proud, not ashamed of America.

Only 13 Democrat officeholders and/or candidates were willing to sign this pledge. That leaves us with hundreds of federal officeholders and candidates and thousands of state and local Democrats unwilling to commit to traditional American values. We are seeing a hostile takeover of the Democratic Party that I can't support. I'd rather vote for former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin than any DSA-aligned Democrat. She's a bimbo, but she could still name something she admires about the country."

RFK Clashes with CNN's Dana Bash on Covid

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr and reporter Dana Bash locked horns on CNN's "State of the Union" program. Bash started the interview by asserting "you have been placing nearly all the blame for the COVID pandemic and the way that the US responded to it squarely on Dr. Fauci. But of course, he worked for President Trump. Does President Trump also deserve some of the blame?"

"I think the thing that did the most damage to our country was the lockdowns," Kennedy replied. "The lockdowns shut down 3.5 million businesses in our country with no due process, no just compensation. All of our churches and schools were closed. Our children are still paying the price for that. And yet we had the worst outcome of any country in the world. President Trump, as you may recall, wanted to end lockdowns. But Dr. Fauci worked hard to urge state government officials to extend the lockdowns."

"As I recall, Dr. Fauci was urging folks to socially distance themselves from others, wear masks, and get vaccinated," Bash countered. "Didn't this help saves lives?"

"In his diary Dr. Fauci admits that the social distancing recommendation was not based on any valid medical finding," Kennedy pointed out. "He admits that the kind of cloth or paper masks that most people were told to wear can't block virus particles. Most scientists now acknowledge that the mandated vaccines couldn't prevent a person from contracting Covid or transmitting it to others. Doctors who were getting good results with other therapies using ivermectin or hydroxychloroquine were censored and vilified by the Biden Administration. On balance, I'd say that Dr. Fauci's actions did more harm than good."

"I don't think any reputable news agency or reporter would agree with you on that," Bash said. "Now that you are our country's highest ranked health authority what are you going to do when the next pandemic hits?"

"During COVID, the government completely dismantled our constitutional rights," Kennedy answered. "It censored people in violation of the First Amendment. Doctors who were saying, you're doing it wrong, were being marginalized and vilified. This short-circuited the scientific process which depends on independent thought and experimentation."

"You're talking about rights," Bash interjected. "Don't rights need to be subordinated to public health in an emergency?"

"Suppressing the right to think and speak freely is the greater threat to public health," Kennedy said. "The fact that what you call the reputable media failed to stand up for free speech and debate was absolute press malpractice. Your job is supposed to be skepticism toward authority. You weren't doing that. You were beating up on people who were dissenting."

After the interview, a CNN spokesperson issued a statement to defending Bash, saying "Dana Bash is a veteran journalist who conducted a news-making interview with Secretary Kennedy. Asking tough, substantive questions to those in power is the job of every journalist, and Dana did hers incredibly well today. We stand behind Dana, her reporting, and CNN's overall coverage of the COVID-19 pandemic."